What I think about when I think by the side of the River Charles - Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

Jogging Path (1 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
Jogging Path (2 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

Jogging Path (3 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
Jogging Path (4 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
On a whim, I recently bought myself a copy of Haruki Murakami's (*) book, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (*). As I read it, I was quite taken by the following passage ..

It's been 10 years since I lived in Cambridge [Boston]. When I saw the Charles River again, a desire to run swept over me. Generally, unless some change takes place, rivers always look the same, and the Charles River in particular looked totally unchanged. Time had passed, students had come and gone, I'd aged ten years, and there'd literally been a lot of water under the bridge. But the river has remained unaltered. The water still flows swiftly, and silently, toward Boston Harbour. The water soaks the shoreline, making the grasses grow thick [..]

Maybe because it's the home of the Boston Marathon, Cambridge is full of runners. The jogging path along the Charles goes on forever, and if you wanted to you could run for hours. The problem is, it's used by cyclists, so you have to watch out for speeding bikes whizzing past from behind. At various places, too, there are cracks in the pavement you have to make sure you don't trip over, and a couple of long traffic signals you can get stuck at, which can put a kink in your run. Otherwise, it's a wonderful jogging run.

I sat beside the River Charles. It was late afternoon on the last day of our 4 days in Boston. We had arrived on the Friday from a week in New York. Here are a few photos from my time sitting by the River Charles.

We had already been away for a day short of 4 weeks and it would be another 3 weeks before arriving back home. I was enjoying the trip but was thinking a lot about all the changes that had been occurring in my life - I was without a car and I had moved back to Kirrawee while I waited for my house, I had never really planned or contemplated to live in, to become available while I was away. Tried not to think about these things too much from a far, as I had no control over them. Instead, I just sat myself down on a seat bench by the River Charles and tried to think of other things.

I sat there in the beautiful afternoon sun, I thought of many things. I thought of all the other times I had been to Boston, what took me there and what I did while I was there. I also tried to remember who I was and what I was doing in my life around the time of each trip.

September and October 1988 was the first trip, and it would be just under a year before I would meet Jenny for the first time.

I reflected on the two years since Jenny had left us and all the things that happened since that time. In some ways, it was just sitting there by the River Charles, that I finally stopped and had a chance to clear my thoughts and to really think about things.

I had really kept myself busy and distracted since Jenny's passing (*) - it was one way of coping with the enormity of Jenny's loss. In some ways, I was starting to forget things - who I was, the things that we had done and what I thought I was going to do with my life.

As I sat there by the River Charles, I watched the walkers, runners and bicycle riders go past. Their long shadows, created by the late afternoon sun, are what struck me and this is what kept me interested as I captured these photos. I wondered who these people were, what had brought them to Boston and whether one of them was the future creator of the next social media craze.

A couple of rowers set off from near where I sat and I wondered if they were the Winklevii (*) of Facebook fame (*).

MIT / TIM - Charles River / Back Bay / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

As I sat there I could see tiny sail boats, standup paddle boards and wind surfers. One wind surfer was fairly inexperienced and a more experienced wind surfer went to his aid, if only to provide advice and moral support, in the knowledge of just being there.

The small sailing boats were from MIT, which is just across the River, and it was only when I saw through the transparent sails, that I realised that in reverse, MIT, spells TIM, my late Brother's name - so I thought about him for a little while. He had been to Boston a few times also, so I thought about all the same things for Tim. Maybe he had sat here and pondered some of the same things, 25 years earlier? I also wondered why I had never made the MIT to TIM connection. Or thinking about it now, I think I may have thought about it a long time ago, but maybe I had forgotten remembering the connection.

Have been to Boston four times prior to this trip and I have visited it on each of my trips to the USA. The last time was just over 17 years earlier in April 1994, where I had hoped I might be able to run the Boston Marathon (*).

Now as I sit here and think about the things I thought about by the River Charles in Boston that late afternoon on Mon 22 Aug 2011, I can now see where Haruki Murakami's (*) ran along the side of the same river on the very path he captured in words above and I have captured in the photos on this page. I also now have an appreciation and can imagine where he found part of the inspiration to write What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (*), which I am now reading and enjoying.

That will do for now. Just leave it here.

Jogging Path (5 of 5) - Charles River / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
A bit of ramble to mark my 700th Post here.

A Reflection on the Little Things - Kirk Tuck (Sun 09 Nov 2014)

The Little Things - Monet's Garden / Giverny (Wed 17 Sep 2014)
Kirk Tuck (*) writes Success (*) and Failure (*):

Funny how all the little things add up to success or failure

via I wrote a blog about an LED panel on Friday. I wrote it in a hurry. I didn't like it so I ultimately deleted it. I'll get a new one up after tomorrow's shoot. (*) by Kirk Tuck (*).

A reflection on the Little Things. My experience (*). Little things are hard to catch first time around. Only when you reflect (*) that you can see the reason for the success or failure. That's why it is important to reflect. Now you have this experience, if you are paying attention, you can catch the little things next time around. This is what experience brings to a situation. Sometimes it is ignored or undervalued, but good people want to find it, draw on it and react to it. In some ways this blog is a reflection of the little things and that's what keeps me going. Thanks Kirk, I learnt a lot from those little words above.

Favourite Photos - Newtown 2007 - King Street - 'Communication'

Communication - King Street, Newtown, Sydney - Wed 14 Mar 2007 (picasa)
Second photo from a collection of favourite photos.

