Songwriter and keyboardist Scott Jason told Songfacts that "Angels on the Moon" was also inspired by the U2 song "Where The Streets Have No Name".[2] The line, "Don't tell me if I'm dying, `cause I don't want to know" is a way of saying that life should be lived to the fullest, because a person's time on earth is unknown and if tomorrow never comes, there will be no regrets.
CelebsGoneGood: "Angels on the Moon" was inspired by the tragic events of September 11. Does it still get a strong reaction today?
Clayton Stroope: It's one of the first songs we wrote and recorded together. Although it can be monotonous to sing the same songs night after night, the reaction from the crowd gives it new energy. Because of the lyrics, the song takes on a different meaning for each individual person. Last night, a fan drove 4 hours to see our show. Her mother suffered from breast cancer and the song has a special meaning for her.
Angels on the Moon - Lyrics
Do you dream that the world will know your name, So tell me your name (tell me your name) And do you care, about all the little things, Or anything at all (or anything at all),
I wanna feel all the chemicals inside, I wanna feel (I wanna feel), I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive, To know I'm alive (to know if I'm alive),
Don't tell me if I'm dying, Cause I don't wanna know, If I can't see the sun, Maybe I should go, Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, Of angels on the moon, Where everyone you know, Never leaves too soon
Don't tell me if I'm dying, Cause I don't wanna know, If I can't see the sun, Maybe I should go, Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, Of angels on the moon, Where everyone you know, Never leaves too soon,
This is to one last day in the shadows, And to know a brothers love, This is to New York City angels, And the rivers of our blood, This is to all of us, To all of us,
So don't tell me if I'm dying, Cause I don't wanna know, If I can't see the sun, Maybe I should go, Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, Of angels on the moon, Where everyone you know, Never leaves too soon,
Yeah you can tell me, All your thoughts about the stars, That fill polluted skies, And show me where you run to, When no one's left to take your side But don't tell me where the road ends, Cause I just don't wanna know, No, I don't wanna know,
Don't tell me if I'm dying, Don't tell me if I'm dying.
01. Cosmic Girl – Jamiroquai 02. I Gotta Feeling – TransNoise 03. My Life Would Suck Without You (Bass Force Remix) – Kelly Clarkson 04. Home – Paul van Dyk feat. Johnny McDaid 05. The Pretender – InTheWind 06. Sincere For You feat. Kirsty Hawkshaw (Radio Mix) – Lange 07. Evacuate The Dancefloor (DJ KTW Remix) - Studio88 08. Don’t Know What To Do – Dane Rumble 09. No Air duet with Chris Brown – Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown
I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas - Venaccio remix
I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
Tonight's the night, let's live it up I got my money, let's spend it up Go out and smash it like oh my God Jump off that sofa, let's get, get off
I know that we'll have a ball If we get down and go out and just lose it all I feel stressed out, I wanna let it go Let's go way out spaced out and losing all control
Fill up my cup, mazel tov Look at her dancing, just take it off Let's paint the town, we'll shut it down Let's burn the roof, and then we'll do it again
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it And do it and do it, let's live it up And do it and do it and do it, do it, do it Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it
'Cause I gotta feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
A feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
Tonight's the night (Hey!) Let's live it up (Let's live it up) I got my money (My pay) Let's spend it up (Let's spend it up)
Go out and smash it (Smash it) Like oh my God (Like oh my God) Jump off that sofa (Come on!) Let's get, get off
Fill up my cup (Drink) Mazel tov (Le heim) Look at her dancing (Move it, move it) Just take it off
Let's paint the town (Paint the town) We'll shut it down (Let's shut it down) Let's burn the roof And then we'll do it again
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it And do it and do it, let's live it up And do it and do it and do it, do it, do it Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, do it, do it, do it
Here we come, here we go, we gotta rock (Rock rock rock rock rock) Easy come, easy go, now we on top (Top top top top top) Feel the shot, body rock, rock it, don't stop (Stop stop stop stop stop) Round and round, up and down, around the clock (Rock rock rock rock rock)
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (Do it!) Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday (Do it!) Get, get, get, get, get with us, you know what we say, say Party every day, p-p-p-party every day
And I'm feelin', woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
I gotta feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night Woohoo
Yes, I remember now. I saw Hunters & Collectors play this song at a Concert in Boston in October 1988. They were the support act for Midnight Oil. I had forgotten about this when I put together yesterdays post (The Forgotten Years). I kept thinking last night, that I had seen Midnight Oil somewhere else. This song made me remember, as I distinctly remember it being performed at the Concert in Boston. Funny how you can remember some things in the end.
Mark Seymour, the bands lead singer, is also a bit of a runner and he ran the same Melbourne Marathon I ran in 1994. He played some songs to a crowd at the finish line after his run. I remember being very impressed with him and his fitness, as I hobbled back to the Hotel Crossley for an afternoon nap.
Found a live version here and the Lyrics follow ..
Do you see what I see Lyrics
I spy your humble home I see the tea towels fly In a blinding flash I see the years go by Memories twisted around Somebody's finger Behind me now Oh but I still remember
Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see?
