How You Remind Me by Nickelback (youtube)

How You Remind Me by Nickelback
Are we having fun yet? ..
And this is how you remind me


A song that reminds of a Friend who introduced me to Nickelback and this song when we were collaborating on an internet project (* - wow did we do all that) and we were having so much fun.

The other enduring memory of this song is the time of it's release - September 11, 2001. It (as well as Powderfinger Song which I will track down) will always remind of that day.

How You Remind Me Lyrics

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad?
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no

Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yeah, yeah
Are we having fun yet?
Yeah, yeah
Are we having fun yet?
Yeah, yeah
Are we having fun yet?
Yeah, yeah
No, no

The Lucky Ones

This is a work in progress. It has been in my head for a long time now, but it has been hard to write. Hopefully, it will make sense. I expect to modify it a bit over the next few weeks, but at least it is a start.

A few months before Jenny died, I read Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike". Jenny had been given a copy by a long time friend, Mena, not long after the book was first published here in Australia (sometime around 2002/3 I am guessing). She read the book quickly and I know she got a lot from the pages. For some reason I did not read the book until early May 2009.

Geoff, Jenny, Mena, Steve and Joanne - Natation DB Titles - Kawana / Qld - Sat 25 Apr 2009 (picasa)

I bought my own copy so that I could read the book that meant so much to Jenny. I think I was motivated by the fact the Jenny was progressing to the final stages of her Cancer (at least that is reluctantly what I quietly started to think - she had just been diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver on the 11 Mar 2009 - not a very promising situation). I thought I might find something in the pages to understand her and our situation.

I read the book, intermittently over a few weeks, at my local coffee shop before work and on the train to work. There was lots of the book that resonated with me, particularly his encounters with cancer. One part in particular struck a chord with me. It was about a half through, where he writes about what he felt during chemotherapy following neurosurgery to remove a beign brain tumor.

What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.

I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know more about your frailty than most people, and I think that changes a man. I was brought low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical: this disease would force me to ask more of myself as person than I ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.

A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something.

"You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."

I'd said aloud, "This guy's a nut."

What on earth could he mean?

When I read this, I stored it away in my mind, eagerly awaiting Lance's own answer to this question - lucky .. What on earth could he mean?. It would come quietly on the last page of the book.

"You don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones," my fellow cancer patient had written.

I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me, and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. I believe I have an obligation to make something better out of my life than before, and to help my fellow human beings who are dealing with the disease. It's a community of shared experience. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, "Oh, my God, I'm going to die," is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.

Jenny had often indicated that she felt lucky (I think in both aspects - that of surviving an aggressive cancer and oddly enough, having had had cancer). She said this in the Australian Story Episode, "In the Pink":

'I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.'

Jenny - Australian Story - "In the Pink - Kirrawee - May 2004 (picasa)

and in her Talks:

'I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.'

Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)

The Rainbow Connection - Phil, John, Marj, Jenny, Liz, Noel - Phil passed away shortly after this photo was taken - he often spoke to Jenny about how luck seemed to play a big part in how things worked out, but sometimes you make you own luck - Rely for Life 2003 - Sylvania Waters - Sat 31 May 2003 - (picasa)

As Jenny's International Dragon Boating Career started, she came to the attention of the Media and in the first Newspaper Article she featured in, she was even compared to Lance Armstrong:

Don Iverson, Director of the Health and Productivity Research Center at the University of Wollongong, said that Ms Petterson could be compared to Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France after fighting testicular cancer.

'It's almost superhuman,' he said.

Cancer wont slow rowing champion - Sydney Sun Herald - 2 May 2004

She was a little embarrassed by the comparison, but Jo and I were very proud of Jenny and her achievements in her treatment, her sport and her life as breast cancer survivor.

Geoff, Jenny, Grace, Lynn, Betty, Thomas, Grant, Joanne and David - Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)


After Jenny's passing, I had an encounter in the Intensive Care Unit where Jenny left us. Joanne and I had gone back to thank the staff at the St George Hospital and to pickup some scans that had been lost in Jenny's move from the Level 1 to ICU. We spoke to the head ICU nurses (they were between shifts) and we knew both of them from Jenny's time in ICU (and I was well known to them as I had fainted in ICU on Jenny's second day in ICU after the neurosurgery). We talked a little and I mentioned that Jenny did consider herself lucky to have had cancer - as she said herself - it had changed her life for the better. One the nurses questioned this statement and she made me feel a little uneasy for saying what I had said. She could not believe anyone with cancer could consider themselves lucky. Maybe, she had seen too much of the cold harsh reality of cancer in that ICU. Maybe she was right. It did not seem too lucky now that Jenny was gone?

This conversation stuck in my mind for a long time, and I started to question many things. It was not until I came across the following blog post by Doug Miller that I found some peace. Here was a man who had recently been diagnosed with Cancer. He was articulate and in many ways his post offers so much more than Lance's writings on Cancer and Luck. This is probably the most moving piece of writing I have read in my life. I don't have cancer, but I have lived a shared life with it and it's consequences. I can truly emphasise. Here it is. My heart is with you Doug ..

Doug Miller - Colorado Trail San Juan Mountains - 1994 - A Single Path - (blog)

The Lucky Ones by Doug Miller (Wed 23 Sep 2009)

[..] a friend [..] pointed me to Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike" I picked up a copy and quickly read through it. I liked it.

It had a bit much detail focusing on cycling, but that was an aspect of the man that could obviously not be separated from the larger reality of his battle with cancer.

There were portions though that left my mind spinning. Armstrong's description of his diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions that ensued was painfully raw and hit the mark with a clarity and similarity I could not deny. I myself am walking those darkened and fearful paths as I write these very words.

Out of all the pages a couple simple statements that he made resonated with me in a powerful way.

Armstrong tells of a letter that he received. It was from a man he had never met before. He himself had battled cancer. He wrote Armstrong to acknowledge his support and positive thoughts. As he finished the letter he made a strange statement that confused Armstrong. He wrote, "you probably do not understand this right now, but we are the lucky ones".

What? How is anyone with cancer lucky? It is devastating. It not only has the potential to steal your life, but also has the destructive potential to steal your Hope. Those words are haunting. Lucky? We are the lucky ones. This brotherhood of suffering is somehow lucky..........blessed?

It is diametrically opposed to any sort of sane thinking that those outside of this brotherhood would agree with. It actually is an almost dangerous statement. As if you say it as you are waking off a cliff without a safety net. A statement such as that redefines everything. Life. Death. And even Hope.

But as I walk this path, and simultaneously encounter life in all its beauty and harshness, I find myself agreeing. "We are the lucky ones". I am lucky. I say those words with a part of me screaming, "how dare you, how can you say that". But it is true. The perspective that cancer gives to life is unbelievable. It has the power to refine you. Your thoughts. Your direction. Your focus.

It is as if you look at life for the first time. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. Everything is turned on edge, revealing a freshness and an urgency that is not seen outside of cancer. If this clarity does exist in our normal lives, it is missed. Overshadowed by the busyness of life. By worthless and empty pursuits.

Another quote from Armstrong's book was this: "Cancer is not about dying, it is about living" What a statement.

Most would argue against it. But those that walk this path find it to be true. Life after diagnosis becomes "alive". It becomes real. It is as if you can grasp it with your own hands, breath it in, consume it.