I had been to the Dendy Cinema to see a movie a few days earlier and was struck by the light and this scene when I left around 6pm. The late afternoon light in Sydney is beautiful this time of the year - interestingly enough it is almost 3 years ago to the day this photo was taken. Unfortunately I did not have my camera with me at this time, so I made a mental note to come back at some stage in the near future - which would turn out to be just a few days later.

On the day this photo was captured, I had taken a half day off work, in the afternoon, so that I could attend one of Jenny's medical appointments at St George Hospital. I was in my car on the way to meet Jenny and Joanne for the appointment when Jenny called to say that the appointment had been cancelled due to unforseen circumstances and that we should meet at Dragon Boat training that night back in the City.

I had a few hours to spare, so I thought I would go back to Newtown and have a coffee at Urban Bites (a favourite haunt for me, but the opposite end of King Street to the Dendy) for a coffee. When I was there I remembered the photo I wanted to take and I realised I had my camera. Decided to take the 10 min walk back to the Dendy to take this photo which had similar lighting to what I had seen a few days earlier.

I guess what I like about this particular photo is the composition. I only took a couple of photos and really did not look at it closely until I downloaded it to my computer. There I could see all the detail - things I really had not noticed when I took it.

I saw all the signs - things telling us what to do (the "No Stopping" and "No Entry" signs [1], "One Way" and parking signs), and the signs that identify things. For instance the Map of Africa and all the countries identified, the graffiti tag and the nice frame around the Map, the number plates that identify the motor bikes and scooters, etc.

A couple of other things I liked were the:

1. Pole Poster where you see the word "Pixels" - the smallest element of each digital photo - you can see it between the "No Entry" Sign and the white pillar (might have to look at the large version to notice).
   
   
2. Person in the centre of the photo - particularly his position and the shadow area of the background he fills as well his position between the foreground shadows. I also love the tattoos on his arms and legs, and the fact that he is communicating with someone using his Mobile Phone. His T-Shirt and bag have some text and logos on them. Also like how the shadow of the Bike Rack just catches his foot - I did get lucky [2] in many ways, as there is no way I could have planned all of this.
   

As you can see, many things can found in a simple photo that is captured in a fraction of a section. It is also interesting how circumstances sometime conspire to allow a photo to be taken.

I entered this photo in the 2007 Sydney Life Competition (unfortunately can't find an archive of the official page though I found a media release here). I always try each year to make an entry to the competition as it is open to all photographers, though it is virtually impossible for non-established photographers to make the final 22-26 images. Will keep trying though :-)

There is another story about this location which will come in another favourite photo at a later date.

[1] I would always say to Jenny a good photo always has a little bit of red in it and this is a theme you will see in many of my photos.

[2] Also would often tell Jenny, there was a lot of luck in taking photos (though like all things involving luck, you often make you own luck) and that if you take enough photos you are bound to end up with a few your like (i.e. keepers).

On Energy - What gives you Energy - Drew Ginn (Thu 18 Oct 2012)

Cobblestones - Berlin (Wed 10 Aug 2005)
Drew Ginn (*) asks Energy - What gives you energy? (*). His response:

Doing Stuff Alone,
Doing Things With Others,
Taking Initiative,
Being Lead,
Being Coached,
Being Challenged,
Setting Goals,
Achieving Goals,
Doing,
Learning,
Crowds,
Challenge,
Winning,
Risk,
Achieving,
Making Mistakes,
Being Centre Of Attention,
Being Quiet,
Reflecting,
Thinking,
Focusing,
Performing,
Following,
Being Praised
Being Pushed,
Being Left To Work It Out,
Seeing Other Do Well,
Doing Well,
Trying Stuff,
Working Stuff Out,
Knowing Whats Expected,
Knowing Whats Required,
Listening,
Having Clear Goals,
Seeing Improvement,
Time Pressures,
Making Decisions,
Taking Having Choices,
Making Choices,
Saying No,
Stepping Up,
Thinking About New Ideas,
Making People Laugh,
Hurting,
Feeling Pain,
Getting Taken Care Of,
Being Looked Up To,
Being Included,
Having Autonomy,
Being Creative,
Being Good,
Being Bad,
Influencing Others,
Surprising People,
Getting Something For Nothing,
Working Hard For Something,
Deserving Something,
Being Helped,
Taking Control,
Having Control,
Letting Go,
Resting,
Sleeping,
Pushing Boundaries,
Challenging Others,
Doing A Good Job,
Doing Whats Expected,
Making People Happy,
Beating Others,
Stuffing Up,
Following A Plan,
Setting The Pace,
Catching Something,
Being In Front,
Being Vulnerable,
Being Uncomfortable,
Finding A Way,
Showing Others,
Proving Yourself,
Showing Others,
Being Better,
Being The Best,
Being Capable
Doing The Opposite,
Doing Things Differently,
Sticking To A Plan,
Changing,
Standing Out,
Flying Under The Radar,
Being Loud,
Doing Things You Know,
Having A Routine,
Impressing Others,
Telling Stories,
Knowing Facts,
Having Knowledge,
Knowing Things Others Don't,
Having Power,
Having Authority,
Leading,
Being Unique,
Showing Care,
Taking Care,
Being Careful,
Having Discipline,
Feeling Guilty,
Being Passionate,
Setting The Standard,
Getting Out Of Control,
Let Things Happen

Drew then asks:

What takes it [energy] away?

This is an amazing collection of thoughts gained from a life long rowing career. Each one strikes a chord and it is the culmination of everything you have experienced and learnt. Thanks Drew.

Congratulations on an amazing rowing career and all the best for new position as National Rowing Coach Integration. I can see you a going to challenge and mix things up. Good luck.

