You don't need to hear all the lyrics - Matt Berninger

Bloodbuzz Ohio (Live Directors Cut) - The National
You don't need to hear all the lyrics. In fact, the things you mishear are automatically like you are putting yourself into it. If you do that, you know, you think it says one thing. I think it is more engaging when you don't know. So that is how it is with me and music. Michael Stipe and his lyrics for so long were impressionistic and you could not hear what many of the words were and I think that was part of their power. Because they sucked you into it.

Matt Berninger (from The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio (Live Directors Cut))

Lyrics

Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I lift my shirt up
Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I lift my shirt up

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married, but Ohio don't remember me

Lay my head on the hood of your car
I take it too far
Lay my head on the hood of your car
I take it too far

I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
I never thought about love when I thought about home
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know

I'm on a blood buzz
Yes, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz
I'm on a blood buzz
God, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married, but Ohio don't remember me

I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
I never thought about love when I thought about home
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know

I'm on a blood buzz
Yes, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz
I'm on a blood buzz
God, I am
I'm on a blood buzz.

So many great lines in this one:

• I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees


• I still owe money to the money to the money I owe


• The floors are falling out from everybody I know


• I never thought about love when I thought about home
  

Closer to the Edge by 30 seconds to Mars (youtube)

Closer to the Edge by 30 seconds to Mars (youtube)

I will never forget
I will never regret
I will live my life

Closer to the Edge by 30 seconds to Mars


My philosophy in life is ..
'Don't regret anything you do,
because in the end, it makes you who you are.'

Wise words from a young girl at the beginning of Closer to the Edge Video

'Don't regret anything you do .. - Closer to the Edge by 30 seconds to Mars

Now that I am commuting 35-45 minutes each day to and from Kirrawee to Alexandria, I am getting to hear a lot more songs on the radio. I have heard this song a few times over the last year or so and have always liked it. A few times I have tried to remember a few words from the lyrics, but have not been able to track it down until Friday, when I heard on the way to work.

Having seen Tree of Life (more here and here) yesterday afternoon. I was stunned by the movie and how it seemed to capture many of my thoughts on the loss of my brother Tim, and how he coped (or struggled his whole life really) with the loss of our Father when he was just 18 years old (yet another story for another day). The following lyrics to me have some connection with the Movie and my feelings from it - they intertwine.

Closer to the Edge

I don't remember one moment, I tried to forget
I lost myself, is it better not said?
Now I'm closer to the edge

If it's a thousand to one and a million to two
Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you
Closer to the edge

No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again

(No, no, no, no)

Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free
The birth of a sun and the death of a dream
Closer to the edge

This never ending story
Hateful with pride and fate
We all fall short of glory, lost in ourselves

No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again

(No, no, no, no)

I will never forget
I will never regret
I will live my life

No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again

Closer to the edge
Closer to the edge

Viva La Vida - ColdPlay - Letterman Live (Tue 20 Sep 2011)

Viva La Vida - Coldplay - Live on Letterman [Youtube (*)]
Heard this song on the car radio the day after Lance Armstrong's confession to the world via Oprah.

When I heard the lyrics I could not help but think of Lance. So many analogies.

Like Lance, the song is part of me and my life experiences. It is too hard to write about here now and I will save it for another day.

Here are the lyrics. Enjoy ...

Viva La Vida Lyrics

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

via (*) by (*).

'England' by The National on Q TV (youtube)

'England' (High Violet) by The National on Q TV (youtube)
England

Someone send a runner
Through the weather that I'm under
For the feeling that I lost today
Someone send a runner
For the feeling that I lost today

Someone send a runner
Through the weather that I'm under
For the feeling that I lost today
Someone send a runner
For the feeling that I lost today

You must be somewhere in London
You must be loving your life in the rain
You must be somewhere in London
Walking Abbey Lane

I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make corrections

Famous angels never come through England
England gets the ones you never need
I'm in a Los Angeles cathedral
Minor singing airheads sing for me

Put an ocean and a river
Between everybody else,
Between everything, yourself, and home
Put an ocean and a river
Between everything, yourself, and home

You must be somewhere in London
You must be loving your life in the rain
You must be somewhere in London
Walking Abbey Lane

I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make corrections

Famous angels never come through England
England gets the ones you never need
I'm in a Los Angeles cathedral
Minor singing airheads sing for me

Afraid of the house, stay the night with the sinners
Afraid of the house, stay the night with the sinners
Afraid of the house, 'cause they're desperate to entertain

[ Thanks to LottieP yet again for a recent Facebook Entry and National Velvet (11 Jun 2010).

Nice to find some new music. After listening and watching some Youtube videos, bought National Violet and Boxer and now have them on my iPhone. Brilliant Band.

I will try to write what this song means to me at some stage. Particularly the line You must be somewhere in London. In some ways I have already started.]

Forgotten Years - Midnight Oil (1990) (youtube)

Forgotten Years - Midnight Oil (1990) (youtube)

Who can remember, we've got to remember


Norm (a few weeks before he suddenly passed away), Jo, Margaret, Geoff and Jenny - Graduation - Masters Degree in Accounting - Town Hall / Sydney (May 1992)
Anzac Day here in Australia. Jo and I have just been for a long paddle in the rain under and around the Anzac Bridge.

