Forgotten Years - Midnight Oil (1990) (youtube)

Forgotten Years - Midnight Oil (1990) (youtube)

Who can remember, we've got to remember


Norm (a few weeks before he suddenly passed away), Jo, Margaret, Geoff and Jenny - Graduation - Masters Degree in Accounting - Town Hall / Sydney (May 1992)
Anzac Day here in Australia. Jo and I have just been for a long paddle in the rain under and around the Anzac Bridge.

Always think of this song on Anzac Day. I remember hearing this back in the early 1990's. Whenever I hear it now, I think of Jenny and Joanne's Father, Norm. I was always invited around to the Petterson Home for lunch on Anzac Day (I would have three Anzac Days with Norm before he passed away suddenly in June 1992) and there would always be Anzac Biscuits with a tea or coffee for afterwards. Joanne has made a batch for today, so the tradition continues.

Norm - Woranora (Wed 22 Dec 2010)

Random Recollection follows: Was lucky enough to hear Midnight Oil play this song live in April 1990. I was the only member of the audience ..

I played hockey for most of my life and back in the late 1980's and early 1990's we started playing on a synthetic surface, rather than the traditional grass. The only fields in Sydney at the time were at Homebush (the site and surrounding area would host the Sydney 2000 Olympics).

The only other sporting facility at Homebush at time was the State Sports Centre which had a number of sports halls for playing basketball and many other indoor sports.

After finishing a week night training session with my club, Sydney Uni, I could hear live music being played in one of the sports hall. It was early in the season and it was still warm. The doors to the Hall adjoining the hockey field was open, so I had a look.

At the far end of the Hall was a band playing - it was Midnight Oil rehearsing for an upcoming tour. I sat down, leant against the wall. They appeared to not notice me or did not care. As the lone audience member, I just sat back, thought how lucky I was, and watched and listened to Midnight Oil rehearse a number of songs.

This song, the Forgotten Years was one of them. It stood out to me and I liked it immediately (still do). It was the first time I had heard it and I remember telling Jenny about my good fortune and hearing all their big hits of the time (eg Beds are Burning). I told her about this song, which I had not heard before.

I don't know exactly when, but I know this song started to get some air play and I saw the above film clip which seems to give the song even more meaning.

Here are the lyrics ..


Forgotten Years Lyrics

Few of the sins of the father
Are visited upon the son
Hearts have been hard
Hands have been clenched into fists too long

Our sons need never be soldiers
Our daughters will never need guns
These are the years between
These are the years that were hard fought and won

Contracts torn at the edges
Old signatures stained with tears
Seasons of war and grace
These should not be forgotten years

Still it aches like tetanus
It reeks of politics
How many dreams remain?
This is a feeling too strong to contain

The hardest years, the darkest years
The roarin' years, the fallen years
These should not be forgotten years
The hardest years the wildest years
The desperate and divided years
Our shoreline was never invaded
Our country was never in flames
This is the calm we breathe
This is a feeling too strong to contain

Still it aches like tetanus
It reeks of politics
Signatures stained with tears
Who can remember, we've got to remember

The hardest years, the darkest years...
Forsaking aching breaking years
The time 'n' tested heartbreak years
These should not be forgotten years

The blinded years, the binded years
The desperate and divided years
These should not be forgotten years
Remember

As someone said ..

This is simply a song about remembering the sacrifice made by all soldiers during war.

Learning to Fly - Coming Home / Sydney to Coffs Harbour (Mon 16 Mar 2015)

Learning to Fly - Coming Home / Sydney to Coffs Harbour (Mon 16 Mar 2015) - View on YouTube
Back to Coffs Harbour for another week at home with Mum. On a whim I decided to take a few photographs on my iPhone6 to capture the wild ocean as we came in for a landing in Coffs from the North. Decided to put it on video mode and leave it on for the last 4 or 5 minutes. And if it worked out I thought I would add the Foo Fighters Learn to Fly (it takes me back to Sydney 2000) as a soundtrack. In the end, I used the following, which is far more appropriate in spirit and mood. A lovely song. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did putting it all together on the iPhone6 - who would have thought this could all be done on a mobile so easily and effortlessly.

Learning To Fly Lyrics
Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Well, I started out down a dirty road
Started out all alone
And the sun went down as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up, the world got still

I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well, the good ol' days may not return
And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn

I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well, some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there

I'm learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
I'm learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

I'm learning to fly
I'm learning to fly

Coffs Harbour landing from the North - Diggers Beach and Park Beach / Coffs Habour (Mon 16 Mar 2015)

Knowing you, knowing me - Urbanbites / King Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

Knowing you, knowing me - Urbanbites / King Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

Up early for a big day. Decide to go get a coffee, but the local coffee shops wont be open until 8am, so decide to go up to the coffee shop you lived in for the first six months after Jenny's passing. It was frequented many times in the subsequent years and many fond memories with family, friends and mostly, myself, in my thoughts that the place nurtured. If I could write, I could write a book about the place and what I felt and experienced there. Many of the early blog posts implicitly encapsulate this, so I am glad to have made the effort.

It is over 12 months since I have been here and when I arrived just after 7 this morning, I sat and noticed the small changes that a prolonged separation facilitates and makes so obvious. I noticed the staff. Many were the same, which says a lot for the place which becomes incredibly busy later in the day and night.