Be Audacious - Ravenna 2014

Home (*) - Blackwattle Bay / Sydney (Sun 24 Aug 2014)
Creature of habit, but I like this routine. Always go to Blackwattle Bay on the last Sunday before we leave to compete. I walk, take a few photos (*), read, think and reflect. And this time I wrote something, so here it is ..

I’ve been thinking lately about how every year seems to be different. It's natural. With time, things do change and I thought that this was the only reason things appeared to change. But you know what, even if everything did stay the same, it is still different, because you are different. You see things differently because you are a year older and all that goes with that, if you are doing something with your life.

With that rather random introduction (but I think there might be something in it), I thank everyone at Pacific Dragons for making Ravenna 2014 (*) happen.

How does such a small club get itself half way across the world to compete against the best clubs in the world?

It takes a thought, a dream, a goal, some intention, commitment and dedication. That's part of what it takes and the Club has lots of this and all the other things needed to be competing at our 4th consecutive World Club Crew Championships. I thank you all.

So with another candle on the cake, and with two sessions to go, I've come to love and appreciate this part of the campaign. I’ve been thinking lately:

• You know you are being coached by the best in the world - I told the boys this at the AB when we met in Feb this year, that alone is a good enough reason to buy in on the campaign.


• You feel fit and you know the effort is paying off – a conversion and gelling process is happening. After 70 or so water sessions, we are doing some really intense sets now. Things you just could not do, even a few months ago – and you thought were pretty good back then


• It’s scary but you love it.


• More so now, it’s not just what you are doing, it’s what you are thinking, what you believe.


• It’s not just to do your best, but to go beyond that and to give it everything.


• It’s not just for you, but for everyone who has loved, supported and helped you to get to this point.

Finally, going back to where it all began for most of us this campaign, I was asked in front of the Group, at the AB, that night back in Feb:

What is it like to be a World Champion?

I did not know what to say (and it was the reason I sent out that Five One Hundreths of Second (*) Post on FB after the meeting). And, I'm not sure that it is even the right question, but I did say something like this:

It's one step at a time. It is great to feel like you are in the game. You can’t expect to win, it’s not your fate or destiny to win and you definitely can’t just hope to win. You have to try. And you have to have confidence and belief in yourself, your support network and your team. [1]

and with that I concluded:

Be Audacious!!! [1]

And, so I am and so I think we all should be ..

Regards .. Geoff

[1] the essence of these thoughts came from a great blog post (*) I had just read at that time by a Canadian Olympic Kayaker, Adam Van Koeverden (*). For me, he is Canada’s Drew Ginn (*), both who are inspirations to me.

On Photography and Intention – StreetShooter (Mon 06 May 2015)

Heart - Ultimo (Fri 20 Mar 2015)

StreetShooter writes on Photography and Intent:

Here’s some things I discovered and figured out. I am not claiming to be the inventor or Doctor of Photography. I am just a guy that’s made photography a very important of my existence and these are things I try to live by.

There are 3 facets to photography. Eye, Heart and Mind. The Important thing is INTENT. Try to visualize a Pie. In the center is INTENT. Equally at three points are Eye, Heart and Mind. There are 3 parts because Intent is why you do things and not how you do things. The other 3 are how you do things.

All parts are the sum of one and effect each other at different times.

via Streetshooter … Thoughts and Findings … Defining and Finding “Intent” by StreetShooter.

On Sport - Simon Barnes (Mon 28 Jul 2014)

Skaters - Hyde Park / London (Sun 18 Aug 2013)
Simon Barnes (*) writes in Fun and Games Serve Meaningful Purpose (*) on Sport (*):

Sport is one of the ways we can fulfill our human, our animal need for others; to do things together, to share things. [..]

Sport moves on from this to be many other things, sometimes complex and disturbing, sometimes beautiful, sublime, inspiring, humbling, and joyous.

Sport is many things and sometimes feels like all things.

But sport starts with sharing.

The sporting impulse begins in our dread of isolation, in our soul-deep need for contact.

via Why Sport? (*) by Patrick McHugh (*).

The Beauty in Small Things - Francisco Cubillo (Sun 12 Jun 2016)

stairs - White Rabbit Gallery / Chippendale (Sat 11 Jun 2016)

Francisco Cubillo on Small Things:

[With photography] beauty is found within simplicity, which is portrayed in small things that most people take for granted

via 5 questions for a Costa Rican photographer by Elizabeth Lang.

The little things I appreciated here are the lines of the handrail and the light on the steps in contrast to the staircase darkness.

Intersection - S Ashley St / Tampa (Mon 08 Aug 2011)

Intersection - S Ashley St / Tampa (Mon 08 Aug 2011)
Walking back to the Hotel at the end of the last day of the Regatta, I saw this scene and captured this photo. To me it marked the end of the campaign (*) and maybe the directional arrows on the road meant something to me as I pondered the reality of my experience in Tampa.

Almost 3 months later I have had plenty of time to reflect on my - our - experience and I move forward enjoying my paddling.

I just read the following quote by Kirk Tuck (*) in a great article (*) about doing the things you love ..

Intention? That has to come from you. But I would suggest that, as a functional person, you no doubt find things in life that spark you up. Give you pleasure, satisfaction, happiness. That inflate your will to live. Distill down to those things and make them the base of your art. Then the intention will drive everything else.

From Developing muscle memory and fluid technique is almost as important as developing a sense of purpose (Kirk Tuck - Wed 28 Sep 2009) (*).

It is a great article (*) from a great blog - The Visual Science Blog / Kirk Tuck (*). Not a bad way to look at things.

