Remembering Tim - Norwood Park Crematorium / Canberra (Fri 11 Mar 2005)

Tim (my Brother) and Tom (my Dad) - Norwood Park Crematorium / Canberra (Fri 27 Feb 2015)

Today, 10 years on, we Remember Tim:

Timothy Francis Eldridge was born on Wednesday 4 December 1963 in Tamworth NSW. He became the third and youngest child of Thomas and Betty. He had an elder sister, Lynn, spelt with two n's not one as Tim persisted throughout his whole life). Lynn was two years older than Tim. Myself, Geoff being 3 years older was the eldest. His father was an electrical engineer with the Electricity Commision of NSW. The Regional Centre was based in Tamworth and from this office the electricity transmission system in northern NSW grew. The nature of his Father's work often required nights away from home. We all looked forward to Dad's return on Friday Night with a bag of mixed lollies for all.

Lynn and I found as oursleves at school and this gave Tim two years at home with Mum by himself. Mum tells me now that he spent this time playing with the kids across the road. Even at this early age Tim was making friends. I seem to recall also that Tim managed to get a 1/2 day of pre-school (a first in the family). I always felt that this small period with other new kids gave Tim a nice head start when he commenced his schooling at South Tamworth Primary. He was well adjusted for the rigours of school, made friends easily (he was always going to birthday parties) and was a natural at anything he put his mind to.

He started in the top class in Kindy and there he stayed each year through his primary school days (and subsequent educational endeavours). Tim was a also a natural athlete and started playing rugby league at he age of eight, moving quickly onto soccer and then finally hockey (all in one year .. maybe this was a sign of things to come). He played representative hockey for Tamworth at the state champships every June Long Weekend. I even recall him playing under 12 hockey at Lismore when he was only 9. He was a prodigy even then. He also represented the North Western NSW primary school team in Murwullumbah where his team came back as state champions. Another little publicised sporting achievement was middle distance running and I remember him running a low 2 minute 800 meters at the Tamworth Primary Schools Athletic Carnival. A record that was not broken for many years.

The year Tim finished his primary school saw the Eldridge family move from Tamworth to Wagga for Dad's work. This was a tough time for everyone but we all adapted to new environs and our new high school in Wagga called Kooringal High. It was a new school and much smaller than the high school Lynn and I left in Tamworth. Probably 1/4 the size in students and was so new that it did not even have a sixth form in our first year there. Tim as always fitted in very quickily and he found new friends almost instantly. Many of whom are here today.

By the time Tim reached Wagga he had found the game of golf and before long he was swinging a set of clubs out at the Wagga Country Club, across the lake from where we lived. Here he spent many hours fine tuning his tee shots, fairway shots, chips and putts (or spits as his young nephew would subsequently refer, many years later). Golf was to become a life long passion and this was something which always stayed with him. It was only his 94 year old grandfather who thought something was wrong four weeks ago when he percieved Tim had lost interest in his Golf.

Tim breezed through high school and obtained excellent grades with little effort. In his final year he was nominated as perfect (whooops I meant "a prefect") and was voted school vice captain by his peers. For his HSC he studied a couple of hours each night on the floor in front of the TV. To recover from this strenous study regime, he would spend the next day playing 36 holes of golf.

With his HSC behind him Tim entered the University of Sydney and worked his way towards a Civil Engineering degree over a four year period. The first two years of his course, Tim lived at Wesley College, a residential college on the grounds of Sydney University. Here, Tim, along with some of high school buddies quickily adapted to the demanding University life style. Days at the beach, missing lectures, drinking beer, etc. He found new friends quickily and again many are here today. The nucleaus of this group were quickily dubbed the "DAMAGE BOYS" because of the drinking reputation at College Victory Dinners, formals and other ramdon gatherings.

Mid way through his second year, Tim's father Thomas passed away suddenly at the early age of 47 after a sunday afternoon hockey match. It was my job to tell Tim the news that Sunday night. I now remember his numb response to my news. "Where has he gone?" he asked. His fathers death at such a young age for all of us was a defining moment in Tim's life (probably the most defining moment up until last Saturday). It was a difficult time for Tim and the Family. Initially he seemed to cope well, but the next year saw Tim arrive home to Wagga unannounced many times during the university terms. I guess the one lesson (or theory actually I would call it a LAW) Tim would give us today from all this would be to grieve properly, seek support from Family, Friends and professionals and to address the difficult issues these tramatic events have on the fragile human soul.

Anyway, back to Uni, Tim bravely persisted and graduated with honours at the end of 1985. His brief but eventful civil engineering career started with a small but prestigous Civil Engineering Consultating companycalled Wargon, Chapman and Partners. Mr Wargon, a famous Amercican civil engineer appeared to take Tim under his wing and Tim quickily found himself designing car parks, and tall buildings. As well as doing one-off type jobs such as a structural integrity report of the Channel 9 Transmitter Antenna at the Channel 9 Compound, and preliminary designs for the now Sydney Harbour Tunnel.

Tim quickily realised that Civil Engineering was not for him (however a recent rush of activity with home decks shows there was some latent interest in at least some things civil). On the fifth redesign for an Alan Bond tower on the old Waltons site across from the Sydney Town Hall, Tim decided to move on. This gave him the chance to travel for 3 months overseas which took him to many places in Europe, England, particularly London and even India (if I recall correctly).

London was a place to which Tim would return frequently over the rest of his life, the last being July/August last year. The drawcards to London were friends and another life passion I have not yet mentioned, English Football. His favourite team during his schools days was Queens Park Rangers. Though his interested waned when their goalie Phil Parkes defected to my team West Ham in 1977 for a then world record sum of 565,000 pounds. Subsequent years and more recently Tim has been an Arsenal supporter.