I am served by a young waiter I know by face. He has been here for as long as I can remember. We don't know each others names but we know each enough to know each other even after 12 months of not seeing or even thinking each other.

You are touched when he remembers to ask before I can say what he is just about to say "large flat white?". "Thanks, that would be perfect" I said, "you remembered". He smiled and then proceeded on his way to make sure my coffee arrived to please me as best he could.

This is the second time in a week you have experienced something like this. And you wonder how and why?

You've walked through life trying your hardest not to be noticed, for that is where a shy person finds refuge and comfort. However, it's moments like this that make you realise that you do exist and in some ways touch people. Maybe it is because you touch people by just being there in the corner, trying your hardest to not be noticed ...

"Knowing you, knowing me" as the ABBA Classic goes ..

It's whoever has worked the hardest and smartest who will win - Anders Gustafsson (Sun 22 Aug 2010)

Anders Gustafsson (twitter) World Champion Kayaking K1 500m 2010 (youtube - Tweet)

Anders Gustafsson - K1 500m - 2010 ICF World Championships - Poznan/Poland - (Sun 22 Aug 2010)

A transcription of the video follows:

Anders Gustafsson (twitter): Hi, this is Anders Gustafsson. Tomorrow I will leave for the [2010] World Championships in Poland.

It's been really [difficult] training here in Sweden leading into the World Championships.

This is a pretty normal day (very windy and cold). Can't say it has been the best.

All my time trials have been really slow. That wont affect me too much. I will still go to Poland with a strong heart.

A flashback to the 2009 World Championships:

Commentator: 7/100 of a sec. That was the difference between Gustafsson and the German Rahue at the finish. And the Swedish settle for another silver this world championships.

Anders Gustafsson (twitter): Yesterday I was so happy over my Silver. But today I can't help to think about how close it was. Sadly I didn't win.

I'm stoked but still what little extra fuel to work even harder. I will try to make sure next time that I will be the best. I want to be world champion.

It's a huge difference in being 2nd in the world and being world champion.

I dream about the day when I can say that I am world champion.

I still think about the close race in 2009 sometimes.

I get over it by working even harder and to try and make sure that next time I have the inches on my side.

And in kayaking it's not luck that decides who wins.

It's whoever has worked the hardest and smartest who will win.

At the end, we go back to Anders in Sweden before leaving for Poland.

Anders Gustafsson (twitter): This has only made me harder and tougher and hopefully that will show in the race in Poland.

"In these small hours" (Little Wonders by Rob Thomas)

The music video for Little Wonders by Rob Thomas with Meet The Robinsons (youtube)
Today I heard this song for the first time in at least 2 years. The above is a video and the lyrics are below.

It is swelting in Sydney as I write this, at the end of hot summers day and I am covered in sweat. Spent this lovely Saturday afternoon on Sydney Harbour paddling in an OC6 from Glebe to Middle Harbour and back. Very windy, very hot and tough conditions. Still a great session and it makes you realise how lucky we are to have this beautiful city, it's harbour, the experiences we make for ourselves and the friendships we have with each other.

Pacific Dragons OC6 Mixed Crew - Paul, Jenny, Geoff, Marie, Liz, and Leslie - Ettalong / Central Coast - Jan 2007 (picasa)
Anwyay, on the way back to Alexandria from the session, in Wilson Street / Newtown [Note: 1], I had my radio on and heard this song.

Instantly, I became quite emotional (actually started crying uncontrollably - yes I'll admit it) and had to pull over. It was the song I had been trying to find for the last 19 months, since Jenny left us. I did not know it's title or any of the lyrics. All I knew was the tune. As a result, this made it difficult to track down. Apart from the tune, I also felt it was a Matchbox Twenty song.

Jenny had talked about it on it's release, when someone in her Cancer Support Group played the song at one the weekly Tuesday meetings. It seemed to mean a lot to Jenny and all her colleagues at the Group. 

I had tried to find the song many times since Jenny's passing, and I now know I was looking in the wrong place, as it is Rob Thomas song, not a Matchbox Twenty song (I had even bought a few Matchbox Twenty CD's to try and find the song, obviously to no avail).

While listening to the song in the car this afternoon, all I tried to do was remember (my memory is not that flash) a line from the chorus so that I could search for it as soon as I got back to Alexandria. The line I remembered was: 

In these small hours

A quick search found the above video and I then realised the song was from a Disney Animation Movie Meet The Robinsons, which I know little about (I am sure it is very good - actually have half a feeling that Jenny and Jo may have sneaked it in one Tuesday afternoon at the Movies. Will check with Jo). So I have no idea of the meaning of the song in the context of the Movie. Though with every song I think we are allowed to bring our own experiences and interpretations to it, even if we mishear the lyrics (I am reassured that this is OK :-). 

Over the years, when Jenny was with us, I would often force myself to stay awake at night, so that I could hear her breathing (we were both good sleepers and it was often a race to see who would nod off first). The sound of her breath, and the silhouette of the rise and fall of the sheets covering her chest, gave me some reassurance. I could not comprehend that one day the cancer might extingusish the breath of this amazing person (where do I start to explain) and take this beautiful woman from us.

