The Power of Photography - Kim Weston / Maurice Berger (Fri 27 Jun 2014)

Untitled - Pitshanger (*) Lane / Ealing (*) / London (Sat 17 Aug 2013)
Kim Weston (*) writes Photography (*) and Love (*):

Coming so close to dying made me realize that life is short, and that I had a choice, [..] I wasn’t doing what I loved, and I was determined to go after my dream (*).

So It was suggested:

Go back to doing what you love (*). Photography (*) makes you smile (*).

And so she did:

Photography has opened so many doors for me. I often wonder where my life would have gone if I had not had the privilege to experience its power. I know it saved me.

via What the Camera Sees, and Doesn’t See (*) by Maurice Berger (*).

The power of photography to heal the broken (*) and fractured (*), demonstrated yet again (*).

The Climb - Our Main Range Summit Challenge

The Climb - The Main Range Range Summit Challenge

Dragons Abreast Ausrtralia Seminar
Cancer Council Queensland
Tuesday 31st August, 2010

Next is a little story that covers another aspect of Jenny’s Life – our annual trip to the Snowy Mountains and our Main Range Mt Kosciuszko Summit Challenge.

The Colorado Trail is just short of 500 miles in length. Doug Miller spent a summer (approximately 60 days) hiking the trail. In August 2009 he was diagnosed with Cancer.

A few months into his journey with Cancer, he wrote about the lessons he had learnt on the Colorado Trail and how they paralleled the lessons learnt on his journey with Cancer.

I read his story a few months after Jenny had passed away. It resonated with me and I could relate to it, in particular the following quote:

"A single step repeated hundreds and thousands of times would see us eventually arrive at the end.

It did not take superhuman strength or a talent that most do not have. It took a steadfast commitment.

Step by step, the miles added up and the challenges slipped by. Today just like those days on the trail, is another step.

Tomorrow is yet another.

I walk this journey in anticipation of the end, but I also know that there is much to learn in the process.

It is the process, no matter what the hardship where great beauty and adventure can be found."

Doug Miller on the Colorado Trail
Around New Year, for the last 11 years we have travelled to the Snowy Mountains area, around Perisher Valley and Jindabyne, to get away from the holiday crowds, to relax and take in the sights of the Snowy Mountains.

Each year we would also take the opportunity to challenge ourselves to the 22km Main Range Summit walk, to not only witness the beauty of the mountains, but to test ourselves and to benchmark our fitness to the previous year’s effort. This was particularly important for Jenny as she, and we also, could see what effect her cancer and treatment was having on her physical body, for the previous 12 months.

Some years were easy, while others were more challenging, particularly the long and steep uphill leg from the Blue Lake to the Summit of Mt Kosciuszko.

One of the more difficult years for Jenny was January 2008 when a side-effect from one her treatments, which caused soreness and tenderness of her feet (Hand-Foot Syndrome), made it very difficult for her to walk even a few steps. This did not stop her and she did the 22km walk, one painful step at a time. We were so proud of her, though, in typical Jenny style she thought it to be nothing unusual or out of the ordinary.

On the first day of 2009, we did the Main Range walk, for what would turn out to be our last time together. While temperatures in Sydney were the typical balmy 30's, the weather in the Mountains had turned and there was a wind chill factor of minus 15 C. This was our last chance to do the walk. We had tried a day earlier, but were not prepared for the cold. This time we were prepared, with Jenny and Joanne wearing seven layers, as well as beanies and gloves. We decided to at least walk the first 6 km to the Blue Lake and make a decision there whether to continue on for the next 16km or return.

For all of us, the conditions were challenging. However, for Jenny there were extra challenges which revolved around dealing with the many issues relating to her cancer, the most obvious for this higher altitude challenge, being the tumors in her lungs. Little did we know at that stage the cramping in her stomach she had experienced over the previous month or so, would be the early signs of countless tumors in her liver, which would be diagnosed in early March 2009. On top that, was also the embryonic stages of a tumor in her brain, which would manifest itself as a 4cm tumor in early June 2009.

This was definitely the most difficult Main Range challenge for us all, Jenny in particular. She was short of breath, even on the small downhill sections. As we reached the Blue Lake, we rested quite a while and we left it up to Jenny to decide what we should do. Eventually, she said she felt she could do it, so off we nervously set, in very strong head winds, to the Summit. We stopped at Lake Albina on the way.

Every step was a struggle for Jenny and she did amazingly well to make it to the Summit of Mt Kosciuszko. As usual we would take our Summit top photos - this time there was no one there (usually there would be 20-30 people) as we had taken twice as long as normal and we had reached the Summit hours after everyone had headed back to their starting points.

When I read the little story from where the leading quote comes from, I thought of Jenny initially, and later Joanne and myself.