Oh if I could have had this view earlier in life. I knew that it existed. I sensed it. I chased it. Through the mountains. Through relationships. In the woods and fields of my youth. It was a whisper in the words of poets. And a reflection on the horizon as the sun slipped out of view. But i did not catch it until cancer became my reference. My reality.

We who are members of this brotherhood and sisterhood of suffering are the lucky ones, because now we can truly live. And Love. And Hope. And I dare to say Dream. They are painful dreams, haunted with the shadows of uncertainty, but they are vivid dreams. Passionate dreams. Dreams that leave your heart aching, your soul longing. We are released from the fear of death. Our finite lives are bared.

We come face to face with our mortality and realize that life is looking back at us. Raw and uncertain. But ALIVE none the less. There were days before cancer that I despaired. At times despising my life. But now I am hungry to live. I long to live. Whether that time be long or short, I hold tight to life and all of its glorious agony.

Posted by Doug Miller at 9:11 PM

Learning ..

Hidden in one of Drew Ginn's recent Blog Posts is this little piece on pushing yourself, motivation, challenges and learning - something I have done a lot of over the last 8-9 months. Thought I would pull it out here so that I can remember this great little piece of writing. Here it is:

[..] I learned to ride my rhythm, to find my own groove and to sit on the knife edge with fatigue, discomfort and sweat surrounding, penetrating and leaving me. At no stage was it intense like a rowing race or a super burst of effort. It was an experience in sustaining a level of force which body and mind was saying, 'BACK OFF'.

Like some sinister and shadowy creator holding an emotional gun to my head. Tempting as it might have been I had committed to the 7 days and on the last to having a great ride with heaps of challenge.

You could say I learned what I have learned before and now I have been reminded of it again.

Stretching and challenging is healthy. It requires us to keep pushing and to keep seeking motivation for why we would continue on. Why I asked my self on more than one occasion during the 7 days. Even as I spent the day at back home yesterday I was still asking why.

Placing your self in a challenging situation forces the questions to be asked.

I did this by going to Tassie to train with a good friend.

To train in a way which would force the questions to come thick and fast and they did and with each and every moment which one appeared I toiled and churned it around to cultivate and see what I would learn about self, others and the World I am in.

Again I say why? To learn is the only answer which I could find. To Learn, but why? It gives life.

Maybe. It brings clarity. Not always. It energises, YES, but it can also be draining.

Why then would I do any of this? Why would you? To be challenged is something which for sometime now I have said is a reason for my motivation. Maybe challenge is not enough.

Challenge without the acknowledgment of the learning required and needed is only one side of the coin. What happens if every time we toss it and it only ever landed on the challenge side.

We might assume that is all there is. Every stage, moment, event, session, day, hour and minute if challenged we might eventually find little else but a sense of seeking something which never ends.

Flipping the coin, the moment, experience and our perception can bring light to the other side or even sides. Maybe less a coin and more a cube it is with multiple sides and perspectives. A cube like RUBIX which starts out perfect with all colours separated on each side.

Then with everyday the play, the games, and events acting to jumble the cube until we finally realise it is rearranged.

How we feel about that becomes essential and what we do with it becomes simple a challenge. From this rearranged state we might begin to work to find the form or the essence of this box or cube. Learning to work with it in what ever state jumble or un-jumbled becomes important I think. Living with and learning from it. The challenge of it, the frustration and the joy.

So there it is I have gone away for 7 days of challenge which was more about learning than anything else.

Orange Bike - Toulouse - Fri 25 Sep 2009

The Cole Classic by Steve Christo - Sydney Life 2010

The Cole Classic by Steve Christo - Hyde Park/Sydney - 29 Sep 2010 (picasa)
Funny how photos (like music) take you back in time and in your memories. Recently saw the above photo at the 2010 Sydney Life Exhibition in Hyde Park.

Occasionally I hear or read about The Cole Classic, typically around the time of year which it is run (Jan/Feb). It was originally held at Bondi, but it moved to Manly some years ago.

Graham Cole was the founder of the The Cole Classic (see end of this post for more details). He was Sydney Solictor and a very keen swimmer. He was also the Landlord of the first house that I moved into when I had finished my University Degree in late 1982. Robyn, Mal and I moved into a 3 bedroom two storey terrace in Ebley Street, Bondi Junction in Jan 1983.

The move to Bondi Junction was a big change from the sheltered and idyllic surrounds of Wesley College where we had all spent 3-4 years living and studying. It also marked the beginning of our careers in our chosen professions. We enjoyed the change and having a place to live outside of the University. The Eastern Suburbs Railway had recently been completed and with a 5 minute walk to the Bondi Junction Railway Station, it was a quick trip to Town Hall and then a short walk to where I worked (almost 30 years later I still work in the same building but there have been plenty of moves and changes along the way).

Every month I paid the rent and I would wander down to the then P&O Building to give Graham's Secretary a cheque. He would often come out of his office and we would have a chat. In these chats I did get to hear some swimming stories and that he loved surfing at Bondi. At some stage he did mention The Cole Classic (in 1983 the first Cole Classic was swum with 101 swimmers participating).

He was always a very accomodating Landlord and he allowed us to do some wallpaper removal and painting to one of the rooms (the Red and White striped wallpaper a previous tenant had put up, was a bit much for Robyn, whose room it was). Around the same time he indicated he needed to paint the railings of the balcony to the front upstairs bedroom. He said he would come round one weekend to get it done. Mal and I gave him a hand and the job was done quickly over a couple of weekends.

Ebley Street - Bondi Junction - 30 Sep 2010 (picasa)
Moving forward just over 27 years ..

Coincidently, the day after I took the above Sydney Like 2010 Photo, I had to go to Bondi Junction for an appointment. Decided after the appointment I would go around to the old place (it was not far), have a look and take a couple of photos.

Not much has changed from the outside except for a new coat of paint - it was a dark green in the early 1980's. The Balcony railing was still there, I remember that weekend we painted it way back in the late summer of 1982/1983.

The Waverley Tower still hovers over Bondi Junction and Waverley, but it now has a lot more antenna's - mobile phones were certainly not mainstream public technology in the early to mid 1980's.

Ebley Street - Bondi Junction - 30 Sep 2010 (picasa)
Sadly, I remember reading in 2000 that Graham had died of a heart attack while swimming at his beloved Bondi Beach. From the Sydney Morning Herald dated the 06 Dec 2002 in an article titled At the Cole face:

He was 72 and had been told by his doctor to take things easy after developing a heart murmur. "But the surf called," says his son. "He went out, had a good surf, was talking to his mates on the beach, had a heart attack and died on the beach. It was unexpected. The guy was fit and robust. But it was a perfect way for him to go. He orchestrated it well."

I also remember reading this article in the Sydney Morning Herald in February this year. It gives an insight into how much The Cole Classic has grown.

It is such a long time ago now, I have trouble remembering much more than heading down to Bondi Beach after work to catch some waves on a newly purchased bogey board.

However, the most obvious memory for me of the place is the phone call I received there from my Mother in Wagga Wagga on the evening of Sunday 24 Jul 1983 to tell me my father had died of heart failure that evening at our Family Doctor's surgery after playing a game of hockey that afternoon. He was just a few months past his 47th Birthday. He lived just a couple weeks longer than Jenny.

Funny the things you remember when you see a photo.

From the History page of the www.coleclassic.com ..