Always think of this song on Anzac Day. I remember hearing this back in the early 1990's. Whenever I hear it now, I think of Jenny and Joanne's Father, Norm. I was always invited around to the Petterson Home for lunch on Anzac Day (I would have three Anzac Days with Norm before he passed away suddenly in June 1992) and there would always be Anzac Biscuits with a tea or coffee for afterwards. Joanne has made a batch for today, so the tradition continues.

Norm - Woranora (Wed 22 Dec 2010)

Random Recollection follows: Was lucky enough to hear Midnight Oil play this song live in April 1990. I was the only member of the audience ..

I played hockey for most of my life and back in the late 1980's and early 1990's we started playing on a synthetic surface, rather than the traditional grass. The only fields in Sydney at the time were at Homebush (the site and surrounding area would host the Sydney 2000 Olympics).

The only other sporting facility at Homebush at time was the State Sports Centre which had a number of sports halls for playing basketball and many other indoor sports.

After finishing a week night training session with my club, Sydney Uni, I could hear live music being played in one of the sports hall. It was early in the season and it was still warm. The doors to the Hall adjoining the hockey field was open, so I had a look.

At the far end of the Hall was a band playing - it was Midnight Oil rehearsing for an upcoming tour. I sat down, leant against the wall. They appeared to not notice me or did not care. As the lone audience member, I just sat back, thought how lucky I was, and watched and listened to Midnight Oil rehearse a number of songs.

This song, the Forgotten Years was one of them. It stood out to me and I liked it immediately (still do). It was the first time I had heard it and I remember telling Jenny about my good fortune and hearing all their big hits of the time (eg Beds are Burning). I told her about this song, which I had not heard before.

I don't know exactly when, but I know this song started to get some air play and I saw the above film clip which seems to give the song even more meaning.

Here are the lyrics ..


Forgotten Years Lyrics

Few of the sins of the father
Are visited upon the son
Hearts have been hard
Hands have been clenched into fists too long

Our sons need never be soldiers
Our daughters will never need guns
These are the years between
These are the years that were hard fought and won

Contracts torn at the edges
Old signatures stained with tears
Seasons of war and grace
These should not be forgotten years

Still it aches like tetanus
It reeks of politics
How many dreams remain?
This is a feeling too strong to contain

The hardest years, the darkest years
The roarin' years, the fallen years
These should not be forgotten years
The hardest years the wildest years
The desperate and divided years
Our shoreline was never invaded
Our country was never in flames
This is the calm we breathe
This is a feeling too strong to contain

Still it aches like tetanus
It reeks of politics
Signatures stained with tears
Who can remember, we've got to remember

The hardest years, the darkest years...
Forsaking aching breaking years
The time 'n' tested heartbreak years
These should not be forgotten years

The blinded years, the binded years
The desperate and divided years
These should not be forgotten years
Remember

As someone said ..

This is simply a song about remembering the sacrifice made by all soldiers during war.

On Taking a Risk - Iain S. Thomas (Mon 18 May 2015)

Untitled - Chippendale (Tue 09 Jun 2015)

Iain S. Thomas on Taking a Risk:

I have seen people wait their entire life for the perfect moment to squeeze their heart, and that moment never came. I have seen people risk it all too late, be amazed by what they found, and cry over the time they wasted. I have seen people disappointed and sad and poor and more aware of who they are and what they are than anyone who didn't dare risk what they risked. I have seen people never know their own heart, and they may as well have never had one.

Via The Risks of Never Reaching Inside Your Own Chest by Iain S. Thomas.

Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory

Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory
A couple of quotes from various web sites and the lyrics follow:

From Angels on the Moon at wikipedia:

Songwriter and keyboardist Scott Jason told Songfacts that "Angels on the Moon" was also inspired by the U2 song "Where The Streets Have No Name".[2] The line, "Don't tell me if I'm dying, `cause I don't want to know" is a way of saying that life should be lived to the fullest, because a person's time on earth is unknown and if tomorrow never comes, there will be no regrets.

Another quote from a blog post at dosomething.org:

CelebsGoneGood: "Angels on the Moon" was inspired by the tragic events of September 11. Does it still get a strong reaction today?

Clayton Stroope: It's one of the first songs we wrote and recorded together. Although it can be monotonous to sing the same songs night after night, the reaction from the crowd gives it new energy. Because of the lyrics, the song takes on a different meaning for each individual person. Last night, a fan drove 4 hours to see our show. Her mother suffered from breast cancer and the song has a special meaning for her.