On his return in the late 80's Tim persued his ambition for a new career. In this pursuit he found himself in Canberra studying part-time for a degree in Information Systems at the then Canberra College of Advanced Education and working part-time for small scientific software consulting firms. One system I remember was a flight simiulator program driven by data from aircraft black-box recorders.

On graduation from the CCAE Tim started work at Customs and then Department of Veterans Affairs for a record three years. Towards the end of this stint in DVA, Tim bought his house in Griffith, just up from Marnucka. He lived in the house briefly before deciding that a six month stint in Los Angles working on a Telon Related Inventory system was the go. On his return he decided to work in Sydney and here he had stints at NRMA and Westpac. Weekends saw Tim travelling back to his home in Canberra to catch up with friends and to play golf amongst other things. This became too tiring and before long he was back in Canberra fulltime working at the Australian Tax Office and subsequently Customs. His crowning software achievement was an ATO case-actioning tool which I believed was to be a distillation of systems and processes from the many places he had worked.

More recently, Tim returned to DVA where he ventured into web-based systems using packages such as Websphere and Tomcat.

Wherever Tim worked, he took the roles on seriously. He appeared to very much love a process and a set of rules to capture and implement. He believed rules were meant not to be broken (contrary to the majority of the population) and I always thought that he was perfect fit for the ATO. [He had a great sense of what was right and doing it right].

Another constant in Tim's life were his friends and I will always remember his 40th birthday speech where he said the party was not to celebrate his 40th, but more importantly, a chance for his family and friends to get together.

There is so much more to be said. We all have our memories of Tim and I ask you for just one moment to reflect on the good times you had with him ... and to take this forward with you through the tough times ahead.

It is now time to say goodbye to a loving son, brother, grandson, nephew, uncle, friend and colleague. We now know that Tim struggled with a delibertating and destructive illness which he held undercover for many years. I ask you to take the time to consider the strength he showed under this enormous pressure and to admire him for how he lived a relatively normal and happy life, shared with friends and family.

In the end Tim ran out "Puff" as he said and found peace from his illness the only way he knew how. Please forgive him. He asked for this.

Tim, you asked me where Dad had gone. We know that you searched for him high and low. We also now know that you have found him. The search and struggle is complete and that you have found your peace.

You will always have a special place in our hearts and memories. We will miss you.

Love .. Mum, Lynn and Geoff ..

Favourite Photos - How much beauty in decay! - Hyde Park/Sydney - Dec 2001

Leaf - How much beauty in decay! - Hyde Park/Sydney - Wed 27 Dec 2001 (picasa)
A photo I took after work during the Christmas New Year period of 2001. Fires were burning all round Sydney and the sky was covered in smoke which resulted in a strange orange colour which can be seen in this photo. At the time I was reading much about photography and various photographers. This particular photo was inspired by Eliot Porter.

Eliot Porter was a photographer I found early on in my photography journey and self-education. It was easy to appreciate his work (google). He was a pioneer of colour photography (more here) and his life work was bequested to the Amon Carter Museum in 1990 shortly before he died (NYT Orbituary).

Not sure how I found him, but his name seems to appear whenever landscape photographers start talking about Colour Landscape Photography when compared to Black and White Landscape Photography, particularly that of Ansel Adams (looking at the size of the wikipedia entries, it is easy to see who was more popular both as a photographer and selection of photographic technique).

Found some interesting information about him searching the web (google). Also, found some of his books (along with those of Australia's own Peter Dombrovskis) in the National Library of Australia and would often take a look at them in NLA's reading rooms when in Canberra. Many of his photos resonated with my own vision and definitely influenced me when taking landscape (even streetscape and travel) photos, particularly in the Snow Mountains.

At the UNSW I found the book Eliot Porter: photographs and text (a great article) by Eliot Porter. Learnt a lot from the text and photos selected for the book. The following is a quote (see my photo.net page) from the book, which helped form my photographic vision ..

"It is the beauty of nature that I try to represent by photography. What this expression means to most people, I am quite sure, is such features as flowers of spring, autumn foliage, mountain landscapes, and many other similar aspects about aesthetic qualities of which no one would care to offer contradiction. That they are beautiful is indisputable, but they are not all that is beautiful about nature; in fact they are only the obvious and superficial aspects of nature - which anyone may observe with half and eye. They are the peaks and summits of nature's greatest displays. There is no doubt about their importance; they could not be dispensed with. Underlying and supporting these brillant displays are slow, quiet processes that pass almost unnoticed from season to season, unnoticed by those that think that beauty in natures is all its gaudy displays.

Much is missed if we have eyes only for the bright colors. Nature should be viewed without distinction. All her processes and evolutions are beautiful or ugly to the unbiased and indiscriminating observer. She makes no choice herself; everything that happens has equal significance. Nothing can dispensed with. This is a common mistake that many people make; they think that half of nature can be destroyed - the uncomfortable half - while still retaining the acceptable and the pleasing side; their idea is a paradise where nature stands still. Withering flowers blooming, death follows growth, decay follows death, and life follows decay - in a wonderful, complicated, endless web the beauties of which are manifest to a point of view attached to vulgar restricting concepts of what constitutes beauty in nature. Thoreau, who observerd all aspects of nature throughout his life, repeatedly remarked on the beauty of the unaccepted. 'How much beauty in decay!' he exclaimed on examining a worm-eaten leaf. To him the sere, brown leaves of winter were as beautiful as the fresh green of spring. This was a principle that has remained important for me throughout my career."

A fairly long quote, but for me was definitely something worth remembering.

