Boston (Acoustic) - Augustana (youtube)

Boston (Acoustic) - Augustana (youtube)
Getting back into the RPM for my cardio at my local gym. James was my instructor tonight and he played songs from RPM 35, 36 and 37, all releases from 2007, which was my first year at RPM. This song was a nice way to finish the workout.

RPM 37 (Q407)

1. Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
2. When You Were Young - Belle Lawrence
3. Underneath The Radar Underworld
4. In The Dark - Tiesto feat Christian Burns
5. Turn It Up - (feat Anna Nordell) Bomfunk MC's
6. Sunspot - Armin van Buuren feat Airwave
7. Welcome To Africa (Club Mix) - Paffendorf
8. Cupid's Chokehold/Breakfast In America - Gym Class Heroes
9. Boston - Augustana

Boston Lyrics

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone?
Oh it has begun
Oh dear, you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed
Some world you must have crossed

You said, You don’t know me
You don’t even care
Oh yeah
She said, you don’t know me
You don’t wear my chains
Oh yeah - yeah

The essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts cross an open field
When flowers gaze at you
They’re not the only ones
Who cry when they see you

You said, You don’t know me
You don’t even care
Oh yeah
She said, you don’t know me
You don’t wear my chains
Oh yeah

She said, I think I’m going to Boston
I think I’ll start a new life
I think I’ll start it over
No one knows my name
I’ll get out of California
I’m tired of the weather
I think I’ll get a lover
I’ll fly ‘em out to Spain

I think I’m going to Boston
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I’m tired of the sunset
Here it’s nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice
Oh yeah

Boston
No one knows my name
Yeah
No one knows my name
No one knows my name…

Boston
No one knows my name

'England' by The National on Q TV (youtube)

'England' (High Violet) by The National on Q TV (youtube)
England

Someone send a runner
Through the weather that I'm under
For the feeling that I lost today
Someone send a runner
For the feeling that I lost today

Someone send a runner
Through the weather that I'm under
For the feeling that I lost today
Someone send a runner
For the feeling that I lost today

You must be somewhere in London
You must be loving your life in the rain
You must be somewhere in London
Walking Abbey Lane

I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make corrections

Famous angels never come through England
England gets the ones you never need
I'm in a Los Angeles cathedral
Minor singing airheads sing for me

Put an ocean and a river
Between everybody else,
Between everything, yourself, and home
Put an ocean and a river
Between everything, yourself, and home

You must be somewhere in London
You must be loving your life in the rain
You must be somewhere in London
Walking Abbey Lane

I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make
I don't even think to make corrections

Famous angels never come through England
England gets the ones you never need
I'm in a Los Angeles cathedral
Minor singing airheads sing for me

Afraid of the house, stay the night with the sinners
Afraid of the house, stay the night with the sinners
Afraid of the house, 'cause they're desperate to entertain

[ Thanks to LottieP yet again for a recent Facebook Entry and National Velvet (11 Jun 2010).

Nice to find some new music. After listening and watching some Youtube videos, bought National Violet and Boxer and now have them on my iPhone. Brilliant Band.

I will try to write what this song means to me at some stage. Particularly the line You must be somewhere in London. In some ways I have already started.]

What I think about when I think by the side of the River Charles - Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

Jogging Path (1 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
Jogging Path (2 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

Jogging Path (3 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
Jogging Path (4 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
On a whim, I recently bought myself a copy of Haruki Murakami's (*) book, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (*). As I read it, I was quite taken by the following passage ..

It's been 10 years since I lived in Cambridge [Boston]. When I saw the Charles River again, a desire to run swept over me. Generally, unless some change takes place, rivers always look the same, and the Charles River in particular looked totally unchanged. Time had passed, students had come and gone, I'd aged ten years, and there'd literally been a lot of water under the bridge. But the river has remained unaltered. The water still flows swiftly, and silently, toward Boston Harbour. The water soaks the shoreline, making the grasses grow thick [..]

Maybe because it's the home of the Boston Marathon, Cambridge is full of runners. The jogging path along the Charles goes on forever, and if you wanted to you could run for hours. The problem is, it's used by cyclists, so you have to watch out for speeding bikes whizzing past from behind. At various places, too, there are cracks in the pavement you have to make sure you don't trip over, and a couple of long traffic signals you can get stuck at, which can put a kink in your run. Otherwise, it's a wonderful jogging run.

I sat beside the River Charles. It was late afternoon on the last day of our 4 days in Boston. We had arrived on the Friday from a week in New York. Here are a few photos from my time sitting by the River Charles.

We had already been away for a day short of 4 weeks and it would be another 3 weeks before arriving back home. I was enjoying the trip but was thinking a lot about all the changes that had been occurring in my life - I was without a car and I had moved back to Kirrawee while I waited for my house, I had never really planned or contemplated to live in, to become available while I was away. Tried not to think about these things too much from a far, as I had no control over them. Instead, I just sat myself down on a seat bench by the River Charles and tried to think of other things.

I sat there in the beautiful afternoon sun, I thought of many things. I thought of all the other times I had been to Boston, what took me there and what I did while I was there. I also tried to remember who I was and what I was doing in my life around the time of each trip.

September and October 1988 was the first trip, and it would be just under a year before I would meet Jenny for the first time.

I reflected on the two years since Jenny had left us and all the things that happened since that time. In some ways, it was just sitting there by the River Charles, that I finally stopped and had a chance to clear my thoughts and to really think about things.

I had really kept myself busy and distracted since Jenny's passing (*) - it was one way of coping with the enormity of Jenny's loss. In some ways, I was starting to forget things - who I was, the things that we had done and what I thought I was going to do with my life.