Angels on the Moon - Lyrics

Do you dream that the world will know your name,
So tell me your name (tell me your name)
And do you care, about all the little things,
Or anything at all (or anything at all),

I wanna feel all the chemicals inside,
I wanna feel (I wanna feel),
I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive,
To know I'm alive (to know if I'm alive),

Don't tell me if I'm dying,
Cause I don't wanna know,
If I can't see the sun,
Maybe I should go,
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,
Of angels on the moon,
Where everyone you know,
Never leaves too soon

Do you believe in the day that you were born,
Tell me do you believe, (do you believe)
And do you know that every day's the first of the rest of your life,

Don't tell me if I'm dying,
Cause I don't wanna know,
If I can't see the sun,
Maybe I should go,
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,
Of angels on the moon,
Where everyone you know,
Never leaves too soon,

This is to one last day in the shadows,
And to know a brothers love,
This is to New York City angels,
And the rivers of our blood,
This is to all of us,
To all of us,

So don't tell me if I'm dying,
Cause I don't wanna know,
If I can't see the sun,
Maybe I should go,
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,
Of angels on the moon,
Where everyone you know,
Never leaves too soon,

Yeah you can tell me,
All your thoughts about the stars,
That fill polluted skies,
And show me where you run to,
When no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends,
Cause I just don't wanna know,
No, I don't wanna know,

Don't tell me if I'm dying,
Don't tell me if I'm dying.

The small miracle of photography is .. it's never summer (Thu 04 Apr 2013)

Street Portrait (*) - George Street / Sydney (Fri 15 Mar 2013)
it's never summer (*) writes:

The small miracle (*) of photography is, in [the photographers] hands, images with very little context can generate compassion (*).

via From the jpegs online and what I had read about it, I had... (*) by it's never summer (*).

Humble Obsessiveness - it's never summer (Fri 05 Aug 2016)

Notice - Glebe (Fri 05 Aug 2016)

it's never summer on Obsessiveness:

Humble subject matter does not exclude obsessiveness

via Mapplethorpe’s “Kitchen Sink” by it's never summer.

The Warrior never judges someone else's suffering

'It's just a storm in a tea cup,' someone says to the warrior of light.

But he never exaggerates his difficulties and always tries to remain calm.

And he never judges someone else's suffering.

A small detail - which does not affect him in the least - could serve to ignite the storm brewing in his brother's soul. The warrior respects the suffering of others and does not try to compare it with his own.

The cup of suffering is not the same size for everyone.

From the Manual of Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho - (more here)

"Shattered"/"Fractured" - La Perouse - Aug 2002 (picasa)

The Arrow - The Way of the Bow / Paulo Coelho

Directional Arrow - Avenue du Mont-Royal / Montreal (Thu 25 Aug 2011)
From Paulo Coelho's (*) short story, The Way of the Bow (*)..

The Arrow

The arrow is the intention.

It is what unites the strength of the bow with the centre of the target.

The intention must be crystal-clear, straight and balanced. Once the arrow has gone, it will not come back, so it is better to interrupt a shot, because the movements that led up to it were not sufficiently precise and correct, than to act carelessly, simply because the bow was fully drawn and the target was waiting.

But never hold back from firing the arrow if all that paralyses you is fear of making a mistake. If you have made the right movements, open your hand and release the string. Even if the arrow fails to hit the target, you will learn how to improve your aim next time.

If you never take a risk, you will never know what changes you need to make.

Each arrow leaves a memory in your heart, and it is the sum of those memories that will make you shoot better and better.

Plenty of great metaphors for our life experiences here.

A Photographers Lament - - Matt Weber (Oct 2011)

Blurry Cats - Flatiron District - New York (Wed 17 Aug 2011)
A fantastic interview (*) with Matt Weber (*) over at the equally great Street Reverb [magazine] (*) Street Photography web site.

I can relate to many of Matt's insights (*) into photographing on the street.

Having already posted about photography related regrets (*), the following quote caught my eye...

Regrets of missed opportunities have plagued me, but also helped me greatly. I can lament a missed shot for a very long time, if I think it may have been epic. Those type of shots are far and few between.

In order to spare myself the self inflicted torture which follows missing a potentially great photograph, I’ve learned three things from my mistakes.

• Never leave home without your camera. Never do it!


• Always keep at least one extra roll of film, or these days an extra battery and CF card I suppose.


• Lastly, don’t hesitate when you see something fantastic.

Fear and or embarrassment, has cost me a handful of images which I’m certain would have been very important to me. It’s hard to block out emotions sometimes, but if you want to be a “Nice Guy” and never upset a soul, you’ll be better off doing something else.

Having just returned from Matt's hometown of New York (*) and reading his story (*) inspired me to post the DGK series of photos (*) and explain what I was thinking as I took the photos. It is great when someone like Matt talks about and shares their photography insights as well as their own photographic trials and tribulations.

Also I'm a big believer in learning from mistakes (*).

So much to learn from and to be inspired by - thanks Matt Weber (*) and Bryan Formhals (* of Street Reverb [magazine] (*)

Picasa Contact Sheets (*) (3 of 4) - Canon G10 - New York (Thu 18 Aug 2011)

Emotional Preparation For The Olympic Games by Cal Botterill

Emotional Preparation For The Olympic Games by Cal Botterill

A great article and one worth reading. Here are some random points ..

Being clear minded should be an important objective going into the Games [Championships]. Once again though, it is critical to feel focused and occupied and to avoid falling into the human tendency to start overanalyzing. It has been suggested that "nothing never happens"; in the absence of a constructive focus our minds sometimes start "over-thinking" or "over-perceiving."

• Enjoy the emotional spectrum that is part of life.



• Accept and experience feelings, let them go, and channel the energy into growth and effective responses.



• Respect the power and positive and negative significance of emotions on your system.