I think it has helped me understand, that we were not only doing this walk each year (with each year being a "step") for the beauty and physical challenge of the Mountains, but also for the beauty that can be found in the "process" of doing something like this each year.

It also helped me appreciate Jenny’s approach to life, her journey with cancer and how she embraced it to live a wonderful and fulfilling life, and to achieve her dreams.

I think it also helps me appreciate the difficult "steps" that Joanne and I take each day, without Jenny's physical presence in our lives - but knowing we are "getting on with life" with the support of our family and friends, and knowing many great experiences and adventures lay ahead for us and those in our lives.

We did the Main Range Summit walk this year, on the 1 Jan 2010 (more here). Jenny was with us every step of the way.

Just another little story of perseverance and determination from Jenny. Jenny guides and inspires us from above.

In closing, we would like to take the opportunity to thank Dragons Abreast. It has provided many opportunities for Jenny, Joanne and I. We are grateful for the experiences in life Dragons Abreast has presented us. We encourage you to embrace these opportunities and experiences also.

The Climb - Power Point Slides (pdf)
The Climb - Power Point Slides (pdf)
The Climb - Power Point Slides (pdf)

Vale: Maurie Cowan (1960-2010) - Pride, Intensity, Passion and Power ..

To represent your country at any event is an honour that very few people achieve in their life time. I am fortunate in that I have the opportunity to do it twice in one go and so whether I'm paddling in a dragonboat or performing the haka both will be done with the same amount of pride, intensity, passion and power that they deserve. .. Maurie Cowan - Tue 05 Jul 2005 (email to Australian Dragon Boat Team)

Maurie Cowan - Performing the Haka - Maori Culture Group - Schlitz/Germany - Jul 2005

Maurie Cowan - Australian Premier Open Dragon Boat Team - Thu 04 Aug 2005
This afternoon I have learnt of the passing of Maurice Cowan (Maurie), last night after a 5 year journey with advanced prostate cancer. He was 50 years old.

Strangely enough, yesterday, I had only just thought of him and how he was going, on the way home from the Roseville Dragon Boat Regatta. 

My first memory of Maurie is from the 2004 Australian National Dragon Boat Championships in Perth in April 2004. He paddled in the NSW Masters Open Team and the Masters Mixed Team, alongside Jenny and Joanne. I remember everyone being very excited about the resulting wins, becoming National Champions and the resulting opportunity it presented to represent Australia at the IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships in Shanghai in the following October.

National Champs - Shanghai - here we come - NSW Masters Mixed Team - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA - Fri 9 Apr 2004
National Champs - Shanghai - here we come - NSW Masters Mixed Team - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA - Fri 9 Apr 2004 (picasa)
The NSW Masters Open, Women's and Mixed Teams then trained through the Winter of 2004 and represented Australia with great pride, intensity, passion and power in Qingpu/Shanghai in late October 2004 at the 2004 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships.

Training Session - Australian Masters Mixed Dragon Boat Team - 2004 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Qingpu/Shanghai - Mon 18 Oct 2004
Training Session - Australian Masters Open Dragon Boat Team - 2004 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Qingpu/Shanghai - Mon 18 Oct 2004

Maurie would then go on to be a member of the victorious 2005 NSW Dragon Boat Team.

2005 NSW Dragon Boat Team - Maurie's up the back (as per usual) on the left - AusDBF National Dragon Boat Championships - Canberra (Fri 08 Apr 2005)
Maurie then became a member of the 2005 Australian Dragon Boat Team which competed at the World Dragon Boat Championships in Berlin. On the same trip to Germany he also represented  New Zealand in a Maori Cultural Group that performed in Schlitz. He was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer shortly after his return from Germany that year.

Maurie is in Row 6 on the right - Australian Masters Mixed Dragon Boat 500m Team - 2005 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Berlin - Fri 05 Aug 2005
The cancer and it's painful treatment did not stop him from paddling and Jenny, Joanne and I would often see him at Dragon Boat Regatta's, where he would often take the time to talk to us, and in particular Jenny. They seemed to have a special relationship and I always made sure that they had the opportunity to have some time together so that they could talk about their own Journey's with cancer in a way that only cancer survivors can truly relate to and understand.

It was not until Jenny's Flowers on the Water (FOW) Ceremony last December, that I realised how much of impression that Jenny had had on Maurie's own Journey with Cancer.

In a moving email, he wrote to me to apologise for probably not being able to attend the FOW Ceremony and to write about the inspiration Jenny had provided to him during his own Journey with Cancer. I know he would not have minded if I publish a copy of the email below. I think it truly represents his kind nature and big heart. More so, I think it gives an insight into how he dealt with the cancer and highlights his own inspiring approach to living life with advance cancer.