On Remembering - Family Photographs - Colin Pantall (Tue 06 Nov 2012)

Orange - Asakusa Kannon Temple / Tokyo (Fri 21 Sep 2012)

Sometimes photography seems abstract, but then something happens that makes it concrete.
Colin Pantall (Tue 06 Nov 2012)

Sometimes you read an almost random post by someone you don't even know - you it find so pertinent and you are deeply touched and you learn something about life and yourself. Today is one such day ..

Colin Pantall (*) writes (*) on the passing of his Mother-in-Law, Elizabeth, last weekend:

I think it was a relief in some ways that she died, because she wasn't independent and it wasn't the way she wanted to live, but at the same time it was a massive shock. Not because of the death, but because of the passing of an era, the end of a living history. You can keep history alive in various ways, but when the person who witnessed it goes, it does spell the end of a chapter. It doesn't mean we should forget it, but there is still some part of a time that has gone. Things have moved on.

He also talks about how someone is remembered through photographs and our memories.

On Photography, he writes:

things are also preserved and the family album does this admirably. It's a shorthand of memory, of history, of an edited and at times idealised past, where certain things are hidden and certain things taken away - sometimes in retrospect. Even so, we still look at it quite objectively as something quite factual.

However, complementing the photos (if they were made and are available), there are the memories to draw upon and the cues (*) that inspire them:

But Elizabeth didn't have those old photos, so I wonder how she will be remembered. Just as words are sometimes better than photographs, so is food. I remember her Slovenian cooking, her gingerbread, her puddings, her cakes and so does my wife.

I have learnt that it is important to remember and in some ways this has become my life purpose (*). As Colin reminds us, there are photos as well as our memories - what we remember.

eljeiffel (*) for me is all these elements of remembering, remembering not only Jenny (*) and those that have gone before us, but my own legacy (*) - the scratches and fractures (even if it is just a couple of photographs of the colours orange and blue, and the hidden memories they evoked in me) I will leave on this world when I am gone.

Blue - Asakusa Kannon Temple / Tokyo (Fri 21 Sep 2012)

Mark Cohen - Street Photography (YouTube)

Mark Cohen - Street Photography [Youtube (*)]
A bit of a preamble to this but it is worth the wait in order to see his working method on the street and the ensuing interview of which there are many great quotes On Photography (*). I have scribbled a few down here:

[..] They are snapshots and they are made in a very simple way. But the thing they see when they continue to look at the pictures, they start to see the closeness is one of the things they see. Some one is making pictures that are really close on the street and its that kind of taking the camera so close to the subject and making pictures and not in a studio way. in a flow of life on the street or field kind of way. And they see that closeness and that is the thing that gives the pictures there uniqueness and their agressive sort of character.

When you make an exhibit of this work, you walk around in a room filled with it and you see all these strange pictures. You know there is a certain excitement to it, There is a certain quality in that room about an artists mind, and an artists work that comes from the pictures and touches the viewer in some way. That's why it works. I don't know why exactly it works. A lot of physcological reasons, sexual reasons. A lot of things are going on in those pictures.

It is not some kind of exact analytical science going on here, its right on the edge of meaninglessness, but its in there and that is what makes it so fascinating.

It feels awkward for me to try to talk about my work, frequently. Once in a while I do it. I do a slide show and I describe how I take the pictures. Describe how I think they fit into things socially and formally, in the context of photography in America. Different kind of things.

You usually don't think about that kind of stuff. You dont think about that. You think about when you are taking pictures the most important thing is to get new pictures.

The pictures you already took, you already took those pictures. My main drive is to do something new. To make some new kind of picture. [..]

A copy of Grim Street (*) is on the way.

Coaches & Coaching: The Art Form - Drew Ginn (Tue 24 Jun 2008)

Another Favourite Blog Post by Drew Ginn. This time about coaches and coaching titled Coaches & Coaching: The Art Form (Tue 24 Jun 2008) ..

[..] From directing, to coaching, to supporting and delegating. It's important to understand that coaches need to be adaptable and flexible in the style to best suit the athlete and the situation.

From what I have been exposed to over the years I have had coaches who have all been different and at certain times they have suited my needs and other time they have not quiet matched up to what I have needed. This has also played out in relation to the situation also.

Recently our coach, Chris worked on being more directed and coaching in his style. After we got back into things it was required that he shift his focus to suit our situation. It was a different energy and help us greatly in getting the ball rolling again. We have been good at working with him in a more supportive and delegating way which relates to our experience and willingness to be involve and responsible for our preparation and performance.

Years ago with the four, Noel Donaldson was great at managing the group and as such operated well in a supportive capacity. This did not mean at times he didn't shift into directing the group and coaching but it was often a quick switch and very effective in getting a response.

Now when I think of my development years at times I need a good kick up the ass. And well I had a few good coaches that did it perfectly. My only concern with this style of directing is that at some point the emphasis needs to shift and if it doesn't then problems and or confusion can grow.

In Australia right now we have a large variety of coaches with such a range of experiences and history in the sport. I am sure there is a different level of ambition and ego too. Surely they are no different to the athletes in one sense. They want to be the best they can be. They want to be the best. They I would have thought would want what is best for their athletes. Some times these two things can be in conflict which to me is the coaching dilemma.

This [leads] me to consider what it can be like in a crew also. In fact it goes to the heart of teamwork and why it can be so challenging to get it right. In a boat you want to do the best you can. You also want the team to do it best. You want everyone one to do there best. The dilemma then is what is the priority then? What are you measure by? What drives what and what can bring it all undone? These question like the coaches dilemma are very important in understanding why some times things work and other times they don't.