• Manage relationships and time so that you do not become emotionally drained at key times in your life, especially when working hard physically and mentally.



• Let go of irrational beliefs and perspectives.



• Reaffirm your mission, values, and perspective.



• Live. Never have to say, "I wish I would have ..."

An athlete should be confident in mental skills going into the Games [Championships]. Responses to stress and boredom should automatically be constructive, and time and relationship skills should be crisp and effective. Creative simulations, quality training sessions, and lead-up competitions can help ensure the rust is off attention and competitive skills during the countdown.

He concludes with the following:

I would say to each of our Olympic athletes: Walk away knowing you gave it your best shot and exulted in the opportunity to test yourself in one of the most prestigious and emotional environments in the world. Accept that you can never totally control your emotions that is part of the challenge of being human. With emotional preparation, practice, and management we can often come closer to our situational potential.

Compete with passion, perspective, and preparation and be all you can be as you pursue your Olympic destiny. I wish you physical prowess, a clear mind, and an unburdened heart. Citius, Altius, Fortius! [The Olympic Motto]

Definitely worth a read. Take from it what you can for your own mental preparation.

PD's Mixed Team Pre-race Team Huddle - 2011 Nationals - Canberra (Fri 01 Apr 2011)
Willy and George - Pre-race Preparation/Rituals - Senior A Mixed 500m Final - Racice /Prague (Sat 29 Aug 2009)

Some Down Time - Chinese New Year - Darling Harbour / Sydney (Sat 06 Feb 2009)
Turning it on - World Club Crews - Penang / Malaysia (Sat 02 Aug 2008)

To love means never to be afraid of the windstorms of life .. Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross

"To love means never to be afraid of the windstorms of life;
should you shield the canyons from the windstorms
you would never see the beauty of the carvings.

Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross (Swiss-born American psychiatrist/writer)

Thanks Sue, for your thoughts, the beautiful message and the above words of wisdom on the 2nd Anniversary of Jenny's passing. We are kindred spirits and have shared the same path.

Jenny and Geoff - Echidna Chasm / Purnululu National Park - (Mon 14 May 2001)

Jenny - Echidna Chasm / Purnululu National Park - (Mon 14 May 2001)

Rock Wall - Cape Leveque / Western Australia (Tue 08 May 2001)
Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque / Western Australia (Tue 08 May 2001)

It's not about the Paddle

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE – LANCE ARMSTRONG

I read the following extract to Jenny twice while she was in Hospital in June 2009. The first time was two days after the surgery to remove a 4cm brain tumor. She listened intently - like a small child being read a fairy tale - while I struggled to remain composed, as I read it to her.

Jenny - St George Private Hospital - Sun 22 Jun 2009 (picasa)
The second time was in the Intensive Care Unit at St George following her "heart failure" episode 6 days earlier (Tue 23 Jun 2009) – a day before she left us on the 30 Jun 2009 at 9:16am. I think and hope she heard me. This little story for me is the essence of the Book, a book she treasured, and ultimately it reads as a "prophecy" for what would unfold in Prague in late August 2009 for Joanne and myself - hope this makes sense .. Geoff

Jenny, Joanne and Geoff - St George ICU - Sun 28 Jun 2009 (picasa)

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE – LANCE ARMSTRONG

If there is a defining characteristic of a man as opposed to a boy, maybe it's patience. In 1995, I finally gained an understanding of the demanding nature of the Tour [de France] and all of its extraordinary tests and dangers. I finished it, and I finished strong, winning a stage in the closing days. But the knowledge came at too high a price, and I would just as soon not have learned it the way I did.

Late in the race, our Motorola teammate, Fabio Casartelli, the 1992 Olympic champion, was killed on a high-speed descent. On a descent, you ride single file, and if one rider goes down, it can cause a terrible chain reaction. Fabio didn't crash alone; 20 riders went down with him. But he hit a curb with the back of his head and fractured his neck and skull.

I went by too fast to see much. A lot of riders were down, and everybody was crouched around someone lying on the ground, but you see that sort of thing a lot in the Tour. It was only a while later that I learned via the team radio what had happened: Fabio was dead. When they tell you something like that, you almost don't believe it.

It was one of the longest days of my life. Fabio was not only the young hope of Italian cycling, he was a new husband and a new father. His baby was just a month old.

Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque - 9 May 2001 (picasa)
We had to keep riding, to finish the stage even though we were distraught and sick with shock. I had known Fabio since I first started racing internationally in '91. He lived right outside of Como where I kept my apartment, and we had competed against each other at the Barcelona Olympics in '92, when he won the gold medal. He was a very relaxed, fun-loving man, a little goofy, a joker. Some of the top Italians were more serious, or macho, but Fabio wasn't like that. He was all sweetness.

That night we had a Motorola team meeting to discuss whether we should keep riding or not. We were split. Half of us wanted to quit and go home and cry with our families and friends, and half of us wanted to keep riding in honor of Fabio. Personally, I wanted to stop; I simply didn't think I had the heart to ride a bike. It was the first time I had encountered death, and genuine grief, and I didn't know how to handle it. But then Fabio's wife came to see us, and she said she wanted us to keep riding, because she felt that was what Fabio would have wanted. So we sat in the grass behind the hotel, said a few prayers, and decided to stay in.

