On Love and Loss - Joel Meyerowitz (Fri 20 Jun 2015)

Jenny and Geoff - St George Private Hospital (Fri 20 Jun 2009)

Joel Meyerowitz on Love and Loss:

All is being lost and yet there is nothing to do but love and care for them while watching the decline.

via All is being lost (Fri 26 Jun 2015) by Joel Meyerowitz.

Some might say I am stuck in past. But I don't really care about those thoughts. It's too hard to be anything other than who I was. These are my memories and they all I have now.

The power of photography to remember. They are all about the past from the very moment they are taken. So maybe all I am now is just a photography of love, loss and a life that was well lived.

On Caring - I Wrote This for You (Mon 02 Nov 2015)

For a second, the wind blew so hard - Wind in the Willows - Qingpu (Wed Oct 2004)

I Wrote This for You on Caring:

For a second, the wind blew so hard [..] and you had the only hand I wanted to touch.

via The In-between Things by I Wrote This for You (Iain S. Thomas).

you had the only hand I wanted to touch - St George Private Hospital (Mon 29 Jun 2009)

On Suffering, Sorrow and a Way Forward - Cheryl Strayed / Marie Popova (Tue 15 Jun 2015)

Hands - St George Private Hospital (Sun 28 Jun 2009)

Cheryl Strayed on Suffering, Sorrow and a Way Forward:

we all suffer and we all need to find light in that darkness, strength in that weakness. [..]

you can have a happier life if you think positively in the face of profound sorrow. [..]

I trust that there’s some intuitive place within me that’s driving me forward.

via The Subterranean River of Emotion: Cheryl Strayed on Writing, the Art of Living with Opposing Truths, and the Three Ancient Motifs in All Great Storytelling by Marie Popova.

I know what these words mean - I have lived and felt them and they are how I have chosen to live my Life. And, it is a choice.

On Inspiration - Carmen Beirne / The Road to Character (Tue 30 Jun 2015)

Self Portrait - Six Years - St George Private Hospital (Tue 30 Jun 2015)

Cecelia Beirne on Inspiration:

I can inspire confidence in others, I can be inspired..

via PURPOSE: “SHE’D TAKEN THE TIME TO KNOW ME” by Cecelia Beirne

The last time I remember sitting on this seat was the afternoon of the day before Jenny died. I came out of the ICU to give Joanne some time with Jenny and to shed a quiet tear in silence and solitude under the late afternoon blue sky. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I could taste their saltiness (a recent familiar taste from the heightened emotions anniversaries seem to bring). Some tears had time to dry and become dry crusty white trails down my cheeks. And I tried to wipe them away quickly as one of the ICU Nurses approached and sat down next to me to chat before the start of her shift. I can't remember much about our conversation but I do remember being shown compassion and empathy.

Yesterday, on the 6th Anniversary of Jenny's passing, I sat here and asked Joanne to make this photo using my phone camera. The passage of 6 years in time between those two moments is hard to comprehend but I see it in my Minds Eye and I can definitely feel it all as I look at this photo. I don't really know what to write..Maybe it has already been written?

When I sat here six years ago I did not know Jenny would die the next day, though I knew it would be soon - I had already realistically resigned myself to that fact. I also did not know how my life would unfold in that six year time gap. It has been a roller-coaster and I have bumped and knocked my way around life. Apologies to anyone I have bruised along the way. I question some times if I'm getting any better at it all, or whether I just keep making the same old mistakes, though I would like to think I have grown a little and made a small difference to those around me, in my own small ways, just as the ICU nurse did as she sat next to me six years ago. I think of these small moments often and I draw inspiration and guidance from it and wherever I can. Enough now for another year.

On the Beginning of the End - I Wrote this for You / Iain S. Thomas (Wed 12 Mar 2014)

Jenny - The Light was Shining Brightly Here, and as Lisa told me, this photo was "Jenny's Parting Gift to Us" - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Iain S. Thomas on Light:

I hope that in the future they invent a small golden light that follows you everywhere and when something is about to end, it shines brightly so you know it's about to end.

The Light That Shines When Things End by Iain S. Thomas.

Geoff - The last Photo Jenny made - The Light Shone Brightly on Me - St George Private Hospital (11:49am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

On Photography and Memory - Trent Parke / Suzie Keen (Fri 13 Mar 2015)

Jenny and Joanne - St George Hospital (Sun 21 Jun 2009)

Trent Parke on Memory and Photography:

I’m really interested in the subconscious and memory and how those things can suddenly re-surface, especially through photographs.

via The Black Rose: an odyssey born of loss by Suzie Keen.

Speech Therapy - St George Private Hospital (Mon 22 Jun 2009)

Jenny and her Speech Therapist - Rehabilitation - Speech Therapy - St George Private Hospital (Mon 22 Jun 2009)
"The Bag of Tricks" - Rehabilitation - Speech Therapy - St George Private Hospital (Mon 22 Jun 2009)"Down to Business" - Rehabilitation - Speech Therapy - St George Private Hospital (Mon 22 Jun 2009)
"Progress" - Rehabilitation - Speech Therapy - St George Private Hospital (Mon 22 Jun 2009)
"Determination" - Rehabilitation - Speech Therapy - St George Private Hospital (Mon 22 Jun 2009)
The sheer determination of Jenny to get herself back to normal is one of the most amazing things I have seen in my life. She never felt sorry for herself and she did not once say "Why Me?" in the 13 years of her Life with Cancer.

I think these photos of Jenny with her Speech Therapist show what I mean.

When my motivation and confidence is lacking, I need to look at these and remind myself of what true determination is and get on with it without trying to compare myself to others, worrying about what others think or feeling sorry for myself.

These photos and this blog are great reminders to how I should lead my life. I guess you could say they are my "Speech Therapy".

Thank you Jenny.

Jenny and Joanne - St George Private Hospital (Tue 16 Jun 2009)

Jenny and Joanne - St George Private Hospital (Tue 16 Jun 2009)
Three years ago about now.

Jenny and Joanne doing the measurements for their 2009 Australian Dragon Boat Team Uniforms. Jenny had withdrawn from the Team a week earlier when a 4cm Brain Tumor had been diagnosed, but was allowed to complete her uniform order. The next day Jenny had the tumor removed and 12 days later she left us.

Jo and I were able to have Jenny's uniform order processed and we were presented with her Uniform with the rest of the Masters Team before we departed for Prague.

It is easy to forget these kind of moments, particularly when lost in the haze of grief, and the trauma that goes with the risk and mistakes that one takes when trying to find purpose and a new place in the world.

For those I have hurt or confused (and I know there are many) on this emotional rollercoaster, I apologise. The way I have acted is the best I could manage under the circumstances.

It is times like this I am glad that I have these photos to help remember the moments that shaped our lives.

Joanne and Jenny - St George Private Hospital (Thu 17 Aug 2006)

Joanne and Jenny - St George Private Hospital (Thu 17 Aug 2006)