we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created themvia The Conversation - Kaveh Rajab Khalilpour (Profile) by Kaveh Rajab Khalilpour.
Showing posts with label 30 Jun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 Jun. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Solutions - Albert Einstein / Kaveh Rajab Khalilpour (Tue 11 Jul 2017)
Thursday, June 30, 2016
The Time of Your Life ..
As many of you will know, I have another obsession in my life beyond paddling - Photography.
I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.
I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.
I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Pitt Street Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.
My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..
We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.
On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.
They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.
This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.
I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes on the shore of Muri Lagoon - we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.
Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.
I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.
In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.
In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.
After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].
Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.
It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves.
In our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.
“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.
Seven year ago today.
We remember Jenny. She (as they all do) lives on through our memories.
Friday, July 3, 2015
On Suffering, Sorrow and a Way Forward - Cheryl Strayed / Marie Popova (Tue 15 Jun 2015)
Cheryl Strayed on Suffering, Sorrow and a Way Forward:
we all suffer and we all need to find light in that darkness, strength in that weakness. [..]you can have a happier life if you think positively in the face of profound sorrow. [..]
I trust that there’s some intuitive place within me that’s driving me forward.
via The Subterranean River of Emotion: Cheryl Strayed on Writing, the Art of Living with Opposing Truths, and the Three Ancient Motifs in All Great Storytelling by Marie Popova.
I know what these words mean - I have lived and felt them and they are how I have chosen to live my Life. And, it is a choice.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Remembering Jenny #6 - Sydney (Sat 16 Feb 2008)
Monday, June 30, 2014
Remembering Jenny #5 - St George Hospital (Sun 21 Jun 2009)
5 years ago just now. Thinking of both Jenny's today.
A bit lost for words today (*). All I can say is that "Somehow you find a way."
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Remembering Jenny - IDBF World Championships / Qingpu / China (Oct 2004)
Four years ago just now. We remember you, Jenny (*). You are always there for us as you guide and inspire us from above.
Joanne, she would be so proud of you and what you have achieved these last four years. It's been tough, tougher than most people could imagine. Just like Jenny, you are an inspiration and I look forward to seeing you carry the Australian Flag in Szeged (*) on Tue 23 Jul 2013. Go Joanne!!!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Jenny - Suzhou / China (Tue 16 Nov 2004)
Three years ago just now, Jenny left us.
We miss her and we will always remember her. We still love her dearly and she lives on through our conversations, memories and thoughts.
Jenny loved to travel and she loved an Atlas and a Globe.
Towards the end, she told me that she would miss the opportunity to travel with us. I will always remember this and I try to appreciate every moment and opportunity away from home, even though I am not a natural traveller. She travels with us everywhere and in every thought.
We are off to Hong Kong tomorrow for the World Club Crew Dragon Boat Championships. I will make sure a few travel photos appear here, as well as the usual updates.
We live on in her Afterglow ..
Afterglow (*) by INXS:
Here I am,
Lost in the ashes of time,
But who wants tomorrow,
In between,
Longing to hold you again,
I'm caught in your shadow.
I'm losing control.
My mind drifts away,
We only have today.
Touch me and I will follow,
In your afterglow.
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go.
I will find my way
When I see your eyes,
Now I'm living,
In your afterglow.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Black Sofa / Red Wall - ICU Waiting Area / St George Private Hospital (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
Monday, July 4, 2011
If you can dream it, you can do it! (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
I often receive very nice emails, particularly around the anniversary of Jenny's passing. Lexie has allowed me to share my return email to her. It tells a nice story ..
From: Geoff Eldridge
To: Lexie
7:37am Fri 01 Jul 2011
Hi Lexie. Thanks for your kind message and thoughts. Jo and I really appreciate them and your friendship.
We had a nice day yesterday as we honored Jenny's memory and reflected on her Life.
Sounds like you are having a fantastic time and it was great to have had those moments at Niagara Falls to remember your Dad there and for his parting words to come to you strongly.
Jenny and Jo visited Niagara Falls in 1987 and Jo and I were only talking about this the other day. I can remember Jenny telling me about their visit the first night we went out way back on Fri 30 March 1989. She showed me photos that were rescued from a water logged film camera (it was drenched from their Maidens of the Mist Tour in and around the Falls.
Last week I have moved back to Kirrawee where I lived with Jenny. It has been hard in many ways, but it is something I need to do. The house is exactly the same as it was when I took her to the St George Private Hospital on Tue 16 Jun 2009 (*)).
Yesterday morning as I got up and prepared myself so that I could meet Jo and my Mother at the St George Private Hospital (so we could be at the place and time where she left us (*) - we do this each year), I found flip-book of sayings on the bookshelf. She turned it each day and would put a different saying up. The one she left it on and I take it as her parting message (because we did not have a chance to say our farewells):
"If you can Dream it, you can do it!"
I would like to think that Jo and I have done this since Jenny left us, afterall as we now know, it was her parting wish for us all..
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Spiderman - Hero Forever - 02 May 2002 (youtube)
Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words:
"With great power comes great responsibility."This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm [..]
Peter Parker (Spiderman - 02 May 2002)
2:15am Fri 01 July 2011 - I found myself thinking about this closing Cemetery scene from Spiderman as I lay in bed reflecting on my day - the 2nd Anniversary of Jenny's passing.