Jenny Asleep - Barbara's - Balmoral/Brisbane - Fri 19 Dec 2003
So when I hear the line:

In these small hours 

I think of those nights and the small hours where I would lay awake watching and listening to her breath - I would often tell Jenny that it was like music to my ears.

Anyway, I will leave it that. I will buy the CD and put the song on my iPhone. I need to listen to it some more and try to make the connection to the song that Jenny and her friends at the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group made to it. I suspect for me it might mean something completely different to Jenny as I can already see some things that I have felt since Jenny left us.

A bit of ramble but it is nice to capture these fragments of my memory here.

Needless to say, very excited to have found this song

Maybe the The hardest part is over? 

I know in writing this: These small hours - Still remain

As we said to each other every night (and I still do) as we lay in bed before nodding off to sleep:

Good Night, Sweet Dreams, God Bless, Love You.

With love and fond memories .. Geoff

[Note 1]: I love Wilson Street ( Newtown) - so many little things have happened there recently and over the years (at least in my own mind). Maybe these are some of These little wonders the song refers. I know these little things have helped me a lot over the last 19 months as I move through the grieving process [see Quote: Half a Life - NYT Book Review (12 Sep 2010) (17 Oct 2010) - in some ways that post was a real turning point for me when I look back at it now].

Little Wonders 
Rob Thomas

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you 
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours 
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate 
Time falls away,
But these small hours
These small hours 
Still remain

Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine,
Till you feel it all around you
And I don't mind 
If it's me you need to turn to 
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours 
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate 
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
the way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders 
These twists and turns of fate
Yeah, these twisted turns of fate
Time falls away
Yeah, but these small hours, 
These small hours
Still remain

Yeah, oh they still remain
These little wonders
All these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away 
But these small hours 
These little wonders
Still remain

This is Water / This is Water - David Foster Wallace (Sat 21 May 2005)

Transition - water - Jerrabomberra Creek / Canberra - Sat 12 Mar 2005 (picasa)
David Foster Wallace's (w) 2005 Kenyon College Commencement Address (Sat 21 May 2005) begins with this "neat" parable ...

There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, "Morning, boys. How’s the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, "What the hell is water?"

He eloborates in the midst of the long and inspiring Address ...

[..] The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about....The fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance. [..]

and conlcudes with ...

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

This is water.

This is water.

The above photo is the photo that seemed to start my obsession of photographing water in earnest. No need to explain any more than this. Just thought this was a nice way to tie it all together, for me at least.

Simplicity - Jorg Colberg (Mon 23 Apr 2018)

Streaming - Chippen Lane / Chippendale (Sun 29 Apr 2018)

Jorg Colberg on Simplicity:

the simplest problems often are the hardest to solve.

via Success in Photography by Jorg Colberg.

2011 Inspire Award - Pacific Dragons (Sat 16 Jul 2011)

Geoff, Lisa, Nicola and Joanne - 2011 Inspire Award Winners - Lisa and Nicola (Sat 16 Jul 2011)
Lisa, Jenny and Nicola - PD's Women Post Final Win Celebration - CNY 2008 - Darling Harbour / Sydney (Thu 06 Nov 2004)

Jo and I thank Pacific Dragons for Jenny's Memory to be remembered through the annual presentation of the Inspire Award (*).

Jo and I were honoured to present the 2011 Inspire Award (*) to Nicola Frowen and Lisa Green at the Pacific Dragons AGM held on Sat 16 Jul 2011.

My nomination for this award follows. As you will read, in many ways this award was a personal thank you to both Lisa and Nicola for the contribution they have made to helping me find my place in a new world.

From: Geoff
Date: 17 June 2011 1:21:04 PM AEST
To: "geoffeldridge@yahoo.com.au"
Subject: Inspire Award (*) Nomination ..

My nomination is for two people - Nicola Frowen and Lisa Green.

Why two people? I have thought about the nomination long and hard. For me, it came down to Lisa and Nicola, but when I started to write “why” for each of them, I found was virtually writing the same thing. As you will come to see, if you have not already realised – they are twins and that has meaning and implication.

Nicola and Lisa are actively involved in the running of the club, both from an administrative and paddling perspective. Both are long term committee members filling important roles, ensuring the short-term vitality and long term viability of the club. They are goal driven and process oriented, and constantly and consistently achieve results, through hard-work, effort and persistence. They are both adaptable and willing, and they will take on ad hoc and often difficult tasks at short notice. They are always approachable and fulfil the responsibilities in a collaborative and friendly way.

Lisa and Nicola have made vital contributions to the club as coaches and managers. Lisa and Nicola as OC6 Coaches – taking many club sessions and coaching the 2011 Takapuna Team. Nicola and Lisa have both helped with the Single Craft sessions. On the Dragon Boat side of things Nicola, with Lisa’s support managed the 2011 Macua bound PD’s Dragon Boat – they performed all the administrative tasks –before, during and after; arranged flights, accommodation, sponsorship, uniforms, etc. In my view we would not have left our shores, if it was not for Nicola and Lisa. The hardest thing about becoming World Champions in Macau, was not crossing the line first, it was actually getting there. Without Nicola’s drive, particularly, our world champion memories would still be just dreams. We cannot thank you enough.