Also have attached a couple of photos from the 2009 Dragon Boat Nationals After Party at Kawana/Caloundra (picasa), which always put a smile on my face. Also a couple of other photos from the World Dragon Boat Championships in Berlin in 2005.

Thank you Maurie - we will remember you with very fond memories. In particular, I will remember the special friendship and bond that you had with Jenny. I know she enjoyed the little chats you had and I also know your own Journey, not only inspired Jenny, but all of those that had the pleasure of knowing you.

Regards .. Geoff

From: Maurice Cowan [moreza.cowan@??.com]
Sent: Tuesday, 1 December 2009 1:38 PM
To: Eldridge Geoff
Subject: My Inspiration

Hi Geoff,

I was very dissappointed to hear about Jenny's passing. She has been a inspiration for me for a few years now, since I first discovered my prostate cancer in 2005 after returning from the world championships in Germany. I reminded her at Caloundra how much of an inspiration she was for me (see gave me one of those big smiles), and wished her luck not knowing it would be the last time that I would see her.

I can remember her on that trip to germany, she was an inspiration to me even before I learnt of my own condition. I can remember feeling sorry for her at that time,but respected her strength and passion that she had for paddling and for life, it was inspiring.

So when I had first discovered that I had advanced prostate cancer a few months after that trip in 2005, the first person I thought of was Jenny and how she was handling herself,that really helped me to deal with my own situation pretty easily. For me it was like ok we know what it is, so lets just get on and deal with. And as long as I can still paddle I'll be fine.

So every regatta since then, I would always look for her and think she looks well whenever I saw her, so this year at Roseville, it just wasnt the same without her there.

She still remains an inspiration for me as I continue my own battle. Unfortunately my pain levels vary from day to day from comfortable to very painful. I am hoping to come to bank st, but I hope that you will understand if I cant.

Regardless I will be thinking of Jenny during that time, I will always remember my friend with the big smile on her face and a huge heart, who has made such a huge impression on me.

kindest regards,
Maurie

Jo, Maurie and Jenny - 2009 Australian Dragon Boat Nationals - Kawana - 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)
Jenny and Maurie - Inspirational - Big Smiles and Huge Hearts - 2009 Australian Dragon Boat Nationals - Kawana - 26 Apr 2009  (picasa)
Maurie is in Row 6 on the left - Australian Premier Open Dragon Boat Team - 1000m - Thu 04 Aug 2005
Team Huddle (Maurie is on the left, Mark Madden, Geoff Eldridge, Vivianne Bustos, Cynthia Kupier, George Louie, Toni, Peter Richardson and Jon Taylor (who passed away from Prostate Cancer in Dec 2008) - Australian Senior Mixed Dragon Boat Team - Berlin - Sun 07 Aug 2005

The Time of Your Life ..

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

As many of you will know, I have another obsession in my life beyond paddling - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Pitt Street Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes on the shore of Muri Lagoon - we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves.

In our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

Seven year ago today.

We remember Jenny. She (as they all do) lives on through our memories.

Hope - Story of Telling (Wed 28 Dec 2016)

Mickey and Donald - Glebe (Thu 22 Dec 2016)

Story of Telling on Hope:

Hope impacts our internal narrative acting like the aperture of a camera’s lens controlling the amount of light reaching the film. It makes us more resourceful, fuels our resilience and strengthens our resolve. We might not have the ability to alter the scene but we can change our perspective.

We have more power to shape our stories than we realise

via The Power Of Perspective by Story of Telling.

A Story About a Camera - 2015 Inspire Award Reflections (Fri 27 Aug 2015)

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

This is my 2000th post here at eljeiffel.

I always try to write something for the Annual Presentation of the Inspire Award. Most times it is just for me, but sometimes I share it with a few people. So here it is, unedited from the time it was written on the evening of Fri 27 Aug 2015. I think it is a pretty good way to mark the milestone.

As many will know, I have another obsession in my life - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes in the lagoon at Aitutaka, we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves. And this is what I love about PD’s, we are always out there doing something. This time last year we were in Bologna on our way to Ravena, this year we are heading to Hawaii in the next week and month, next year Adelaide and who knows where after that.

Finally, in our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

With this post it is time to let go of a lot things, including the photos of another time and life. I have shed my life here (and Facebook more recently) like a snake sheds it skin and there is nothing left but to start over again. Time to move on, but it is hard to let go .. but I will.

Trying to make a new start here (arotlt.com) with photos from this point onwards. There will be the occasional post at eljeiffel to mark the odd moment in our lives that are relevant, but for now thanks for coming along for the ride these last, almost, 7 years.

symbolically the black rose suggests death, or the completion of a long journey (Trent Parke’s moving Black Rose photo exhibition at Art Gallery of SA ) - Black Rose / Fitzroy Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

Two Years Ago Today - Sat 29 Aug 2009

Sitting on a Bus half between Montreal and Toronto, as I was booking our accommodation for the next 4 nights, I realise the date.