As I sat there by the River Charles, I watched the walkers, runners and bicycle riders go past. Their long shadows, created by the late afternoon sun, are what struck me and this is what kept me interested as I captured these photos. I wondered who these people were, what had brought them to Boston and whether one of them was the future creator of the next social media craze.

A couple of rowers set off from near where I sat and I wondered if they were the Winklevii (*) of Facebook fame (*).

MIT / TIM - Charles River / Back Bay / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

As I sat there I could see tiny sail boats, standup paddle boards and wind surfers. One wind surfer was fairly inexperienced and a more experienced wind surfer went to his aid, if only to provide advice and moral support, in the knowledge of just being there.

The small sailing boats were from MIT, which is just across the River, and it was only when I saw through the transparent sails, that I realised that in reverse, MIT, spells TIM, my late Brother's name - so I thought about him for a little while. He had been to Boston a few times also, so I thought about all the same things for Tim. Maybe he had sat here and pondered some of the same things, 25 years earlier? I also wondered why I had never made the MIT to TIM connection. Or thinking about it now, I think I may have thought about it a long time ago, but maybe I had forgotten remembering the connection.

Have been to Boston four times prior to this trip and I have visited it on each of my trips to the USA. The last time was just over 17 years earlier in April 1994, where I had hoped I might be able to run the Boston Marathon (*).

Now as I sit here and think about the things I thought about by the River Charles in Boston that late afternoon on Mon 22 Aug 2011, I can now see where Haruki Murakami's (*) ran along the side of the same river on the very path he captured in words above and I have captured in the photos on this page. I also now have an appreciation and can imagine where he found part of the inspiration to write What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (*), which I am now reading and enjoying.

That will do for now. Just leave it here.

Jogging Path (5 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
A bit of ramble to mark my 700th Post here.

Learning to be a little more Certain of the Uncertain - Well Maybe?

Detail - Loch Ness Locks / Fort Augustus / Scotland (Sat 04 Sep 2005)
I did not find the Loch Ness Monster,
but I did find this amazing piece of rusted iron.
I have a been a little stuck on this post. Whenever this happens I look to the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) by Paulo Coelho (*) and found this ..

A warrior knows that the ends do not justify the means.

Because there are no ends, there are only means. Life carries him from unknown to unknown. Each moment is filled with this thrilling mystery: the warrior does not know where he came from or where is going.

But he is not here by chance. And he is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before. He often feels afraid, but that is normal in a warrior.

If he thinks only of the goal, he will not be able to pay attention to the signs along the way. If he concentrates only on one question, he will miss various answers that are there beside him. That is why the warrior submits.

This is my 1000th post. A milestone of sorts and something I would not have thought possible when I made my first post (*) here on Thu 26 Feb 2009.

I think the above passage from the Manual of the Warrior of Light (*) provides a useful metaphor for this blog and the 1000 posts that it now comprises.

It is a reflection of my life and who I am. I am never quite sure where it is going - I just try to make connections between what I read, what I see, what I photograph and what I feel.

A lot has happened and changed in the last three and half years since that first post. I have learnt a lot about myself and others. I have made plenty of mistakes, yet I think I have done a few things right. I have been defeated, yet I have have had a few wins, for which I am grateful. I have been sad and I have been happy. I have felt lost and without purpose yet in some ways I have found myself. I have looked to the past, present and future. I have had regrets [and learnt how to let them go]. I have given up and I have battled on. I have lost belief in myself, yet I have found ways to restore that belief. I have been hurt, upset and I have forgiven. I have cried and I have laughed. I have been directionless and without purpose, yet I have had goals. I have been inspired. I have tried hard, too hard sometimes. I tried to be something I am not, and I have learnt my limits and what I can be. I have watched and followed, and at times I have lead, mostly unknowingly I should think.

Somehow I am happy when some say I should be angry. I have suffered and have empathised with the suffering of others. I have been drawn into other people's battles and have known how to respond. I believe in luck (and fate) and know that it comes from being prepared and the willingness to take a risk.

I have changed but remained the same. I am older though I feel younger. I am experienced but still feel like a beginner. I am wiser but more naive. I found a voice (an awkward one at that) I did not know I had. You don't know how far you have been until you get back. I've been all over and it's been all over me . Therefore I am thankful for this blog and what I have learnt about myself and others.

Many times I have asked myself why? post what I have posted here and other times I have said to myself, well why not? (this post being an example). I am starting to forget things, so it is nice to make the effort to write what is important, so it can be recalled. I have memories and I am making memories.

Most importantly, I have Remembered Jenny (*) - how she lived and how she died. Jo and I are the bearers of her memory and she lives on in our hearts and in our minds until we lay to rest beside her.

I could go on, but I won't ().

It's all here in these 1000 posts which are just like snapshots of my life.

Like Paulo Coelho's good warrior, I am not really sure where I am going and what might be ahead. I have come to learn that this is what life is all about. Ultimately I think I have learnt to become a bit more certain of the uncertain. I have accepted this - well at least I think I have.

Hopefully, i will have the opportunity to post another 1000 posts. Let's see what happens.

[the warrior] is overjoyed by surprises and excited by landscapes that he has never seen before - Loch Ness / Scotland (Sat 03 Sep 2005)

Two Years Ago Today - Sat 29 Aug 2009

Sitting on a Bus half between Montreal and Toronto, as I was booking our accommodation for the next 4 nights, I realise the date.

It is 29 Aug 2011, and it is exactly 2 years to the day that we won the 500m Senior A Mixed Final in Prague.
 
World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
As I think back to those moments and the two years that have followed, I have many emotions. I look at the photos of myself and I can't even comprehend how I was even there paddling after barely 10 weeks since Jenny's passing. I also think of the time between then and now, and I try to comprehend what I have been through to be here now. As I look to the future, I really have no idea what is next. Anyway, I try not to think about that too much and just try to be the best I can with what I have been given.