As paddlers, they have excelled this year. Be it, in the Dragon Boat, OC6 or OC1, they have trained with dedication and purpose. This has resulted in PB’s in many areas and rankings in the top echelons of the various crews and craft. In this area they are twins again – often ranking within metres or seconds of each other in the various trials that are conducted for crew selections. In individual events, they are often on each other’s tail in the last metres of an OC1 race. They do all of this in a quiet, humble and modest way. I have seen them have draw confidence from their achievements and they have used them to keep improving – the best is yet to come for both.

It is easy to be inspired by their achievements as Club members. However, from a personal perspective, they have become role models to me – I see them as strong and independent people, and they have helped guide and inspire me as I try to find my place in the world without Jenny. Along with Joanne, both Lisa and Nicola have supported, guided and inspired me – they all already know this. I know Jenny would be touched by the time they have taken to listen to me, the advice they have given and the inspiration they have provided when I have questioned myself during times when I was completely lost in grief and the shock of Jenny’s passing.

When one becomes as actively involved in the clubs running, events and happenings (as Nicola and Lisa have), there are bound to be times that are difficult, and there have been a few such times. I know that they have each supported the other during such times and for that I admire them. For you see, being “twins” means they are best friends and I admire them for that and the “love” they have for each other.

I would like to think that Jenny would support me in my nomination and that the 2011 Inspire Award would be a worthy acknowledgement of Nicola’s and Lisa’s part in making Pacific Dragons what is today (and in the future), but also for helping me find meaning and direction in my life.

Lisa and Nicola - Great Wall / China (Thu 05 Aug 2010)
Jenny and Joanne - Great Wall / China (Thu 06 Nov 2004)

More On Trying - Iain S. Thomas (Tue 02 Jun 2015)

Whosus - Pacific Dragons Single Craft Day - Barrrenjoey Headland / Palm Beach (Sat 06 Jun 2015)

Iain S. Thomas on Trying:

I've been told I'm special in so many different ways my entire life, why should I have to try, and continue to educate myself, try, and maintain a healthy marriage, try, and exercise, try, and work to accomplish something -- anything -- great?

This is one of the hardest illusions in the world to break. I am not special and I need to try if I want anything. There is nothing sad about that. The only happiness, joy and beauty that isn't temporary, that will nourish your soul and make you feel human and connected to yourself, is found in realizing that you actually have to try.

The Exquisite Beauty of Actually Trying by Iain S. Thomas.

The Warrior of The Light knows how to lose.

The Warrior of The Light knows how to lose.

He does not treat defeat as if it were a matter of indifference to him, saying things like

Oh, it doesn’t matter

or

To be honest, I didn’t really want it that much.

He accepts defeat as defeat and does not try to make a victory out of it.

Painful wounds, the indifference of friends, the loneliness of losing-all leave a bitter taste. But at these times, he says to himself:

I fought for something and did not succeed. I lost the first battle.

These words give him renewed strength. He knows that no one wins all the time and he knows how to distinguish his successes from his failures.

From the The Manual of the Warrior of Light by Paulo Coehlo.

Geoff - "The Road to Prague 2009 started here" - Holiday Inn Atrium / Singapore - Sun 10 Aug 2008
Geoff - 200m Heat 2 - AusDBF Nationals / Sydney 2007 - (Apr 2007)
Little Wonders 
Rob Thomas

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you 
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Been doing a lot of "letting go" lately.

Keep Moving Forward (Little Wonders Video by Rob Thomas)

Whosus - Back on the Water - Gunnamatta Bay / Cronulla (Sun 22 Apr 2012)

Whosus - Back on the Water - Gunnamatta Bay / Cronulla (Sun 22 Apr 2012)
Whosus - A Sign - Gunnamatta Bay / Cronulla (Sun 22 Apr 2012)
Whosus - A Double Sign - Gunnamatta Bay / Cronulla (Sun 22 Apr 2012)
Had Whosus, our OC1, out on the water for the first time since mid-June last year, when I moved by to Kirrawee. She has been sitting in the Garage there for all that time, waiting patiently for me to sell my old car (mid-July 2011) and then to buy a new car (early Jan 2012) and then roof racks (mid-Feb 2012).

Hardest bit was the last bit and that was trying to find the motivation to get back on the water with her. Well today was the day and it feels like the right time with just 10 weeks to Hong Kong for World Club Crew Championships. As I took the top photo at the end of the session with Kelly, Bec and Greg, a Rainbow and then a Double Rainbow was definitely an approving sign from above for sure. I had not seen a rainbow like this since the afternoon of Jenny's Funeral.

Today's words of wisdom by the prolific Kirk Tuck (*) who writes (*)..

To know how to do something well and know why you need to know how opens the doors of consciousness and intentional creativity.

It was great to back out on the water with her and the conditions were fantastic to get the feel for the swell and the runners. I think I learnt more today than I had in the last 3 and 1/2 years or maybe it was the latent accumulation of all that experience I have gained since Whosus arrived.

Whosus Christening - Geoff, Jenny, Joanne and Whosus - Glebe School / Blackwattle Bay (Sat 17 Oct 2008)
Whosus - Balmoral Saturday Open Water Session - (Sat 04 Apr 2009)
As we paddled past Darook Park to and from Port Hacking, I reminisced on our Wedding Day at Cronulla and the beautiful photos that were taken almost 12 years ago. How much life has changed since then.