Me and my Shadow - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life" - 7am Wed 01 Jul 2009 (picasa)
The next day the peloton rode in honor of Fabio, and gave our team a ceremonial stage victory. It was another long, terrible day— eight hours on the bike, with everybody grieving. The peloton did not race. Instead we rode in quiet formation. It was virtually a funeral procession, and at last our team rode across the finish line, while, behind us, Fabio's bike was mounted atop the support car with a black ribbon.

The following morning we began the race again in earnest, and rode into Bordeaux. Next was a stage into Limoges, and that night, Och came around to our rooms and told the team that Fabio had had two goals in the Tour: he wanted to finish the race, and he especially wanted to try to win the stage into Limoges. As soon as Och stopped speaking I knew that if Limoges was the stage Fabio had wanted to win for himself, now I wanted to win it for him, and that I was going to finish the race.

About halfway through the next day's stage, I found myself grouped with 25 guys at the front - Indurain was in the yellow leader's jersey, riding at the back. I did what came most naturally to me: I attacked.

The problem was, I attacked too early, as usual. I went with 25 miles still to go, and on a downhill portion. Two things you never do: attack early, and on a downhill. But I went so fast on that downhill that I had a 30-second lead in a finger-snap. The other riders were completely taken aback. I could feel them wondering, What's he thinking?

What was I thinking? I had looked back, and saw guys were riding along, with no particular ambition. It was a hot day, and there was no incentive to pull hard, everyone was just trying to get closer to the finish line where the tactics would play out. I glanced back, and one guy was taking a sip of water. I glanced back again. Another guy was fixing his hat. So I took off. Peoooo. I was gone.

When you have 15 other guys back there from 15 different teams, they'll never get organized. They'll look at each other and say: You pull. No, you pull! So I went, and I went faster than I'd ever ridden. It was a tactical punch in the face, and it had nothing to do with strength or ability; everything depended on the initial shock and separation. It was insane, but it worked.

IDBF Senior Mixed 500m Final - 200m to go - "The Break" - "It was insane, but it worked" – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Nobody got within 55 seconds of me again. The team support car kept coming up and giving me reports. Henny Kuiper, our team director, would say, "You're thirty seconds up." Then a few minutes later he'd come alongside again and say, "You're forty-five seconds up."

When he came up the third or fourth time, I said, "Henny, don't come up here anymore. I'm not getting caught."

"Okay, okay, okay," he said, and faded behind my wheel.

I didn't get caught.

I won by a minute, and I didn't feel a moment's pain. Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day. Even though I had charged too early, I never suffered after I broke away. I would like to think that was Fabio's experience too; he simply broke away and separated from the world. There is no doubt in my mind that there were two riders on that bike. Fabio was with me.

Senior Mixed 500m Final - "Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day." Lance A - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
I felt an emotion at the finish line that I've never experienced again. I felt I was winning for Fabio and his family and his baby, and for the mourning country of Italy. As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens, to Fabio.

World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009

After the Tour, Och had a memorial built for Fabio. He commissioned a sculptor from Como to execute a work in white Carrara marble. The team flew in from all over the world, and we gathered at the top of the mountain for the placement of the memorial and the dedication ceremony. The memorial had a sundial on it that shone on three dates and times: his birthday, the day he won the Olympic Games, and the day he died.

Geoff and Joanne at Fabio’s Memorial - we stumbled upon it by complete accident – Col de Portet d'Aspet - Thu 24 Sep 2009 [1] (picasa)
I had learned what it means to ride the Tour de France. It's not about the bike. It's a metaphor for life, not only the longest race in the world but also the most exalting and heartbreaking and potentially tragic. It poses every conceivable element to the rider, and more: cold, heat, mountains, plains, ruts, flat tires, high winds, unspeakably bad luck, unthinkable beauty, yawning senselessness, and above all a great, deep self-questioning. During our lives we're faced with so many different elements as well, we experience so many setbacks, and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure, head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and to have a little hope. The Tour is not just a bike race, not at all. It is a test. It tests you physically, it tests you mentally, and it even tests you morally.

I understood that now. There were no shortcuts, I realized. It took years of racing to build up the mind and body and character, until a rider had logged hundreds of races and thousands of miles of road. I wouldn't be able to win a Tour de France until I had enough iron in my legs, and lungs, and brain, and heart. Until I was a man. Fabio had been a man. I was still trying to get there.

[1] I would like to think the two shadows on the “Wings” of the Memorial represent the spirit of Jenny and her life as a twin with Joanne.. There we are, Joanne and I, counterpoised by the twin shadows of the Joanne and Jenny. Jenny overlooks us and is there with us, Always.

Jenny - "looking out over us - she inspires and guides us from above" - Geoff E - Wolfe Creek Crater, WA - 22 May 2001"

Jenny, Geoff, Joanne - St George - 22 Aug 2006

Learning to be a little more Certain of the Uncertain - Well Maybe?

Detail - Loch Ness Locks / Fort Augustus / Scotland (Sat 04 Sep 2005)
I did not find the Loch Ness Monster,
but I did find this amazing piece of rusted iron.
I have a been a little stuck on this post. Whenever this happens I look to the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) by Paulo Coelho (*) and found this ..