How it all began

Graham Cole was a keen ocean swimmer, regularly swimming and body surfing at Bondi Beach. In 1981 he travelled to Hawaii with a team from the Tattersals Club to swim in the Waikiki Roughwater. He returned with a desire to establish a similar event in Sydney, reasoning that Australian beaches and strong beach culture were deserving of such an event and that it should be open to all members of the community who had done the necessary training. In 1982 Graham wrote;

The event is not a race but a challenge to all persons to stretch themselves in body and mind to swim a reasonable distance through surf. It will, I hope, be an incentive to persons to involve themselves in the self-discipline required to get fit; obtain confidence in their ability through swimming, to achieve a pride in having performed something that is, perhaps slightly above average, and finally to receive (in the form of an appropriately prepared Certificate or medal) some recognition of their accomplishment.

In 1983 the first Cole Classic was swum with 101 swimmers participating.

If you can dream it, you can do it! (Thu 30 Jun 2011)

If you can dream it, you can do it Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
I often receive very nice emails, particularly around the anniversary of Jenny's passing. Lexie has allowed me to share my return email to her. It tells a nice story ..

From: Geoff Eldridge
To: Lexie

7:37am Fri 01 Jul 2011

Hi Lexie. Thanks for your kind message and thoughts. Jo and I really appreciate them and your friendship.

We had a nice day yesterday as we honored Jenny's memory and reflected on her Life.

Sounds like you are having a fantastic time and it was great to have had those moments at Niagara Falls to remember your Dad there and for his parting words to come to you strongly.

Jenny and Jo visited Niagara Falls in 1987 and Jo and I were only talking about this the other day. I can remember Jenny telling me about their visit the first night we went out way back on Fri 30 March 1989. She showed me photos that were rescued from a water logged film camera (it was drenched from their Maidens of the Mist Tour in and around the Falls.

Last week I have moved back to Kirrawee where I lived with Jenny. It has been hard in many ways, but it is something I need to do. The house is exactly the same as it was when I took her to the St George Private Hospital on Tue 16 Jun 2009 (*)).

Yesterday morning as I got up and prepared myself so that I could meet Jo and my Mother at the St George Private Hospital (so we could be at the place and time where she left us (*) - we do this each year), I found flip-book of sayings on the bookshelf. She turned it each day and would put a different saying up. The one she left it on and I take it as her parting message (because we did not have a chance to say our farewells):

"If you can Dream it, you can do it!"

I would like to think that Jo and I have done this since Jenny left us, afterall as we now know, it was her parting wish for us all..

Jenny and Joanne - Maiden of the Mist Tour - Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
Jenny and Joanne - Maiden of the Mist Tour - Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
Jenny - Maiden of the Mist Tour - Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
Jo - Maiden of the Mist Tour - Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
Jo - Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
Jenny - Niagara Falls (Jul 1987)
.. - Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
- Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
.. - Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
.. - Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
.. - Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
.. - Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)
.. - Jenny's Meditation Room / Kirrawee (Thu 30 Jun 2011)

A few ways to increase your connection to your photography - Kirk Tuck (Thu 23 Feb 2012)

A3 Prints - New York - Aug 2011
Kirk Tuck (*) writes:

To do what you like in your work, separate from the buzz. [..]

• slow down [..] If you slow down and concentrate on the kinds of images that bring you real joy you'll find a tighter bond with your own work.


• Stop looking at all the sharing sites - When you turn off the outside influences and sit quietly with your own thoughts about art and photography you begin to understand the way you like to see and share art. That's valuable. Everything else is unconscious imitation.


• Do a project - Consistency of vision and subject are worthwhile goals for all artists. Set yourself to the task of creating a body of consistent work. Choose a subject that you love and explore it in depth. Ignore everything else.


• When you choose to do a project have a a goal - Wouldn't it be great if it changed some lives? But no matter where it ends up I will have met interesting people who've taken charge of their own lives and excelled. What fun role models. And the art will be my souvenir of my time spent with them. The prints will be part of the sharing.


• Start thinking beyond the screen - [..] When you slow down and do your art try to go through the whole process of bringing an image to life before you rush out the door to fill up more memory cards and hard drives.


• Really explore the images in front of you. Edit them down. Make them perfect and then print them large [..] Print them till you love them. And learn from the process of presentation. Learn what you like to see, big. The art becomes both portable and present when you pull it off the screen and onto paper. Be sure to go through the whole process so you understand in your gut what you've really created. It will slow you down [..] and focus it on doing work that makes you smile. You are the first audience.


• Finally, forget the online critiques - Find people in your own town, city, region whose work you admire and approach them about forming a sharing circle. Just like a writer's group.

Having a project will move you to take chances. [..] You'll need to discipline yourself to do the [..] And you'll need to learn how to finish.

Having a goal for your work gives it extra meaning.

Sharing the work with live people standing in front of you builds real confidence in the work. Having real critiques is painful but helps engender real growth. Helping real, human, non-virtual friends succeed with their own art is part of a rewarding virtuous circle. Embrace it.

From A few ways to increase your connection to your photography (*) by Kirk Tuck (*) - Thu 23 Feb 2012.

On Energy - What gives you Energy - Drew Ginn (Thu 18 Oct 2012)

Cobblestones - Berlin (Wed 10 Aug 2005)
Drew Ginn (*) asks Energy - What gives you energy? (*). His response:

Doing Stuff Alone,
Doing Things With Others,
Taking Initiative,
Being Lead,
Being Coached,
Being Challenged,
Setting Goals,
Achieving Goals,
Doing,
Learning,
Crowds,
Challenge,
Winning,
Risk,
Achieving,
Making Mistakes,
Being Centre Of Attention,
Being Quiet,
Reflecting,
Thinking,
Focusing,
Performing,
Following,
Being Praised
Being Pushed,
Being Left To Work It Out,
Seeing Other Do Well,
Doing Well,
Trying Stuff,
Working Stuff Out,
Knowing Whats Expected,
Knowing Whats Required,
Listening,
Having Clear Goals,
Seeing Improvement,
Time Pressures,
Making Decisions,
Taking Having Choices,
Making Choices,
Saying No,
Stepping Up,
Thinking About New Ideas,
Making People Laugh,
Hurting,
Feeling Pain,
Getting Taken Care Of,
Being Looked Up To,
Being Included,
Having Autonomy,
Being Creative,
Being Good,
Being Bad,
Influencing Others,
Surprising People,
Getting Something For Nothing,
Working Hard For Something,
Deserving Something,
Being Helped,
Taking Control,
Having Control,
Letting Go,
Resting,
Sleeping,
Pushing Boundaries,
Challenging Others,
Doing A Good Job,
Doing Whats Expected,
Making People Happy,
Beating Others,
Stuffing Up,
Following A Plan,
Setting The Pace,
Catching Something,
Being In Front,
Being Vulnerable,
Being Uncomfortable,
Finding A Way,
Showing Others,
Proving Yourself,
Showing Others,
Being Better,
Being The Best,
Being Capable
Doing The Opposite,
Doing Things Differently,
Sticking To A Plan,
Changing,
Standing Out,
Flying Under The Radar,
Being Loud,
Doing Things You Know,
Having A Routine,
Impressing Others,
Telling Stories,
Knowing Facts,
Having Knowledge,
Knowing Things Others Don't,
Having Power,
Having Authority,
Leading,
Being Unique,
Showing Care,
Taking Care,
Being Careful,
Having Discipline,
Feeling Guilty,
Being Passionate,
Setting The Standard,
Getting Out Of Control,
Let Things Happen

Drew then asks:

What takes it [energy] away?