We go north to the ocean We drove so far But last years light is shining hotter than the sun Looking for someone In a suburb that I know But I wasn't round for long I had somewhere else to go
Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see?
I see the safest place around In that city down below My hands are empty now And I waving as I go
You were gone for a little while It was a fine fine line Between first and second thoughts We left them all behind Now we barely faulter Now the long drive has begun North to the ocean Hotter, hotter than the sun
Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see?
I found the following piece while poking around Paulo Coelho's myspace page (he is on every social media site :-). Anyway, I like this and thought I would put it here to share as well as remember. What I have learned. There is much wisdom here:
I have learned (by author unknown) ..
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back;
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts;
I've learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something;
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may b the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for all we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it's place.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
Detail - Loch Ness Locks / Fort Augustus / Scotland (Sat 04 Sep 2005) I did not find the Loch Ness Monster, but I did find this amazing piece of rusted iron.
I have a been a little stuck on this post. Whenever this happens I look to the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) by Paulo Coelho (*) and found this ..
A warrior knows that the ends do not justify the means.
Because there are no ends, there are only means. Life carries him from unknown to unknown. Each moment is filled with this thrilling mystery: the warrior does not know where he came from or where is going.
But he is not here by chance. And he is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before. He often feels afraid, but that is normal in a warrior.
If he thinks only of the goal, he will not be able to pay attention to the signs along the way. If he concentrates only on one question, he will miss various answers that are there beside him. That is why the warrior submits.
This is my 1000th post. A milestone of sorts and something I would not have thought possible when I made my first post (*) here on Thu 26 Feb 2009.
I think the above passage from the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) provides a useful metaphor for this blog and the 1000 posts that it now comprises.
It is a reflection of my life and who I am. I am never quite sure where it is going - I just try to make connections between what I read, what I see, what I photograph and what I feel.
A lot has happened and changed in the last three and half years since that first post. I have learnt a lot about myself and others. I have made plenty of mistakes, yet I think I have done a few things right. I have been defeated, yet I have have had a few wins, for which I am grateful. I have been sad and I have been happy. I have felt lost and without purpose yet in some ways I have found myself. I have looked to the past, present and future. I have had regrets [and learnt how to let them go]. I have given up and I have battled on. I have lost belief in myself, yet I have found ways to restore that belief. I have been hurt, upset and I have forgiven. I have cried and I have laughed. I have been directionless and without purpose, yet I have had goals. I have been inspired. I have tried hard, too hard sometimes. I tried to be something I am not, and I have learnt my limits and what I can be. I have watched and followed, and at times I have lead, mostly unknowingly I should think.
Somehow I am happy when some say I should be angry. I have suffered and have empathised with the suffering of others. I have been drawn into other people's battles and have known how to respond. I believe in luck (and fate) and know that it comes from being prepared and the willingness to take a risk.
I have changed but remained the same. I am older though I feel younger. I am experienced but still feel like a beginner. I am wiser but more naive. I found a voice (an awkward one at that) I did not know I had. You don't know how far you have been until you get back. I've been all over and it's been all over me . Therefore I am thankful for this blog and what I have learnt about myself and others.
Many times I have asked myself why? post what I have posted here and other times I have said to myself, well why not? (this post being an example). I am starting to forget things, so it is nice to make the effort to write what is important, so it can be recalled. I have memories and I am making memories.
Most importantly, I have Remembered Jenny (*) - how she lived and how she died. Jo and I are the bearers of her memory and she lives on in our hearts and in our minds until we lay to rest beside her.
I could go on, but I won't ().
It's all here in these 1000 posts which are just like snapshots of my life.
Like Paulo Coelho's good warrior, I am not really sure where I am going and what might be ahead. I have come to learn that this is what life is all about. Ultimately I think I have learnt to become a bit more certain of the uncertain. I have accepted this - well at least I think I have.
Hopefully, i will have the opportunity to post another 1000 posts. Let's see what happens.
[the warrior] is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before - Loch Ness / Scotland (Sat 03 Sep 2005)
Today I heard this song for the first time in at least 2 years. The above is a video and the lyrics are below.
It is swelting in Sydney as I write this, at the end of hot summers day and I am covered in sweat. Spent this lovely Saturday afternoon on Sydney Harbour paddling in an OC6 from Glebe to Middle Harbour and back. Very windy, very hot and tough conditions. Still a great session and it makes you realise how lucky we are to have this beautiful city, it's harbour, the experiences we make for ourselves and the friendships we have with each other.
Pacific Dragons OC6 Mixed Crew - Paul, Jenny, Geoff, Marie, Liz, and Leslie - Ettalong / Central Coast - Jan 2007 (picasa)
Anwyay, on the way back to Alexandria from the session, in Wilson Street / Newtown [Note: 1], I had my radio on and heard this song.
Instantly, I became quite emotional (actually started crying uncontrollably - yes I'll admit it) and had to pull over. It was the song I had been trying to find for the last 19 months, since Jenny left us. I did not know it's title or any of the lyrics. All I knew was the tune. As a result, this made it difficult to track down. Apart from the tune, I also felt it was a Matchbox Twenty song.