At this level everyone has ability and everyone has performed in a way to get to where they are. There fine line between wanting something for your self and wanting something for others is a fickle and often precarious position. You need to be motivated to be the best, but this need has to stay in check with relation to the motivation for the collective effort.

I mention all this because coaching like rowing is about balancing the influences, expectations and needs of all involved. Although the coaching view of things is some what objective if this is all that is focused on then the nature of the art form is lost in the numbers. The subtlety of shifting and adapting is needed with out being reactionary. A coaches view is often more comprehensive. They have to take in more information about performance on and off the water. This is the challenge and to honor all perspective is critical.

Coaches like athlete need to be masters of their art form to have longevity. When I say master I refer to the ability to stay even in their presence and maintain consistency while subtly shifting focus based on what the situation requires.

As an athlete I know I need a coach. I enjoy having a person who I can work with to enable the best outcome. I have been fortunate to have what I would say as some of the great coached from our sport. Noel and Chris have been a major factor in me getting this far and assisting in helping me to not only be a better athlete but better person.

This I am sure is not unique to me, I am sure many athletes have and will continue to feel this way about their coaches.

Lots to think about in this one.

On Photography, Relationships and Identity - Joel Meyerowitz (YouTube)

What you put in the frame determines the photograph - Joel Meyerowitz [YouTube (*)]
If you have been taking photographs for a while, this will really make sense and inspire you to think about what you have been doing and how you might want to view the way you take photographs in the future. Here is part of what he had to say:

[..] when I think about my photographs, I understand that my interest all along has not been in identifying a singular thing, but in photographing the relationship between things.

The unspoken relationship, the tacit relationship, the impending relationship.

All of these variables are there if you chose to see in this, in this way.

But if you chose to only make objects out of singular things you wind shooting the arrow into the bullseye all the time and you get copies of objects in space.

I did not want copies of objects.

I wanted the ephemeral connections between unrelated things to vibrate.

And if my pictures work at all, at their best they are suggesting these tenuous relationships.

And that fragility is what so human about them.

And I think it's what's also in the romantic tradition, because it is a form of humanism that says we are all part of this together.

I am not just a selector of objects.

And there's plenty of photographers here who are great photographers but who only work in the object reality frame of reference.

They collect things and I don't think of myself as a collector.

It's my sense of where I am different from other people and that's not a measure or judgement.

It's just a sense of your own identity.

For me the play is always in the potential - it's like magnetism.

Thanks Joel and congratulations on a fantastic career in your chosen profession.

One Stroke by Drew Ginn (29 Apr 2008)

Gondala/One Stroke - Venice - Sep 2009 (picasa)
One Stroke by Drew Ginn (29 Apr 2008):

[..] So what is it to be engaged fully in that one stroke?

After the fact it is difficult to isolate the experience of one stroke from the others. It is challenging to gain clarity on exactly one stroke because it happens in a flow of many more. [..] the dilemma is not just identifying the one, but ensuring it is pure and uncontaminated by the past one’s and future one’s.

The joy of performing the one stroke and immersing in it is challenged by the accumulated nature of the cyclic or repeated experiences. [..]

[W]hat is it to be fully engaged in one stroke[?] Knife-edge comes to mind. [..] the sense of being on a knife-edge is a great description. Less so from the perspective of balance or even match up, it has an essence that finds a cord within that is about effort, ease, maintenance and fatigue.

In fact to see it clearer I notice that the one, perfect one that I see is one of edgy contrast.

It is in a position of precarious, pointedness with a subtle oscillation between more than one element and more then one stroke including the past, present and future.

The elements involve self, team-mates, equipment, water, movement, harmony, mismatch, load, flow, hardness, relaxation, sequences, positions, focuses, emphasis, location, energy, strain, surge, comparison, connection, separation, isolation, effort, ease, understanding, knowledge, risk, exposure, confidence, doubt, poise, purpose, clarity, mistakes, errors, forgiveness, acceptance, love, joy, fear, ambiguity, tension, dynamics, leverage, struggle, difference, compliments, coaching, thoughts, distractions, intentions, actions, results, exchange, change, habits, confusion, satisfaction, uncertainty [..]

One stroke is so hard to describe, I know it when I feel it and some times I know it when I see it. Maybe the one is not perfect but we make it so because we like the idea of it being better than it really was.

The experience of rowing fascinates me because it has so many things it relates too. What I do know is that when I am engaged things change. The world looks and feels different and it gives me hope. Giving in to it, but not letting it get the better of you is critical. That may sound strange but there is something about being part of the boat, the movement, the other person, and the surroundings that makes so much sense of everything. [..]

Accessing the moment is not just about rowing, but I find it palatable to articular the action of rowing in a way that means something. One stroke at a time is a cliché and like one shot at a time it has meaning if you connect with it in some way. [..]

One stroke then is like every other stroke and they in turn they are like the days of life we live. It is just an experience how I choose to judge it or them is my choice. Years ago I watch a video the Searle Brothers made about their 1992 Olympic Games success in the coxed pair. In the video Greg spoke of a simple activity they did which involved calling out better or worse as a measure for each stroke they rowed. The idea I guess was to have more, better strokes and as such you develop accountability and improvement.

One stroke means different things and the reasons are varied. What enables full engagement in one stroke or in the moment is also varied. [..] One stroke unfolds and expands. Its meaning is huge and the vastness of experience is inspiring. Being at one in one is the art to rowing I suppose which really isn’t anything new, but repeated. So you see, like me, a cliché can mean so much which it does. [..]

Another Favourite Blog Post from Drew Ginn. A truly amazing description of rowing[/paddling] and as is usual with Drew's writings I can relate to in many ways.

