On Photography - Blake Andrews (Thu 14 Aug 2014)

Jenny and Joanne - Glen Coe / Scotland (Sun 04 Sep 2005)
Blake Andrews (*) writes On Photography (*):

The ones [photos] which seem to change over time, that in fact remind me that I'm changing —I suspect those are the keepers.

via The Same River Twice (*) by Blake Andrews (*).

This photo already has it's own story (*), which still continues to be written (*). It is certainly a keeper and one that I continue to see more as my life changes from unknown to unknown.

When you open yourself up to the vastness .. - Murray Fredericks / Ali Gripper (Sat 12 Jul 2014)

Water (*) - Edinburg / Scotland (Mon 05 Sep 2005)
Murray Fredericks (*) writes On the Void (*):

I remember the overwhelming (*) vastness (*), losing a sense of myself, and then pointing my camera (*) into that space (*), [..] When you open yourself up to the vastness, with no points of reference (*), you feel (*) an incredible sense of release (*).

via Photographer Murray Fredericks' favourite things (*) by Ali Gripper (*).

Loved my Canon Pro1 (*) which I used for our Europe 2005 (*) trip, my first to Europe, and only one with Jenny. The camera was a little dark on the corners (vignetting), but the sensor had a painterly effect that I have not seen in my Canon cameras since.

Murray has been a big influence on me (*), and coincidently I was planning to watch his SALT DVD (*) tomorrow.

Learning to be a little more Certain of the Uncertain - Well Maybe?

Detail - Loch Ness Locks / Fort Augustus / Scotland (Sat 04 Sep 2005)
I did not find the Loch Ness Monster,
but I did find this amazing piece of rusted iron.
I have a been a little stuck on this post. Whenever this happens I look to the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) by Paulo Coelho (*) and found this ..

A warrior knows that the ends do not justify the means.

Because there are no ends, there are only means. Life carries him from unknown to unknown. Each moment is filled with this thrilling mystery: the warrior does not know where he came from or where is going.

But he is not here by chance. And he is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before. He often feels afraid, but that is normal in a warrior.

If he thinks only of the goal, he will not be able to pay attention to the signs along the way. If he concentrates only on one question, he will miss various answers that are there beside him. That is why the warrior submits.

This is my 1000th post. A milestone of sorts and something I would not have thought possible when I made my first post (*) here on Thu 26 Feb 2009.

I think the above passage from the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) provides a useful metaphor for this blog and the 1000 posts that it now comprises.

It is a reflection of my life and who I am. I am never quite sure where it is going - I just try to make connections between what I read, what I see, what I photograph and what I feel.

A lot has happened and changed in the last three and half years since that first post. I have learnt a lot about myself and others. I have made plenty of mistakes, yet I think I have done a few things right. I have been defeated, yet I have have had a few wins, for which I am grateful. I have been sad and I have been happy. I have felt lost and without purpose yet in some ways I have found myself. I have looked to the past, present and future. I have had regrets [and learnt how to let them go]. I have given up and I have battled on. I have lost belief in myself, yet I have found ways to restore that belief. I have been hurt, upset and I have forgiven. I have cried and I have laughed. I have been directionless and without purpose, yet I have had goals. I have been inspired. I have tried hard, too hard sometimes. I tried to be something I am not, and I have learnt my limits and what I can be. I have watched and followed, and at times I have lead, mostly unknowingly I should think.

Somehow I am happy when some say I should be angry. I have suffered and have empathised with the suffering of others. I have been drawn into other people's battles and have known how to respond. I believe in luck (and fate) and know that it comes from being prepared and the willingness to take a risk.

I have changed but remained the same. I am older though I feel younger. I am experienced but still feel like a beginner. I am wiser but more naive. I found a voice (an awkward one at that) I did not know I had. You don't know how far you have been until you get back. I've been all over and it's been all over me . Therefore I am thankful for this blog and what I have learnt about myself and others.

Many times I have asked myself why? post what I have posted here and other times I have said to myself, well why not? (this post being an example). I am starting to forget things, so it is nice to make the effort to write what is important, so it can be recalled. I have memories and I am making memories.

Most importantly, I have Remembered Jenny (*) - how she lived and how she died. Jo and I are the bearers of her memory and she lives on in our hearts and in our minds until we lay to rest beside her.

I could go on, but I won't ().

It's all here in these 1000 posts which are just like snapshots of my life.

Like Paulo Coelho's good warrior, I am not really sure where I am going and what might be ahead. I have come to learn that this is what life is all about. Ultimately I think I have learnt to become a bit more certain of the uncertain. I have accepted this - well at least I think I have.

Hopefully, i will have the opportunity to post another 1000 posts. Let's see what happens.

[the warrior] is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before - Loch Ness / Scotland (Sat 03 Sep 2005)

Scotish Landscape - Spean Bridge / Scotland (Sat 05 Sep 2005)

Scotish Landscape - Spean Bridge / Scotland (Sat 05 Sep 2005)
The Canon Pro1 gave this an almost painterly quality. On the way to loch Ness from our base at Fort William.

Loch Etive Black (Water) - Connel Bridge / Connel / Scotland (Sun 04 Sep 2005)

Loch Etive Black (Water) - Connel Bridge / Connel / Scotland (Sun 04 Sep 2005)

Glen Coe, Jenny, Joanne and Dr Horton

After the 2005 World Dragon Boat Championships in Berlin, we travelled around Europe. We each picked a place we would like to go to then we worked out a travel plan to connect the locations in an ordered and logical way. Jenny picked the Cinque Terre, Joanne picked Chamonix, Mum picked Paris, I picked London (always will) and David picked Geneva and Scotland.

So off to Scotland we set - we caught the Train (on the route of the The Flying Scotsman) to Edinburgh from London and then hired a car which we used to travel a little wider a feild. David being a member of the Campbell Clan, was keen to get to the Campbell's ancestral home near Inveraray. On the way we stopped at Fort William which took us through Glen Coe, a place where the local pub has a sign saying "Dogs and Campbell's not Welcome". Glen Coe is the place where the Campbell's befriended the Macdonald's and then after a few weeks, were ordered to massacre the Macdonald's while they slept.

The photos below tell a story. The first one is one of my favourite photos of Jenny and Joanne. The bridge in the background takes you to Glen Coe a little further to the south and east. We had spent the night in Fort William and were up early to head to Inveraray. We stopped here to take some photos. It was low-tide and there was lots to look at along the exposed shoreline. Joanne is pointing out something to Jenny.

Five years later, I am struck by the similarity of the composition between the photo and the cover of Paulo Coelho's book, the "Manual of the Warrior of Light".

Dr Horton was the surgeon who performed Jenny's pleurodesis - a procedure to "glue" the lung to the cavity that holds the lung. This procedure would and did stop the fuild build up in the Pleural cavity. Jenny would spend about a week in hospital to recover and as always we put photos up in her room. One of the photos was the Glen Coe photo with Jenny and Joanne, below. We were stunned when Dr Horton came in and told us that he recognised the location and told us Glen Coe. We were impressed by this, and everything he did for Jenny.

Jenny and Joanne - Glen Coe / Scotland - Sep 2005 (picasa)

Cover of "The Manual of the Warrior of Light"

Jenny, Dr Horton and Joanne - 15 Feb 2007 (picasa)

Jenny - St George Hospital - 'We always made sure there was plenty of photos around - you can see the Glen Coe photo next to the Macau Dragon - Dr Horton easily identified the Glen Coe location.' - Mon 05 Feb 2007 (picasa)

Jenny and Geoff - 'We always made sure there was plenty of photos around' - St George Hospital - Mon 05 Feb 2007 (picasa)