This link provides a great summary of the life and works of Eliot Porter. I like the ending quote ..

The final paragraphs on the art of photography touch on his views to color, composition and emotional content of his images:

"Sensitivity cannot be faked by trickor devise; it has no substitute, and any attempt to replace it with mechancial contrivances is certain to be apparent to the more discerning critics. Not all photographs have to be inspired to be worth making, but the best, rare photographs are the result of a a force at least very close to inspiration. Formulized work becomes impersonal, an all the individuality of authorship tends to disappear. It unquestionably has its uses, but it is not art."

The book itself echoes Porter's ability to redact nature's chaos into a single harmonious image, and is a well-deserved tribute to this pioneer of color nature photography.

The following was one of my favourite Eliot Porter photos:

Pool in a Brook, Brook Pond/New Hampshire by Eliot Porter - 04 Oct 1953 (Carter Museum)
I recently thought of Eliot Porter and the above photo, when I took the following photo during the 2010 Ord River Marathon:

Ord River Reflections - 2010 Ord River Marathon - Sun 14 Jun 2010

Photographer: Murray Fredericks

Murray Fredericks is an Australian Photographer. I was aware of him and his works from my foray into large format photography. I had bought a 4x5 inch large format camera in Shanghai in November 2004 (that's another story) and I needed to learn how to use it. Murray was offering a weekend workshop at a rural location in western NSW, near Oberon, and I had considered attending. With assistance of my friend Leigh Perry, I was able to work it all out and did not need to take Murray's workshop in the end. Some scans of my initial transparencies, by an Epson 4990 scanner, are here

I follow news regarding photography and photography exhibitions in Sydney - typically article written by Robert McFarlane who writes occasionally for the Sydney Morning Herald (just found he has a blog at ozphotoreview.blogspot.com). I have known of Murray since the time his work was exhibited at the Point Light Gallery in 2003. His initial SALT work was also reviewed by Robert McFarlane

When flying to Prague, on the flight to Prague from Helsinki on FinnAir, I was pleasantly surprised and delighted to read an English Newspaper (The Financial Times) that had a review of Murray's exhibition in London at the Hamiltons Gallery in Mayfair. I pulled out the page inflight and put it away with a mental note to make sure I would find the Gallery and view the Salt Exhibition when in London a few weeks later. Was very impressed to read that his photos were being compared to Turner paintings and that the largest and most expensive photo was being sold for 30,000 Pounds - pretty impressive for a humble landscape photographer who started his career as an Economist from Sydney University.

Blue Sky Thinking - Murray Fredericks - SALT II - A Newspaper Article found inflight between Helsinki and Prague - Sat 22 Aug 2009 - (picasa)
The day before the Great River Race, I had organised our seats on boats and I had time to do some sight seeing in London. I found the Gallery using Google Maps and made my way there on the Tube. I found the Gallery easily and chatted with the Gallery guy, who gave my a DVD of the SALT Documentary of his trip to Lake Eyre. Managed to sneak in a few photos before I left for the Photographers Gallery (yet another story), which was walking distance away (well maybe at least a couple hours rambling through the back streets of London).

Murray Fredericks: Salt Exhibition - Hamiltons Gallery / London - Fri 04 Sep 2009 (picasa)

Murray Fredericks: Salt Exhibition - Hamiltons Gallery / London - Fri 04 Sep 2009 (picasa)

Murray Fredericks: Salt Exhibition - Hamiltons Gallery / London - Fri 04 Sep 2009 (picasa)

SALT37 by Murray Fredericks - Sep 2009 (www.gosee.de)

Self Portrait in Lake Eyre - Hamiltons Gallery / London - Fri 04 Sep 2009 (picasa)
The ABC are showing his SALT Documentary tonight. There was a review in yesterdays Sydney Morning Herald titled - Searching for infinite space in extreme locations. An extract follows:

Murray Fredericks - Sydney Morning Herald 22 Mar 2010 - Searching for infinite space in extreme locations - Tue 23 Mar 2010 (picasa)
Having been "the guy with a camera" at high school who took pictures of sports teams, Fredericks was a serious photographer with commercial and artistic ambitions in his mid-twenties. He shot what he calls traditional coffee table-style photos until he realised he wanted more from his work.

"I reached the point where I went through everything and went 'there's nothing new here'. All I'm doing is finding new angles and new locations but the message itself - and the way the message is delivered - isn't changing'," he says.

"So I went through everything again and I thought 'which images affect me differently?' and they were the images that conveyed a sense of space."

That discovery has taken Fredericks 14 times to Lake Eyre in outback South Australia in the past six years. His aim was to photograph the flat salt plain with its low horizon and lack of distinctive features.

Hauling his gear to the location by bicycle, he spent up to five weeks by himself trying to capture the nothingness. And when things changed, he wanted to capture that too.

"Everything happens on the cusp, on the change,'' he says. ''It's the transition periods that are interesting because that's when the stuff you can't imagine or you can't expect happens."

Fredericks's shots of land and sky have proven so popular there are three galleries - in Sydney, Melbourne and London - waiting for his new work.

SALT 8 by Murray Fredericks

Found a nice review by Rebecca Wolkenstein who writes:

.. it wasn’t until I viewed his film SALT, that I decided my roster couldn’t live without him. The film and the work had a spiritual element I had never really understood before then. It sounds rather dramatic to be speaking this way, doesn’t it? When the film comes out [..], I highly recommend that you immerse yourself in the landscape. It’s full of surprises.

SALT 5 by Murray Fredericks

My friend Leigh Perry shoots very similar photos, but typically from the shore of Sydney's coastline - see his portfolios: Invariance and Peripheral Vision. Beautiful photos ..