It is 29 Aug 2011, and it is exactly 2 years to the day that we won the 500m Senior A Mixed Final in Prague.
 
World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
As I think back to those moments and the two years that have followed, I have many emotions. I look at the photos of myself and I can't even comprehend how I was even there paddling after barely 10 weeks since Jenny's passing. I also think of the time between then and now, and I try to comprehend what I have been through to be here now. As I look to the future, I really have no idea what is next. Anyway, I try not to think about that too much and just try to be the best I can with what I have been given.

Geoff - post 200m Senior Open Final "letting go" - Racice/Prague 2009 - 28 Aug 2009 (picasa)
It is hard for me to even explain that day. I have tried here a few times (*). I am grateful (*) for the experience and feel lucky that I was on the boat that day.

I have been trying to find an appropriate Warrior of Light passage to mark this moment. Maybe the following is appropriate. I know my own failings and I would like to think that I live life with Faith, Hope and Love ..

A warrior of light knows his own faults. But he also knows his qualities.

Some of his companions complain all the time that

'other people have more opportunities than we do'.

Perhaps they are right, but a warrior does not allow himself to be paralysed by this; he tries to make the most of his virtues.

He knows that the gazelle's power lies in its strong legs. The power of the seagull lies in the accuracy with which it can spear a fish. He has learned that the  reason the tiger does not fear the hyena is because he is aware of his own strength.

He tries to establish what he can truly rely on. And he always checks that he carries three things with him:

faith, hope and love.

If these three things are there, he does not hesitate to go forward.

from Paulo Coelho's - 'The Manual of the Warrior Light'.

Daido Moriyama: The Mighty Power - nowness.com (Wed 12 Dec 2012)

Daido Moriyama: The Mighty Power on Nowness.com (Wed 12 Dec 2012)
Amazing. I have the transcript of his words and will post here soon.

Clarity - My Island Home - Pau Power and Christine Anu (22 Jan 2019)

One for the timeline ..

Missed this performance of 'My Island Home' at last years Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony. Just popped up randomly after listening to an Artificial Intelligence Lecture - thanks YouTube, a machine learning recommendation system algorithm hard at work. The original and the various versions I have heard always give me goose bumps.

Moving around a few times from one end of the state to the other and back somewhere else at the other end, in my youth, I don't really feel I have a home town. Not in the sense that many feel. Somehow 'My Island Home' reminds me, and gives me an identity along with a relationship to the place I feel fortunate to call home - the place I live, share and experience life.

A song, its music and words give it meaning, emotion and feeling. Additionally we have the various performances, be it live, on TV, online or from a playlist on your phone. Again, just like a photo, a performance gives you a sense of time and place (memories I guess) ..

I remember seeing Christine and her partner play 'My Island Home' as buskers in the Pitt Street Mall in the lead up to the Sydney 2000 Olympics. An unforgettable and mesmerising performance by Christine on top of a huge silver globe during the Closing Ceremony of the Sydney Olympics. At the last minute I included a beautiful acoustic version at Jenny's Funeral as the song to mark the end of the service. I will never forget the first notes of the guitar, you could hear a pin drop and there was a clarity of feeling I have never felt before or after - in that moment it marked an end and a difficult but sure beginning. I felt it somehow expressed our new separate physical paths, Jenny's journey giving her a new path and home, as well as Jo and my own first steps in our new journey in life without her. Always brings a small tear to my eye when I think about it for more than a little bit. There was also a sense and clarity that we have to live fulfilling and meaningful lives and not to be burdened by sadness. We owe this to them all and it is a responsibility we all share ..

'My Island Home' gives me the same feelings I experience when flying in over Botany Bay in the rising sun light from the numerous long overseas trips over the last 30 years. You look out and you see the blue of the sky, and down, you see the beautiful blue of the Botany Bay water contrasted with the sand around its edges, the rippled banks and gutters underneath. You are reminded of the clarity of light and colour we take for granted here - you have not seen it anything near it while you were away and somehow it is forgotten until just then looking out the window. With it comes another clarity, the clarity of the feeling that this is my home, a home so far from the rest of the world and my ancestors. In those moments I look down and I wonder how did this place I am looking at become my home. I think of my ancestors, particularly those that made that first 6 month journey here in a leaky boat (another song for another day :-)) in the mid-1800's. I always wonder what made them come here and what they felt when first sighting the Sydney Heads, the gateway to Sydney and a new life. I was lucky enough to paddle around this very point, the entrance to their new home, this morning. We saw the sun rise with a clarity most of us had not seen before and as I paddled I heard various chatter between my friends as we paddled - I knew what they were talking about without hearing the exact words - we all saw and felt it. And in this rising sun I was reminded with clarity of how lucky I am to be living this life, in this time, in this place with my family and friends - 'Our Island Home' ..