Geoff - post 200m Senior Open Final "letting go" - Racice/Prague 2009 - 28 Aug 2009 (picasa)
It is hard for me to even explain that day. I have tried here a few times (*). I am grateful (*) for the experience and feel lucky that I was on the boat that day.

I have been trying to find an appropriate Warrior of Light passage to mark this moment. Maybe the following is appropriate. I know my own failings and I would like to think that I live life with Faith, Hope and Love ..

A warrior of light knows his own faults. But he also knows his qualities.

Some of his companions complain all the time that

'other people have more opportunities than we do'.

Perhaps they are right, but a warrior does not allow himself to be paralysed by this; he tries to make the most of his virtues.

He knows that the gazelle's power lies in its strong legs. The power of the seagull lies in the accuracy with which it can spear a fish. He has learned that the  reason the tiger does not fear the hyena is because he is aware of his own strength.

He tries to establish what he can truly rely on. And he always checks that he carries three things with him:

faith, hope and love.

If these three things are there, he does not hesitate to go forward.

from Paulo Coelho's - 'The Manual of the Warrior Light'.

Mark Cohen - Street Photography (YouTube)

Mark Cohen - Street Photography [Youtube (*)]
A bit of a preamble to this but it is worth the wait in order to see his working method on the street and the ensuing interview of which there are many great quotes On Photography (*). I have scribbled a few down here:

[..] They are snapshots and they are made in a very simple way. But the thing they see when they continue to look at the pictures, they start to see the closeness is one of the things they see. Some one is making pictures that are really close on the street and its that kind of taking the camera so close to the subject and making pictures and not in a studio way. in a flow of life on the street or field kind of way. And they see that closeness and that is the thing that gives the pictures there uniqueness and their agressive sort of character.

When you make an exhibit of this work, you walk around in a room filled with it and you see all these strange pictures. You know there is a certain excitement to it, There is a certain quality in that room about an artists mind, and an artists work that comes from the pictures and touches the viewer in some way. That's why it works. I don't know why exactly it works. A lot of physcological reasons, sexual reasons. A lot of things are going on in those pictures.

It is not some kind of exact analytical science going on here, its right on the edge of meaninglessness, but its in there and that is what makes it so fascinating.

It feels awkward for me to try to talk about my work, frequently. Once in a while I do it. I do a slide show and I describe how I take the pictures. Describe how I think they fit into things socially and formally, in the context of photography in America. Different kind of things.

You usually don't think about that kind of stuff. You dont think about that. You think about when you are taking pictures the most important thing is to get new pictures.

The pictures you already took, you already took those pictures. My main drive is to do something new. To make some new kind of picture. [..]

A copy of Grim Street (*) is on the way.

On Photography, Relationships and Identity - Joel Meyerowitz (YouTube)

What you put in the frame determines the photograph - Joel Meyerowitz [YouTube (*)]
If you have been taking photographs for a while, this will really make sense and inspire you to think about what you have been doing and how you might want to view the way you take photographs in the future. Here is part of what he had to say:

[..] when I think about my photographs, I understand that my interest all along has not been in identifying a singular thing, but in photographing the relationship between things.

The unspoken relationship, the tacit relationship, the impending relationship.

All of these variables are there if you chose to see in this, in this way.

But if you chose to only make objects out of singular things you wind shooting the arrow into the bullseye all the time and you get copies of objects in space.

I did not want copies of objects.

I wanted the ephemeral connections between unrelated things to vibrate.

And if my pictures work at all, at their best they are suggesting these tenuous relationships.

And that fragility is what so human about them.

And I think it's what's also in the romantic tradition, because it is a form of humanism that says we are all part of this together.

I am not just a selector of objects.

And there's plenty of photographers here who are great photographers but who only work in the object reality frame of reference.

They collect things and I don't think of myself as a collector.

It's my sense of where I am different from other people and that's not a measure or judgement.

It's just a sense of your own identity.

For me the play is always in the potential - it's like magnetism.

Thanks Joel and congratulations on a fantastic career in your chosen profession.

The Lucky Ones

This is a work in progress. It has been in my head for a long time now, but it has been hard to write. Hopefully, it will make sense. I expect to modify it a bit over the next few weeks, but at least it is a start.

A few months before Jenny died, I read Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike". Jenny had been given a copy by a long time friend, Mena, not long after the book was first published here in Australia (sometime around 2002/3 I am guessing). She read the book quickly and I know she got a lot from the pages. For some reason I did not read the book until early May 2009.

Geoff, Jenny, Mena, Steve and Joanne - Natation DB Titles - Kawana / Qld - Sat 25 Apr 2009 (picasa)

I bought my own copy so that I could read the book that meant so much to Jenny. I think I was motivated by the fact the Jenny was progressing to the final stages of her Cancer (at least that is reluctantly what I quietly started to think - she had just been diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver on the 11 Mar 2009 - not a very promising situation). I thought I might find something in the pages to understand her and our situation.

I read the book, intermittently over a few weeks, at my local coffee shop before work and on the train to work. There was lots of the book that resonated with me, particularly his encounters with cancer. One part in particular struck a chord with me. It was about a half through, where he writes about what he felt during chemotherapy following neurosurgery to remove a beign brain tumor.

What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.

I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know more about your frailty than most people, and I think that changes a man. I was brought low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical: this disease would force me to ask more of myself as person than I ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.

A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something.

"You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."

I'd said aloud, "This guy's a nut."

What on earth could he mean?

When I read this, I stored it away in my mind, eagerly awaiting Lance's own answer to this question - lucky .. What on earth could he mean?. It would come quietly on the last page of the book.