Invariance #116011 - Reef by Leigh Perry

Invariance #332 - Lake. by Leigh Perry

"That is my life story up until now" - Remembering Jenny (Mon 06 Jul 2009)

The cackle of a Laughing Kookaburra announces the first light of dawn as the sun rose on that cold winters day. With no sleep that night preparing for Jenny's Funeral later in the day, I penned these words to honour Jenny's Life at her Funeral. Six and half years later, looking back at what came out in those last few hours, I am happy. What strikes me most is how I chose to "reflect on the little things". And they are what I miss most. Here it is ..

Jennifer Joy Petterson
24 Mar 1962 - 30 Jun 2009
Age 47 years 3 months and 6 days

"That is my life story up until now."

This is how Jenny ended her "Autobiography" written in 5th class (being 1972). I always enjoyed reading this lengthy account (it had 3 three parts) of Jenny's life up to the age of 10. I loved this story and scanned the original into my computer so that I could read it during a quiet moment at work.

Jenny was the eldest identical twin daughter of Norm and Margaret Petterson of Holt Road, Sylvania. With feet eagerly pressing on Jenny's back at the birth, a younger sister followed 5 minutes after Jenny's arrival. This was her identical twin sister Joanne. She was ready to play and from that time on they were inseparable. On the day of their birth Jenny writes there was a fete at the hospital. Jenny would always tell me that Norm bought a wind up koala at the fete that played music. For some reason she did not write this

The Autobiography, even at the age of 10, shows that Jenny had an eye for detail, as this quote reveals.

"At the age of 4 years and 10 months and 15 days we started school and cried when mummy left us."

It documents many facts and figures - birth weights and lengths, when they first walked, where they holidayed and details such as the colour of the caravans they stayed in - all well recorded for prosperity.

They participated in many sporting activities (which has been a constant throughout Jenny's life) - swimming, physie, jazz ballet, and little athletics, to mention a few.

Furthermore, she recalls the date of their first hair cut. - and even allowing me to determine that her first tooth fell out on my 7th birthday .

More generally what can be summarized from the autobiography is that Jenny had a fun filled, active childhood with her sister Joie and friends, which was encouraged and fostered by their loving parents.

Even as babies there seemed to be an order to things and this became even more apparent once they started to talk (yes that date is also recorded). In Part 1 of Jenny's Autobiography:

"One the 3rd Oct 1964 we had our first haircut and Joie said, 'Denny First', meaning Jenny first".

Jenny even then was a stabilizing influence on Joanne.

As stated above Jenny finishes her "Autobiography" with:

"That is my life story up until now."

Obviously she looks forward to the future and how she will fit into the world as she grows up. In recent years these words struck a chord with me. Today, these words have even greater meaning.

Jenny and Jo progressed to Sylvania High. They started part time work at Grace Bros’, Miranda Fair. Jo in "Cosmetics and Womens Clothing" and Jenny in "Hardware and Gardening" - "Same, Same but Different". I often asked Jenny to recall these days and I would get a kick when she could still recite the cost codes of power tools and various hardware items. The attention for detail was paying off out in the real world!!

During high school, the Girls ramped up their sporting activities and started to focus on Athletics, Cross Country Running and also a bit of Tennis. Interestingly enough, Jo and I would have crossed paths at the CHS State Cross Country Championships held at Hurlstone Ag College in 1977.

They also found time to also progress from Brownies to Girl Guides. Musters and camps were attended and they both rose quickly though the ranks to Patrol Leaders, finally achieving the highest rank of Queen's Guide with presentation of the award by the Governor of NSW, Sir Rodden Cuttler.

School and High School Certificates were sat and good grades recorded in all subjects. Geography was Jenny's favourite - definitely an early sign of a future "Travel Bug". She loved a map and an atlas, and this remained another constant throughout her life.

Successful Grades accomplished in the HSC saw the Girls accepted into the Bachelor of Business at UTS.

Following interviews the Girls accepted Business/Administration cadetships with the Electricity Commission of NSW. Our lives crossed similar paths again, as I had the same Interviewer for my successful application for an Engineering Cadetship. We were now working for the same company - be it 12,000 people.

Group assignments were the norm at UTS and they always found it easier if the group consisted of two members - more specifically themselves. Minimizing traveling, they were on the same wavelength, which provided for a consistent approach to completing the assignment just in time.

At work, as was the case during their school days at Sylvania, Jenny and Jo made many friends. There were lots of "Work Outings" with friends from [Work and] Uni.

Being at an age to travel independently, they made many "trips away". These were always well documented with many photographs taken, always with people in them (themselves typical) and some local landmark behind.

Jenny documents in a 1995 twin survey that they had traveled overseas on 13 occasions, as well as numerous holidays in Australia.

At work Jenny was provided with early work experiences, mainly in Purchasing (there were lots of cost codes to remember there). Jenny then pursued a career in Internal Audit, specializing in large mainframe computer systems and business systems. This was the days before PC's. Joanne followed a more traditional path into financial and management accounting. As PC progresses throughout the organization, there were now many PC Id numbers to remember.

All kinds of sporting activities were tried and some pursued more than others. The main sport would then become Touch Football, participating in three separate competitions each week. Also they found the water and learnt to row single and double sculls, as well as 4's and 8's.

Through a combined interest in running, Jenny and I crossed paths in organising our company's participation in the inaugural Corporate Games held in Nov 1989. I can remember the first time we met and I how I was instantly attracted to her smile, blue eyes and lovely [nature]. On the [day of the Games] I realized that Jenny was an identical twin. We all had a great day.