[ After 4 years, just bought a new phone. This version of 'My Island Home' (love the hip-hop bit from Mau Power) is the first song on it :-) ]

Words - The Story of Telling (Mon 12 Sep 2016)

words - I Won't Make Art - Chippendale (Mon 12 Sep 2016)

The Story of Telling on Words:

Our words communicate much more than the messages we want people to hear. How we use them shapes our thoughts and character—it shows people what we value and conveys the truth about who we are. Our every word has the power to provoke or reassure, draw people in or push them away. We get to choose how well and how wisely we use them.

via The Weight Of Our Words by The Story of Telling.

On Connection - Brené Brown (Jun 2010)

connection - Clevland Street / Chippendale (Tue 01 Sep 2015)

Brené Brown on Connection:

connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about.

via Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript | TED.com by Brené Brown.

On Music - Oliver Sacks / Brain Pickings (Fri 11 Sep 2015)

score - Chippen Lane / Chippendale (Fri 11 Sep 2015)

Oliver Sacks on Music:

music makes one experience pain and grief more intensely, it brings solace and consolation at the same time

via Oliver Sacks on 9/11 and the Paradoxical Power of Music to Bring Solace by Making Room for Our Pain by Briain Pickings.

music pierces the heart
a tear manifest

You don't need to hear all the lyrics - Matt Berninger

Bloodbuzz Ohio (Live Directors Cut) - The National
You don't need to hear all the lyrics. In fact, the things you mishear are automatically like you are putting yourself into it. If you do that, you know, you think it says one thing. I think it is more engaging when you don't know. So that is how it is with me and music. Michael Stipe and his lyrics for so long were impressionistic and you could not hear what many of the words were and I think that was part of their power. Because they sucked you into it.

Matt Berninger (from The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio (Live Directors Cut))

Lyrics

Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I lift my shirt up
Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I lift my shirt up

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married, but Ohio don't remember me

Lay my head on the hood of your car
I take it too far
Lay my head on the hood of your car
I take it too far

I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
I never thought about love when I thought about home
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know

I'm on a blood buzz
Yes, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz
I'm on a blood buzz
God, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married, but Ohio don't remember me

I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
I never thought about love when I thought about home
I still owe money to the money to the money I owe
The floors are falling out from everybody I know

I'm on a blood buzz
Yes, I am
I'm on a blood...buzz
I'm on a blood buzz
God, I am
I'm on a blood buzz.

So many great lines in this one:

• I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees


• I still owe money to the money to the money I owe


• The floors are falling out from everybody I know


• I never thought about love when I thought about home
  

On Determination - Shawn Heidgen / Training Peaks (Wed 12 Jun 2013)

Day 2 - 2013 AusDBF Nationals - SIRC / Penrith (Fri 19 Apr 2013)
Shawn Heidgen (*) writes On Determination (*):

No one makes it to the top without overcoming obstacles that would push most people to quit. It is that mental determination (*) and the ability to endure that makes the difference between success (*) and failure (*).

via The Power of Perseverance (*) by Shawn Heidgen (*).

"That is my life story up until now" - Remembering Jenny (Mon 06 Jul 2009)

The cackle of a Laughing Kookaburra announces the first light of dawn as the sun rose on that cold winters day. With no sleep that night preparing for Jenny's Funeral later in the day, I penned these words to honour Jenny's Life at her Funeral. Six and half years later, looking back at what came out in those last few hours, I am happy. What strikes me most is how I chose to "reflect on the little things". And they are what I miss most. Here it is ..

Jennifer Joy Petterson
24 Mar 1962 - 30 Jun 2009
Age 47 years 3 months and 6 days

"That is my life story up until now."

This is how Jenny ended her "Autobiography" written in 5th class (being 1972). I always enjoyed reading this lengthy account (it had 3 three parts) of Jenny's life up to the age of 10. I loved this story and scanned the original into my computer so that I could read it during a quiet moment at work.

Jenny was the eldest identical twin daughter of Norm and Margaret Petterson of Holt Road, Sylvania. With feet eagerly pressing on Jenny's back at the birth, a younger sister followed 5 minutes after Jenny's arrival. This was her identical twin sister Joanne. She was ready to play and from that time on they were inseparable. On the day of their birth Jenny writes there was a fete at the hospital. Jenny would always tell me that Norm bought a wind up koala at the fete that played music. For some reason she did not write this

The Autobiography, even at the age of 10, shows that Jenny had an eye for detail, as this quote reveals.