This is an amazing collection of thoughts gained from a life long rowing career. Each one strikes a chord and it is the culmination of everything you have experienced and learnt. Thanks Drew.

Congratulations on an amazing rowing career and all the best for new position as National Rowing Coach Integration. I can see you a going to challenge and mix things up. Good luck.

On Success and Searching - Bruce Wrighton (1988)

Poster Boy - Erskineville Road / Newtown (Wed 13 Feb 2013)
Bruce Wrighton (*) makes the following observation On Success (*):

Success is, of course, as an internal factor – a connection that we, or I, have made with whatever I am searching for.

Sometimes it can be elusive.

Sometimes it can be immediately self-evident.

The expression. The pose. The posturing. There can be windows that open up that are surprises.

But it’s that connection.

It’s the connection between having a sense of what you are working for, but not really having it defined well enough, so you always have to search, you always have to dig a little bit, it’s always a little bit unknown what you are looking for.

which leads onto a rather interesting observation about the relationship between Success (*) and Searching (*):

If you know what you are looking for I’m not sure what the value of finding it is.

That is to say, I’m not sure what’s the value of doing the search. At that point that part of you has been ‘played out’ so to speak.

If I find myself making the same images over and over again,

I begin to suspect that I have to dig a little harder or deeper to find what the next level of mystery is in a particular subject matter or go on to a different one.

via INTERVIEW: “An Interview with Bruce Wrighton” (1988) (*) by Sean Phelan.

As always, Bruce is talking about his experiences with photography, but these simple observations can be applied to all aspects of our lives.

2013 Auroras Senior B Selection Squad - Lotus Bay / Canberra (Fri 21 Dec - Sun 23 Dec 2012)

2013 Auroras Senior B Selection Squad - Lotus Bay / Canberra (Sun 23 Dec 2012) 2013 Auroras Senior B Selection Squad (Left Crop) - Lotus Bay / Canberra (Sun 23 Dec 2012) 2013 Auroras Senior B Selection Squad (Right Crop) - Lotus Bay / Canberra (Sun 23 Dec 2012)
Note to self. A personal guide for the Campaign and beyond ..

A few photos and words from my heart following the 2013 Auroras Senior B Selection Camp in Canberra from 21-23 Dec 2012.

Congratulations to all that put themselves forward for selection for the 2013 Auroras Senior B Dragon Boat Squad which will participate at the World Dragon Boat Championships in Szeged, Hungary in late July 2013.

Putting yourself up for selection and having dreams, hopes and goals is always a risky business as they can all be dashed in a moment.

For those whose journey for this campaign ended at the selection camp, you have my admiration and respect. My heart goes out to you, but I also know that there are future opportunities and with a plan, determination and perseverance you can achieve everything you want out of paddling and life. We have a number of role models in this regard and I encourage you to follow their lead. The camp will have given you perspective and a path forward to realising all your dreams and goals. It's a decision you make and it is all in your hands.

For those successful in selection, I congratulate you and I feel your elation in the trust the coaches have given us to represent Australia as the 2013 Auroras Senior B World Championship Dragon Boat Squad.

I thank those from the 2011 Auroras Squad (*) who have come back to give it another go. Your experience will be invaluable as we all learnt so much about ourselves, the importance of teamwork and what it is to compete on the world stage against the best the world has to offer.

The competition is intense and goals are achieved through your commitment to the training programme; trust in yourself, your team mates, managers and coaches.

Having done a few campaigns now, my advice is to savior every moment of the campaign. There can be feelings of elation, disappointment and every emotion in between. That is the nature of paddling at this level and I have learnt it is how we handle and respond to these emotions, that will mould who we are and who we will become. You have to an awareness of yourself and those around you - to be emotionally strong not only for yourself, but more importantly for the team, since our sport is the true essence of team work.

There are few words that stick in my mind from all my experiences in paddling and life. They are Trust, Belief and Risk.

Trust - Trust yourselves, your team mates, your managers and coaches. Remember the first time you stood in dragon boat in the standup paddle drill at the selection camp. Serge and Blair would not have asked us to do this if they thought we could not do it. They trusted us, as we trusted them. I saw no hesitation from either side. This is the kind of trust we need to find, particularly when we are uncertain. We just need to go with it and it will happen.

Belief (*) - You have to believe in yourself, and your supporters in paddling and in life. Most importantly you have to believe in the campaign, the process, your team mates, managers and coaches. I find this quote (*) gives me perspective, understanding and strength:

If you believe, you are stronger and the light will shine on you.

Risk - by getting to this point, we have all proved we are not averse to taking a risk or two. At this level, the stakes and emotions are heightened. There are risks all round as we step into the unknown to compete against the best in the world. We have control of many things and this is our focus, but there are others things which we don't, for as you see, I have learnt there is an underlying randomness to it all. This is where adaptability comes in, as we respond in a measured and considered way to the random events that are tossed our way and that which we may confront. Take nothing for granted, success is not attained easily. Often, time and persistence is required.

Finally, be prepared to let go of everything you know and to start from zero (*). It would take me a long time to learn this one and it only came to me in Busan (*) at the 2012 Asian Dragon Boat Championships in Sep 2012. Ask Paul Langley as we learnt this together in the Mixed 10's (*). I became the paddler and person I always wanted to be on that hot sunny day in Busan.

We have an amazing blend of enthusiasm, hardened experience and raw newness at this level. Focus on what you can control, trust and believe and the rest will look after itself. I feel privileged to share this experience with you and look forward to what lays ahead.

2013 Auroras Grand Masters Selection Squad Camp - Lotus Bay / Canberra (Fri 21 Dec - Sat 23 Dec 2012)

Jenny - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Jenny - Two years ago, just now!! - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)
Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist
directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
and don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time
of your life

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time

Time of your Life by Green Day


The last photo I took of Jenny before her heart failed, about an hour later, while she was having her lunch. I have written briefly about it here:

• Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory (youtube)
  

There seemed to be so much hope as I took this photo.

For me, it was the hope that we could take her home (she had negotiated it to be Wed, so Jo and I could go to our Aus Dragon Boat training session that Tue night) and care for her until she quietly left us, like Jenny and Jo had done with Margaret, their mother, 10 years earlier.

It was not meant to be and it is amazing how quickly things can change and how you need to accept, adapt and let go to the circumstances which we are confronted with as we move through life.

It is in these moments that I came to fully understand the following words from Paulo Coehlo's novel, The Fifth Mountain (which I would read 6 months later):

Fear reaches only to the point where the unavoidable begins; from there on, it loses its meaning. And all we have left is the hope that we are making the right decision.

A story for another day.

For now, I remember Jenny and the final week of her life, that she spent in Intensive Care Unit of St George Private Hospital, before she left us on Tue 30 Jun 2009.

Postscript

Amazingly, about an hour after posting the above (maybe about the time Jenny's heart failed two years earlier), a post titled Regrets came through from Paulo Coelho. It is based on this post:

• Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

It touchs on the time I had hoped for at home with Jenny and things we might have been able to talk about.

In the end, she left us very suddenly (and with much trauma - unlike her Mothers passing which was very peaceful and serene, if you can understand that) and we were not able to say goodbye.

I carry some of the regrets Bronnie mentions, but in the end I would like to think we lived a good life that allowed us to make the most of the time we had together.