A warrior knows that the ends do not justify the means.

Because there are no ends, there are only means. Life carries him from unknown to unknown. Each moment is filled with this thrilling mystery: the warrior does not know where he came from or where is going.

But he is not here by chance. And he is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before. He often feels afraid, but that is normal in a warrior.

If he thinks only of the goal, he will not be able to pay attention to the signs along the way. If he concentrates only on one question, he will miss various answers that are there beside him. That is why the warrior submits.

This is my 1000th post. A milestone of sorts and something I would not have thought possible when I made my first post (*) here on Thu 26 Feb 2009.

I think the above passage from the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) provides a useful metaphor for this blog and the 1000 posts that it now comprises.

It is a reflection of my life and who I am. I am never quite sure where it is going - I just try to make connections between what I read, what I see, what I photograph and what I feel.

A lot has happened and changed in the last three and half years since that first post. I have learnt a lot about myself and others. I have made plenty of mistakes, yet I think I have done a few things right. I have been defeated, yet I have have had a few wins, for which I am grateful. I have been sad and I have been happy. I have felt lost and without purpose yet in some ways I have found myself. I have looked to the past, present and future. I have had regrets [and learnt how to let them go]. I have given up and I have battled on. I have lost belief in myself, yet I have found ways to restore that belief. I have been hurt, upset and I have forgiven. I have cried and I have laughed. I have been directionless and without purpose, yet I have had goals. I have been inspired. I have tried hard, too hard sometimes. I tried to be something I am not, and I have learnt my limits and what I can be. I have watched and followed, and at times I have lead, mostly unknowingly I should think.

Somehow I am happy when some say I should be angry. I have suffered and have empathised with the suffering of others. I have been drawn into other people's battles and have known how to respond. I believe in luck (and fate) and know that it comes from being prepared and the willingness to take a risk.

I have changed but remained the same. I am older though I feel younger. I am experienced but still feel like a beginner. I am wiser but more naive. I found a voice (an awkward one at that) I did not know I had. You don't know how far you have been until you get back. I've been all over and it's been all over me . Therefore I am thankful for this blog and what I have learnt about myself and others.

Many times I have asked myself why? post what I have posted here and other times I have said to myself, well why not? (this post being an example). I am starting to forget things, so it is nice to make the effort to write what is important, so it can be recalled. I have memories and I am making memories.

Most importantly, I have Remembered Jenny (*) - how she lived and how she died. Jo and I are the bearers of her memory and she lives on in our hearts and in our minds until we lay to rest beside her.

I could go on, but I won't ().

It's all here in these 1000 posts which are just like snapshots of my life.

Like Paulo Coelho's good warrior, I am not really sure where I am going and what might be ahead. I have come to learn that this is what life is all about. Ultimately I think I have learnt to become a bit more certain of the uncertain. I have accepted this - well at least I think I have.

Hopefully, i will have the opportunity to post another 1000 posts. Let's see what happens.

[the warrior] is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before - Loch Ness / Scotland (Sat 03 Sep 2005)

The Lucky Ones

This is a work in progress. It has been in my head for a long time now, but it has been hard to write. Hopefully, it will make sense. I expect to modify it a bit over the next few weeks, but at least it is a start.

A few months before Jenny died, I read Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike". Jenny had been given a copy by a long time friend, Mena, not long after the book was first published here in Australia (sometime around 2002/3 I am guessing). She read the book quickly and I know she got a lot from the pages. For some reason I did not read the book until early May 2009.

Geoff, Jenny, Mena, Steve and Joanne - Natation DB Titles - Kawana / Qld - Sat 25 Apr 2009 (picasa)

I bought my own copy so that I could read the book that meant so much to Jenny. I think I was motivated by the fact the Jenny was progressing to the final stages of her Cancer (at least that is reluctantly what I quietly started to think - she had just been diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver on the 11 Mar 2009 - not a very promising situation). I thought I might find something in the pages to understand her and our situation.

I read the book, intermittently over a few weeks, at my local coffee shop before work and on the train to work. There was lots of the book that resonated with me, particularly his encounters with cancer. One part in particular struck a chord with me. It was about a half through, where he writes about what he felt during chemotherapy following neurosurgery to remove a beign brain tumor.

What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.

I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know more about your frailty than most people, and I think that changes a man. I was brought low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical: this disease would force me to ask more of myself as person than I ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.

A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something.

"You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."

I'd said aloud, "This guy's a nut."

What on earth could he mean?

When I read this, I stored it away in my mind, eagerly awaiting Lance's own answer to this question - lucky .. What on earth could he mean?. It would come quietly on the last page of the book.

"You don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones," my fellow cancer patient had written.

I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me, and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. I believe I have an obligation to make something better out of my life than before, and to help my fellow human beings who are dealing with the disease. It's a community of shared experience. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, "Oh, my God, I'm going to die," is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.

Jenny had often indicated that she felt lucky (I think in both aspects - that of surviving an aggressive cancer and oddly enough, having had had cancer). She said this in the Australian Story Episode, "In the Pink":

'I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.'