The day had a few twists and turns I was not expecting - but that is the beauty of life.
Peter Parker's words seemed to resonate with me the first time I heard them many years ago with Jenny at my side at the Kogarah Mecca. Today they resonate just as much, if not more.
Postscript: I put the above video and words on my Facebook Profile in the early hours of Friday morning. For some reason this scene came into my head. I am not sure why, but I guess there must have been a reason. Maybe I would think of this scene once or twice a year and I always go searching for the above quote (now it is here I don't have to search too far to find it).
There are not too many scenes from movies I can remember as well as this one (another movie that is indelibly stamped in my memory is Fearless - a story for another day). Most movies I see, I am lucky to remember what the movie was about by the time I have watched the credits and walked out. A good movie might stay in my mind for a day or two. So for this scene to remain in my memory for 9 years, probably indicates some kind of association (for me, associative memory is my best form of recall).
Plenty of metaphors in the words and the cemetery scene clip - no need to worry, I don't think I have great powers, but maybe I feel a sense of responsibility to ensure that Jenny's is remembered and that her life is honoured.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wind in the Willows - Qingpu / China (20 Oct 2004)
"Trees are exceptional, people [..]
Belonging fully to earth but living also in sky
They have no death but only transformations."
From Future Now by Tessa Ransford
Jenny always loved this photo which I took while Jenny and Joanne participated in the 2004 World Dragon Boat Championships at Qingpu, a lakeside race course, about 50 km to the west of Shanghai. I had it professionally printed in A4 and A3 sizes with a selection of my favourite photos. Jenny always wanted me to frame it and put it up somewhere in the living area so we could remember our trip to Qingpu and Shanghai as well as enjoy the intricate and subtle details of the sunset silhouetted wind blown willow.
Whenever Jenny went into Hospital we always put photos up around her room and it was always a great way to generate a bit of conversation with the many Hospital Satff that were in and out of her room.
When Jenny went into ICU for the final week of her life, I pulled the A4 print of this photo out of the pile of prints I had had made and placed it on a column in front of her bed in the vague hope that she might see and recognise it.
On the day before Jenny died Joanne picked up the photo and moved it across Jenny's face and we were excited to see her eyes follow it - the first sign to us of some improvement in her condition. I went off to an outrigging canoe training session that Monday night happier than I had been in a long time and I arranged to see her on the way home, well after the normal visiting hours.
When I arrived into the ICU about 9.30pm, it was a different place to the busy and noisy place it was during the day. It was very quiet and the lights were dimmed apart from a soft spot light above Jenny's bed. She was asleep and looked very relaxed, the most relaxed I had seen her in the two weeks she had been in hospital. I decided not to wake her and sat quietly at her bed side and watched her steady breathing. I spoke quietly and proudly to Jenny's dedicated nurse about Jenny's life. I left Jenny that night not knowing that it would be the last time I would see her alive.
At 9.16am on Tue 30 Jun 2009 (the next morning), Jenny left us without Joanne or I by her bedside. Yet I know, Jenny was not alone, as the above photo, the one she loved so much, looked over her as she broke free from this world.
Just as the above poem extracts indicates, it might be nice to think that Jenny transformed herself into our memories:
They have no death but only transformationsIt is through our memories of Jenny that she lives on.
I will frame both A4 and A3 prints once I find a place for them and myself. For the moment I am happy to have written this post (which i had planned to do for a long time) which was inspired by the above poem extract. Thanks Charlotte.
Thanks to LottieP for allowing me to find the above extract from a poem by Tessa Ransford via her post of a beautiful poem titled The White Stone of Lewis.
(My first post from an iPad while on a weeks holiday at Coolangatta.)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
30 June 2010 - Jenny's Anniversary
Jo and I would like to thank everyone for last nights little ceremony under the Anzac Bridge as we finished our dragon boat training session. It was a complete surprise and we were very touched - in fact a little overwhelmed.
We also thank you for your support, words, cards and the beautiful necklace that was made for Jo, which she is wearing today.
Anniversaries are times to celebrate, reflect, and to reaffirm your values and goals. Today is a day we do this with Jenny in our thoughts and heart. She inspires and guides us from above.
Thanks again.
Love .. Geoff and Jo x-x
Jo - St George Private Hospital - Wed 30 Jun 2010 (picasa)
Anzac Bridge - Wed 30 Jun 2010 (picasa)
Jo, Jenny and Geoff - Flowers from PD's - St George Private Hospital - Wed 12 Mar 2008 (picasa)
Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque Sunset - Wed 09 May 2001 - (picasa)
Jo and Jenny - Chamiox - Sep 2005 - (picasa)
Jenny - Coffs Harbour Xmas 2006 - Mon 25 Dec 2006 (picasa)
St George Private Hospital ICU Waiting Area - 9:16am Wed 30 Jun 2010 - (picasa)
Jenny - Lord Howe Island/Mt Gower - Oct 2001 (picasa)
We also thank you for your support, words, cards and the beautiful necklace that was made for Jo, which she is wearing today.
Anniversaries are times to celebrate, reflect, and to reaffirm your values and goals. Today is a day we do this with Jenny in our thoughts and heart. She inspires and guides us from above.
Thanks again.
Love .. Geoff and Jo x-x
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