The Cancer made us better people and we did live life to full - Do what you can, when you can. I would say. For Jenny, it was Don't Wonder 'What If?'. Every time we parted, I would say I love you and often many times in between.

One thing I know for sure, it is that through Jenny's life and passing, I have become a better person - I feel guilty about this in many ways, but at the same time I draw some comfort.

Time of Your Life - an amazing accoustic version - Green Day (youtube)

knowing how powerful it is not to know - Bono / Brooklyn (22 Nov 2004)

Thomas, Grant, Betty, Lynn and Grace - Manahattan bound - I don't know who was more excited - Grace or me (and I was not even going along) - Departure Gate / Sydney International Airport (Sun 19 Dec 2010)
Recently posted a video clip of a U2 Performance of the City of Blinding Light at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge in Empire - Fulton Ferry State Park.

In the preamble to the performance, Bono becomes quite nostalgic.

In my previous post back on Sat 16 Apr 2011, I included a snippet of his little talk which I have thought about a lot recently.

This is what Bono said in full:

Look at this. That is wild. What a sight. Wow look at that. [Bono pointing to the Brooklyn Bridge]

Sometimes you forget why it was that you wanted to be in a band. So going into this we reminded ourselves of why we wanted to be in a band.

We listened to the albums that excited us when we wanted to be in a band [..] the music and what it felt like to arrive here in the United States. To come over the [Brooklyn] Bridge into Manhattan. Snow was on the ground. It was:

"an amazing magical time in our lives when we did not know how powerful it was not to know".

This is a song about innocence, naivety and it is called "City of Blinding Lights".

The chorus is set in New York City looking at Brooklyn.

I feel that these words are quite profound and the feelings he is trying to describe are universal and generic. They can be applied to not only rock and roll superstars, but mere mortals like myself who progress through life little steps at a time.

I have always recognised the importance of acknowledging your past and to reflect on your past (though it might be painful at times) - it is something I have spent a bit of time on lately. It will help you understand who you have been, who you are now and where you are heading.

Here is the video again ..

City of Blinding Lights / U2 - Empire - Fulton Ferry State Park / Brooklyn Bridge / Brooklyn Bridge / New York (22 Nov 2004 - youtube)
Bono's words make me think of some similar words that have captured my imagination, these words coming from Ken Burns (e) a little bit earlier in that year of 2004 at his 2004 Yale Commencement Speech:

As you pursue your goals in life, that is to say your future, pursue your past. Let it be your guide. Insist on having a past and then you will have a future. [..]

Insist on heroes. And be one. [..]

Travel. Do not get stuck in one place. [..]
Whatever you do, walk over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Ken Burns - 2004 Commencement Yale Class Day Speech (as pdf)

I drift back a little back into my past - 1990. Jenny and I had been going out for about six months and she encouraged and inspired me to achieve one of my Dream's - to run the New York City Marathon ..

Geoff - New York City Marathon - Nov 1990 - Brooklyn (picasa)
I look into my eyes above and I see an innocence, naivety, wonder and hope that Bono talks about above through his own experiences as musician. It all seemed to be in front of us back then and it was.

Jenny and I (and of course Joanne) had an amazing life together and though Jenny is not a part of our physical lives anymore, I would like to think that Jo and I have continued to live an amazing, wonderful and fulfilling life in Jenny's absence. It is my hope that I still have a touch of the same innocence and naivety, that I can see above, as I move forward in my life.

Street Band - 1990 New York City Marathon - Sun 04 Nov 1990
This post is dedicated to my niece Grace and nephew Thomas. To travel and spend time in Manhattan as you did for Christmas 2010 will be a formative experience for you. Use the experience to help guide you as you progress through your life.

Now that's a Snowball - Grace and Thomas (my niece and nephew) - Central Park / Manhattan (Mon 27 Dec 2010)

Cronulla Legacy Meeting (Mon 16 Mar 2009)

I recently found a copy of the following speech that Jenny had drafted just after being told she had multiple tumors across her liver. Shortly after sending it to me, Jenny was told that the Meeting had been postponed and the speech would be rescheduled to a later date. Sadly, Jenny did not have the opportunity to present the speech as she passed away on the Tue 30 Jun 2009. She was looking forward to giving the speech, as Jenny and Joanne's Mother, Margaret, had been a member of the neighbouring Miranda Legacy Group.

After finding the email with the Speech, I read the speech again and I was pleased to reread the sections on the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) towards the end of the speech (here). Jo and I have been working with the NBCF over the last few months to help with their XMAS Fund Raising Campaign (here) which will help fund the work of Professor Matt Trau's Research Team's work into the early detection of the spread of secondary cancer.

It is nice to be reminded that Jenny was aware of his team's work and we know she would have fully supported being involved in the fund raising campaign (Jenny's Story). I have annotated the speech with photos from Jenny's Power Point Presentation.

Geoff - 23 Nov 2010

Cronulla Legacy Meeting
Monday 16th March, 2009
Jenny Petterson


"Cancer is something that people do not expect to happen to them and no matter who is diagnosed, and at whatever time in their life, it is a shock"
Jenny Petterson - Rainbow / Byron Bay - Oct 2007 (picasa)
Thank you everyone for having me. The National Breast Cancer Foundation has raised an enormous amount of funds for use into breast cancer research and I will detail the three biggest projects later in my speech.

Cancer is something that people do not expect to happen to them and no matter who is diagnosed, and at whatever time in their life, it is a shock which has huge ramifications for not only the person involved but also their family and friends. It takes a lot of adjustment to get used to.

Family Photo #1 - Camilla Gardens / Caringbah - Jan 1991 (picasa)
Family Photo #2 - Japenese Restaurant / Neutral Bay - Apr 2003 (picasa)
Family Photo #3 - Thomas' Birthday - Bronte - Jun 2003 (picasa)
We have been involved with Dragons Abreast Australia for about 8 years now. I will talk about how I came to be involved with Dragons Abreast later but firstly I will begin with my personal story with breast cancer.

Jo and Jenny - Dragons Abreast Sydney - Blackwattle Bay / Sydney - 2004 (picasa)
Dragons Abreast Sydney - Blackwattle Bay / Glebe - May 2004 (picasa)
Dragons Abreast Sydney - Darling Harbour / Sydney - Feb 2006 (picasa)
My first association with breast cancer was when I was seventeen years old and studying for my HSC. My Aunty who had just turned fifty at the time she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Back then I had no understanding of the terms primary cancer or secondary cancer and the significance of the difference between these terms. Sadly my aunty passed away three years after her initial diagnosis.

"My Aunty who had just turned fifty at the time she was diagnosed with breast cancer."
Aunty Elsie, Jenny, Joanne - Cronulla (picasa)
Seventeen years after my aunty’s diagnosis, I was told at age thirty four that I too had breast cancer. This was a complete bolt out of the blue as I had always been extremely healthy and played a lot of sport.

Jenny and Joanne - 100m Hurdles - Sylvania Waters - 197? (picasa)
Little Athletics - Pagewood (picasa)
Little Athletics - Pagewood (picasa)
I initially had a lumpectomy but the pathology indicated that all the cancer had not been removed, so the following week I underwent a mastectomy and removal of all lymph nodes under my arm. I had a reconstruction at the same time. My prognosis was excellent. There was no lymph node involvement and I needed no further treatment. I went back to work and my life just carried on normally.