"You don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones," my fellow cancer patient had written.

I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me, and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. I believe I have an obligation to make something better out of my life than before, and to help my fellow human beings who are dealing with the disease. It's a community of shared experience. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, "Oh, my God, I'm going to die," is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.

Jenny had often indicated that she felt lucky (I think in both aspects - that of surviving an aggressive cancer and oddly enough, having had had cancer). She said this in the Australian Story Episode, "In the Pink":

'I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.'

Jenny - Australian Story - "In the Pink - Kirrawee - May 2004 (picasa)

and in her Talks:

'I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.'

Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)

The Rainbow Connection - Phil, John, Marj, Jenny, Liz, Noel - Phil passed away shortly after this photo was taken - he often spoke to Jenny about how luck seemed to play a big part in how things worked out, but sometimes you make you own luck - Rely for Life 2003 - Sylvania Waters - Sat 31 May 2003 - (picasa)

As Jenny's International Dragon Boating Career started, she came to the attention of the Media and in the first Newspaper Article she featured in, she was even compared to Lance Armstrong:

Don Iverson, Director of the Health and Productivity Research Center at the University of Wollongong, said that Ms Petterson could be compared to Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France after fighting testicular cancer.

'It's almost superhuman,' he said.

Cancer wont slow rowing champion - Sydney Sun Herald - 2 May 2004

She was a little embarrassed by the comparison, but Jo and I were very proud of Jenny and her achievements in her treatment, her sport and her life as breast cancer survivor.

Geoff, Jenny, Grace, Lynn, Betty, Thomas, Grant, Joanne and David - Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)


After Jenny's passing, I had an encounter in the Intensive Care Unit where Jenny left us. Joanne and I had gone back to thank the staff at the St George Hospital and to pickup some scans that had been lost in Jenny's move from the Level 1 to ICU. We spoke to the head ICU nurses (they were between shifts) and we knew both of them from Jenny's time in ICU (and I was well known to them as I had fainted in ICU on Jenny's second day in ICU after the neurosurgery). We talked a little and I mentioned that Jenny did consider herself lucky to have had cancer - as she said herself - it had changed her life for the better. One the nurses questioned this statement and she made me feel a little uneasy for saying what I had said. She could not believe anyone with cancer could consider themselves lucky. Maybe, she had seen too much of the cold harsh reality of cancer in that ICU. Maybe she was right. It did not seem too lucky now that Jenny was gone?

This conversation stuck in my mind for a long time, and I started to question many things. It was not until I came across the following blog post by Doug Miller that I found some peace. Here was a man who had recently been diagnosed with Cancer. He was articulate and in many ways his post offers so much more than Lance's writings on Cancer and Luck. This is probably the most moving piece of writing I have read in my life. I don't have cancer, but I have lived a shared life with it and it's consequences. I can truly emphasise. Here it is. My heart is with you Doug ..

Doug Miller - Colorado Trail San Juan Mountains - 1994 - A Single Path - (blog)

The Lucky Ones by Doug Miller (Wed 23 Sep 2009)

[..] a friend [..] pointed me to Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike" I picked up a copy and quickly read through it. I liked it.

It had a bit much detail focusing on cycling, but that was an aspect of the man that could obviously not be separated from the larger reality of his battle with cancer.

There were portions though that left my mind spinning. Armstrong's description of his diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions that ensued was painfully raw and hit the mark with a clarity and similarity I could not deny. I myself am walking those darkened and fearful paths as I write these very words.

Out of all the pages a couple simple statements that he made resonated with me in a powerful way.

Armstrong tells of a letter that he received. It was from a man he had never met before. He himself had battled cancer. He wrote Armstrong to acknowledge his support and positive thoughts. As he finished the letter he made a strange statement that confused Armstrong. He wrote, "you probably do not understand this right now, but we are the lucky ones".

What? How is anyone with cancer lucky? It is devastating. It not only has the potential to steal your life, but also has the destructive potential to steal your Hope. Those words are haunting. Lucky? We are the lucky ones. This brotherhood of suffering is somehow lucky..........blessed?

It is diametrically opposed to any sort of sane thinking that those outside of this brotherhood would agree with. It actually is an almost dangerous statement. As if you say it as you are waking off a cliff without a safety net. A statement such as that redefines everything. Life. Death. And even Hope.

But as I walk this path, and simultaneously encounter life in all its beauty and harshness, I find myself agreeing. "We are the lucky ones". I am lucky. I say those words with a part of me screaming, "how dare you, how can you say that". But it is true. The perspective that cancer gives to life is unbelievable. It has the power to refine you. Your thoughts. Your direction. Your focus.

It is as if you look at life for the first time. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. Everything is turned on edge, revealing a freshness and an urgency that is not seen outside of cancer. If this clarity does exist in our normal lives, it is missed. Overshadowed by the busyness of life. By worthless and empty pursuits.

Another quote from Armstrong's book was this: "Cancer is not about dying, it is about living" What a statement.

Most would argue against it. But those that walk this path find it to be true. Life after diagnosis becomes "alive". It becomes real. It is as if you can grasp it with your own hands, breath it in, consume it.

Oh if I could have had this view earlier in life. I knew that it existed. I sensed it. I chased it. Through the mountains. Through relationships. In the woods and fields of my youth. It was a whisper in the words of poets. And a reflection on the horizon as the sun slipped out of view. But i did not catch it until cancer became my reference. My reality.

We who are members of this brotherhood and sisterhood of suffering are the lucky ones, because now we can truly live. And Love. And Hope. And I dare to say Dream. They are painful dreams, haunted with the shadows of uncertainty, but they are vivid dreams. Passionate dreams. Dreams that leave your heart aching, your soul longing. We are released from the fear of death. Our finite lives are bared.

