Wednesday, July 1, 2015

On Inspiration - Carmen Beirne / The Road to Character (Tue 30 Jun 2015)

Self Portrait - Six Years - St George Private Hospital (Tue 30 Jun 2015)

Cecelia Beirne on Inspiration:

I can inspire confidence in others, I can be inspired..


The last time I remember sitting on this seat was the afternoon of the day before Jenny died. I came out of the ICU to give Joanne some time with Jenny and to shed a quiet tear in silence and solitude under the late afternoon blue sky. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I could taste their saltiness (a recent familiar taste from the heightened emotions anniversaries seem to bring). Some tears had time to dry and become dry crusty white trails down my cheeks. And I tried to wipe them away quickly as one of the ICU Nurses approached and sat down next to me to chat before the start of her shift. I can't remember much about our conversation but I do remember being shown compassion and empathy.

Yesterday, on the 6th Anniversary of Jenny's passing, I sat here and asked Joanne to make this photo using my phone camera. The passage of 6 years in time between those two moments is hard to comprehend but I see it in my Minds Eye and I can definitely feel it all as I look at this photo. I don't really know what to write..Maybe it has already been written?

When I sat here six years ago I did not know Jenny would die the next day, though I knew it would be soon - I had already realistically resigned myself to that fact. I also did not know how my life would unfold in that six year time gap. It has been a roller-coaster and I have bumped and knocked my way around life. Apologies to anyone I have bruised along the way. I question some times if I'm getting any better at it all, or whether I just keep making the same old mistakes, though I would like to think I have grown a little and made a small difference to those around me, in my own small ways, just as the ICU nurse did as she sat next to me six years ago. I think of these small moments often and I draw inspiration and guidance from it and wherever I can. Enough now for another year.

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