Jenny - Post Surgery - Hurstville Community Hospital - Apr 1997 (picasa)
Margaret and Jenny - Post Surgery - Hurstville Community Hospital - Apr 1997 (picasa)
That was until nine months after my initial diagnosis when my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her situation was extremely serious requiring chemotherapy to reduce the size of the tumour before surgery. The next sixteen months were a real roller coaster ride for my mother with chemotherapy followed by more surgery and then more chemotherapy.

Jenny, Margaret and Joanne - 1998 (picasa)
Joanne, Margaret and Jenny - Port Macquarie - May 1998 (picasa)
It was during this time that my mother, my twin sister Jo and I took up meditation as a way of helping ourselves in addition to what the medical community were offering us. The three of us all had very positive attitudes but the meditation also seemed to give us peace of mind. Our father had passed away six years earlier. Our meditation teacher was amazing and helped us through many difficult periods that followed. We had the opportunity to meditate in the centre of Australia at Uluru which was a very empowering experience.

Margaret, Jenny, Ian Gawler and Joanne - Ian Gawler Foundation / Victoria - Jan 1999 (picasa)
Jenny, Joanne, Margaret and Norm - Parliament House / Canberra - 1988 (picasa)
Joanne, Barbara and Jenny - Uluru - Dec 1999 (picasa)
Due to our strong family history of hormone related cancers we were referred to the Prince of Wales Hereditary Clinic for genetic testing. I also have an uncle with prostate cancer and a cousin with breast cancer. While initially there was no conclusive evidence of the common breast cancer gene some variances are currently being investigated and Jo undergoes regular checkups every six months as we are identical twins.

Joanne and Jenny - Pompidou Centre / Paris - 26 Aug 2005 (picasa)
Jenny and Joanne - Darling Harbour / Sydney - Feb 2004 (picasa)
Family Photo - Kirrawee / Sydney - Aug 2006 (picasa)
During that same period I received the news that I had a local recurrence within the scar tissue. This was removed and I then began a six week course of radiotherapy and six month course of chemotherapy. My mother and I were undergoing chemotherapy at the same time.

Jenny, Margaret and Joanne - Port Macquarie - May 1998 (picasa)
Jenny, Margaret and Joanne - Miranda - 1998 (picasa)
Unfortunately as is so often the case with ovarian cancer, it is very advanced before it is diagnosed. My mother had a real battle on her hands but she put up a very strong, courageous fight. Jo and I had the honour of caring for her at home for eight weeks until sadly she was succumbed by the disease.

Margaret - Miranda - 1998 (picasa)
Four months after my chemotherapy was finished I was diagnosed with secondary cancer in my lungs. There were at least ten tumours across both my lungs and it was inoperable. The situation was extremely serious. My oncologist advised me to give up my job and do something that I really enjoyed. I didn’t go back to work but rather concentrated on getting better. That was nine years ago.

Jenny, Jodie, and Joanne - Darling Harbour / Sydney - Feb 2007 (picasa)
(picasa)
Dragons Abreast Sydney - Woronora - Dec 2004 (picasa)
Three months after my lung tumours were diagnosed I got engaged. Geoff and I were married ten weeks later. It looked like I may have needed more chemotherapy and I didn’t want to get married with no hair so we fast tracked the arrangements. As it turned out I didn’t have any chemotherapy at that stage. I started on hormone therapy which involved a daily tablet and monthly injections at the hospital.

Joanne, Tim, Geoff, Jenny, David and Jenny (picasa)
Sylvania Heights - 30 Mar 2000 (picasa)
Jenny and Geoff - Sylvania Heights - 30 Mar 2000 (picasa)
It was at one of those monthly visits to the hospital that I noticed an advertisement for Dragons Abreast Australia. This was a group of breast cancer survivors and supporters who paddled a dragon boat for fun, fitness and to raise awareness of breast cancer. It sounded like the perfect sport for Jo and I. We joined our local club Port Hacking, because at that time there was not a branch of Dragons Abreast in Sydney. It was fantastic. To get out on the water in the early morning when it is so still and quiet and to paddle was exhilarating.
Dragons Abreast Sydney - Darling Harbour / Sydney - Feb 2006 (picasa)
Dragons Abreast Sydney - Woronora - Dec 2004 (picasa)
From this time on our lives changed. We would go to regattas and paddle with the Dragons Abreast ladies from all over Australia. It wasn’t about competition but rather about having fun and making new friends with other ladies who had walked a similar path and really understood what you had been through.

Dragons Abreast Australia - Darling Harbour / Sydney - 2006 (picasa)
CT scans showed that the tumours in my lungs had reduced to one solitary tumour. Then, at the beginning of 2003 one of my regular CT scans showed that this tumour was increasing in size and there were another two tumours. The advice was to wait for three months and see what happened as they were slow growing. The next CT scan was to reveal something totally unexpected – a large tumour in my abdomen as well as a growth in the size of the lung tumours. I commenced a course of chemotherapy under a clinical trial.

Chemo - Joanne and Jenny - St George Cancer Center - Jul 2003 (picasa)
Jenny - Blackwattle Bay / Glebe - Jun 2003 (picasa)
Jenny - St George - Jul 2003 (picasa)
Jenny - St George Hospital - Aug 2003 (picasa)
As I was a survivor I was eligible to paddle in the Dragons Abreast Challenge at the coming World Championships in Shanghai in 2003. We started to think how could Jo get to compete at this event. Firstly, we thought she could learn to sweep. However, while we were coming into the off-season here, there would be no regattas where she could gain the appropriate experience to sweep overseas. Then, we were lucky enough to hear how NSW were trying to set up a selective team to compete at the Nationals in Adelaide. It was a long shot but we thought that it was worth a try. There was a chance that if Jo qualified in the NSW team and they were successful at the Nationals, then they would become the team to represent Australia and that way we would both get to paddle in Shanghai.

Joanne after practicising Single Dragon Boat Water Trial ('That's Gizzie in Seat 1') - Port Hacking / Sydney - Jul 2003 (picasa)
Well Jo made it into the first selective NSW team. They won at the Nationals and training began for the Shanghai campaign. But things didn’t work out as planned. China was faced with the SARS crisis. The World Championships were cancelled in Shanghai and moved to Poznan in Poland. The Australian team were well into their training and decided to compete in Poland. The Dragons Abreast team decided not to go to Poland and in the meantime I had been quite sick and was unable to travel.

2003 Australian Dragon Boat Team - Poznan Bound - Sydney International Airport (Aug 2003) (picasa)

In the lead up to Poland I would go out to Penrith every month and video the team. The footage was used by the coaches to analyse the paddling technique of the team. Just seeing all these fit people inspired me to get over my chemotherapy and get back in the dragon boat.

Jenny with the Video Camera - Sydney International Airport - Australian Team Departure - Aug 2003 (picasa)
The next year in 2004, I decided I would train really hard and try out for a spot on the NSW team. I felt I had nothing to lose and didn’t want to have any regrets and think down the track “I wonder whether I would have made it or not?” Well I made it into the NSW team and competed at the National Championships. Following a win there Jo and I represented Australia at the World Championships in Shanghai. We had finally made our dream of competing in Shanghai. This time we were both competing for Australia. Jo won a bronze medal in the Australian Premier Mixed Team.