I always find the strokes from the start to transition are the easiest to remember. Darren calls them the "glory strokes" and in many ways they set the boat up for the rest of the effort. Get it right and you are on the way. Get it wrong and you are on the back foot trying to recover. Can also remember some lift calls in various efforts over the years.

Love the description of 'Knife-Edge' and 'Edgy Contrast'. I often feel that when the effort is such that things seem to be edgy, that is where we need to be. Always wary of that that perfect feeling.

Inspire Award 2020 - Pacific Dragons - Nicola Frowen (Sun 08 Nov 2020)

This is the 11th year of the Inspire Award. The award was created in the memory of club member Jenny Petterson who passed away in June 2009. Jenny was the slightly older identical twin of Joanne and Geoff was her Husband.

Jenny had a long journey in life with breast cancer and all the complications that come with a persistent and aggressive cancer. It was through this journey she found paddling. It gave her a chance to be like everyone else and she loved the training, competing and being part of a team. She paddled at the highest level, even up to the last month of her life. She was an inspiration to many through her actions and approach to life with cancer. She was a speaker for the Breast Cancer Network of Australia and spoke regularly to various groups in the community.

To remember Jenny, and to promote and acknowledge inspirational qualities within the club, the PD's committee of the day, created what is now the Inspire Award. Nominations are made by club members for their paddling club members. Initially, the Committee would make the decision and put the names forward to Joanne and Geoff as a courtesy. As the years passed, the committee decided to forward recommended nominations and it is now up to Joanne and Geoff to decide the recipient. A big responsibility for us.

This year the Committee received many great nominations made in the true spirit of the award and it is pleasing to see that inspiration is alive and well within the club. Included in the nominations this year were Caitlin Moffat, Esther Wheeler, Hannaleena Mikkonen, Jodie Dunbar, Jo Petterson, Karina Piddington, Nicola Frowen, Rachel Mosen, Vicki Rowcliff, Ian Amos and Geoff Eldridge.

As we look back we can see that the 2019/20 season was somewhat different in a few ways. Bushfires to start with and a global pandemic to follow that reached our shores in March 2020. As a result, it took the Inspire Award in a different direction to what we had hoped at the beginning of the season.

The pandemic showed to us many things that we had taken for granted, and at the same time reintroduced us to another time where life was a little slower, simpler and more local. It showed us that we were resilient and resourceful. For a moment our nation’s leader’s put aside politics and actual lead us through a very difficult time, We responded as individuals to situation the best we could and we were asked to make sacrifices for the long term good of our Nation and its’ people. We were also asked to isolate and distance ourselves and in process we became closer through a share experienced.

At a club-level the response was immediate and very effective. The club leadership recognised the importance of connection in insolation right from the very start and we had many club members contribute Facebook Live content – from their gardens, to kitchens, bikes, virtual drinks, to workspaces and who could ever forget the dextrous virtual “passing” of a toilet roll (no pun intended) across the club’s membership in insolation. We even had virtual single craft time-trials.

Our club leadership stepped up in these difficult times and provided a safe and inclusive environment for all club members to feel connected in a virtual way, since we could not interact in our usual way.

It took teamwork from our club leadership to quickly devise and implement a plan. Inspirational leadership ignites a spark within those they care for. The recipient of this year’s Inspire Award was a person who shone a bright and optimistic light on the club’s response as it evolved with the everchanging requirements of the pandemic response. She provided hope and that spark for many to act and I was one. There is not another person that has had a bigger impact on Jo and my lives, than this year’s Inspire Award recipient - Nicola Frowen. Congratulations Nicola.

We have known Nicola for many years now and well remember when she arrived as a new paddler supporting a friend who wanted to try paddling. Luckily for us, Nicola stayed while her friend moved on. Jo and I, as well as many here, have shared so many great experiences with her over the subsequent years both here and abroad. Working in the travel industry she has always had a hand in our travel arrangements one way or another and has kept us all very organised.

We have seen her grow as an inspirational paddler, coordinator, coach, leader and mentor. She recognises potential and opportunities for club members to contribute and is not afraid to suggest people to take on roles and undertake tasks. She believes in you and will support you. Here are what other club members have contributed.

From Caitlin:

Nicola has supported me the whole way through this accidental/last minute President situation. If she was not as generous with her time and knowledge, I would genuinely be lost. Every time I have asked for help, she has been there for me regardless of the millions of things she has going on.

Nicola's commitment to the club is like an iceberg, most people only see 10%. Her passion for our club and its members is unrivalled. It is all of that and more that continuously inspires me to be a better paddler, a committed club member and an outstanding President.

From Steve:

Nicola has a seemingly tireless energy, passion and enthusiasm for the PD's. Is always working on 'something' for the club be it as a coach, committee member, paddler or just assisting to keep things running over the last few months with the Covid-crisis. I might be seen to be slightly biased, but I am really speaking objectively and from personal 'observations'...!

Others added:

• Nicola is completely committed to ensuring that the club is training well and working together. Her encouragement before and after a race is motivating.
• from Nicola’s support across all paddling codes, words of encouragement and push to help our sport get back to the water is inspiring Nicola goes above and beyond in so many ways, most unseen by the club, to make things happen.
• Nicola has put in so much time into her own training and also to coaching others to better the club and has put in a lot of time to organise events etc

Congratulations Nicola. Thank you for everything. You are and always will be an inspiration.

The Pacific Dragons 2013 Inspire Award in the Memory of Jenny Petterson - Glebe/Sydney and Dubrovnik/Croatia (Sat 03 Aug 2013)

Jenny - Suzhou / China (Tue 16 Nov 2004) Petar Hektorovic (*) - Tvrdalj Fortress (*) / Stari Grad (*) / Hvar (*) (Wed 31 Jul 2013)
First, a thank you..