We come face to face with our mortality and realize that life is looking back at us. Raw and uncertain. But ALIVE none the less. There were days before cancer that I despaired. At times despising my life. But now I am hungry to live. I long to live. Whether that time be long or short, I hold tight to life and all of its glorious agony.

Posted by Doug Miller at 9:11 PM

Five One Hundredths of a Second - 500m Premier Opens Final - AusDBF Nats / Penrith (Fri 19 Apr 2013)

Five One Hundredths of a Second - 500m Premier Opens Final - AusDBF Nats / Penrith (Fri 19 Apr 2013)
Once, twice or, maybe three times (if you are fortunate enough and willing to take the risks) in a paddling career you do something unbelievable. Something you just can’ t explain, though sometimes it worth giving it a try. Here goes ..

You are happy you have made the major final. You know you are up against strong teams. The favourite, the team directly on your left, you have not beaten in three years. In fact you have not been within a boat length, over 500m, for the last two years. Against the odds, and your failing self-confidence, you still somehow believe that we can still get across the line first. To be part of of something great. There is always hope at the start. It is a chance to create who you want to be. You don't get your hopes up too high, as you have been disappointed in the past. You don't think about all of this too much at this point. The focus is putting your best race on the water and seeing how it compares to the others when you have all crossed the line. You are not overly nervous, but you are excited and proud to be there. A supportive and encouraging tap on the knee for those around you. Remember it is a 30 stroke start. Just focus on the first 3 strokes and take it one by one from there. Clean water. Hand out of the water. Blade buried. Make sure you feel and stay connected with the water with every stroke. The starter aligns us and we ready. "Paddlers, are you ready, attention please" .... the gun does not fire for some reason. This has happened a few time before over the years. Keep your focus, no distractions. We will be away soon. Refocus, lets do it again - 30 Start, first 3, deep and clean - feel the water. "Paddlers, are you ready, attention please" ... "GO". You Go on the "G". 1-2-3, up, up, .. 10, up, up, .. 20, up, up, ..7,..30, reach, reach, hinge, hinge. The boat is up and running and there is something there. We are hingeing and driving through the stroke. The boat is more than running, it is been driven through the stroke like it has felt in training over last few weeks, except this time it is race intensity, not level 4, Remember this Geoff, Remember this moment. We are there next to them, where usually they pull away here, but we talked about staying connected. Give it everything to the 250m and refocus. Somehow, we are sttil there at the 250m. Refocus and reinvent yourself, I think. Drive, Drive is the call, We are still there, connected. You have a 6th sense (and good hearing) and you know without looking that our drummers are side by side. Passing the 200m start hut and the little red lane marker buoy. There is something uplifting in our Sweep's voice - "you are doing it". The lane buoys turn to red - we are 100m out. We have done everything our training has given our bodies - it's amazing to find that something extra that the sport scientists say should not be there. Mentally, prepare for the lift home. This is the most crucial part of the race - they are probably a nose ahead. We are going to have to do something amazing - something the other teams have pulled on us often over the years. "do it for the gold (or was it girls?)" is the call. We lift. We lift. The rate comes up a touch and the boat becomes light as we surge forward with every stroke - narrowing the margin. It is all clear as day, those last few strokes. You give it everything you've got when there is nothing to give. You cross the line, you hear the finish horn blast away in succussion. You look across and you know you have done it. The look in your competitors faces tell you that they know you have also done it and you take a few quiet moments to take it all in, while some of the others around you show their elation more jubilantly. Gasping for air, you touch the same knees as you did before the start. This time the "ritual" tap is to acknowledge your team mates efforts and the fact that you have done something that does not happen that often in a paddling career. "Three cheers for the other crews" is the call from our Drummer - three "hip hip". and a breathless "hooray". We bring the boats in and we all get off. Back slaps and hugs all around. Not even a second thought who won that one as you make your way through the other 180 or so paddlers you have just competed against. You smile and for some reason laugh. This kind of win does not happen that often - "take it in", "take it in" you say to yourself. You see many familiar faces as you walk through the line. They are happy for you. Many you have experienced some amazing experiences around the world in Australian Campaigns past and you hope that the journey with them will continue. Somewhere along the way you hear that we did it by five one hundredths of a second. You know the course well and you smile that you can pick such a small amount of time moments after crossing the line. What a race. You think to yourself, "it's not that we won it, it is how we won it" – it's just not what was expected by many (including yourself) and that is the beauty of dragon boat racing - the randomness and uncertainty to some extent. The boat has never felt like that out of the start and into the transition. You think to yourself, you have never paddled like that before. You feel fortunate that you took the risk to be there, you did the training, the testing, you've put yourself on the line time and time again. You have been crushed by the ramifications of defeat and oddly enough, those one or two other once in a life time victories . At the end of the day you know that it is worth the sacrifices you make to do what you have done, do and hope to do. Maybe this is not the end, but a new beginning ..

I will leave this unedited. It’s just a stream of thought that came out of my subconscious in the last 20 mins. Hope it makes sense and it will be fun to read, many year’s into the future.

Five One Hundredths of a Second - 500m Premier Opens Final - AusDBF Nats / Penrith (Fri 19 Apr 2013)

You don't need to hear all the lyrics - Matt Berninger

Bloodbuzz Ohio (Live Directors Cut) - The National
You don't need to hear all the lyrics. In fact, the things you mishear are automatically like you are putting yourself into it. If you do that, you know, you think it says one thing. I think it is more engaging when you don't know. So that is how it is with me and music. Michael Stipe and his lyrics for so long were impressionistic and you could not hear what many of the words were and I think that was part of their power. Because they sucked you into it.