Australian Masters Women's Dragon Boat Team - Shanghai - Oct 2004 (picasa)
Australian Masters Women's Dragon Boat Team - Shanghai - Oct 2004 (picasa)
Australian Premier Mixed Dragon Boat Team - Shanghai - Oct 2004 (picasa)
Joanne - Australian Premier Mixed Dragon Boat Team - Shanghai - Oct 2004 (picasa)
Australian Premier Mixed Dragon Boat Team - Shanghai - Oct 2004 (picasa)
Joanne - Australian Premier Mixed Dragon Boat Team - Shanghai - Oct 2004 (picasa)
The following year Geoff, Jo and I competed at the World Championships in Berlin. Jo and I competed together in the Australian Premier Women’s Team and Jo was also the coach for the NSW and Australian Masters Women’s Team.

Australian Masters Mixed Dragon Boat 500m Team - 2005 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Berlin - Fri 05 Aug 2005
I am monitored on a regular basis and the CT scan I had at the beginning of 2006 showed that the remaining tumour in my lung had grown and there was another tumour there. I underwent some more chemotherapy and a four week course of radiotherapy on my lung.

I kept up my training with both of my oncologist’s encouragement and was part of the NSW team in 2006. Jo and I were joint coaches for the NSW Masters Women Team and we competed at the National Championships in Nagambie, which is a small town in country Victoria. NSW went very well and won the right to represent Australia at the Asian Dragon Boat Championships in Macau in September of that year.

Jenny and Joanne - NSW Masters Women's Coaches - Nagambie / Victoria - Apr 2006 (picasa)
I had the honour of carrying the Australian flag at the opening ceremony.

Jenny - Australian Dragon Boat Team - Opening Ceremony - Asian Dragon Boat Championships - Macau / China - Sep 2006 (picasa)
Jenny - Australian Dragon Boat Team - Opening Ceremony - Asian Dragon Boat Championships - Macau / China - Sep 2006 (picasa)
The Australian team went really well and finished third overall behind China and Macau. The women’s team of which I was a member of won a bronze medal in the 500m. It was such an emotional time when we all came off the boat after the race and it was confirmed that we had come third. The day before we had been beaten by a fraction of a second by Chinese Tapei into fourth place and we all wanted to win a medal so much. It was such an amazing experience standing on the podium wearing the green and gold Australian tracksuit watching the Australian flag being hoisted up the flagpole next to the Chinese and Macau flags.

Bronze Medalists - Australian Women's Dragon Boat Team - Macau - Sep 2006 (picasa)
Bronze Medalists - Australian Women's Dragon Boat Team - Macau - Sep 2006 (picasa)
Sylvia and Jenny - Macau - Sep 2006 (picasa)
Less than two months before we were due to head off to Macau my implant had ruptured. I was very fortunate to have it replaced quickly to allow me to get over the surgery and back to training before we left for Macau.

Joanne, Jenny and Geoff - St George Private Hospital - Aug 2006 (picasa)
On our return from Macau a routine CT scan showed that I had an accumulation of fluid around my lung. I had it drained so I was able to take part in the Hawkesbury Canoe Classic. This is an 111 kilometre race from Windsor to Brooklyn along the Hawkesbury River. All types of craft including kayaks, canoes, outrigger canoes and surf skis take part in the race. It was a fantastic experience. I was a member of a six person team who paddled an outrigger canoe. Geoff and Jo were also in the team. We set off at 6pm and paddled through the night arriving 13 hours later. It was such a great experience under a sky filled with thousands of stars.

Joanne, Jenny and Geoff - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Pacific Dragons Crews and Supporters - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Jenny and Joanne - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Sunrise - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Hawkesbury River - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Sunrise - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Hawkesbury River - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Team Happy - Geoff, Jenny, Mandy, Jo, Nicci and Paul - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Brooklyn - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
The fluid again filled up in my lung cavity so I had it drained before the time trials for the NSW team selection for the 2007 team to give me a better chance. I made it into the team along with Geoff and Jo.

The fluid began building up again so it was time to fix the problem permanently. In February I underwent an operation where my lung was glued to the lung cavity.

Jenny - Lung Operaton - St George Private Hospital - Feb 2007 (picasa)
Over Easter the National Dragon Boat Championships were held at Penrith. NSW earnt the right to represent Australia at the World Championships in a number of categories including the ones that Geoff, Jo and I were involved with. Competition was really close. For the first time ever the World Championships were held in Sydney.

NSW Masters Women's Team - Penrith / Sydney - Apr 2007 (picasa)NSW Masters Women's Team - Penrith / Sydney - Apr 2007 (picasa)
NSW Masters Women's Team - Penrith / Sydney - Apr 2007 (picasa)
Then in April after we had the place to compete in Sydney a CT scan revealed I had a tumour in my liver. They were retrialling for the Sydney team on the Sunday and what I was really concerned about was would I be okay to trial. I was okay and I did the best trial I have ever done and confirmed my position in the team.

I underwent a liver resection where they removed 20 percent of my liver. Three weeks later I needed to have my gall bladder removed because it had died as a result of the liver surgery. I was so lucky that my spot in the team was held open for me. My doctors were so helpful in getting me the treatment quickly and getting me back in the boat as soon as they could. I started another course of chemotherapy and had one cycle before the World Championships and the rest after.

"I underwent a liver resection where they removed 20 percent of my liver."
Jenny - Liver Resection - St George Private Hospital - Jun 2007 (picasa)
Jenny - Liver Resection - St George Private Hospital - Jun 2007 (picasa)
It was the most successful World Championships Australia has ever competed at. Jo and I won a silver and a bronze medal in the Masters Womens and Geoff won three silver medals in the Masters Men. Jo and Geoff also won bronze medals in the Masters Mixed.

Joanne and Jenny - World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith - Sep 2007 (picasa)Joanne, Geoff and Joanne - World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith - Sep 2007 (picasa)
Australian Masters Dragon Boat Tema - World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith - Sep 2007 (picasa)
The weekend after the World Championships was Dragons Abreast Australia regatta on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. This was fantastic with over 1,600 breast cancer survivors from all over Australia, Canada, USA, New Zealand and Italy competing.

On returning from Queensland, bone scans then revealed the cancer had spread to my bones. At the beginning of 2008 I had two weeks of radiotherapy on my sacrum, head and lower right leg. I got over this quickly and got back in the boat for the Chinese New Year regatta.

International Dragons Abreast Festival - Kawana / Queensland (picasa)
Geoff, Jenny, Don McKenzie and Joanne - International Dragons Abreast Festival - Kawana / Queensland (picasa)
Joanne, Michelle and Jenny - International Dragons Abreast Festival - Kawana / Queensland (picasa)
We were then starting to train for the World Club Crew Championships in Penang this year. The World Club Crew Championships is different to the World Championships in that it is the best clubs that compete, in your club uniform, rather than a selective crew competing as the Australian team. My whole upper body just swelled up overnight. I didn’t know what was wrong and didn’t associate it with the cancer. As it turned out a lymph node in my chest was pushing on the main vessel to the heart and it had caused a clot to form. Lucky for me it didn’t completely block it off as this is where all the blood drains from the top half of the body. Another course of chemotherapy followed. The drugs caused my resting heart rate to be raised so I couldn’t train while having the chemotherapy. As soon as I was finished with the chemotherapy and had the relevant heart tests I was back in the boat to try and build up for Penang. This was a great regatta and we managed to place 4th which was very exciting. There were about thirty of the best club crews from around the world in each category.

