On the Beginning of the End - I Wrote this for You / Iain S. Thomas (Wed 12 Mar 2014)

Jenny - The Light was Shining Brightly Here, and as Lisa told me, this photo was "Jenny's Parting Gift to Us" - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Iain S. Thomas on Light:

I hope that in the future they invent a small golden light that follows you everywhere and when something is about to end, it shines brightly so you know it's about to end.

The Light That Shines When Things End by Iain S. Thomas.

Geoff - The last Photo Jenny made - The Light Shone Brightly on Me - St George Private Hospital (11:49am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Pacific Dragons Fundraising Cheque Presentation to the SSCSG - Miranda / Sutherland Shire (Tue 13 Dec 2011)

Today, Jo and I attended the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group's (*) - SSCSG - Christmas Party. It was the 16th time we have attended the Party, and it is the 3rd time since Jenny's passing

We were honoured to present to Liz Swanbury, a Social Worker from Calvary Hospital (*) and Group Co-ordinator, a cheque to the value of $1,113, on behalf of Pacific Dragon's Dragon and Outrigging Canoe Club (*).

The SSCSG was formed in 1993 to help people whose lives have been touched by cancer. For the 2009/2010 and 2010/2011 paddling seasons, the SSCSG was Pacific Dragon's Fundraising Charity.

Jo, Debra, Liz and Geoff (R to L) - Pacific Dragon's Fundraising Cheque Presentation to the SSCSG - Miranda / Sutherland Shire (Tue 13 Dec 2011)
Jenny (Jo's Identical Twin Sister and my Wife) was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in March 1996 and she lived a full and active life with the disease up until shortly before her passing on Tue 30 Jun 2009.

Jo and Jenny - Glebe Point Road / Glebe (Sun 04 Feb 2001)
Jenny found the SSCSG early on in her shared life with cancer and it became a constant in her life, just as the paddling would when she found it in January 2001. Jenny looked forward to and attended the weekly Tuesday morning meetings of the Group.

Petria King Workshop (*) and the SSCSG - Quest for Life (*) - Bundanoon (Tue 23 Mar 2005)
Pacific Dragons Women's Team (Jenny with her blue head scarf front right) - Penang / Malaysia (Sun 04 Aug 2008)
Jenny met many amazing people at the Group and she (as well as Jo and I) learnt much about cancer, it's treatment and progression. It showed her and us how to live and ultimately, about how to die.

A few months after Jenny's passing Lisa asked me to write a few words about the SSCSG and what it meant to Jenny. At the time I struggled to find the words. They were there, I just could not write them down coherently. So Lisa kindly and gently quizzed and probed me at the Shed after an OC6 session one night. From my ramblings she was able to write the following which was used in support of the SSCSG being Pacific Dragon's Charity for the 2009/2010, and as it would turn out, the 2010/2011, paddling seasons ..

Geoff tells me that this group was important to Jenny because it taught her about the cancer she was living with, including providing opportunities to attend programs to learn about the importance of good food, positive attitudes, meditation and loving support.

She got to spend time and form friendships with people going through the same thing, volunteered with the group to raise a huge amount of money for cancer research and support through Daffodil Day and Relay for Life, and it also helped her prepare herself for the time when the disease would take her from us.

Jenny also became an important role model for the group, inspiring them through her support and the way she chose to live her own life.

Each year at this celebration, the Group remembers those members who lost their lives to their cancers, and related illnesses, during the year. This is done by Liz reading the name of the lost member and then Debra (one of the leaders of the Group) striking a bell. This year four names were read and the Bell struck after each name.

Jo, Jenny and Geoff - SSCSG Christmas Party - Miranda (Tue 16 Dec 2008)
Over the years when Jenny was with us, when the Bell rung, I always felt lucky that we had another year together. Today, as always, Jo and I would remember how we heard Liz read Jenny's name and Debra's Bell ring at the December 2009 Christmas Party. We miss her dearly and she is remembered fondly by many.

Jo and I thank Pacific Dragons for their generosity and support of the SSCSG. Jenny would be touched by your kindness.

Jenny - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Jenny - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Jenny - Two years ago, just now!! - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)
Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist
directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
and don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time
of your life

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time

Time of your Life by Green Day


The last photo I took of Jenny before her heart failed, about an hour later, while she was having her lunch. I have written briefly about it here:

• Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory (youtube)
  

There seemed to be so much hope as I took this photo.

For me, it was the hope that we could take her home (she had negotiated it to be Wed, so Jo and I could go to our Aus Dragon Boat training session that Tue night) and care for her until she quietly left us, like Jenny and Jo had done with Margaret, their mother, 10 years earlier.

It was not meant to be and it is amazing how quickly things can change and how you need to accept, adapt and let go to the circumstances which we are confronted with as we move through life.

It is in these moments that I came to fully understand the following words from Paulo Coehlo's novel, The Fifth Mountain (which I would read 6 months later):

Fear reaches only to the point where the unavoidable begins; from there on, it loses its meaning. And all we have left is the hope that we are making the right decision.

A story for another day.

For now, I remember Jenny and the final week of her life, that she spent in Intensive Care Unit of St George Private Hospital, before she left us on Tue 30 Jun 2009.

Postscript

Amazingly, about an hour after posting the above (maybe about the time Jenny's heart failed two years earlier), a post titled Regrets came through from Paulo Coelho. It is based on this post:

• Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

It touchs on the time I had hoped for at home with Jenny and things we might have been able to talk about.

In the end, she left us very suddenly (and with much trauma - unlike her Mothers passing which was very peaceful and serene, if you can understand that) and we were not able to say goodbye.

I carry some of the regrets Bronnie mentions, but in the end I would like to think we lived a good life that allowed us to make the most of the time we had together.

The Cancer made us better people and we did live life to full - Do what you can, when you can. I would say. For Jenny, it was Don't Wonder 'What If?'. Every time we parted, I would say I love you and often many times in between.

One thing I know for sure, it is that through Jenny's life and passing, I have become a better person - I feel guilty about this in many ways, but at the same time I draw some comfort.

Time of Your Life - an amazing accoustic version - Green Day (youtube)