"At the age of 4 years and 10 months and 15 days we started school and cried when mummy left us."

It documents many facts and figures - birth weights and lengths, when they first walked, where they holidayed and details such as the colour of the caravans they stayed in - all well recorded for prosperity.

They participated in many sporting activities (which has been a constant throughout Jenny's life) - swimming, physie, jazz ballet, and little athletics, to mention a few.

Furthermore, she recalls the date of their first hair cut. - and even allowing me to determine that her first tooth fell out on my 7th birthday .

More generally what can be summarized from the autobiography is that Jenny had a fun filled, active childhood with her sister Joie and friends, which was encouraged and fostered by their loving parents.

Even as babies there seemed to be an order to things and this became even more apparent once they started to talk (yes that date is also recorded). In Part 1 of Jenny's Autobiography:

"One the 3rd Oct 1964 we had our first haircut and Joie said, 'Denny First', meaning Jenny first".

Jenny even then was a stabilizing influence on Joanne.

As stated above Jenny finishes her "Autobiography" with:

"That is my life story up until now."

Obviously she looks forward to the future and how she will fit into the world as she grows up. In recent years these words struck a chord with me. Today, these words have even greater meaning.

Jenny and Jo progressed to Sylvania High. They started part time work at Grace Bros’, Miranda Fair. Jo in "Cosmetics and Womens Clothing" and Jenny in "Hardware and Gardening" - "Same, Same but Different". I often asked Jenny to recall these days and I would get a kick when she could still recite the cost codes of power tools and various hardware items. The attention for detail was paying off out in the real world!!

During high school, the Girls ramped up their sporting activities and started to focus on Athletics, Cross Country Running and also a bit of Tennis. Interestingly enough, Jo and I would have crossed paths at the CHS State Cross Country Championships held at Hurlstone Ag College in 1977.

They also found time to also progress from Brownies to Girl Guides. Musters and camps were attended and they both rose quickly though the ranks to Patrol Leaders, finally achieving the highest rank of Queen's Guide with presentation of the award by the Governor of NSW, Sir Rodden Cuttler.

School and High School Certificates were sat and good grades recorded in all subjects. Geography was Jenny's favourite - definitely an early sign of a future "Travel Bug". She loved a map and an atlas, and this remained another constant throughout her life.

Successful Grades accomplished in the HSC saw the Girls accepted into the Bachelor of Business at UTS.

Following interviews the Girls accepted Business/Administration cadetships with the Electricity Commission of NSW. Our lives crossed similar paths again, as I had the same Interviewer for my successful application for an Engineering Cadetship. We were now working for the same company - be it 12,000 people.

Group assignments were the norm at UTS and they always found it easier if the group consisted of two members - more specifically themselves. Minimizing traveling, they were on the same wavelength, which provided for a consistent approach to completing the assignment just in time.

At work, as was the case during their school days at Sylvania, Jenny and Jo made many friends. There were lots of "Work Outings" with friends from [Work and] Uni.

Being at an age to travel independently, they made many "trips away". These were always well documented with many photographs taken, always with people in them (themselves typical) and some local landmark behind.

Jenny documents in a 1995 twin survey that they had traveled overseas on 13 occasions, as well as numerous holidays in Australia.

At work Jenny was provided with early work experiences, mainly in Purchasing (there were lots of cost codes to remember there). Jenny then pursued a career in Internal Audit, specializing in large mainframe computer systems and business systems. This was the days before PC's. Joanne followed a more traditional path into financial and management accounting. As PC progresses throughout the organization, there were now many PC Id numbers to remember.

All kinds of sporting activities were tried and some pursued more than others. The main sport would then become Touch Football, participating in three separate competitions each week. Also they found the water and learnt to row single and double sculls, as well as 4's and 8's.

Through a combined interest in running, Jenny and I crossed paths in organising our company's participation in the inaugural Corporate Games held in Nov 1989. I can remember the first time we met and I how I was instantly attracted to her smile, blue eyes and lovely [nature]. On the [day of the Games] I realized that Jenny was an identical twin. We all had a great day.

Afterwards, I often thought of Jenny and a few months later out of the blue, she arranged to give me a team photo from the day and then asked me to partner her to a wedding. I was stunned. We agreed to go out on 30th March 1990 before the wedding in order to get to know each other better. We had dinner and saw a movie. She then showed me photo albums of her travels late into the night - it just seemed so easy to listen and talk to her and even then I hoped that she we would be the one for me. I could not believe she was interested in me. After a month we were going out and a 10 year courtship ensued.

During this time many milestones and life changing experiences occurred. The Girls completed their Masters [in Finance at UTS], Norm (their father) passed away suddenly in hospital, on [Tue 0]2 Jun 1992.