Joanne, Tim, Geoff, Jenny, David and Jenny - Darook Park / Crounulla (Sun 30 Apr 2000)

The Warrior of The Light knows how to lose.

A repost of a previous post that seems very appropriate at the moment. Makes you realise what has been achieved in the past with great friends and paddlers. Will just have to keep sticking at it and maybe things might go the right way next time.

The Warrior of The Light knows how to lose.

He does not treat defeat as if it were a matter of indifference to him, saying things like

Oh, it doesn’t matter

or

To be honest, I didn’t really want it that much.

He accepts defeat as defeat and does not try to make a victory out of it.

Painful wounds, the indifference of friends, the loneliness of losing-all leave a bitter taste. But at these times, he says to himself:

I fought for something and did not succeed. I lost the first battle.

These words give him renewed strength. He knows that no one wins all the time and he knows how to distinguish his successes from his failures.

From the The Manual of the Warrior of Light by Paulo Coehlo.

Senior B Mixed 200m - Tampa 2011 (Fri 05 Aug 2011)

Little Wonders
Rob Thomas

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Been doing a lot of "letting go" lately.

Keep Moving Forward (Little Wonders Video by Rob Thomas)

Anders Gustafsson AG79 - Celebrating a Great Season

Anders Gustafsson AG79: The Sequel
If you liked It's whoever has worked the hardest and smartest who will win, then you will love this one (the end of season sequel).

Found this from Anders (analog79) twitter update today:

"No, my ego hasn't totally grown out of proportion. I'm just trying to share some paddling inspiration. http://fb.me/CCyX90ba (Youtube)"

Certainly is inspirational stuff and I think he is allowed to celebrate his great season. All Warriors of Light know this (see here). Specifically:

".. the warrior knows why he is celebrating. He is savouring the best gift that victory can bring: confidence.

He celebrates yesterday's victory in order to gain more strength for tomorrow's battle."

[ Note: Music ("Mind Heist") by Zack Hemsey from the soundtrack of Inception. ]

The Pacific Dragons 2013 Inspire Award in the Memory of Jenny Petterson - Glebe/Sydney and Dubrovnik/Croatia (Sat 03 Aug 2013)

Jenny - Suzhou / China (Tue 16 Nov 2004) Petar Hektorovic (*) - Tvrdalj Fortress (*) / Stari Grad (*) / Hvar (*) (Wed 31 Jul 2013)
First, a thank you..

Here we are in Dubrovnik.

Croatia, is just beautiful and the highlight has been a small courtyard in the small Fortress of the 16th Century Croatian Poet, Petar Hektorovic, in the tiny town of Stari Grad on the Island of Hvar, two hours by Ferry out of Split. Jo and I spread some of Jenny's ashes there and it was one of the most peaceful places (*) I have experienced and his words (*) seem quite relevant and profound.

We feel privileged and lucky to have the ability to make and have these experiences.

Caitlin, Lisa, Jo, Kaizer and myself have just competed at the 11th World DB Champs with the 2013 Australian Auroras Squad. It was a great event and we have some amazing memories.

The Hungarians have shown the world how to host a modern World Dragon Boat Championships, which have become carnival like because of their size.

It was also great to paddle on a course so rich in paddling history.

The highlight of the championships for me was watching Jo, carry the Australian Flag and leading the whole Australian Squad at the Opening Ceremony.

Joanne, Jenny would be so proud of you as we all are. A tribute (*) to Joanne and those those have supported her in paddling and life will follow the presentation.

On behalf of Caitlin, Lisa, Jo, Kaizer and myself, we thank you all for supporting us in paddling and life. Pacific Dragons provides the home and base which nurtures us as paddlers and people.

A little about Jenny now ..

Jenny said to me towards the end, when the destination of her disease became more real, that she would miss the travel adventures with us - no doubt in travels and in life.

It is just over 4 years ago that she said those words and it would be a few short months later she left this world.

She did not feel sorry for herself in saying those words. She always had a strong sense of reality about her life, her cancer and her purpose in life.

This was one of the inspiring traits I would take from her and one we can all take from her as we face the uncertainties which will become the certainties of our lives.

When she did die, I had already decided that I should live on in her "Afterglow". This was much easier to say than do and for a long time I thought my life purpose had been served and honoured.

Those early days were the hardest of my life and it would take a long time to find my confidence, to start living my life again. That there was a purpose. All I could really do was paddle. In some ways, it was during those days I found myself.

Jenny loved travel, a globe and atlas and it was no surprise that geography was her favourite class. Had she been born in earlier times, she would have a been great explorer - and without doubt, Captain Petterson, as I would call her, would have been an important name in our history books and classes, along with Columbus and Cook.

So, whenever we decided to travel, she was also the navigator, along with Jo, of course. With a sheet of paper and pen in hand, they would thumb through the atlas and rotate the globe charting our path and planning our itinerary.

Croatia was Jenny's choice for our Europe 2009 trip following the World DB Champs in Prague. However, she would not make it here, passing away 9 weeks before the Worlds.

We did not travel to Croatia in 2009. In the haze of grief and bereavement, I can't remember why now.