Here we are in Dubrovnik.

Croatia, is just beautiful and the highlight has been a small courtyard in the small Fortress of the 16th Century Croatian Poet, Petar Hektorovic, in the tiny town of Stari Grad on the Island of Hvar, two hours by Ferry out of Split. Jo and I spread some of Jenny's ashes there and it was one of the most peaceful places (*) I have experienced and his words (*) seem quite relevant and profound.

We feel privileged and lucky to have the ability to make and have these experiences.

Caitlin, Lisa, Jo, Kaizer and myself have just competed at the 11th World DB Champs with the 2013 Australian Auroras Squad. It was a great event and we have some amazing memories.

The Hungarians have shown the world how to host a modern World Dragon Boat Championships, which have become carnival like because of their size.

It was also great to paddle on a course so rich in paddling history.

The highlight of the championships for me was watching Jo, carry the Australian Flag and leading the whole Australian Squad at the Opening Ceremony.

Joanne, Jenny would be so proud of you as we all are. A tribute (*) to Joanne and those those have supported her in paddling and life will follow the presentation.

On behalf of Caitlin, Lisa, Jo, Kaizer and myself, we thank you all for supporting us in paddling and life. Pacific Dragons provides the home and base which nurtures us as paddlers and people.

A little about Jenny now ..

Jenny said to me towards the end, when the destination of her disease became more real, that she would miss the travel adventures with us - no doubt in travels and in life.

It is just over 4 years ago that she said those words and it would be a few short months later she left this world.

She did not feel sorry for herself in saying those words. She always had a strong sense of reality about her life, her cancer and her purpose in life.

This was one of the inspiring traits I would take from her and one we can all take from her as we face the uncertainties which will become the certainties of our lives.

When she did die, I had already decided that I should live on in her "Afterglow". This was much easier to say than do and for a long time I thought my life purpose had been served and honoured.

Those early days were the hardest of my life and it would take a long time to find my confidence, to start living my life again. That there was a purpose. All I could really do was paddle. In some ways, it was during those days I found myself.

Jenny loved travel, a globe and atlas and it was no surprise that geography was her favourite class. Had she been born in earlier times, she would have a been great explorer - and without doubt, Captain Petterson, as I would call her, would have been an important name in our history books and classes, along with Columbus and Cook.

So, whenever we decided to travel, she was also the navigator, along with Jo, of course. With a sheet of paper and pen in hand, they would thumb through the atlas and rotate the globe charting our path and planning our itinerary.

Croatia was Jenny's choice for our Europe 2009 trip following the World DB Champs in Prague. However, she would not make it here, passing away 9 weeks before the Worlds.

We did not travel to Croatia in 2009. In the haze of grief and bereavement, I can't remember why now.

So for this 2013 Hungary Campaign, we decided that Croatia would be our first stop, in order to honour Jenny's wishes.

As it is with everything now, I feel a sense of guilt that I am alive and experiencing life and Jenny is not. That I am experiencing this trip, Szeged and in particular the Croatian coast and our current port Dubrovnik.

However, these feelings of guilt are balanced with the thought that she inspires us to continue our lives to the full, including creating these experiences. It is what she would want us to do.

Maybe in some ways I feel that when we meet again, I can tell her all the great things we have done.

So while there are feelings of guilt, I balance them with those of inspiration, intention, innocence, naviety and awe. In this way, a perspective on life can be found and along with a sense of empathy, it can give your life a solid foundation even during the toughest moments.

I talk about this because I have come to realise that others have or will have these moments and this is just one way, my way at least, to respond. This is life.

So to the 2013 Inspire Award ..

A common word used in all the presentations over years is the word "Belief". It seems to pop up all the time.

Last year I spoke a little about belief, in the sense that inspiring people seem to have a belief in themselves - we call it self-belief.

So I started to think about where does self belief come from?

I would find an answer a month after, via a blog post by Spencer Lum, a New York based wedding photographer, of all people. His words made it crystal clear to me. He wrote:

[..] if you’re willing to take a gamble, I’ll bet on you. If you’re willing to put it out there, if you’re willing to fail, if you’re willing to let go of it all, thumb your nose at the world, and do it your way, I’ll believe in you. [..]

"I’ll believe in you." Spencer wrote. There it was. The answer was so simple - self belief first comes from others who believe in you.

Often it takes some time to have the confidence to believe in one self. Initially, more often than not, the belief comes from others. Those who support and love you for who you are.

It is only with time, experience and the support of those others who believe in you, that you can find your own self belief and you start say things to yourself like

• yes, I can do that,


• you start finding reasons why you can, rather than you can't, and


• when you question yourself with "why?", you are able to say "well ,why not!"

It is then that things start to happen.

As time goes by, you become stronger, more independent and not afraid to give things a go, even if it means making mistakes and / or failing. You know that the risk is worth the reward of at least trying, whatever the outcome.

So what does this have to do with the 2013 Inspire Award?

The recipient of this award realised her own self-belief this year, initially through the support of her coaches and those that have paddled with her since joining the club.

Something happened this year for her. She had been making changes and steady improvements over the years, but she realised she needed to start believing in herself. It was a natural progression.

I was lucky enough to sit next her one week night dragon boat training session going into CNY. She trained strongly and between sets we chatted briefly. She told me that she needed to start believing in herself and that she was almost there. I was impressed. This is the stuff I had been thinking about.

The next weekend she made this very visible to her coaches, paddling buddies and most importantly, herself, by performing a stunning 4km OC1 time trial out of Dobroyd Point. This was the turning point, the starting point to self belief.