In late Mar 1997 Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer and a mastectomy followed a few weeks later. She returned to work and got on with her life. On New Years Eve 1997, Margaret (their mother) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Margaret was referred to Jodi as her Oncologist and numerous chemo courses followed. The Girls would attend all consultations with her. Around the same time Jenny's cancer recurred in the scar tissue of the mastectomy. This is when Jodi also became Jenny's Oncologist. Now Margaret and Jenny were having chemo at the same time.

Through a cancer course at Royal Nth Shore, Jenny found Barbara (now Sister Suscila) and that's where they found meditation and a natural/spiritual approach to healing. Around this time Jenny also joined the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group which was facilitated by Liz, a social worker with Calvary.

Stong relationships were established and developed with Jodi, Suscila and Liz and though each of their own skill sets and support networks helped influence Jenny's approach and ensuing journey with cancer. I believe they helped Jenny to embrace her cancer and to live life to the full.

Unfortunately Margaret's cancer was quite advanced and spread quickly. Jodi saw in Jenny and Joanne a strength of character and asked them to care palliatively for Margaret at home, while she would make house calls. This has been Jenny and Jo's greatest gift in life, caring for their mother at home for 8 weeks (Jenny was still having her chemo at this time) until Margaret succumbed to her cancer on 28 April 1999 (her wedding anniversary).

Jenny's breast cancer spread to her lungs and in late 1999 scans revealed 10 tumors. A hormone therapy treatment started. Jenny and Jo traveled to visit Suscila in Alice Springs and visited Uluru for the Millennium. Jenny would recall later that she had an amazing experience lying in the red desert sand at the foot of Uluru.

Shortly after her return from Uluru we became engaged and we set about organizing our wedding in just 10 weeks. The big day being the 30th April 2000. What a day. We sang “Song of Joy”. We exchanged vows and rings and then kissed as Husband and Wife. At the reception we made toasts, spoke and danced the night away. A rainbow theme being the unifying element with rainbow inspired flowers, ribbons, cake, speeches and songs. We honeymooned on Lord Howe and shortly after our return Jenny retired from work to pursue her passions (on Jodi's suggestion).

At the Sydney Olympics later that year we must have held the record for the most sessions attended - handball becoming our favourite. We had many fond and inspiring memories from the whole event.

At that time, just over 9 years ago, we had no idea how long we would have together. This did not stop us and we tried to live a normal life with goals set for six months at a time. Holidays were planned and taken - a trip to the Cook Islands to visit Susila over Xmas 2000, a 4 week trip to North West Australia in May 2001 and a return to Lord Howe in Oct 2001 so Joanne and my Mother could share the experience.

Another constant was our annual trip to Mt Kosciusko for a benchmarking 22km walk around the Main Range. This year was her hardest effort – but she did it. Maybe it was a sign of things to come.

In late 2000 I bought a small digital camera to document our travels and lives. I did not know how much time we would have share and the camera gave me some comfort that I could capture our memories.

Jenny's cancer was ever persistent and there was always something going on - radiation, more chemo, hormone injections or tablets and numerous operations - we could watch “House” and could easily relate to the medical terms.

Through one of her chemo treatments, Jenny found a Dragons Abreast flyer at the hospital. This would be start of the biggest change in our lives. Jenny and Joanne took to paddling like "ducks to water" and I found myself photographing them and the dragon boats that they trained and raced. It gave them opportunities to travel wide and far. Our holidays were now planned around Dragon Boat regattas locally and internationally.

Jo would make the NSW and Australian Team to Poland in 2003. Jenny was held back by a course of chemo and numerous trips to the hospital. She still remained involved by videoing the teams at time trials at Penrith.

In 2004 she would make the NSW Team and compete for her country in the World Championships in Shanghai. There could not have been a prouder person when Joanne's Premier Mixed Team won a bronze medal in the 500m race.

During the 2004 Shanghai campaign Jenny’s journey was captured by an Australian Story episode titled "In the Pink". She was nervous participant and a little uncertain about how it would be scripted and received. We all nervously awaited its airing on that June long weekend Monday - unaware as to its content. The episode captured the essence of the Dragons Abreast Movement in Australia, showing all sides to cancer and it's impact - positive and negative.

The episode would popularize Dragons Abreast Australia beyond it's creators wildest dreams. Clubs quickly popped up everywhere across the country and continue to do so. Meanwhile, Jenny and Joanne would become the most well known (yet most humble) paddlers in Australia.

Others today have told of Jenny's inspiring feats on the water and there is no need for me to repeat them. She just loved to paddle and found great comfort amongst her paddling colleagues. It provided a sense of normality to her life and she just seem to fit in, even with compression sleeve on her right arm or the missing hair on her head which was always discreetly hidden by a colourful selection of bandana's.

