Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Remembering Tim - Norwood Park Crematorium / Canberra (Fri 11 Mar 2005)

Tim (my Brother) and Tom (my Dad) - Norwood Park Crematorium / Canberra (Fri 27 Feb 2015)

Today, 10 years on, we Remember Tim:

Timothy Francis Eldridge was born on Wednesday 4 December 1963 in Tamworth NSW. He became the third and youngest child of Thomas and Betty. He had an elder sister, Lynn, spelt with two n's not one as Tim persisted throughout his whole life). Lynn was two years older than Tim. Myself, Geoff being 3 years older was the eldest. His father was an electrical engineer with the Electricity Commision of NSW. The Regional Centre was based in Tamworth and from this office the electricity transmission system in northern NSW grew. The nature of his Father's work often required nights away from home. We all looked forward to Dad's return on Friday Night with a bag of mixed lollies for all.

Lynn and I found as oursleves at school and this gave Tim two years at home with Mum by himself. Mum tells me now that he spent this time playing with the kids across the road. Even at this early age Tim was making friends. I seem to recall also that Tim managed to get a 1/2 day of pre-school (a first in the family). I always felt that this small period with other new kids gave Tim a nice head start when he commenced his schooling at South Tamworth Primary. He was well adjusted for the rigours of school, made friends easily (he was always going to birthday parties) and was a natural at anything he put his mind to.

He started in the top class in Kindy and there he stayed each year through his primary school days (and subsequent educational endeavours). Tim was a also a natural athlete and started playing rugby league at he age of eight, moving quickly onto soccer and then finally hockey (all in one year .. maybe this was a sign of things to come). He played representative hockey for Tamworth at the state champships every June Long Weekend. I even recall him playing under 12 hockey at Lismore when he was only 9. He was a prodigy even then. He also represented the North Western NSW primary school team in Murwullumbah where his team came back as state champions. Another little publicised sporting achievement was middle distance running and I remember him running a low 2 minute 800 meters at the Tamworth Primary Schools Athletic Carnival. A record that was not broken for many years.

The year Tim finished his primary school saw the Eldridge family move from Tamworth to Wagga for Dad's work. This was a tough time for everyone but we all adapted to new environs and our new high school in Wagga called Kooringal High. It was a new school and much smaller than the high school Lynn and I left in Tamworth. Probably 1/4 the size in students and was so new that it did not even have a sixth form in our first year there. Tim as always fitted in very quickily and he found new friends almost instantly. Many of whom are here today.

By the time Tim reached Wagga he had found the game of golf and before long he was swinging a set of clubs out at the Wagga Country Club, across the lake from where we lived. Here he spent many hours fine tuning his tee shots, fairway shots, chips and putts (or spits as his young nephew would subsequently refer, many years later). Golf was to become a life long passion and this was something which always stayed with him. It was only his 94 year old grandfather who thought something was wrong four weeks ago when he percieved Tim had lost interest in his Golf.

Tim breezed through high school and obtained excellent grades with little effort. In his final year he was nominated as perfect (whooops I meant "a prefect") and was voted school vice captain by his peers. For his HSC he studied a couple of hours each night on the floor in front of the TV. To recover from this strenous study regime, he would spend the next day playing 36 holes of golf.

With his HSC behind him Tim entered the University of Sydney and worked his way towards a Civil Engineering degree over a four year period. The first two years of his course, Tim lived at Wesley College, a residential college on the grounds of Sydney University. Here, Tim, along with some of high school buddies quickily adapted to the demanding University life style. Days at the beach, missing lectures, drinking beer, etc. He found new friends quickily and again many are here today. The nucleaus of this group were quickily dubbed the "DAMAGE BOYS" because of the drinking reputation at College Victory Dinners, formals and other ramdon gatherings.

Mid way through his second year, Tim's father Thomas passed away suddenly at the early age of 47 after a sunday afternoon hockey match. It was my job to tell Tim the news that Sunday night. I now remember his numb response to my news. "Where has he gone?" he asked. His fathers death at such a young age for all of us was a defining moment in Tim's life (probably the most defining moment up until last Saturday). It was a difficult time for Tim and the Family. Initially he seemed to cope well, but the next year saw Tim arrive home to Wagga unannounced many times during the university terms. I guess the one lesson (or theory actually I would call it a LAW) Tim would give us today from all this would be to grieve properly, seek support from Family, Friends and professionals and to address the difficult issues these tramatic events have on the fragile human soul.

Anyway, back to Uni, Tim bravely persisted and graduated with honours at the end of 1985. His brief but eventful civil engineering career started with a small but prestigous Civil Engineering Consultating companycalled Wargon, Chapman and Partners. Mr Wargon, a famous Amercican civil engineer appeared to take Tim under his wing and Tim quickily found himself designing car parks, and tall buildings. As well as doing one-off type jobs such as a structural integrity report of the Channel 9 Transmitter Antenna at the Channel 9 Compound, and preliminary designs for the now Sydney Harbour Tunnel.