Jenny had talked about it on it's release, when someone in her Cancer Support Group played the song at one the weekly Tuesday meetings. It seemed to mean a lot to Jenny and all her colleagues at the Group.
I had tried to find the song many times since Jenny's passing, and I now know I was looking in the wrong place, as it is Rob Thomas song, not a Matchbox Twenty song (I had even bought a few Matchbox Twenty CD's to try and find the song, obviously to no avail).
While listening to the song in the car this afternoon, all I tried to do was remember (my memory is not that flash) a line from the chorus so that I could search for it as soon as I got back to Alexandria. The line I remembered was:
A quick search found the above video and I then realised the song was from a Disney Animation Movie Meet The Robinsons, which I know little about (I am sure it is very good - actually have half a feeling that Jenny and Jo may have sneaked it in one Tuesday afternoon at the Movies. Will check with Jo). So I have no idea of the meaning of the song in the context of the Movie. Though with every song I think we are allowed to bring our own experiences and interpretations to it, even if we mishear the lyrics (I am reassured that this is OK :-).
Over the years, when Jenny was with us, I would often force myself to stay awake at night, so that I could hear her breathing (we were both good sleepers and it was often a race to see who would nod off first). The sound of her breath, and the silhouette of the rise and fall of the sheets covering her chest, gave me some reassurance. I could not comprehend that one day the cancer might extingusish the breath of this amazing person (where do I start to explain) and take this beautiful woman from us.
I think of those nights and the small hours where I would lay awake watching and listening to her breath - I would often tell Jenny that it was like music to my ears.
Anyway, I will leave it that. I will buy the CD and put the song on my iPhone. I need to listen to it some more and try to make the connection to the song that Jenny and her friends at the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group made to it. I suspect for me it might mean something completely different to Jenny as I can already see some things that I have felt since Jenny left us.
A bit of ramble but it is nice to capture these fragments of my memory here.
Needless to say, very excited to have found this song
Maybe the The hardest part is over?
I know in writing this: These small hours - Still remain
As we said to each other every night (and I still do) as we lay in bed before nodding off to sleep:
Good Night, Sweet Dreams, God Bless, Love You.
With love and fond memories .. Geoff
[Note 1]: I love Wilson Street ( Newtown) - so many little things have happened there recently and over the years (at least in my own mind). Maybe these are some of These little wonders the song refers. I know these little things have helped me a lot over the last 19 months as I move through the grieving process [see Quote: Half a Life - NYT Book Review (12 Sep 2010) (17 Oct 2010) - in some ways that post was a real turning point for me when I look back at it now].
Let it go Let it roll right off your shoulder Don't you know The hardest part is over Let it in Let your clarity define you In the end We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Time falls away, But these small hours These small hours Still remain
Let it slide Let your troubles fall behind you Let it shine, Till you feel it all around you And I don't mind If it's me you need to turn to We'll get by It's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These small hours Still remain
All of my regret Will wash away somehow But I cannot forget the way I feel right now
In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Yeah, these twisted turns of fate Time falls away Yeah, but these small hours, These small hours Still remain
Yeah, oh they still remain These little wonders All these twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These little wonders Still remain
Go to the end of the path until you get to the gate.
Go through the gate and head straight out
Towards the horizon
Keep going towards the horizon
Sit down and have a rest every now and again
But keep on going.
Just keep with it.
Keep on going as far as you can
That's how you get there.
.. And that is pretty much what I have done these last 5 years ..
These words have implicitly (I knew of them and their meaning before I even read them for the first time) and explicitly guided me when I was completely lost, and without Purpose and Hope .. "Just keep with it" I would say. And it's a pretty good approach to Life, I would think, given the Situation I found myself ..
At some point along the way you do get "There" - it's not overly obvious that you have arrived, but somehow you know .. just like when you were made aware of how far you had fallen without even noticing.
Now ..
You are strong enough to stand on your own two feet and embrace the world again. You are brave enough to start "letting go", to know there is more to "let go", and more importantly to know that is what Jenny would want of me. To know you have another chance. That what forced you to go "through the gate and head straight out" and where you have been to get "There", has made you a better person - and to know that I should not feel guilty about that. That you have been all over and its been all over you. That you are not a Hopeless case. That you are Awesome. That you are still here for a reason. That you know you still have so much to give. That it was not the End, like you thought, but just the chance for another Beginning.
A chance to show you are resilent. A chance to show you can change, adapt and reinvent yourself. A chance to demonstrate you can think of yourself as a survivor and not a victim of circumstance and Life. A chance to consider that you have been lucky to have shared loved. And through that love, empowered to live life to the full along the path you were destined to walk.
Thank you to everyone that have helped me to get "There" these last 5 years. It has been a remarkable Journey and a few Lessons in Life have been learnt!!! I can’t really believe where I have been. I could write a book about it but at least there is a blog - eljeiffel.blogspot.com.au
This is Life (my Life actually) and I have learnt we need to Live and appreciate it while we can. Jenny showed and gave me this. It was her gift to me ..
Why do I write this now? I write this for me and my timeline. And while it might appear a little self-indulgent, I have no regrets - it is who I have become along the way to "There".