Afterwards, I often thought of Jenny and a few months later out of the blue, she arranged to give me a team photo from the day and then asked me to partner her to a wedding. I was stunned. We agreed to go out on 30th March 1990 before the wedding in order to get to know each other better. We had dinner and saw a movie. She then showed me photo albums of her travels late into the night - it just seemed so easy to listen and talk to her and even then I hoped that she we would be the one for me. I could not believe she was interested in me. After a month we were going out and a 10 year courtship ensued.

During this time many milestones and life changing experiences occurred. The Girls completed their Masters [in Finance at UTS], Norm (their father) passed away suddenly in hospital, on [Tue 0]2 Jun 1992.

In late Mar 1997 Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer and a mastectomy followed a few weeks later. She returned to work and got on with her life. On New Years Eve 1997, Margaret (their mother) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Margaret was referred to Jodi as her Oncologist and numerous chemo courses followed. The Girls would attend all consultations with her. Around the same time Jenny's cancer recurred in the scar tissue of the mastectomy. This is when Jodi also became Jenny's Oncologist. Now Margaret and Jenny were having chemo at the same time.

Through a cancer course at Royal Nth Shore, Jenny found Barbara (now Sister Suscila) and that's where they found meditation and a natural/spiritual approach to healing. Around this time Jenny also joined the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group which was facilitated by Liz, a social worker with Calvary.

Stong relationships were established and developed with Jodi, Suscila and Liz and though each of their own skill sets and support networks helped influence Jenny's approach and ensuing journey with cancer. I believe they helped Jenny to embrace her cancer and to live life to the full.

Unfortunately Margaret's cancer was quite advanced and spread quickly. Jodi saw in Jenny and Joanne a strength of character and asked them to care palliatively for Margaret at home, while she would make house calls. This has been Jenny and Jo's greatest gift in life, caring for their mother at home for 8 weeks (Jenny was still having her chemo at this time) until Margaret succumbed to her cancer on 28 April 1999 (her wedding anniversary).

Jenny's breast cancer spread to her lungs and in late 1999 scans revealed 10 tumors. A hormone therapy treatment started. Jenny and Jo traveled to visit Suscila in Alice Springs and visited Uluru for the Millennium. Jenny would recall later that she had an amazing experience lying in the red desert sand at the foot of Uluru.

Shortly after her return from Uluru we became engaged and we set about organizing our wedding in just 10 weeks. The big day being the 30th April 2000. What a day. We sang “Song of Joy”. We exchanged vows and rings and then kissed as Husband and Wife. At the reception we made toasts, spoke and danced the night away. A rainbow theme being the unifying element with rainbow inspired flowers, ribbons, cake, speeches and songs. We honeymooned on Lord Howe and shortly after our return Jenny retired from work to pursue her passions (on Jodi's suggestion).

At the Sydney Olympics later that year we must have held the record for the most sessions attended - handball becoming our favourite. We had many fond and inspiring memories from the whole event.

At that time, just over 9 years ago, we had no idea how long we would have together. This did not stop us and we tried to live a normal life with goals set for six months at a time. Holidays were planned and taken - a trip to the Cook Islands to visit Susila over Xmas 2000, a 4 week trip to North West Australia in May 2001 and a return to Lord Howe in Oct 2001 so Joanne and my Mother could share the experience.

Another constant was our annual trip to Mt Kosciusko for a benchmarking 22km walk around the Main Range. This year was her hardest effort – but she did it. Maybe it was a sign of things to come.

In late 2000 I bought a small digital camera to document our travels and lives. I did not know how much time we would have share and the camera gave me some comfort that I could capture our memories.

Jenny's cancer was ever persistent and there was always something going on - radiation, more chemo, hormone injections or tablets and numerous operations - we could watch “House” and could easily relate to the medical terms.

Through one of her chemo treatments, Jenny found a Dragons Abreast flyer at the hospital. This would be start of the biggest change in our lives. Jenny and Joanne took to paddling like "ducks to water" and I found myself photographing them and the dragon boats that they trained and raced. It gave them opportunities to travel wide and far. Our holidays were now planned around Dragon Boat regattas locally and internationally.

Jo would make the NSW and Australian Team to Poland in 2003. Jenny was held back by a course of chemo and numerous trips to the hospital. She still remained involved by videoing the teams at time trials at Penrith.

In 2004 she would make the NSW Team and compete for her country in the World Championships in Shanghai. There could not have been a prouder person when Joanne's Premier Mixed Team won a bronze medal in the 500m race.

During the 2004 Shanghai campaign Jenny’s journey was captured by an Australian Story episode titled "In the Pink". She was nervous participant and a little uncertain about how it would be scripted and received. We all nervously awaited its airing on that June long weekend Monday - unaware as to its content. The episode captured the essence of the Dragons Abreast Movement in Australia, showing all sides to cancer and it's impact - positive and negative.

The episode would popularize Dragons Abreast Australia beyond it's creators wildest dreams. Clubs quickly popped up everywhere across the country and continue to do so. Meanwhile, Jenny and Joanne would become the most well known (yet most humble) paddlers in Australia.

Others today have told of Jenny's inspiring feats on the water and there is no need for me to repeat them. She just loved to paddle and found great comfort amongst her paddling colleagues. It provided a sense of normality to her life and she just seem to fit in, even with compression sleeve on her right arm or the missing hair on her head which was always discreetly hidden by a colourful selection of bandana's.

Jenny empowered many people (with and without) cancer to pursue their dreams. She will live on through Joanne and I and no doubt many others from her inspiring journey. Thinking of Jenny will help influence our decisions and motivate us to achieve our dreams and to decide what is right.