Matt Berninger (from The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio (Live Directors Cut))

Lyrics

Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I lift my shirt up
Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I lift my shirt up

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married, but Ohio don't remember me

Lay my head on the hood of your car
I take it too far
Lay my head on the hood of your car
I take it too far

I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
I never thought about love when I thought about home
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know

I'm on a blood buzz
Yes, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz
I'm on a blood buzz
God, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married, but Ohio don't remember me

I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
I never thought about love when I thought about home
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know

I'm on a blood buzz
Yes, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz
I'm on a blood buzz
God, I am
I'm on a blood buzz.

So many great lines in this one:

• I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees


• I still owe money to the money to the money I owe


• The floors are falling out from everybody I know


• I never thought about love when I thought about home
  

Be Audacious - Ravenna 2014

Home (*) - Blackwattle Bay / Sydney (Sun 24 Aug 2014)
Creature of habit, but I like this routine. Always go to Blackwattle Bay on the last Sunday before we leave to compete. I walk, take a few photos (*), read, think and reflect. And this time I wrote something, so here it is ..

I’ve been thinking lately about how every year seems to be different. It's natural. With time, things do change and I thought that this was the only reason things appeared to change. But you know what, even if everything did stay the same, it is still different, because you are different. You see things differently because you are a year older and all that goes with that, if you are doing something with your life.

With that rather random introduction (but I think there might be something in it), I thank everyone at Pacific Dragons for making Ravenna 2014 (*) happen.

How does such a small club get itself half way across the world to compete against the best clubs in the world?

It takes a thought, a dream, a goal, some intention, commitment and dedication. That's part of what it takes and the Club has lots of this and all the other things needed to be competing at our 4th consecutive World Club Crew Championships. I thank you all.

So with another candle on the cake, and with two sessions to go, I've come to love and appreciate this part of the campaign. I’ve been thinking lately:

• You know you are being coached by the best in the world - I told the boys this at the AB when we met in Feb this year, that alone is a good enough reason to buy in on the campaign.


• You feel fit and you know the effort is paying off – a conversion and gelling process is happening. After 70 or so water sessions, we are doing some really intense sets now. Things you just could not do, even a few months ago – and you thought were pretty good back then


• It’s scary but you love it.


• More so now, it’s not just what you are doing, it’s what you are thinking, what you believe.


• It’s not just to do your best, but to go beyond that and to give it everything.


• It’s not just for you, but for everyone who has loved, supported and helped you to get to this point.

Finally, going back to where it all began for most of us this campaign, I was asked in front of the Group, at the AB, that night back in Feb:

What is it like to be a World Champion?

I did not know what to say (and it was the reason I sent out that Five One Hundreths of Second (*) Post on FB after the meeting). And, I'm not sure that it is even the right question, but I did say something like this:

It's one step at a time. It is great to feel like you are in the game. You can’t expect to win, it’s not your fate or destiny to win and you definitely can’t just hope to win. You have to try. And you have to have confidence and belief in yourself, your support network and your team. [1]

and with that I concluded:

Be Audacious!!! [1]

And, so I am and so I think we all should be ..

Regards .. Geoff

[1] the essence of these thoughts came from a great blog post (*) I had just read at that time by a Canadian Olympic Kayaker, Adam Van Koeverden (*). For me, he is Canada’s Drew Ginn (*), both who are inspirations to me.

The sweet taste of change ..

I recently had the opportunity to tell the following story between sets at a recent Australian Dragon Boat training session. It comes from the Novel By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho. Here it is ..

The padre took a deep breath. He hesitated for a moment and then said:

"A scientist who studied monkeys on an island in Indonesia was able to teach a certain one to wash bananas in the river before eating them. Cleansed of sand and dirt, the food was more flavourful. The scientist - who did this only because he was studying the learning capacity of monkeys - did not imagine what would eventually happen. So he was surprised to see that the other monkeys on the island began to imitate the first one."

"And then, one day when a certain number of monkeys had learned to wash their bananas, the monkeys on all of the islands in the archipeligo began to do the same thing. What was surprising though was the other monkeys learned to do so without having had any contact with island where the experiment had been conducted."

He stopped. "Do you understand?"

"No" I answered.

"There are several similar scientific studies. The most common explanationn is that when a certain number of people evolve, the entire human race begins to evolve. We don't know how many are needed - but we know that's how it works."

Premier Open 500m Final - IDBF Dragon Boat World Champs - Sydney 2007 (Sun 23 Sep 2007)
A bit of a ramble to follow ..

Whenever I go to a Dragon Boat Regatta, I always look at the other teams when they are racing and I am always amazed at all the different techniques that are on display. Not one team is the same. I have seen so many variations on how to paddle, I know there is no one right way. The main thing is that a team and all its paddlers are consistent with their technique and blend together as a team. There are always slight variations between the paddlers, but overall everyone is pretty much doing the same thing.

How is this done? Firstly, a coach or coaching team will decide on a technique to be used. Most coaches are often learning and looking for new ways to make the team go faster. So from season to season you will see changes in technique that can go from subtle to extreme.

Once a new technique is decided upon it is a matter of the Coach and the Team getting down to business and putting it into practice through purposeful training. This will all take time as new physical and mental pathways are developed by the paddlers. Some paddlers will adapt to the changes quicker than others. Often video footage will help a paddler see what they are doing compared to what they think they are doing. At times the changes are made quickly and other times the changes seem to take forever to come through. One way or another, the changes are made and the team is paddling with tne new technique. What you see at Regatta's is proof of this fact.

Paddling is often about a feeling, be it the connection with the water or about what you feel and believe when you paddle. I have always believed that if you can think, visualise and feel it, then you are well on the way to making the changes needed to adapt to a new paddling technique (or for that matter, anything you set your heart to).