More importantly I write it for others who are or will walk "out through the gate" and search for their "There". It's a choice you make and I know you can do it if you set your heart to it.
I know there is further to go but my outlook is different now.
“There” is always Hope - I am another shining example of this!!
Auroras 2013 Team Captains Announcement - Adam Goodes Talk - Dragon Boat YouTube (*) Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam Goodes (*) talks to the Sydney based Australian Dragon Boat Team Members, the 2013 Auroras.
It was a few weeks before we flew out to Hungary for our final training camp in Gyor (*) and then onto Szeged (*) a few days later, for the World Championships.
It was an amazing moment. To think that Adam would come down to say a few words to us.
You knew it was special at the time. But today, looking at this video, it made me realise how special it was. Thanks Adam. You are a Gentleman, a Champion and represent everything that which we aspire to as people and paddlers.
Following Adam's Talk, Kel announced the 2013 Aurora Divisional Team Leaders and overall Team Captains. As each was named, Adam presented the Sydney based Leaders and Captains with a Plaque which acknowledges each persons achievements in being selected to their position.
Finally, Kel thanked Adam for making time to see us, following which he was presented a plaque to remember his time with us. Needless to say, Adam was more than happy to spend a bit of time speaking to us individually and to make a few photos. See below.
Here is my humble efforts to transcribe what Adam said..
Kel suggested I come down here to see you guys who are going off to represent your country which I think is fantastic.
I do like to give back to community as much as possible and thought this was great opportunity.
You know this is not a sport that I am involved with. A sport which I have never tried before, but
[.. from the crowd .. we have got a spare seat. ]
I would hate to kick somebody out of their spot.
It is a fantastic thing, whether, you know, it's your first time representing Australia or whether you have been doing it for so many years as a Master. It is always the same. You have got that Green and Gold.
I have played for Australia four times, I have captained Australia in 2011 over in Ireland at the International Series there.
I didn't really feel what it was like to be a patriot to my Country until I represnted Australia. To see the Americans and how patriotic they are about the flag and everything.
It's not until you represent Australia and you are going away from Australian shores to do it that you actually feel how proud I am about the Country I come from, the Country I am representing and the people that we are.
Look at how diverse we all are just looking at us right now.
It is fantastic that we can go away and represent Australia and give our best. I think that is what being Australian is all about is giving our best.
You are also doing it for ..
The main reason I wanted to come down here today for you guys is to give you a pat on the back. Wish you good luck.
You know it is a fantastic opportunity to ..
You know I have never been to Hungary before. It is a great opportunity to see a different Country. Embrace their culture. Learn somehting new. But also, let them embrace our culture as well. Let them see what Australian people are like.
Have fun. You know, win, lose or draw, you are over there to enjoy yourself.
Get to know people on a different level. Travel together. I know the boys don't like travelling with me because I am a bit of a snorer.
[.. from the crowd - much laughter ..]
I dont have a problem with it, ..
but enjoy, have fun and go and do us proud.
That is the great thing about representing your Country.
It is what it is all about. Good luck.
[.. from the crowd - applause.]
Here are a few photos from the day. Thanks Adam and of course, Kel, for asking Adam.
Adam - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam and Sydney-based Auroras 2013 Leadership Team - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam and Jo - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam, Jo and Geoff - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
You don't need to hear all the lyrics. In fact, the things you mishear are automatically like you are putting yourself into it. If you do that, you know, you think it says one thing. I think it is more engaging when you don't know. So that is how it is with me and music. Michael Stipe and his lyrics for so long were impressionistic and you could not hear what many of the words were and I think that was part of their power. Because they sucked you into it.
Stand up straight at the foot of your love I lift my shirt up Stand up straight at the foot of your love I lift my shirt up
I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees I never married, but Ohio don't remember me
Lay my head on the hood of your car I take it too far Lay my head on the hood of your car I take it too far
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe I never thought about love when I thought about home I still owe money to the money to the money I owe The floors are falling out from everybody I know
I'm on a blood buzz Yes, I am I'm on a blood...buzz I'm on a blood buzz God, I am I'm on a blood...buzz
I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees I never married, but Ohio don't remember me
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe I never thought about love when I thought about home I still owe money to the money to the money I owe The floors are falling out from everybody I know
I'm on a blood buzz Yes, I am I'm on a blood...buzz I'm on a blood buzz God, I am I'm on a blood buzz.
So many great lines in this one:
I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know
I never thought about love when I thought about home
One of my team mates from Prague 2009 had this on his Notebook. Before we got off the Bus at the race site for the 200m races, he played this to the Team. I enjoyed it and it seemed to do the trick. Somehow we squirmed into 3rd place in the final for a completely unexpected Bronze. Thanks Rick. Just a memory from Prague 2009.
Rick Lambe and Gary Quartermain - Senior Open 200m Final Presentation - Racice/Prague - Fri 29 Aug 2009
Inch By Inch Speech by Al Pacino
I don't know what to say really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives all comes down to today. Either we heal as a team or we are going to crumble. Inch by inch play by play till we're finished. We are in hell right now, gentlemen believe me and we can stay here and get the sh*t kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell. One inch, at a time.