So for this 2013 Hungary Campaign, we decided that Croatia would be our first stop, in order to honour Jenny's wishes.

As it is with everything now, I feel a sense of guilt that I am alive and experiencing life and Jenny is not. That I am experiencing this trip, Szeged and in particular the Croatian coast and our current port Dubrovnik.

However, these feelings of guilt are balanced with the thought that she inspires us to continue our lives to the full, including creating these experiences. It is what she would want us to do.

Maybe in some ways I feel that when we meet again, I can tell her all the great things we have done.

So while there are feelings of guilt, I balance them with those of inspiration, intention, innocence, naviety and awe. In this way, a perspective on life can be found and along with a sense of empathy, it can give your life a solid foundation even during the toughest moments.

I talk about this because I have come to realise that others have or will have these moments and this is just one way, my way at least, to respond. This is life.

So to the 2013 Inspire Award ..

A common word used in all the presentations over years is the word "Belief". It seems to pop up all the time.

Last year I spoke a little about belief, in the sense that inspiring people seem to have a belief in themselves - we call it self-belief.

So I started to think about where does self belief come from?

I would find an answer a month after, via a blog post by Spencer Lum, a New York based wedding photographer, of all people. His words made it crystal clear to me. He wrote:

[..] if you’re willing to take a gamble, I’ll bet on you. If you’re willing to put it out there, if you’re willing to fail, if you’re willing to let go of it all, thumb your nose at the world, and do it your way, I’ll believe in you. [..]

"I’ll believe in you." Spencer wrote. There it was. The answer was so simple - self belief first comes from others who believe in you.

Often it takes some time to have the confidence to believe in one self. Initially, more often than not, the belief comes from others. Those who support and love you for who you are.

It is only with time, experience and the support of those others who believe in you, that you can find your own self belief and you start say things to yourself like

• yes, I can do that,


• you start finding reasons why you can, rather than you can't, and


• when you question yourself with "why?", you are able to say "well ,why not!"

It is then that things start to happen.

As time goes by, you become stronger, more independent and not afraid to give things a go, even if it means making mistakes and / or failing. You know that the risk is worth the reward of at least trying, whatever the outcome.

So what does this have to do with the 2013 Inspire Award?

The recipient of this award realised her own self-belief this year, initially through the support of her coaches and those that have paddled with her since joining the club.

Something happened this year for her. She had been making changes and steady improvements over the years, but she realised she needed to start believing in herself. It was a natural progression.

I was lucky enough to sit next her one week night dragon boat training session going into CNY. She trained strongly and between sets we chatted briefly. She told me that she needed to start believing in herself and that she was almost there. I was impressed. This is the stuff I had been thinking about.

The next weekend she made this very visible to her coaches, paddling buddies and most importantly, herself, by performing a stunning 4km OC1 time trial out of Dobroyd Point. This was the turning point, the starting point to self belief.

It was fantastic to witness that very moment.

I have seen it time and time again in our club. Coaches and others believing, paddlers changing and then suddenly something remarkable happens. They start believing in themselves. It is the great thing about our club and it is what I love about PDs.

So the 5th and 2013 recipient of the Inspire Award in the Memory of Jenny Petterson is Cath Gale.

A big congratulations to you Cath from Jo and myself. You are an inspiration.

Have a great night all. We will be thinking of you all and we look forward to getting back into it all on our return in late August.
Water - Courtyard Pond - Petar Hektorovic (*) - Tvrdalj Fortress (*) / Stari Grad (*) / Hvar (*) (Wed 31 Jul 2013) Incriptions - Petar Hektorovic (*) - Tvrdalj Fortress (*) / Stari Grad (*) / Hvar (*) (Wed 31 Jul 2013)

"That is my life story up until now" - Remembering Jenny (Mon 06 Jul 2009)

The cackle of a Laughing Kookaburra announces the first light of dawn as the sun rose on that cold winters day. With no sleep that night preparing for Jenny's Funeral later in the day, I penned these words to honour Jenny's Life at her Funeral. Six and half years later, looking back at what came out in those last few hours, I am happy. What strikes me most is how I chose to "reflect on the little things". And they are what I miss most. Here it is ..

Jennifer Joy Petterson
24 Mar 1962 - 30 Jun 2009
Age 47 years 3 months and 6 days

"That is my life story up until now."

This is how Jenny ended her "Autobiography" written in 5th class (being 1972). I always enjoyed reading this lengthy account (it had 3 three parts) of Jenny's life up to the age of 10. I loved this story and scanned the original into my computer so that I could read it during a quiet moment at work.

Jenny was the eldest identical twin daughter of Norm and Margaret Petterson of Holt Road, Sylvania. With feet eagerly pressing on Jenny's back at the birth, a younger sister followed 5 minutes after Jenny's arrival. This was her identical twin sister Joanne. She was ready to play and from that time on they were inseparable. On the day of their birth Jenny writes there was a fete at the hospital. Jenny would always tell me that Norm bought a wind up koala at the fete that played music. For some reason she did not write this

The Autobiography, even at the age of 10, shows that Jenny had an eye for detail, as this quote reveals.

"At the age of 4 years and 10 months and 15 days we started school and cried when mummy left us."

It documents many facts and figures - birth weights and lengths, when they first walked, where they holidayed and details such as the colour of the caravans they stayed in - all well recorded for prosperity.