I will miss hearing you breath as you slept. I will miss calling out “I love you” as I leave for work each day. Whistling at the front door when I got home and hearing you whistle back. You were the most amazing thing to happen in my life I am having trouble comprehending the way forward. You provided me with love and gave me hope and life purpose. I would always say to Jenny “I am the lucky one”.

A couple of quotes from her regular talks and Australian Story follow and I think there is something there to inspire us all. No matter the circumstance.

“Cancer is something that people do not expect to happen to them and no matter who is diagnosed, and at whatever time in their life, it is a shock which has huge ramifications for not only the person involved but also their family and friends. It takes a lot of adjustment to get used to.”

“I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.”

“I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.”

“It's just in the lap of the gods.”

Enjoy your new “Island Home” and those that surround you [there]. You know that “We’ll be There” and we know that “You’ll be There”.

As we said to each other before we nodded off each night .. Jenny:

“Good Night, God Bless, I Love You.”

"That is my life story up until now."

Thank You: RPM ..

I started RPM (an interval based stationary bike programme with 7 cherographed training tracks) at Sydney University's Aquatic Centre's RPM Studio on Fri 11 May 2007. I was so "pumped" and I can still remember calling Jenny almost straight after the session to say that it was everything (plus more) that I hoped it would be. Jenny and Jo had told me about their "Spinning Classes" and how much they enjoyed it. I had finally found the same thing - thanks Jenny and Joanne.

RPM Studio - Sydney Unit Aquatic Centre (Mon 30 Nov 2009)
I had been toying with the idea of doing some Group Fitness at the Sydney Uni Gym. My membership at the time allowed me to use the Gym equipment only. The previous weekend I had successfully trialled for the Australian Senior Open's Dragon Boat team to participate at the 2007 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships. I was looking for something new and thought I needed to try something different, to compliment the running I was doing for my cardio.

I was a little nervous about the joining the Group Fitness Programmes and in my normal way, I put it off until I read a blog post by Drew Ginn titled:

• Ridden into the ground and loving it

I had been following Drew's Blog for a few months. I had really connected to his writing style (particularly the grammatical and spelling errors :-) and found all his articles to be very motivating. Being a Rower, his articles could easily be translated and related to my world of dragon boating [in actual fact, I have felt that I have almost lived a parrallel life, though not quite at the same level :-) ]

Vincent and Geoff - RPM Sydney Uni Aquatic Centre (Fri 27 Nov 2009)

Heart Rate - First RPM Class - Fri 11 May 2007 (Vincent)

The Ridden into the ground and loving it post was a motivating story, but it was the following quotes that really caught my eye:

[..] The remarkable thing is each time I go into this place, into this zone I find something special, something new. [..]

[..] The pleasure is in the relationship the lies within the range and scope of extremes. The vastness of feelings marks a cycle. Not just the one we ride but the one that is ever present inside us. [..]

These were the feelings I wanted to explore more. Maybe RPM could accelerate what I had already learnt in the boat.

RPM has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made regarding my development. It has been everything I hoped it would be, plus more.

What have I found in RPM? I have found many things: discipline, the cherography for each track requires a mental discipline. A sense of timing and feeling: the music and tracks require a feeling for the beat and rythym - much like the feeling you need to find when paddling. The interval based workout requires a measured approach to your effort. On top of all of this you become very fit.

Ali and Geoff - RPM Sydney Uni Aquatic Centre (Mon 30 Nov 2009)

When I first started I would hide in the middle of the class and try not to be noticed as I do with most things. As my confidence and understanding grew, I bought a pair of bike shoes with clips (the 2007 Tour de France really motivated me there). With the new shoes, I had to move upto the front row where the bikes with toe clips were. It was a great move. It helped me with my dragon boating (even more), where I had just started to stroke (i.e. sit in the front seat). I started to develop a sense of feeling the energy, and timing behind and around me - it is very similiar to stroking a boat.

Loulou and Geoff - RPM Sydney Uni Aquatic Centre (Tue 01 Dec 2009)

One of the bests parts of RPM for me has been the people. Vincent is the head instructor at the Gym and has worked (and still teaches instructors across Australia) for Les Mills (an Auckland based company) who run and develop the RPM Programme worldwide. James has been an instructor for years and is probably one of the best instructors in Australia - he brings his mountain bike experiences to the class. I have seen both Ali (she started the same time as me) and Loulou go from participants to intructors who run amazing classes and bring their own personalites to each session. Vincent has taught them well, it has been a delight for me to watch their progress and development. As I said, this has been one of the best parts of RPM for me and they have inspired me in my own endeavours.

James and Geoff - RPM Sydney Uni Aquatic Centre (Wed 02 Dec 2009)

These people have contributed significantly to make me the person and athlete I am and I can't thank them enough. Just recently I personally thanked each person and gave them a copy of Jenny's Gold Medal story with a big thank you for their part in my development. Also took the chance to get a photo.

Thank you Vincent, Ali, Loulou and James and all the RPM team at Sydney University Aquatic Centre.

Geoff

Learning to be a little more Certain of the Uncertain - Well Maybe?

Detail - Loch Ness Locks / Fort Augustus / Scotland (Sat 04 Sep 2005)
I did not find the Loch Ness Monster,
but I did find this amazing piece of rusted iron.
I have a been a little stuck on this post. Whenever this happens I look to the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) by Paulo Coelho (*) and found this ..

A warrior knows that the ends do not justify the means.

Because there are no ends, there are only means. Life carries him from unknown to unknown. Each moment is filled with this thrilling mystery: the warrior does not know where he came from or where is going.

But he is not here by chance. And he is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before. He often feels afraid, but that is normal in a warrior.