Now I can't do it for you. I'm too old. I look around and I see these young faces and I think I mean I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make. I uh.... I pissed away all my money believe it or not. I chased off anyone who has ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.
You know when you get old in life things get taken from you. That's, that's part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out that life is just a game of inches. So is football. Because in either game life or football the margin for error is so small. I mean one half step too late or to early you don't quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in ever break of the game every minute, every second.
On this team, we fight for that inch On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that inch. We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch. Cause we know when we add up all those inches that's going to make the f*ing difference between WINNING and LOSING between LIVING and DYING.
I'll tell you this in any fight it is the guy who is willing to die who is going to win that inch. And I know if I am going to have any life anymore it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch because that is what LIVING is. The six inches in front of your face.
Now I can't make you do it. You gotta look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes. Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. You are going to see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes down to it, you are gonna do the same thing for him.
That's a team, gentlemen and either we heal now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys. That's all it is. Now, whattaya gonna do?
This is a work in progress. It has been in my head for a long time now, but it has been hard to write. Hopefully, it will make sense. I expect to modify it a bit over the next few weeks, but at least it is a start.
A few months before Jenny died, I read Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike". Jenny had been given a copy by a long time friend, Mena, not long after the book was first published here in Australia (sometime around 2002/3 I am guessing). She read the book quickly and I know she got a lot from the pages. For some reason I did not read the book until early May 2009.
Geoff, Jenny, Mena, Steve and Joanne - Natation DB Titles - Kawana / Qld - Sat 25 Apr 2009 (picasa)
I bought my own copy so that I could read the book that meant so much to Jenny. I think I was motivated by the fact the Jenny was progressing to the final stages of her Cancer (at least that is reluctantly what I quietly started to think - she had just been diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver on the 11 Mar 2009 - not a very promising situation). I thought I might find something in the pages to understand her and our situation.
I read the book, intermittently over a few weeks, at my local coffee shop before work and on the train to work. There was lots of the book that resonated with me, particularly his encounters with cancer. One part in particular struck a chord with me. It was about a half through, where he writes about what he felt during chemotherapy following neurosurgery to remove a beign brain tumor.
What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.
I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know more about your frailty than most people, and I think that changes a man. I was brought low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical: this disease would force me to ask more of myself as person than I ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.
A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something.
"You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."
I'd said aloud, "This guy's a nut."
What on earth could he mean?
When I read this, I stored it away in my mind, eagerly awaiting Lance's own answer to this question - lucky .. What on earth could he mean?. It would come quietly on the last page of the book.
"You don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones," my fellow cancer patient had written.
I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me, and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. I believe I have an obligation to make something better out of my life than before, and to help my fellow human beings who are dealing with the disease. It's a community of shared experience. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, "Oh, my God, I'm going to die," is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.
Jenny had often indicated that she felt lucky (I think in both aspects - that of surviving an aggressive cancer and oddly enough, having had had cancer). She said this in the Australian Story Episode, "In the Pink":
'I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.'
'I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.'
Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)
The Rainbow Connection - Phil, John, Marj, Jenny, Liz, Noel - Phil passed away shortly after this photo was taken - he often spoke to Jenny about how luck seemed to play a big part in how things worked out, but sometimes you make you own luck - Rely for Life 2003 - Sylvania Waters - Sat 31 May 2003 - (picasa)
As Jenny's International Dragon Boating Career started, she came to the attention of the Media and in the first Newspaper Article she featured in, she was even compared to Lance Armstrong:
Don Iverson, Director of the Health and Productivity Research Center at the University of Wollongong, said that Ms Petterson could be compared to Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France after fighting testicular cancer.
'It's almost superhuman,' he said.
Cancer wont slow rowing champion - Sydney Sun Herald - 2 May 2004
She was a little embarrassed by the comparison, but Jo and I were very proud of Jenny and her achievements in her treatment, her sport and her life as breast cancer survivor.
Geoff, Jenny, Grace, Lynn, Betty, Thomas, Grant, Joanne and David - Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)
After Jenny's passing, I had an encounter in the Intensive Care Unit where Jenny left us. Joanne and I had gone back to thank the staff at the St George Hospital and to pickup some scans that had been lost in Jenny's move from the Level 1 to ICU. We spoke to the head ICU nurses (they were between shifts) and we knew both of them from Jenny's time in ICU (and I was well known to them as I had fainted in ICU on Jenny's second day in ICU after the neurosurgery). We talked a little and I mentioned that Jenny did consider herself lucky to have had cancer - as she said herself - it had changed her life for the better. One the nurses questioned this statement and she made me feel a little uneasy for saying what I had said. She could not believe anyone with cancer could consider themselves lucky. Maybe, she had seen too much of the cold harsh reality of cancer in that ICU. Maybe she was right. It did not seem too lucky now that Jenny was gone?
This conversation stuck in my mind for a long time, and I started to question many things. It was not until I came across the following blog post by Doug Miller that I found some peace. Here was a man who had recently been diagnosed with Cancer. He was articulate and in many ways his post offers so much more than Lance's writings on Cancer and Luck. This is probably the most moving piece of writing I have read in my life. I don't have cancer, but I have lived a shared life with it and it's consequences. I can truly emphasise. Here it is. My heart is with you Doug ..