Jenny - Australian Story - "In the Pink - Kirrawee - May 2004 (picasa)

and in her Talks:

'I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.'

Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)

The Rainbow Connection - Phil, John, Marj, Jenny, Liz, Noel - Phil passed away shortly after this photo was taken - he often spoke to Jenny about how luck seemed to play a big part in how things worked out, but sometimes you make you own luck - Rely for Life 2003 - Sylvania Waters - Sat 31 May 2003 - (picasa)

As Jenny's International Dragon Boating Career started, she came to the attention of the Media and in the first Newspaper Article she featured in, she was even compared to Lance Armstrong:

Don Iverson, Director of the Health and Productivity Research Center at the University of Wollongong, said that Ms Petterson could be compared to Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France after fighting testicular cancer.

'It's almost superhuman,' he said.

Cancer wont slow rowing champion - Sydney Sun Herald - 2 May 2004

She was a little embarrassed by the comparison, but Jo and I were very proud of Jenny and her achievements in her treatment, her sport and her life as breast cancer survivor.

Geoff, Jenny, Grace, Lynn, Betty, Thomas, Grant, Joanne and David - Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)


After Jenny's passing, I had an encounter in the Intensive Care Unit where Jenny left us. Joanne and I had gone back to thank the staff at the St George Hospital and to pickup some scans that had been lost in Jenny's move from the Level 1 to ICU. We spoke to the head ICU nurses (they were between shifts) and we knew both of them from Jenny's time in ICU (and I was well known to them as I had fainted in ICU on Jenny's second day in ICU after the neurosurgery). We talked a little and I mentioned that Jenny did consider herself lucky to have had cancer - as she said herself - it had changed her life for the better. One the nurses questioned this statement and she made me feel a little uneasy for saying what I had said. She could not believe anyone with cancer could consider themselves lucky. Maybe, she had seen too much of the cold harsh reality of cancer in that ICU. Maybe she was right. It did not seem too lucky now that Jenny was gone?

This conversation stuck in my mind for a long time, and I started to question many things. It was not until I came across the following blog post by Doug Miller that I found some peace. Here was a man who had recently been diagnosed with Cancer. He was articulate and in many ways his post offers so much more than Lance's writings on Cancer and Luck. This is probably the most moving piece of writing I have read in my life. I don't have cancer, but I have lived a shared life with it and it's consequences. I can truly emphasise. Here it is. My heart is with you Doug ..

Doug Miller - Colorado Trail San Juan Mountains - 1994 - A Single Path - (blog)

The Lucky Ones by Doug Miller (Wed 23 Sep 2009)

[..] a friend [..] pointed me to Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike" I picked up a copy and quickly read through it. I liked it.

It had a bit much detail focusing on cycling, but that was an aspect of the man that could obviously not be separated from the larger reality of his battle with cancer.

There were portions though that left my mind spinning. Armstrong's description of his diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions that ensued was painfully raw and hit the mark with a clarity and similarity I could not deny. I myself am walking those darkened and fearful paths as I write these very words.

Out of all the pages a couple simple statements that he made resonated with me in a powerful way.

Armstrong tells of a letter that he received. It was from a man he had never met before. He himself had battled cancer. He wrote Armstrong to acknowledge his support and positive thoughts. As he finished the letter he made a strange statement that confused Armstrong. He wrote, "you probably do not understand this right now, but we are the lucky ones".

What? How is anyone with cancer lucky? It is devastating. It not only has the potential to steal your life, but also has the destructive potential to steal your Hope. Those words are haunting. Lucky? We are the lucky ones. This brotherhood of suffering is somehow lucky..........blessed?

It is diametrically opposed to any sort of sane thinking that those outside of this brotherhood would agree with. It actually is an almost dangerous statement. As if you say it as you are waking off a cliff without a safety net. A statement such as that redefines everything. Life. Death. And even Hope.

But as I walk this path, and simultaneously encounter life in all its beauty and harshness, I find myself agreeing. "We are the lucky ones". I am lucky. I say those words with a part of me screaming, "how dare you, how can you say that". But it is true. The perspective that cancer gives to life is unbelievable. It has the power to refine you. Your thoughts. Your direction. Your focus.

It is as if you look at life for the first time. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. Everything is turned on edge, revealing a freshness and an urgency that is not seen outside of cancer. If this clarity does exist in our normal lives, it is missed. Overshadowed by the busyness of life. By worthless and empty pursuits.

Another quote from Armstrong's book was this: "Cancer is not about dying, it is about living" What a statement.

Most would argue against it. But those that walk this path find it to be true. Life after diagnosis becomes "alive". It becomes real. It is as if you can grasp it with your own hands, breath it in, consume it.

Oh if I could have had this view earlier in life. I knew that it existed. I sensed it. I chased it. Through the mountains. Through relationships. In the woods and fields of my youth. It was a whisper in the words of poets. And a reflection on the horizon as the sun slipped out of view. But i did not catch it until cancer became my reference. My reality.

We who are members of this brotherhood and sisterhood of suffering are the lucky ones, because now we can truly live. And Love. And Hope. And I dare to say Dream. They are painful dreams, haunted with the shadows of uncertainty, but they are vivid dreams. Passionate dreams. Dreams that leave your heart aching, your soul longing. We are released from the fear of death. Our finite lives are bared.

