The warrior of the light is terrified when faced with importantdecisions.
"That is too great for you," says one friend. "Go on, be brave," says another. And his doubts only increase.
After some days of anxiety, he withdraws into a corner of his tent, where he usually sits to mediate and pray. He sees himself in the future. He sees the people who will benefit and lose out because of his actions. He does not wish to cause unnecessary suffering, but nor will he abandon the path.
So the warrior allows the decision to appear. If he must say yes, then he shall bravely say it. If he must say no, then he shall say so without fear.
I don’t need any time for this to sink in, I’ve had lots of time to think about it and what this accomplishment would be like, [..] I’ve had lots of time to think about how much I suffered (*) to get here, and the feelings (*) I have now will last a lifetime (*).
via Horner king of Angliru and winner of Vuelta (*) by Twisted Spoke (*).
Congrats to Chris Horner (*) who rolls into Madrid tonight to become the oldest rider to win a modern Grand Tour Cycling Event.
For someone who has assisted so many great riders over the years, he must have known that winning feeling, to stand on the top level of the Podium and to hear his National Anthem, to be the one to receive the accolades.
Everyone at that level in their sport dreams about it and now Chris will be fortunate enough to live it, tonight and for the rest of his life. For one who has pretty much done it his way for most of his career, congrats and enjoy the moment.
It captures much of what I have felt, thought or had to consider during the last 21 Months and it does feel a bit like the Beautiful Day lyrics above, particularly:
Grief needs to be expressed in some way – either privately or with witnesses, in order to heal. [..]
Some people say that suffering is a private matter because..
It’s important to avoid embarrassment and rejection by your tribe
It’s important to protect the parts of yourself that are most vulnerable
It’s important to protect other people from pain
It’s important to take your pain to “professionals” who know how to deal with it
During grieving, it’s important to tune out external influences and tune into your own inner wisdom
It’s important not to focus on your suffering in a public way because what you focus on grows
[..]
On the other hand, some people say that suffering can be more easily negotiated when it’s out in the open because:
Keeping your suffering private engenders self-judgment, shame, loneliness and pain
Sharing your suffering brings people together
Sharing your suffering facilitates healing
Sharing your suffering promotes resilience – in yourself and others
[..] the benefits of sharing your suffering with empathic people are incredibly powerful! It’s scary to share about our suffering, but I don’t want to miss out on such powerful benefits and opportunities for healing!
Have come a long way since the first day of the rest of my life back on Wed 01 Jul 2009. Thought I would capture a photo just now so that I can remember this day, which also just happens to be the 21st Anniversary since the first time that Jenny and I went out to dinner together and to see a Movie Look Who's Talking.
Geoff - 21 Months Down the Track - Alexandria (0:16am Wed 30 Mar 2011)
Geoff - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life - 'where do you start?'" - Alexandria - 7am Wed 01 Jul 2009 (picasa)
Beautiful Day Lyrics
The heart is a bloom Shoots up through the stony ground There's no room No space to rent in this town
You're out of luck And the reason that you had to care The traffic is stuck And you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend To take you out of this place Someone you could lend a hand In return for grace
It's a beautiful day Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away
You're on the road But you've got no destination You're in the mud In the maze of her imagination
You love this town Even if that doesn't ring true You've been all over And it's been all over you
It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away It's a beautiful day
Touch me Take me to that other place Teach me I know I'm not a hopeless case
See the world in green and blue See China right in front of you See the canyons broken by cloud See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out See the Bedouin fires at night See the oil fields at first light And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colors came out
It was a beautiful day Don't let it get away Beautiful day
Touch me Take me to that other place Reach me I know I'm not a hopeless case
What you don't have you don't need it now What you don't know you can feel it somehow What you don't have you don't need it now Don't need it now Was a beautiful day
Suffering can become a path to liberation because it pushes us into parts of ourselves that we'd never had ventured into otherwise. It is suffering that breaks us open to compassion, wisdom and understanding.
'It's just a storm in a tea cup,' someone says to the warrior of light.
But he never exaggerates his difficulties and always tries to remain calm.
And he never judges someone else's suffering.
A small detail - which does not affect him in the least - could serve to ignite the storm brewing in his brother's soul. The warrior respects the suffering of others and does not try to compare it with his own.
The cup of suffering is not the same size for everyone.