Doug Miller - Colorado Trail San Juan Mountains - 1994 - A Single Path - (blog)
[..] a friend [..] pointed me to Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike" I picked up a copy and quickly read through it. I liked it.
It had a bit much detail focusing on cycling, but that was an aspect of the man that could obviously not be separated from the larger reality of his battle with cancer.
There were portions though that left my mind spinning. Armstrong's description of his diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions that ensued was painfully raw and hit the mark with a clarity and similarity I could not deny. I myself am walking those darkened and fearful paths as I write these very words.
Out of all the pages a couple simple statements that he made resonated with me in a powerful way.
Armstrong tells of a letter that he received. It was from a man he had never met before. He himself had battled cancer. He wrote Armstrong to acknowledge his support and positive thoughts. As he finished the letter he made a strange statement that confused Armstrong. He wrote, "you probably do not understand this right now, but we are the lucky ones".
What? How is anyone with cancer lucky? It is devastating. It not only has the potential to steal your life, but also has the destructive potential to steal your Hope. Those words are haunting. Lucky? We are the lucky ones. This brotherhood of suffering is somehow lucky..........blessed?
It is diametrically opposed to any sort of sane thinking that those outside of this brotherhood would agree with. It actually is an almost dangerous statement. As if you say it as you are waking off a cliff without a safety net. A statement such as that redefines everything. Life. Death. And even Hope.
But as I walk this path, and simultaneously encounter life in all its beauty and harshness, I find myself agreeing. "We are the lucky ones". I am lucky. I say those words with a part of me screaming, "how dare you, how can you say that". But it is true. The perspective that cancer gives to life is unbelievable. It has the power to refine you. Your thoughts. Your direction. Your focus.
It is as if you look at life for the first time. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. Everything is turned on edge, revealing a freshness and an urgency that is not seen outside of cancer. If this clarity does exist in our normal lives, it is missed. Overshadowed by the busyness of life. By worthless and empty pursuits.
Another quote from Armstrong's book was this: "Cancer is not about dying, it is about living" What a statement.
Most would argue against it. But those that walk this path find it to be true. Life after diagnosis becomes "alive". It becomes real. It is as if you can grasp it with your own hands, breath it in, consume it.
Oh if I could have had this view earlier in life. I knew that it existed. I sensed it. I chased it. Through the mountains. Through relationships. In the woods and fields of my youth. It was a whisper in the words of poets. And a reflection on the horizon as the sun slipped out of view. But i did not catch it until cancer became my reference. My reality.
We who are members of this brotherhood and sisterhood of suffering are the lucky ones, because now we can truly live. And Love. And Hope. And I dare to say Dream. They are painful dreams, haunted with the shadows of uncertainty, but they are vivid dreams. Passionate dreams. Dreams that leave your heart aching, your soul longing. We are released from the fear of death. Our finite lives are bared.
We come face to face with our mortality and realize that life is looking back at us. Raw and uncertain. But ALIVE none the less. There were days before cancer that I despaired. At times despising my life. But now I am hungry to live. I long to live. Whether that time be long or short, I hold tight to life and all of its glorious agony.
Home (*) - Blackwattle Bay / Sydney (Sun 24 Aug 2014)
Creature of habit, but I like this routine. Always go to Blackwattle Bay on the last Sunday before we leave to compete. I walk, take a few photos (*), read, think and reflect. And this time I wrote something, so here it is ..
I’ve been thinking lately about how every year seems to be different. It's natural. With time, things do change and I thought that this was the only reason things appeared to change. But you know what, even if everything did stay the same, it is still different, because you are different. You see things differently because you are a year older and all that goes with that, if you are doing something with your life.
With that rather random introduction (but I think there might be something in it), I thank everyone at Pacific Dragons for making Ravenna 2014 (*) happen.
How does such a small club get itself half way across the world to compete against the best clubs in the world?
It takes a thought, a dream, a goal, some intention, commitment and dedication. That's part of what it takes and the Club has lots of this and all the other things needed to be competing at our 4th consecutive World Club Crew Championships. I thank you all.
So with another candle on the cake, and with two sessions to go, I've come to love and appreciate this part of the campaign. I’ve been thinking lately:
You know you are being coached by the best in the world - I told the boys this at the AB when we met in Feb this year, that alone is a good enough reason to buy in on the campaign.
You feel fit and you know the effort is paying off – a conversion and gelling process is happening. After 70 or so water sessions, we are doing some really intense sets now. Things you just could not do, even a few months ago – and you thought were pretty good back then
It’s scary but you love it.
More so now, it’s not just what you are doing, it’s what you are thinking, what you believe.
It’s not just to do your best, but to go beyond that and to give it everything.
It’s not just for you, but for everyone who has loved, supported and helped you to get to this point.
Finally, going back to where it all began for most of us this campaign, I was asked in front of the Group, at the AB, that night back in Feb:
What is it like to be a World Champion?