They participated in many sporting activities (which has been a constant throughout Jenny's life) - swimming, physie, jazz ballet, and little athletics, to mention a few.

Furthermore, she recalls the date of their first hair cut. - and even allowing me to determine that her first tooth fell out on my 7th birthday .

More generally what can be summarized from the autobiography is that Jenny had a fun filled, active childhood with her sister Joie and friends, which was encouraged and fostered by their loving parents.

Even as babies there seemed to be an order to things and this became even more apparent once they started to talk (yes that date is also recorded). In Part 1 of Jenny's Autobiography:

"One the 3rd Oct 1964 we had our first haircut and Joie said, 'Denny First', meaning Jenny first".

Jenny even then was a stabilizing influence on Joanne.

As stated above Jenny finishes her "Autobiography" with:

"That is my life story up until now."

Obviously she looks forward to the future and how she will fit into the world as she grows up. In recent years these words struck a chord with me. Today, these words have even greater meaning.

Jenny and Jo progressed to Sylvania High. They started part time work at Grace Bros’, Miranda Fair. Jo in "Cosmetics and Womens Clothing" and Jenny in "Hardware and Gardening" - "Same, Same but Different". I often asked Jenny to recall these days and I would get a kick when she could still recite the cost codes of power tools and various hardware items. The attention for detail was paying off out in the real world!!

During high school, the Girls ramped up their sporting activities and started to focus on Athletics, Cross Country Running and also a bit of Tennis. Interestingly enough, Jo and I would have crossed paths at the CHS State Cross Country Championships held at Hurlstone Ag College in 1977.

They also found time to also progress from Brownies to Girl Guides. Musters and camps were attended and they both rose quickly though the ranks to Patrol Leaders, finally achieving the highest rank of Queen's Guide with presentation of the award by the Governor of NSW, Sir Rodden Cuttler.

School and High School Certificates were sat and good grades recorded in all subjects. Geography was Jenny's favourite - definitely an early sign of a future "Travel Bug". She loved a map and an atlas, and this remained another constant throughout her life.

Successful Grades accomplished in the HSC saw the Girls accepted into the Bachelor of Business at UTS.

Following interviews the Girls accepted Business/Administration cadetships with the Electricity Commission of NSW. Our lives crossed similar paths again, as I had the same Interviewer for my successful application for an Engineering Cadetship. We were now working for the same company - be it 12,000 people.

Group assignments were the norm at UTS and they always found it easier if the group consisted of two members - more specifically themselves. Minimizing traveling, they were on the same wavelength, which provided for a consistent approach to completing the assignment just in time.

At work, as was the case during their school days at Sylvania, Jenny and Jo made many friends. There were lots of "Work Outings" with friends from [Work and] Uni.

Being at an age to travel independently, they made many "trips away". These were always well documented with many photographs taken, always with people in them (themselves typical) and some local landmark behind.

Jenny documents in a 1995 twin survey that they had traveled overseas on 13 occasions, as well as numerous holidays in Australia.

At work Jenny was provided with early work experiences, mainly in Purchasing (there were lots of cost codes to remember there). Jenny then pursued a career in Internal Audit, specializing in large mainframe computer systems and business systems. This was the days before PC's. Joanne followed a more traditional path into financial and management accounting. As PC progresses throughout the organization, there were now many PC Id numbers to remember.

All kinds of sporting activities were tried and some pursued more than others. The main sport would then become Touch Football, participating in three separate competitions each week. Also they found the water and learnt to row single and double sculls, as well as 4's and 8's.

Through a combined interest in running, Jenny and I crossed paths in organising our company's participation in the inaugural Corporate Games held in Nov 1989. I can remember the first time we met and I how I was instantly attracted to her smile, blue eyes and lovely [nature]. On the [day of the Games] I realized that Jenny was an identical twin. We all had a great day.

Afterwards, I often thought of Jenny and a few months later out of the blue, she arranged to give me a team photo from the day and then asked me to partner her to a wedding. I was stunned. We agreed to go out on 30th March 1990 before the wedding in order to get to know each other better. We had dinner and saw a movie. She then showed me photo albums of her travels late into the night - it just seemed so easy to listen and talk to her and even then I hoped that she we would be the one for me. I could not believe she was interested in me. After a month we were going out and a 10 year courtship ensued.

During this time many milestones and life changing experiences occurred. The Girls completed their Masters [in Finance at UTS], Norm (their father) passed away suddenly in hospital, on [Tue 0]2 Jun 1992.

In late Mar 1997 Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer and a mastectomy followed a few weeks later. She returned to work and got on with her life. On New Years Eve 1997, Margaret (their mother) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Margaret was referred to Jodi as her Oncologist and numerous chemo courses followed. The Girls would attend all consultations with her. Around the same time Jenny's cancer recurred in the scar tissue of the mastectomy. This is when Jodi also became Jenny's Oncologist. Now Margaret and Jenny were having chemo at the same time.

Through a cancer course at Royal Nth Shore, Jenny found Barbara (now Sister Suscila) and that's where they found meditation and a natural/spiritual approach to healing. Around this time Jenny also joined the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group which was facilitated by Liz, a social worker with Calvary.