Jenny empowered many people (with and without) cancer to pursue their dreams. She will live on through Joanne and I and no doubt many others from her inspiring journey. Thinking of Jenny will help influence our decisions and motivate us to achieve our dreams and to decide what is right.

I will miss hearing you breath as you slept. I will miss calling out “I love you” as I leave for work each day. Whistling at the front door when I got home and hearing you whistle back. You were the most amazing thing to happen in my life I am having trouble comprehending the way forward. You provided me with love and gave me hope and life purpose. I would always say to Jenny “I am the lucky one”.

A couple of quotes from her regular talks and Australian Story follow and I think there is something there to inspire us all. No matter the circumstance.

“Cancer is something that people do not expect to happen to them and no matter who is diagnosed, and at whatever time in their life, it is a shock which has huge ramifications for not only the person involved but also their family and friends. It takes a lot of adjustment to get used to.”

“I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.”

“I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.”

“It's just in the lap of the gods.”

Enjoy your new “Island Home” and those that surround you [there]. You know that “We’ll be There” and we know that “You’ll be There”.

As we said to each other before we nodded off each night .. Jenny:

“Good Night, God Bless, I Love You.”

"That is my life story up until now."

On Finding Yourself - Spencer Lum (Tue 08 Jul 2014)

Untitled - Reina Sofia (*) / Madrid (Sun 11 Aug 2013)
Spencer Lum (*) writes On Life (*):

The whole point of life (*) is to figure it out for yourself. To love (*) the challenge (*) and live in the process (*). It can’t flourish in the light (*) of others. Comparison is the surest path (*) to bitterness (*) and grief (*). Explore (*). See your power (*). See what you can do. Success (*) is not being better than everyone else. It’s finding you.

via Living the Better Life (*) by Spencer Lum (*).

Spencer (*) at his Philosophical Best (*). And a great thought for the 1600th post and 146,000th pageview here (*), give or take a couple.

A Message To The Broken - You are not Without Hope - Doug Miller (Sun 11 Oct 2009)

Broken - George Street / Redfern (Mon 10 Mar 2014)
Doug Miller (*) writes On Hope (*):

Hope (*) is a thread that exists in our lives. It has been there since the day we took our first breaths. It has existed alongside us as we built our lives. It exists now in the shattered reality of brokenness. Though we are broken, hope remains strong. In our weakness Hope rises as an unbroken thread stretching out into our uncertain (*) future (*), beckoning us to follow and explore the potential that lies dormant and hidden by our pain. Hope waits. Ready for us to reach out and grasp its firm hand. The question is not if hope exists within our brokenness. The real question is if we are willing and able to allow ourselves to stretch out of our brokenness, our preconceived attitudes, and self imposed assumptions and grasp hold of the only hope that exists, the only hope for our brokenness, our humanity and very existence. There is hope and healing and a future no matter what our circumstances. It is true. I have seen it. There are many others that have shared in it as well and testify of its existence and power and potential. Lift your eyes out of the brokenness and glimpse it, it is before you. You are not alone.

You are not without HOPE.

via A Message To The Broken (*) by Doug Miller (*).

An amazing piece of writing. All the more so, if you know the motivation (*) behind it.

A Rainbow always brings Hope - Alexandria (Sun 09 Mar 2014)

Spiderman - Hero Forever - 02 May 2002 (youtube)

Spiderman - Hero Forever - 02 May 2002 (youtube)

Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words:

"With great power comes great responsibility."

This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm [..]

Peter Parker (Spiderman - 02 May 2002)

2:15am Fri 01 July 2011 - I found myself thinking about this closing Cemetery scene from Spiderman as I lay in bed reflecting on my day - the 2nd Anniversary of Jenny's passing.

The day had a few twists and turns I was not expecting - but that is the beauty of life.

Peter Parker's words seemed to resonate with me the first time I heard them many years ago with Jenny at my side at the Kogarah Mecca. Today they resonate just as much, if not more.

Postscript: I put the above video and words on my Facebook Profile in the early hours of Friday morning. For some reason this scene came into my head. I am not sure why, but I guess there must have been a reason. Maybe I would think of this scene once or twice a year and I always go searching for the above quote (now it is here I don't have to search too far to find it).

There are not too many scenes from movies I can remember as well as this one (another movie that is indelibly stamped in my memory is Fearless - a story for another day). Most movies I see, I am lucky to remember what the movie was about by the time I have watched the credits and walked out. A good movie might stay in my mind for a day or two. So for this scene to remain in my memory for 9 years, probably indicates some kind of association (for me, associative memory is my best form of recall).

Plenty of metaphors in the words and the cemetery scene clip - no need to worry, I don't think I have great powers, but maybe I feel a sense of responsibility to ensure that Jenny's is remembered and that her life is honoured.