Tim quickily realised that Civil Engineering was not for him (however a recent rush of activity with home decks shows there was some latent interest in at least some things civil). On the fifth redesign for an Alan Bond tower on the old Waltons site across from the Sydney Town Hall, Tim decided to move on. This gave him the chance to travel for 3 months overseas which took him to many places in Europe, England, particularly London and even India (if I recall correctly).

London was a place to which Tim would return frequently over the rest of his life, the last being July/August last year. The drawcards to London were friends and another life passion I have not yet mentioned, English Football. His favourite team during his schools days was Queens Park Rangers. Though his interested waned when their goalie Phil Parkes defected to my team West Ham in 1977 for a then world record sum of 565,000 pounds. Subsequent years and more recently Tim has been an Arsenal supporter.

On his return in the late 80's Tim persued his ambition for a new career. In this pursuit he found himself in Canberra studying part-time for a degree in Information Systems at the then Canberra College of Advanced Education and working part-time for small scientific software consulting firms. One system I remember was a flight simiulator program driven by data from aircraft black-box recorders.

On graduation from the CCAE Tim started work at Customs and then Department of Veterans Affairs for a record three years. Towards the end of this stint in DVA, Tim bought his house in Griffith, just up from Marnucka. He lived in the house briefly before deciding that a six month stint in Los Angles working on a Telon Related Inventory system was the go. On his return he decided to work in Sydney and here he had stints at NRMA and Westpac. Weekends saw Tim travelling back to his home in Canberra to catch up with friends and to play golf amongst other things. This became too tiring and before long he was back in Canberra fulltime working at the Australian Tax Office and subsequently Customs. His crowning software achievement was an ATO case-actioning tool which I believed was to be a distillation of systems and processes from the many places he had worked.

More recently, Tim returned to DVA where he ventured into web-based systems using packages such as Websphere and Tomcat.

Wherever Tim worked, he took the roles on seriously. He appeared to very much love a process and a set of rules to capture and implement. He believed rules were meant not to be broken (contrary to the majority of the population) and I always thought that he was perfect fit for the ATO. [He had a great sense of what was right and doing it right].

Another constant in Tim's life were his friends and I will always remember his 40th birthday speech where he said the party was not to celebrate his 40th, but more importantly, a chance for his family and friends to get together.

There is so much more to be said. We all have our memories of Tim and I ask you for just one moment to reflect on the good times you had with him ... and to take this forward with you through the tough times ahead.

It is now time to say goodbye to a loving son, brother, grandson, nephew, uncle, friend and colleague. We now know that Tim struggled with a delibertating and destructive illness which he held undercover for many years. I ask you to take the time to consider the strength he showed under this enormous pressure and to admire him for how he lived a relatively normal and happy life, shared with friends and family.

In the end Tim ran out "Puff" as he said and found peace from his illness the only way he knew how. Please forgive him. He asked for this.

Tim, you asked me where Dad had gone. We know that you searched for him high and low. We also now know that you have found him. The search and struggle is complete and that you have found your peace.

You will always have a special place in our hearts and memories. We will miss you.

Love .. Mum, Lynn and Geoff ..

Monday, December 16, 2013

On Forgiveness - Anonymous / HONY (Sun 15 Dec 2013)

Follow the Light .. - Lisbon (Wed 14 Aug 2013)

Anonymous (*) writes On Forgiveness (*):
Forgiveness (*) keeps relationships (*) moving. Without forgiveness (*), everything comes to an end.
via (*) by HONY (*).

Friday, October 4, 2013

Why Why? - Chantel Tattoli

Untilted - Barcelona / Spain (Tue 06 Aug 2013)

Expanding on an earlier post (*), Chantel Tattoli (*) writes on the importantance of understanding (*) Why:
Why? Why would someone do that?

Why is the slippery question cultural anthropologists are always trying to get at.

As a rule of thumb, if we do not get why, we probably don’t understand (*) the perspective (*).

The thing to do is try to see yourself in the other peoples’ shoes, because from the perspective of the Other’s shoes, their behavior should make more sense.

This is the golden rule. Even when it’s hard.

I paraphrase the late anthropologist Clifford Geertz To understand, isn’t to forgive (*).
via The Anthropology of the Little Mermaid (*) by Chantel Tattoli (*).

Thanks Chantel, some great thoughts in your words.