So for those working through change, make of it what you can from the above story. I think there are a few nice metaphors there to work with.

The keywords being: Learning, Training, Mimicry and Believing.

Senior Mixed 500m Final - IDBF Dragon Boat World Champs - 200m to go - "The Break" - "It was insane, but it worked" - It's not about the Paddle – Prague/Racice - Day 4 (Sat 29 Aug 2009)

On Performance - Drew Ginn (Mon 24 Dec 2012)

Uniform Top Swap Buddy - The racing was done and the "high pressure" uniform swapping process was in full swing. They had paddled with the USA U23 team and were from Philidelphia. His 16 year old twin brother had already made a swap for an Australian top, so I was more than happy to make sure he did not miss out / one of those great moments in life and paddling for someone like me, who has been around a while - 2011 World Dragon Boat Championships / Tampa (Sun 11 Sep 2011)
After a 16 year career of international performance, the recently retired Drew Ginn (*), made a summary of his personal views On Performance (*). He starts out with the a succient and general summary of his learnings (*):

to compete there needs to be a certain level of conditioning reached through quantity and targeted intensity while maintain integrity of movement effectiveness and harmony.

From which he expands:

Now there is heaps in all that but suffice to say if you do the work, row effectively and are ready for the event then it becomes easier.

Thats not to say its easy to do but rather the flow, process and deliver can be uncomplicated and then the depth of effort can be reached which can put athletes into that state. The state where it takes everything they have while the realisation emerges that it was less hard and not as difficult as previously thought or perceived.

So simply work to make it easier. Focus to help it flow and push to let it happen. Under do it and you feel guilty, over do it and frustration appears and so to get it just right is the key. The flexion point between effort and ease, tension and relaxation, concentration and letting go, its all a fine line and to learn & master is where art form meets science.

Finally then with out the work your not in the game. With out the efficient your unable to make the most of the opportunity. Then with out being ready for the nature of the big event all can be lost in the blur and intensity of what rises on the day. To seize the day requires all three elements to be developed, stimulated and firing.

Been following Drew's Blog (*) since March 2007 and through it I have watched him through two Olympic Games, three World Championships, back surgery after Beijing, a short and successful bike road racing career and his comeback to rowing.

For myself, he has inspired me through three World Dragon Boat Championships, two Asian Dragon Boat Championships, and three World Club Crew DB Championships and countless Local and National events. I think I have just about experienced everything in paddling, though I am not so sure (*) on that - which is something I have learnt from life and I think is a good thing.

His writings make sense to me and I can relate to much of what he has written and shared with us. In short, he is a role model to me and I think he has helped shape who I am as a paddler and a person. He has influenced me in how I train, race, and behave on and off the water. In fact, it was Drew's blog [along with Vern's (*), who is someone Drew can learn from as he moves forward with his coaching career] that helped me get started (*) here almost four years ago.

The above piece of writing at the end of his long and successful career as a rower, is a brilliant summary of what it is all about. He will take all of this into his new career as a coach. All the best Drew.

With thanks .. Geoff

When all is lost - The moment of highest leverage - Seth Godin (Tue 12 Mar 2013)

Keep Moving Forward (*) - John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum - Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
Seth Godin (*) writes about what I think is about Letting Go (*) when all seems lost and pointless:

It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, don’t waste it.

You’ve already won (or you’ve already lost). Right now, you can choose to do what’s in your heart, you can bring your real work to the world, instead of a lesser version, a version you think the market wants. After all, what do you have to lose?

When it feels like it’s hopeless or when it appears to be a lock, why not?

So you bring your true self to the work, your unadulterated effort, without negative self-talk and the sanding off of the interesting edges. Instead of compromise, you bring us vision.

Of course, when we see that reality, the kamiwaza of what you’re able to do when you’re not second guessing or giving up, the odds of transformation go way up. In fact, you haven't already lost, because your magical, vulnerable work changes everything.

You won’t get this chance again soon (unless you choose to). So go.

via The moment of highest leverage (*) by Seth Godin (*).

I experienced this in Prague (*) and the lead up campaign in which we lost Jenny (*).

Somehow,just 4 days after we farewelled Jenny (*) and 10 days off training, I "pulled" the best water trial of my career and found myself one of the top ranked paddlers in the Australian Masters Mixed Team, a first (and only time) for me. A week later I would come down with the flu and a nasty sinus infection which lead to me having a 10 day break from paddling and at one stage I thought the campaign was all over for me, as I could not "shake" the infection. As it was I should have had a bit more of a break, but I did not want it "toss it in"

In this time off, I lost my usual seat in the boat and after a bit of "soul searching", I forgave all, including myself (mostly) and just decided to let go (*) of everything and just go with it.

Had the time of my life and this little snippet of wisdom from Seth resonates most when I think of that Prague (*) Campaign just under 4 years ago now.

I tried to explain some this here (*) and here (*) a long time ago, but I like what Seth has written here.

I hope Seth will one day write more about how to accept the result of rare moments like these (but I suspect that this is the "winning" way of responding to Seth's post), something which has not been easy and I struggle with even to do this day (and maybe the reason I wrote this unplanned and unexpected post).

On Photographic Projects - Trent Parke (Wed 27 Aug 2014)

Untitled - Milan Station (Aug 2005)
Untitled - Milan Station (Thu 28 Aug 2014)
Trent Parke (*) writes On Projects (*):

Most of my projects last for years. I don’t feel I can achieve anything worth saying in a few weeks in a place. I have always been interested in why I am drawn to something and why I eventually push the camera button. Most of it comes from memory, the subconscious and events I experienced growing up.

via An interview with Trent Parke - Try Hard Magazine (*) by Try Hard Magazine (*).