If he thinks only of the goal, he will not be able to pay attention to the signs along the way. If he concentrates only on one question, he will miss various answers that are there beside him. That is why the warrior submits.

This is my 1000th post. A milestone of sorts and something I would not have thought possible when I made my first post (*) here on Thu 26 Feb 2009.

I think the above passage from the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) provides a useful metaphor for this blog and the 1000 posts that it now comprises.

It is a reflection of my life and who I am. I am never quite sure where it is going - I just try to make connections between what I read, what I see, what I photograph and what I feel.

A lot has happened and changed in the last three and half years since that first post. I have learnt a lot about myself and others. I have made plenty of mistakes, yet I think I have done a few things right. I have been defeated, yet I have have had a few wins, for which I am grateful. I have been sad and I have been happy. I have felt lost and without purpose yet in some ways I have found myself. I have looked to the past, present and future. I have had regrets [and learnt how to let them go]. I have given up and I have battled on. I have lost belief in myself, yet I have found ways to restore that belief. I have been hurt, upset and I have forgiven. I have cried and I have laughed. I have been directionless and without purpose, yet I have had goals. I have been inspired. I have tried hard, too hard sometimes. I tried to be something I am not, and I have learnt my limits and what I can be. I have watched and followed, and at times I have lead, mostly unknowingly I should think.

Somehow I am happy when some say I should be angry. I have suffered and have empathised with the suffering of others. I have been drawn into other people's battles and have known how to respond. I believe in luck (and fate) and know that it comes from being prepared and the willingness to take a risk.

I have changed but remained the same. I am older though I feel younger. I am experienced but still feel like a beginner. I am wiser but more naive. I found a voice (an awkward one at that) I did not know I had. You don't know how far you have been until you get back. I've been all over and it's been all over me . Therefore I am thankful for this blog and what I have learnt about myself and others.

Many times I have asked myself why? post what I have posted here and other times I have said to myself, well why not? (this post being an example). I am starting to forget things, so it is nice to make the effort to write what is important, so it can be recalled. I have memories and I am making memories.

Most importantly, I have Remembered Jenny (*) - how she lived and how she died. Jo and I are the bearers of her memory and she lives on in our hearts and in our minds until we lay to rest beside her.

I could go on, but I won't ().

It's all here in these 1000 posts which are just like snapshots of my life.

Like Paulo Coelho's good warrior, I am not really sure where I am going and what might be ahead. I have come to learn that this is what life is all about. Ultimately I think I have learnt to become a bit more certain of the uncertain. I have accepted this - well at least I think I have.

Hopefully, i will have the opportunity to post another 1000 posts. Let's see what happens.

[the warrior] is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before - Loch Ness / Scotland (Sat 03 Sep 2005)

A Familiar Path - Doug Miller / A Single Path (Sat 19 Sep 2009)

Skate Cones - Hyde Park / London (Sun 18 Aug 2013)
Doug Miller (*) writes On Life (*):

A single step (*) repeated hundreds and thousands of times would eventually arrive at the end. It did not take superhuman (*) strength (*) or a talent (*) that most do not have. It took a steadfast commitment (*). Step by step as the miles added up and the challenges (*) slipped by. Today just like those days on the trail, is another step. Tomorrow yet another. I walk this journey (*) in anticipation (*) of the end, but I also know that there is much to learn (*) in the process (*). It is the process (*), no matter what the hardship (*) where great beauty (*) and adventure (*) can be found.

via A Familiar Path (*) by Doug Miller (*).

I found this today in a search for a friend. It was also for me to remember the path we have taken, and how far we have come, over the last 4 and 1/2 years. I said this once before, about the blog this quote came from, that is the single most moving piece of writing (*) I have ever read. It still is and I am glad I looked for it and found it again today.

On Imitation - Looking for Snapshots (Mon 13 Oct 2014)

Che 'Homer' Guevara (*) - Rialto Bridge / Venice (Thu 11 Sep 2014)
Looking for Snapshots (*) writes on Imitation (*):

We know that snapshots are mostly boring, but a found photo—a snapshot or other non-art photo given meaning by someone who didn’t take it—can be boring, too: finding a photo can be as thoughtless an activity as taking one. Both logic and experience suggest that the percentages are no better for found photos than for any other kind. One way a found photo can be boring is to be derivative.

[..] imitation is something you don’t want to get rid of: cultural transmission couldn’t happen without it. There’s no bright line between an artist who imitates and one who is (productively) influenced, or between an artist who isn’t doing anything new and one who is carrying on a tradition. An artist who imitates is probably one who loves, and love is a good thing.

via Imitation (*) by Looking for Snapshots (*).

Another great piece of writing and presentation. Writing seems to be easy if you know what you want to say. Rule 1: know the point you want to get across.

Tagliatelle Bolognese 101 and The Known Unknown - Alexandria (Fri 17Jul 2015)

Plated Up - Fuel and Courage for 35km paddle tomorrow - Alexandria (Fri 17 Jul 2015)

Now we know what Pluto looks like after knowingly not knowing for quite a while now (a great read about the significance of this here at ribbonfarm ). So on a slight less significant level, here is what I know now, that I did not knowingly know back 13 months ago...

Just on 13 months ago I found a passion for cooking. A new kitchen and a little help from Michelle and I was on my way. One of the dishes Michelle suggested was a spaghetti bolognese.

I thought that would be an easy start, so went to Google to find a recipe, as you do. This is the one I liked the most from all the ones I read back then:

• Spaghetti bolognese recipe: Italian chefs show world the correct way

I liked the authenticity of ingredients, the correctness and approval from Bologna - a place we were heading to on the way to the World Club Crews in Ravenna a few months later.