Jenny and Joanne - Penang - Club Crew World Championships - Aug 2008 (picasa)
Pacific Dragons - Penang - Club Crew World Championships - Aug 2008 (picasa)
A scan showed that the tumour in my lung has started to grow so I had some more radiotherapy and bracchi therapy. This is where a wire is connected from your nose into your lung and radiotherapy is injected.

Last week a scan showed that the cancer has spread right through my liver. I start a new treatment on Thursday which involves chemotherapy and a new drug which stops blood systems being setup for new tumours.


We have been training hard for the Nationals this year. Last week it was confirmed the night I received the liver news, that I had made it into the A team. My doctor’s advice was that I could keep training while undergoing treatment.

Jenny and Joanne - NSW Outrigger Sprint Titles - Penrith (picasa)
Pacific Dragons - Outrigging Canoe Race Ettalong - Jan 2007 (picasa)
We train three sessions a week in a dragon boat, two sessions in an outrigger canoe, do three weight sessions at the gym and at least three cardio sessions. The great thing is that Geoff, Jo and I get to train together.

"The great thing is that Geoff, Jo and I get to train together."
Jenny, Geoff and Jo - Macau / China - Sep 2006 (picasa)
Pacific Dragons - Australian National Dragon Boat Championships - Apr 2007 (picasa)
A number of things have helped me through my cancer journey.

• I have a fantastic team of doctors and medical professionals that do so much to help me. When something is worrying me I know they really listen and do something to help me immediately,

• I look forward to any treatment offered to me as another step towards conquering this disease. Whenever I go for chemotherapy I never think "I wish this chemo course was over", I think "Great, here is another opportunity to get rid of the cancer".

• Over the past few years I have had a number of hospital stays. I look at these as time that my body needs to have a rest. I find them very relaxing and as Geoff’s says when I am packing my bag to go to hospital That’s right, you’re off on holidays".

• I have always said to all of my doctors "Don’t give me a prognosis". I believe the mind is very powerful and I don’t want it locking onto any sort of timeframe. My mother was of the same opinion and she didn’t want her doctors to put any time constraints on her life. I am not silly, I know my situation is serious as through my associations with cancer support groups I have seen others with a similar diagnosis to me not be so lucky. But everyone’s journey is different. Each time I see a new doctor I say up front Don’t give me a time.

Greg, Joanne, Jenny and Jodie - Darling Harbour - Feb 2005 (picasa)
Paul, Jenny and Joanne - St George Private Hospital - Jul 2004 (picasa)
Joanne, Dr Horton and Jenny - St George Private Hospital - Jan 2007 (picasa)

• I am a member of the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group. It is made up of the most amazing bunch of people. The members have all been involved in either their own or a family member’s cancer journey so they understand where each other is coming from. There are lots of laughs in the group as well as sad times but everyone is always there for everyone else.

Geoff, Jenny and Doug - Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Daffodil Day - Sylvania - Aug 2000 (picasa)
Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Daffodil Day - Sylvania - Aug 2000 (picasa)
Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Daffodil Day - Sylvania - Aug 2000 (picasa)

• And finally, last but not least, is Dragons Abreast Australia. This organization has given me so much to live for. As you have heard, it inspires me on, whenever there is a bump in the road.

Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Sutherland Relay for Life - May 2003 (picasa)
Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Sutherland Relay for Life - May 2003 (picasa)
Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Sutherland Relay for Life - May 2003 (picasa)
Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group - Sutherland Relay for Life - May 2003 (picasa)
I became involved with the National Breast Cancer Foundation through Dragons Abreast Australia. They were setting up a Speakers Bureau and were looking for breast cancer survivors who may be interested in helping them out. I am not a person who would normally volunteer to do public speaking but I felt the work of the National Breast Cancer Foundation was so important that I would like to help out. The Speakers Bureau puts a human face on breast cancer and the research funded by the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

NBCF Pink Ribbon Magazine Launch - Darling Harbour - Oct 2004 (picasa)
The National Breast Cancer Foundation is a not-for-profit, community funded organization responsible for funding research into all aspects of breast cancer research. Research is from the laboratory, to the bedside, and beyond.

The National Breast Cancer Foundation was founded in 1994. Since this time there has been a rise in the survival rate despite the fact that more people are diagnosed. This is because treatment has improved through research. Detection has increased, public awareness has increased and research has increased. Long term investments have made improvements but there is still a big improvement to be made, and that is to find the cause and cure for breast cancer.

Joanne, Marie Bashir and Jenny - Sydney Breast Cancer Foundation - Pink Ribbon Lunch - 12 Oct 2004 (picasa)
The National Breast Cancer Foundation has recently announced three five million dollar projects. It is the first time in Australia that this level of funding has been committed to breast cancer research. For someone currently fighting breast cancer this was very exciting and inspiring.

The latest project is a collaboration between the Federal Government and the National Breast Cancer Foundation. They have each contributed 2.5 million dollars. It is a project with BreastScreen initially in Victoria, but then all over Australia where people 50 – 69 years will be asked questions on lifestyle, exercise levels and diet. The National Breast Cancer Foundation will start a similar survey with people of all ages. This will create a huge database and is the first situation around the world where researchers will have information before the breast cancer has been has been developed. Anyone down the track, who finds they have breast cancer will be asked to give tissue samples.

Geoff, Angela and Jenny - Sydney Breast Cancer Foundation - Pink Ribbon Lunch - 12 Oct 2004 (picasa)
The other two new long term projects involve almost 40 researcher from a range of sciences. They are collaborative projects and the experts say that large scale collaborative projects will greatly reduce the time to find the answers for breast cancer.

One of these projects involves creating a new detection technology that may be as easy as a blood test. Using nanotechnology and molecular genetics, this technology would have a major impact on early detection, and treatment of advanced breast cancer patients. Researchers from NSW and Queensland will be working on this project.

One of these projects involves creating a new detection technology that may be as easy as a blood test.
Professor Matt Trau - Brisbane / Uni of Qld (picasa)
The other project involves studying the body’s nuclear receptors to discover and fast-track information to help with prevention, new treatments and boosting existing treatments.

Jenny, Petria Thomas and Joanne - 2004 NSW Sports Awards - Feb 2005 (picasa)
Geoff, Jenny, John Eales and Joanne - Sydney - Sep 2006 (picasa)

Joanne, Jenny, Michelle and Caroline - Australian Story 10th Anniversary - ABC Studios / Ultimo / Sydney (picasa)

Jenny and Joanne - Australia's Biggest Loser - Dec 2007 (picasa)
Patricia, Janice, Bert, Jenny and Joanne - Family Fued - Aug 2006 (picasa)
[Geoff: Jenny would normally finish her speech with the following bolded dot points. I have added this section because I would have suggested that to her when finalising the speech (this was only the first draft). To me it was always the best bit of her speeches as it showed us how she chose to live her life. ]

In finishing if I can offer some suggestions which have helped me through the past twelve years:

• keep a positive attitude,



• live each day one at a time but do set goals for yourself,



• surround yourself with positive, supportive people,



• take time for yourself, and



• do something with your life that you really enjoy.

I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.


Jenny, Geoff and Joanne - St George Private Hospital - 19 Aug 2006 (picasa)
Thank you .. Jenny

Jenny - Coffs Harbour - 25 Dec 2005 (picasa)

Jenny's Speech as pdf.

Jenny's Overhead Powerpoint Presentation as pdf.