I did not know what to say (and it was the reason I sent out that Five One Hundreths of Second (*) Post on FB after the meeting). And, I'm not sure that it is even the right question, but I did say something like this:
It's one step at a time. It is great to feel like you are in the game. You can’t expect to win, it’s not your fate or destiny to win and you definitely can’t just hope to win. You have to try. And you have to have confidence and belief in yourself, your support network and your team. [1]
and with that I concluded:
Be Audacious!!! [1]
And, so I am and so I think we all should be ..
Regards .. Geoff
[1] the essence of these thoughts came from a great blog post (*) I had just read at that time by a Canadian Olympic Kayaker, Adam Van Koeverden (*). For me, he is Canada’s Drew Ginn (*), both who are inspirations to me.
iNflating or deFLating confidence happens all the time. Do you notice how others can have such and influence on your own confidence, and that is not to mention how much your own self talk can magnify what others say and do. [..]
I have reflected on moments during my life when someone has said something that has boosted my confidence and when someone has drained my confidence with something they have said.
I did a great RPM class (*) today and for some reason i came out of the class and thought of this post that Drew made way back in March 2009. Vincent gave us so much today and for me it was mostly about giving us the confidence to push ourselves past our perceived maximums and achieve new levels of fitness, no matter who we were or why we were there.
I also know this thing about confidence to be true based on my paddling experiences.
When I first started out at PDs in 2005, I received an email from one of the coaches welcoming me to the club and team, adding that they felt I would make a positive contribution. It was only a couple of words but it helped motivate me to be the best I could with the limited experience I had at the time.
Eight years on now, and I am always surprised what a few words can do to lift my failing self-confidence. It happened a couple time this year and the people who boosted my confidence probably had no idea how much they contributed to help push me on.
Another occurrence this year was in the AusDBF National Premier Opens 500m Final (*) where Darren our sweep calls with 150m to go, that you are doing it (*). An amazingly appropriate and uplifting call to make when we were a nose behind and the last part of the race to finish off. Without those four words I am sure it would have been a different result. They gave us the confidence to know that we were there and he believed in us to take It home and to nudge our nose across the line first.
I always try to be positive and as realistic as the situation allows, and I hope that I have helped raise the confidence of a few others over the years. I guess in some way that means I might have more self-confidence than I give myself credit for :-). Hey, nice positive self-talk Geoff.
I am just also reminded of this little incident (*) which was one of the highlights of the USA 2011 Trip (*).
On the other side of the coin I also have learnt what deflates confidence and contributes to a "sub-optimal" performance. I know and remember these times and try to ensure that if they do occur again, that they don't affect me as much as they have done in the past.
I read the following extract to Jenny twice while she was in Hospital in June 2009. The first time was two days after the surgery to remove a 4cm brain tumor. She listened intently - like a small child being read a fairy tale - while I struggled to remain composed, as I read it to her.
Jenny - St George Private Hospital - Sun 22 Jun 2009 (picasa)
The second time was in the Intensive Care Unit at St George following her "heart failure" episode 6 days earlier (Tue 23 Jun 2009) – a day before she left us on the 30 Jun 2009 at 9:16am. I think and hope she heard me. This little story for me is the essence of the Book, a book she treasured, and ultimately it reads as a "prophecy" for what would unfold in Prague in late August 2009 for Joanne and myself - hope this makes sense .. Geoff
Jenny, Joanne and Geoff - St George ICU - Sun 28 Jun 2009 (picasa)
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE – LANCE ARMSTRONG
If there is a defining characteristic of a man as opposed to a boy, maybe it's patience. In 1995, I finally gained an understanding of the demanding nature of the Tour [de France] and all of its extraordinary tests and dangers. I finished it, and I finished strong, winning a stage in the closing days. But the knowledge came at too high a price, and I would just as soon not have learned it the way I did.
Late in the race, our Motorola teammate, Fabio Casartelli, the 1992 Olympic champion, was killed on a high-speed descent. On a descent, you ride single file, and if one rider goes down, it can cause a terrible chain reaction. Fabio didn't crash alone; 20 riders went down with him. But he hit a curb with the back of his head and fractured his neck and skull.
I went by too fast to see much. A lot of riders were down, and everybody was crouched around someone lying on the ground, but you see that sort of thing a lot in the Tour. It was only a while later that I learned via the team radio what had happened: Fabio was dead. When they tell you something like that, you almost don't believe it.
It was one of the longest days of my life. Fabio was not only the young hope of Italian cycling, he was a new husband and a new father. His baby was just a month old.
Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque - 9 May 2001 (picasa)
We had to keep riding, to finish the stage even though we were distraught and sick with shock. I had known Fabio since I first started racing internationally in '91. He lived right outside of Como where I kept my apartment, and we had competed against each other at the Barcelona Olympics in '92, when he won the gold medal. He was a very relaxed, fun-loving man, a little goofy, a joker. Some of the top Italians were more serious, or macho, but Fabio wasn't like that. He was all sweetness.