Both stops in Milan (*) were short (about an hour) and these were quick shots taken with baggage in hand, explaining the wonkiness of each photo. I always remembered the 2005 photo and see it often amongst my favourite photos (*) on Picasa.

In 2005 (*) were heading north to Interlarken (*) from Genoa (*) and Jenny was with us. This time we heading to Bologna (*) from Zurich (*).

The Canon Pro1 (*) I used in 2005 has always been my favourite camera and the sensor gave beautiful textured and coloured images [see here (*)]. It was definitely a quirky camera, but my favourite.

It stopped working in January 2009 on our last Main Range (*) walk with Jenny. An omen of sorts I should think. It's last few images were ghostly white with faint silhouette's of Jenny and Joanne at the Summit (*) of Mt K.

I have said it few times here over the years, when I have talked about past photos, I think I saw my photos better back then. I was less knowledgeable and more naive. In some ways it has helped me understand what Bono (*) was trying to say in front of large crowd of fans at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge (*) looking into Manhattan (*) when he said (*) it was about:

a time in our lives when we did not know how powerful it was not to know.

Finally, as Trent's quote from above mentions, I think these two photos are about memory (*) and the subconscious (*). They are also about change - even though nothing really looks that different about the roofs, nine years have passed and so much has changed. Maybe that's what I was trying to say here (*) about change (*) before we departed.

So, I am happy to have these two photo, the opportunity to make them and these random thoughts here now.

On Thinking - David Foster Wallace (21 May 2005)

Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about

"teaching you how to think"

is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea:

"learning how to think"

really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think.

It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience.

Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed.

David Foster Wallace (w) - Transcript - 2005 Kenyon College Commencement Address (21 May 2005)

Sculpture by the Sea - Bondi / Sydney - (18 Nov 2002)

On Photography - the relationship between objects and people - Daido Moriyama (Summer 2005)

Traffic Barrier - Shinjuku / Tokyo (Sat 22 Sep 2012)
Daido Moriyama (*) gives an insight into his photography when asked What do you want viewers to take away from looking at your photos?:

Most of my photographs are taken on the street, of objects on the street.

I want to capture the relationship between objects and people.

I don’t ever think about what people are going to think looking at my photographs.

There are many things I can’t control.

That viewers see the photographs in a different way is really important, but it doesn’t influence the work.

My message enters the image, but I think it’s good if many messages enter the image, not just mine.

via Daido Moriyama Photographs His Beloved Shinjuku (*).

Adam Goodes Talk - Auroras 2013 Team Captains Announcement - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)

Auroras 2013 Team Captains Announcement - Adam Goodes Talk - Dragon Boat YouTube (*) Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam Goodes (*) talks to the Sydney based Australian Dragon Boat Team Members, the 2013 Auroras.

It was a few weeks before we flew out to Hungary for our final training camp in Gyor (*) and then onto Szeged (*) a few days later, for the World Championships.

It was an amazing moment. To think that Adam would come down to say a few words to us.

You knew it was special at the time. But today, looking at this video, it made me realise how special it was. Thanks Adam. You are a Gentleman, a Champion and represent everything that which we aspire to as people and paddlers.

Following Adam's Talk, Kel announced the 2013 Aurora Divisional Team Leaders and overall Team Captains. As each was named, Adam presented the Sydney based Leaders and Captains with a Plaque which acknowledges each persons achievements in being selected to their position.

Finally, Kel thanked Adam for making time to see us, following which he was presented a plaque to remember his time with us. Needless to say, Adam was more than happy to spend a bit of time speaking to us individually and to make a few photos. See below.

Here is my humble efforts to transcribe what Adam said..

Kel suggested I come down here to see you guys who are going off to represent your country which I think is fantastic.

I do like to give back to community as much as possible and thought this was great opportunity.

You know this is not a sport that I am involved with. A sport which I have never tried before, but

[.. from the crowd .. we have got a spare seat. ]

I would hate to kick somebody out of their spot.

It is a fantastic thing, whether, you know, it's your first time representing Australia or whether you have been doing it for so many years as a Master. It is always the same. You have got that Green and Gold.

I have played for Australia four times, I have captained Australia in 2011 over in Ireland at the International Series there.

I didn't really feel what it was like to be a patriot to my Country until I represnted Australia. To see the Americans and how patriotic they are about the flag and everything.

It's not until you represent Australia and you are going away from Australian shores to do it that you actually feel how proud I am about the Country I come from, the Country I am representing and the people that we are.

Look at how diverse we all are just looking at us right now.

It is fantastic that we can go away and represent Australia and give our best. I think that is what being Australian is all about is giving our best.

You are also doing it for ..

The main reason I wanted to come down here today for you guys is to give you a pat on the back. Wish you good luck.

You know it is a fantastic opportunity to ..

You know I have never been to Hungary before. It is a great opportunity to see a different Country. Embrace their culture. Learn somehting new. But also, let them embrace our culture as well. Let them see what Australian people are like.

Have fun. You know, win, lose or draw, you are over there to enjoy yourself.

Get to know people on a different level. Travel together. I know the boys don't like travelling with me because I am a bit of a snorer.

[.. from the crowd - much laughter ..]

I dont have a problem with it, ..

but enjoy, have fun and go and do us proud.

That is the great thing about representing your Country.

It is what it is all about. Good luck.

[.. from the crowd - applause.]

Here are a few photos from the day. Thanks Adam and of course, Kel, for asking Adam.
Adam - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam and Sydney-based Auroras 2013 Leadership Team - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam and Jo - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)
Adam, Jo and Geoff - Bank Street / Pyrmont (Sat 29 Jun 2013)