We come face to face with our mortality and realize that life is looking back at us. Raw and uncertain. But ALIVE none the less. There were days before cancer that I despaired. At times despising my life. But now I am hungry to live. I long to live. Whether that time be long or short, I hold tight to life and all of its glorious agony.

Posted by Doug Miller at 9:11 PM

Doing It - Writing a Novel - Marija Pericic / Linda Morris (Thu 27 Apr 2017)

Mirrors - Prague (Mon 31 Aug 2009)

Marija Pericic on Doing It:

I always wanted to write a novel, and then I just did and I didn't tell anyone I was doing it.

I did it alongside my work as an English language teacher. It took me about five years. I found it hard to talk about it, but I also didn't want to talk about it in case I never did it or I never completed it. I had a daily quota of 1000 words and I just did that and, after a while, I couldn't have stopped even if I wanted to.

via Marija Pericic wins 2017 Vogel Literary Award in a prize worthy of Kafka by Linda Morris.

When he wins a battle, the warrior celebrates

When he wins a battle, the warrior celebrates.

This victory has cost him anxious moments, nights racked with doubt, endless days of waiting. Since ancient times, celebrating a triumph has been part of the ritual of life itself: celebration is a rite of passage.

His companions see the warrior of light's joy and think: 'Why is he doing that? He might be disappointed in his next battle. He might draw down on himself the wrath of his enemy.'

But the warrior knows why he is celebrating. He is savouring the best gift that victory can bring: confidence.

He celebrates yesterday's victory in order to gain more strength for tomorrow's battle.

From the Manual of Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho - (more here).

The above passage now makes me realise why we should celebrate our little successes and achievements - it is not just about celebrating the victory!!

Jenny - she has just been presented with 2006 Aus Flag Bearer Recognition Trophy (Macau 2006 - a story for another day) - Kawana - 23 Apr 2009 (picasa)
Hard to believe that 12 months has almost gone by since the 2009 AusDBF National Dragon Boat Titles at Kawana. As we go through the final selection process and complete our final training sessions, I guess it is a good time to reflect on past experiences.

We did have a great time at the 2009 Nationals and it was fantastic that Jenny was with us. The day before we flew to the Sunshine coast, Jenny had her 5th cycle of fortnightly treatment (chemo and another drug, Avastin) and was still able to paddle for her State and Club over the Regatta. She did experience numerous visual migraines at night, which a month later would be diagnosed as being caused by a 4cm brain tumor. She also worried that the tumors in her liver would cause painful cramping in her stomach, but this did not occur while she was paddling.

Jenny, Geoff and Joanne - State - Kawana - 23 Apr 2009 (picass)

Jenny, Jo and Geoff - 200m Men's and Women's Tropy's - Breakfree Resort/Caloundra - 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)

The following is a small photo essay of the "9 from 9" effort by my club, the Pacific Dragons. This result was never expected and we took it one race at a time. Each day the Women's Crew would put the race of a lifetime on the water in the final and somehow come across the line first. This then put the pressure on the Men's crew to do the same. A few strategic words, a couple of calming and distracting jokes, and the moving story of brave little Tommy , from Gav would get us on the water to do the best we could. The rest is now history.

Gav gave Eugene (my seat 1 partner) and myself, the great honour of receiving the last club trophy to be presented at the Regatta. It was an amazing moment for Eugene and I, as we held aloft the Gold Medals and 200m Open's Winning Trophy. The assembled Australian Dragon Boat Community stood and applauded the amazing and historic achievement of our club, the Pacific Dragons. I had never seen anything like it and was humbled by the genorosity of spirit the Australian Dragon Boat community displayed that day to our Coaches, Teams, and Club.

All the best to every competing at the 2010 AusDBF National Dragon Boat Championships in Adelaide over the Anzac Weekend. Look forward to some great racing and catching up with many friends, and hopefully making some new friends on and off the water.

See you in Adelaide. Jenny's Spirit and Memory will be with us. She Guides and Inspires us from Above.

PD's Premier Open 200m Final - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)

Premier Opens 200m Final - AusDBF 2009 National Dragon Boat Champs - Kawana/Qld - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (at youtube by warwick27au)

The smile says it all - "9 from 9" - tidying up the Cox Vox cable after the Premier Open 200m Final - Anne would ask me to come and celebrate with the Team off the water - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)

Eugene and Geoff - Premier Open 200m Presentation - "PD's - nine from nine !! - I did not really want this weekend to end as I kind of knew the end was beginning to start (Editors: An End has a Start)." - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)

The Australian Dragon Boat Community acknowledging Pacific Dragons "9 from 9" - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)

Lost in the Crowd - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)

PD's Premier Open Men - After Party Celebration - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)

Pacific Dragons - After Party Celebration - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)

The Orange Wave - Gav Crowd Surfing - Just go with it Gav - After Party Celebration - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)

Joanne, Helen, Jenny and Nicola - After Party Celebration - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)

Joanne, Jenny and Geoff - After Party Celebration - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)


Vale Jenny Petterson - picasaweb - A Pocketful of Sequins - PD's Tribute (picasa)