If you look, really look, you will always find something you weren't expecting. Even if you can't figure why, you might just be a bit more understanding.
Untilted (Detail) - Barcelona / Spain (Tue 06 Aug 2013)

Thursday, September 12, 2013

On Anthropology, Understanding and Forgiveness Clifford Geertz - Chantel Tattoli / intellectum

Chantel - Osterport Railway Station / Copenhagen (Fri 23 Aug 2013)

Clifford Geertz (*) writes On Anthropology (*), Forgiveness (*) and Understanding (*):
To understand (*), isn’t to forgive (*).
via The Anthropology of the Little Mermaid (*) by Chantel Tattoli (*).

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

On Forgiveness - Forbrydelsen (The Killing) / Season 1

Edouard Suenson Memorial (*) - Nyboder (*) / Copenhagen (Fri 23 Aug 2013)

On Forgiveness (*):
When we forgive (*), the past (*) no longer controls us.
via Forbrydelsen (*).

Scribbled this down while watching this show on DVD the other night. Something definitely worth remembering.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My Brother Tim

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets


Under Pressure (*) - David Bowie and Queen

Recently posted a video of Annie Lennox and David Bowie singing Under Pressure at the 1992 The Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert at Wembley Stadium. In the post I included the lyrics as I often can't quite make out what is being sung (which is Okay). On listening to the song, the meaning of the above lines were instantly clear to me.

Today is the 7th of March and this is the day we take as the passing of my younger brother Tim on Mon 7th March 2005.

Sadly, Tim found himself in a position (Under Pressure I guess) where he considered the best option was to take his own life in a lonely spot by the side of Lake Burley Griffin, less than a couple of km's from the centre of Canberra's Parlimentary Circle (and where we will shortly participate for our State and Club at the 2011 AusDBF National Dragon Boat Championships). A remarkably powerful statement to make about how he felt about life.

His sudden death and it's nature had a hugh impact on his Family and his close Friends.

There will be always the question Why?, but that is not really important now. We should look to remembering the time we had with Tim and as well as the relationship we had with him. Remember the good times.

It is important also to acknowledge his silent suffering and the nature of his death (part of the reason for writing this post). Anger and Regrets are futile emotions. For me, the most important thing is understanding and forgiveness, something I asked all to embrace from the very first moments. This is far more productive, particularly when combined with a sense of persistence, determination, courage to live our lives to the full, no matter the circumstances.

How we respond to life's twists and turns shapes who we become. Choose to live life to the full, learn (don't be afraid to make mistakes - lots of them actually - you will learn more that way), and become stronger, wiser and more resilent.

Was planning to write more, but finding it a little difficult to express myself clearly. So what I do in these circumstances, is hand it over to the photos and the memories they contain. Don't have too many actually (he avoided camera's for some reason), but here they are ..

Cheers - Jo, Tim, Geoff, Jenny, David, Jenny - Darook Park / Cronulla (Sun 30 Apr 2000)
Tim and Grace - Coffs Harbour (25 Dec 2000)
Geoff, Jenny, Tim and Jo - Alexandria (18 Nov 2001)
Tim, Thomas and Geoff - Bronte (23 Dec 2001)
Geoff, Mum and Tim - Wagga Wagga (19 Jan 2002)
Tim, Grandpa and Geoff - Malua Bay (07 Dec 2003)
Tim and Aunty Erica (*) - Batehaven Book Exchange / Batehaven - (07 Dec 2003)
Mum, Tim (London Bound) and Lynn - You must be somewhere in London - Sydney International Airport (01 Jul 2004)
Mum, Tim (London Bound) and Geoff - You must be somewhere in London - Sydney International Airport (01 Jul 2004)
Photo Poster 1 for Tim's Get Together - Griffith / Canberra (Sat 12 Mar 2005)
Photo Poster 2 for Tim's Get Together - Griffith / Canberra (Sat 12 Mar 2005)
Photo Poster 3 for Tim's Get Together - Griffith / Canberra (Sat 12 Mar 2005)
"Despair" - Canberra (Sat 12 Mar 2005) )

Together Again

One year later I would place the Ashes of Tim and my Father at Canberra's Norwood Crematorium. I had my Father's Ashes moved from Wagga Wagga (another story in itself). Jenny, Jo, Lynn and Erica were there also. Tim travelled a lot and my Aunt always said that he was searching for his Father. After all his searching I could now say to her that they were together again.

Tim and Tom - Norwood Park / Canberra (Fri 10 Mar 2006)
Jenny, Geoff, Jo and Lynn - Norwood Park / Canberra (Fri 10 Mar 2006)
Jenny, Geoff and Joanne - Norwood Park / Canberra (Fri 10 Mar 2006)
Tim and Tom - Norwood Park / Canberra (Fri 10 Mar 2006)
-->
A tree overlooking them .. - Norwood Park / Canberra (Fri 10 Mar 2006)