I have cooked this recipe almost every second week for a year now. And all modesty aside (you know me), the one I cooked this last Monday was perfecto, with a hand and fingers rising from my mouth.

Indeed the recipe looked simple and my first efforts did not excit me that much and I thought to myself where was I going wrong? I have learnt that a recipe is just a starting point and that to make it work and indeed, great, like anything in life, you have to experiment, listen and learn from others, take risks, knowingly or unknowingly.

These are just some of the things I have learnt:

• I tried different ingredients from different places and found the best ones.


• Brown onions are much better than white onions, they help give you a nice brown sauce.


• Finely cut the carrots and celery rather than coarsely cut - a lot of experimenting to work that one out. Your preference might be different, but finely cut works best for me.


• The cheaper the cans of tinned diced tomatoes are, the better they are.


• A couple of diced real tomatoes add so much to a couple of cheap tins of diced tomatoes.


• You need a good can openner.


• Best mince is not the best for a bolognese and that a 50-50 combination of best mince and normal mince is best - a little fat goes a long way in taste and texture. I found this one out by mistake, as my usual and preferred butcher had virtually run out of best mince that day, so I topped it up with the normal mince.


• Browning and slightly burning the Pancetta on the pan base, also adds a browness and richness to the sauce. Just keep stirring it into the olive oil as you are browning it.


• Only add the red wine (and again cheaper the better) after the mince has been browned. Then make sure to take the time to boil it down without a lid until 30% has boiled away.


• As suggested in the article, a big thick pasta like tagliatelle is best. Beats spaghetti and even fettuccine by a long way.


• A little olive oil in the pasta makes it less sticky and easy to handle when serving up (Thanks to Darren and his Mum for that one).

It has taken 13 months to work all this out and I am so pleased with what I have learnt. Feel like I could enter World Bolognese Champs mentioned in the article and give it pretty good shake.

So as New Horizons speeds past Pluto into the outer Solar System and beyond, to make more of the unknown known, I will continue my quest to know more, master and perfect what I don't already know about Tagliatelle Bolognese 101.

Ready to Go - Alexandria (Mon 13 Jul 2015)

Simmeringly Good - Alexandria (Mon 13 Jul 2015)

All done... - Alexandria (Fri 17 Jul 2015)

Where Inspiration can be Found - An Artist / HONY (Fri 10 Oct 2014)

Street Portraits (*) Prints - Alexandria (Sep 2013)
Where Inspiration (*) can be found:

I’m not sure. I’m an artist, and I thought it would be good to create a situation where I feel out of place and slightly fearful. I feel like you can only draw inspiration from circumstances. Inspiration isn’t really something that you can sit around and extract from your psyche.

via This spot in the park reminds me a bit of Massachusetts, so I... (*) by HONY (*).

Occasionally I have some prints made from the photos I have taken. It takes effort to get out there and to make photos. When I see them laid out like this, it surprises me that I have taken them and to see an apparent theme that seems to pervade them (which I had forgotten about). They are part of my archive (something I have never really thought about) and my life now. They make me understand (*) the influences (*) that have helped create them - a couple here (*) and here (*). Inspiration also comes from these influences, but more importantly the photos now provide the inspiration to get out out there and to see what else is waiting to be found (*). It's kind of self fulfilling in a way.

The Time of Your Life ..

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

As many of you will know, I have another obsession in my life beyond paddling - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Pitt Street Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes on the shore of Muri Lagoon - we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves.

In our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

Seven year ago today.

We remember Jenny. She (as they all do) lives on through our memories.

Photo: Wilson Street Lock - Newtown (Sun 14 Apr 2002)

Wilson Street Lock - Newtown - Sun 14 Apr 2002 (photo.net)
The above photo was taken at the entrance door of an Anitque Factory called Original Finish (thanks Charlotte) on Wilson Street in Newtown.

I drive past here on days I do outrigger training. Often walk past here on weekends, as the area has unlimited parking and is convenient to the Cafes and Shops of King Street Newtown.

I had seen quite a few photos of this type on photo.net, and for some reason I noticed the lock and decided to photograph it up close using macro mode. It seemed to be more interesting cropped to a square format.

Surprisingly, a few days after uploading it to photo.net, I noticed that it seemed to be getting more views than my typical photo uploads. Normally, I would get the occasional viewer and would be lucky to get 20 to 30 views in the first week and hopefully a couple of comments. Somehow this photo found itself rotating on and off photo.net's home page and this explained the surge in views.

When I looked at this photo tonight after many years [1], I was surprised to see that it had reached almost 63,000 views. This has to be my most viewed photo on photo.net. Not a lot by popular photo.net photographers standards, but good for some one like me.

Some memories follow. I bought a small digital camera in Decmeber 2000 just before we went to the Cook Islands for a Holiday (see picasa). It was an original Canon IXUS. It cost $1,600 duty free and was all of 2 Mega Pixels (1,600 by 1,200 pixels). A small, cheap and out of date mobile phone camera would easily surpase this IXUS's pixel capabilities.

It was a great little camera and I used it to capture our memories.

I did not know anything about photography. When I overheard someone at Lunch talking about a web site called photo.net, I quickly found it and after I had figured out how the site worked, I joined up as member on Fri 16 Mar 2001. The site was a community that allowed the uploading of photos for comments, rating, and written critiques. There were also forums to discuss all things about photography, cameras, accessories and technique. It was the original photo sharing community. I can recall even the founders of flickr being ordinary members of photo.net just like me. They created flickr to develop a community that photo.net struggled to move to.

I met some great people. Also learnt a lot there and had just as much fun.

[1] I have not been really active on photo.net since late 2004 - ran out of quota to upload photos, but still lurk there.