That night we had a Motorola team meeting to discuss whether we should keep riding or not. We were split. Half of us wanted to quit and go home and cry with our families and friends, and half of us wanted to keep riding in honor of Fabio. Personally, I wanted to stop; I simply didn't think I had the heart to ride a bike. It was the first time I had encountered death, and genuine grief, and I didn't know how to handle it. But then Fabio's wife came to see us, and she said she wanted us to keep riding, because she felt that was what Fabio would have wanted. So we sat in the grass behind the hotel, said a few prayers, and decided to stay in.
Me and my Shadow - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life" - 7am Wed 01 Jul 2009 (picasa)
The next day the peloton rode in honor of Fabio, and gave our team a ceremonial stage victory. It was another long, terrible day— eight hours on the bike, with everybody grieving. The peloton did not race. Instead we rode in quiet formation. It was virtually a funeral procession, and at last our team rode across the finish line, while, behind us, Fabio's bike was mounted atop the support car with a black ribbon.
The following morning we began the race again in earnest, and rode into Bordeaux. Next was a stage into Limoges, and that night, Och came around to our rooms and told the team that Fabio had had two goals in the Tour: he wanted to finish the race, and he especially wanted to try to win the stage into Limoges. As soon as Och stopped speaking I knew that if Limoges was the stage Fabio had wanted to win for himself, now I wanted to win it for him, and that I was going to finish the race.
About halfway through the next day's stage, I found myself grouped with 25 guys at the front - Indurain was in the yellow leader's jersey, riding at the back. I did what came most naturally to me: I attacked.
The problem was, I attacked too early, as usual. I went with 25 miles still to go, and on a downhill portion. Two things you never do: attack early, and on a downhill. But I went so fast on that downhill that I had a 30-second lead in a finger-snap. The other riders were completely taken aback. I could feel them wondering, What's he thinking?
What was I thinking? I had looked back, and saw guys were riding along, with no particular ambition. It was a hot day, and there was no incentive to pull hard, everyone was just trying to get closer to the finish line where the tactics would play out. I glanced back, and one guy was taking a sip of water. I glanced back again. Another guy was fixing his hat. So I took off. Peoooo. I was gone.
When you have 15 other guys back there from 15 different teams, they'll never get organized. They'll look at each other and say: You pull. No, you pull! So I went, and I went faster than I'd ever ridden. It was a tactical punch in the face, and it had nothing to do with strength or ability; everything depended on the initial shock and separation. It was insane, but it worked.
IDBF Senior Mixed 500m Final - 200m to go - "The Break" - "It was insane, but it worked" – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Nobody got within 55 seconds of me again. The team support car kept coming up and giving me reports. Henny Kuiper, our team director, would say, "You're thirty seconds up." Then a few minutes later he'd come alongside again and say, "You're forty-five seconds up."
When he came up the third or fourth time, I said, "Henny, don't come up here anymore. I'm not getting caught."
"Okay, okay, okay," he said, and faded behind my wheel.
I didn't get caught.
I won by a minute, and I didn't feel a moment's pain. Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day. Even though I had charged too early, I never suffered after I broke away. I would like to think that was Fabio's experience too; he simply broke away and separated from the world. There is no doubt in my mind that there were two riders on that bike. Fabio was with me.
Senior Mixed 500m Final - "Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day." Lance A - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
I felt an emotion at the finish line that I've never experienced again. I felt I was winning for Fabio and his family and his baby, and for the mourning country of Italy. As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens, to Fabio.
World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
After the Tour, Och had a memorial built for Fabio. He commissioned a sculptor from Como to execute a work in white Carrara marble. The team flew in from all over the world, and we gathered at the top of the mountain for the placement of the memorial and the dedication ceremony. The memorial had a sundial on it that shone on three dates and times: his birthday, the day he won the Olympic Games, and the day he died.
Geoff and Joanne at Fabio’s Memorial - we stumbled upon it by complete accident – Col de Portet d'Aspet - Thu 24 Sep 2009 [1] (picasa)
I had learned what it means to ride the Tour de France. It's not about the bike. It's a metaphor for life, not only the longest race in the world but also the most exalting and heartbreaking and potentially tragic. It poses every conceivable element to the rider, and more: cold, heat, mountains, plains, ruts, flat tires, high winds, unspeakably bad luck, unthinkable beauty, yawning senselessness, and above all a great, deep self-questioning. During our lives we're faced with so many different elements as well, we experience so many setbacks, and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure, head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and to have a little hope. The Tour is not just a bike race, not at all. It is a test. It tests you physically, it tests you mentally, and it even tests you morally.
I understood that now. There were no shortcuts, I realized. It took years of racing to build up the mind and body and character, until a rider had logged hundreds of races and thousands of miles of road. I wouldn't be able to win a Tour de France until I had enough iron in my legs, and lungs, and brain, and heart. Until I was a man. Fabio had been a man. I was still trying to get there.
[1] I would like to think the two shadows on the “Wings” of the Memorial represent the spirit of Jenny and her life as a twin with Joanne.. There we are, Joanne and I, counterpoised by the twin shadows of the Joanne and Jenny. Jenny overlooks us and is there with us, Always.
Jenny - "looking out over us - she inspires and guides us from above" - Geoff E - Wolfe Creek Crater, WA - 22 May 2001"