Stong relationships were established and developed with Jodi, Suscila and Liz and though each of their own skill sets and support networks helped influence Jenny's approach and ensuing journey with cancer. I believe they helped Jenny to embrace her cancer and to live life to the full.

Unfortunately Margaret's cancer was quite advanced and spread quickly. Jodi saw in Jenny and Joanne a strength of character and asked them to care palliatively for Margaret at home, while she would make house calls. This has been Jenny and Jo's greatest gift in life, caring for their mother at home for 8 weeks (Jenny was still having her chemo at this time) until Margaret succumbed to her cancer on 28 April 1999 (her wedding anniversary).

Jenny's breast cancer spread to her lungs and in late 1999 scans revealed 10 tumors. A hormone therapy treatment started. Jenny and Jo traveled to visit Suscila in Alice Springs and visited Uluru for the Millennium. Jenny would recall later that she had an amazing experience lying in the red desert sand at the foot of Uluru.

Shortly after her return from Uluru we became engaged and we set about organizing our wedding in just 10 weeks. The big day being the 30th April 2000. What a day. We sang “Song of Joy”. We exchanged vows and rings and then kissed as Husband and Wife. At the reception we made toasts, spoke and danced the night away. A rainbow theme being the unifying element with rainbow inspired flowers, ribbons, cake, speeches and songs. We honeymooned on Lord Howe and shortly after our return Jenny retired from work to pursue her passions (on Jodi's suggestion).

At the Sydney Olympics later that year we must have held the record for the most sessions attended - handball becoming our favourite. We had many fond and inspiring memories from the whole event.

At that time, just over 9 years ago, we had no idea how long we would have together. This did not stop us and we tried to live a normal life with goals set for six months at a time. Holidays were planned and taken - a trip to the Cook Islands to visit Susila over Xmas 2000, a 4 week trip to North West Australia in May 2001 and a return to Lord Howe in Oct 2001 so Joanne and my Mother could share the experience.

Another constant was our annual trip to Mt Kosciusko for a benchmarking 22km walk around the Main Range. This year was her hardest effort – but she did it. Maybe it was a sign of things to come.

In late 2000 I bought a small digital camera to document our travels and lives. I did not know how much time we would have share and the camera gave me some comfort that I could capture our memories.

Jenny's cancer was ever persistent and there was always something going on - radiation, more chemo, hormone injections or tablets and numerous operations - we could watch “House” and could easily relate to the medical terms.

Through one of her chemo treatments, Jenny found a Dragons Abreast flyer at the hospital. This would be start of the biggest change in our lives. Jenny and Joanne took to paddling like "ducks to water" and I found myself photographing them and the dragon boats that they trained and raced. It gave them opportunities to travel wide and far. Our holidays were now planned around Dragon Boat regattas locally and internationally.

Jo would make the NSW and Australian Team to Poland in 2003. Jenny was held back by a course of chemo and numerous trips to the hospital. She still remained involved by videoing the teams at time trials at Penrith.

In 2004 she would make the NSW Team and compete for her country in the World Championships in Shanghai. There could not have been a prouder person when Joanne's Premier Mixed Team won a bronze medal in the 500m race.

During the 2004 Shanghai campaign Jenny’s journey was captured by an Australian Story episode titled "In the Pink". She was nervous participant and a little uncertain about how it would be scripted and received. We all nervously awaited its airing on that June long weekend Monday - unaware as to its content. The episode captured the essence of the Dragons Abreast Movement in Australia, showing all sides to cancer and it's impact - positive and negative.

The episode would popularize Dragons Abreast Australia beyond it's creators wildest dreams. Clubs quickly popped up everywhere across the country and continue to do so. Meanwhile, Jenny and Joanne would become the most well known (yet most humble) paddlers in Australia.

Others today have told of Jenny's inspiring feats on the water and there is no need for me to repeat them. She just loved to paddle and found great comfort amongst her paddling colleagues. It provided a sense of normality to her life and she just seem to fit in, even with compression sleeve on her right arm or the missing hair on her head which was always discreetly hidden by a colourful selection of bandana's.

Jenny empowered many people (with and without) cancer to pursue their dreams. She will live on through Joanne and I and no doubt many others from her inspiring journey. Thinking of Jenny will help influence our decisions and motivate us to achieve our dreams and to decide what is right.

I will miss hearing you breath as you slept. I will miss calling out “I love you” as I leave for work each day. Whistling at the front door when I got home and hearing you whistle back. You were the most amazing thing to happen in my life I am having trouble comprehending the way forward. You provided me with love and gave me hope and life purpose. I would always say to Jenny “I am the lucky one”.

A couple of quotes from her regular talks and Australian Story follow and I think there is something there to inspire us all. No matter the circumstance.

“Cancer is something that people do not expect to happen to them and no matter who is diagnosed, and at whatever time in their life, it is a shock which has huge ramifications for not only the person involved but also their family and friends. It takes a lot of adjustment to get used to.”

“I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.”

“I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.”

“It's just in the lap of the gods.”

Enjoy your new “Island Home” and those that surround you [there]. You know that “We’ll be There” and we know that “You’ll be There”.

As we said to each other before we nodded off each night .. Jenny:

“Good Night, God Bless, I Love You.”

"That is my life story up until now."