It was fantastic to witness that very moment.

I have seen it time and time again in our club. Coaches and others believing, paddlers changing and then suddenly something remarkable happens. They start believing in themselves. It is the great thing about our club and it is what I love about PDs.

So the 5th and 2013 recipient of the Inspire Award in the Memory of Jenny Petterson is Cath Gale.

A big congratulations to you Cath from Jo and myself. You are an inspiration.

Have a great night all. We will be thinking of you all and we look forward to getting back into it all on our return in late August.
Water - Courtyard Pond - Petar Hektorovic (*) - Tvrdalj Fortress (*) / Stari Grad (*) / Hvar (*) (Wed 31 Jul 2013) Incriptions - Petar Hektorovic (*) - Tvrdalj Fortress (*) / Stari Grad (*) / Hvar (*) (Wed 31 Jul 2013)

The Lucky Ones

This is a work in progress. It has been in my head for a long time now, but it has been hard to write. Hopefully, it will make sense. I expect to modify it a bit over the next few weeks, but at least it is a start.

A few months before Jenny died, I read Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike". Jenny had been given a copy by a long time friend, Mena, not long after the book was first published here in Australia (sometime around 2002/3 I am guessing). She read the book quickly and I know she got a lot from the pages. For some reason I did not read the book until early May 2009.

Geoff, Jenny, Mena, Steve and Joanne - Natation DB Titles - Kawana / Qld - Sat 25 Apr 2009 (picasa)

I bought my own copy so that I could read the book that meant so much to Jenny. I think I was motivated by the fact the Jenny was progressing to the final stages of her Cancer (at least that is reluctantly what I quietly started to think - she had just been diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver on the 11 Mar 2009 - not a very promising situation). I thought I might find something in the pages to understand her and our situation.

I read the book, intermittently over a few weeks, at my local coffee shop before work and on the train to work. There was lots of the book that resonated with me, particularly his encounters with cancer. One part in particular struck a chord with me. It was about a half through, where he writes about what he felt during chemotherapy following neurosurgery to remove a beign brain tumor.

What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.

I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know more about your frailty than most people, and I think that changes a man. I was brought low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical: this disease would force me to ask more of myself as person than I ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.

A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something.

"You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."

I'd said aloud, "This guy's a nut."

What on earth could he mean?

When I read this, I stored it away in my mind, eagerly awaiting Lance's own answer to this question - lucky .. What on earth could he mean?. It would come quietly on the last page of the book.

"You don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones," my fellow cancer patient had written.

I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me, and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. I believe I have an obligation to make something better out of my life than before, and to help my fellow human beings who are dealing with the disease. It's a community of shared experience. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, "Oh, my God, I'm going to die," is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.

Jenny had often indicated that she felt lucky (I think in both aspects - that of surviving an aggressive cancer and oddly enough, having had had cancer). She said this in the Australian Story Episode, "In the Pink":

'I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.'

Jenny - Australian Story - "In the Pink - Kirrawee - May 2004 (picasa)

and in her Talks:

'I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.'

Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)

The Rainbow Connection - Phil, John, Marj, Jenny, Liz, Noel - Phil passed away shortly after this photo was taken - he often spoke to Jenny about how luck seemed to play a big part in how things worked out, but sometimes you make you own luck - Rely for Life 2003 - Sylvania Waters - Sat 31 May 2003 - (picasa)

As Jenny's International Dragon Boating Career started, she came to the attention of the Media and in the first Newspaper Article she featured in, she was even compared to Lance Armstrong:

Don Iverson, Director of the Health and Productivity Research Center at the University of Wollongong, said that Ms Petterson could be compared to Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France after fighting testicular cancer.

'It's almost superhuman,' he said.

Cancer wont slow rowing champion - Sydney Sun Herald - 2 May 2004

She was a little embarrassed by the comparison, but Jo and I were very proud of Jenny and her achievements in her treatment, her sport and her life as breast cancer survivor.

Geoff, Jenny, Grace, Lynn, Betty, Thomas, Grant, Joanne and David - Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)


After Jenny's passing, I had an encounter in the Intensive Care Unit where Jenny left us. Joanne and I had gone back to thank the staff at the St George Hospital and to pickup some scans that had been lost in Jenny's move from the Level 1 to ICU. We spoke to the head ICU nurses (they were between shifts) and we knew both of them from Jenny's time in ICU (and I was well known to them as I had fainted in ICU on Jenny's second day in ICU after the neurosurgery). We talked a little and I mentioned that Jenny did consider herself lucky to have had cancer - as she said herself - it had changed her life for the better. One the nurses questioned this statement and she made me feel a little uneasy for saying what I had said. She could not believe anyone with cancer could consider themselves lucky. Maybe, she had seen too much of the cold harsh reality of cancer in that ICU. Maybe she was right. It did not seem too lucky now that Jenny was gone?

This conversation stuck in my mind for a long time, and I started to question many things. It was not until I came across the following blog post by Doug Miller that I found some peace. Here was a man who had recently been diagnosed with Cancer. He was articulate and in many ways his post offers so much more than Lance's writings on Cancer and Luck. This is probably the most moving piece of writing I have read in my life. I don't have cancer, but I have lived a shared life with it and it's consequences. I can truly emphasise. Here it is. My heart is with you Doug ..

Doug Miller - Colorado Trail San Juan Mountains - 1994 - A Single Path - (blog)

The Lucky Ones by Doug Miller (Wed 23 Sep 2009)

[..] a friend [..] pointed me to Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike" I picked up a copy and quickly read through it. I liked it.

It had a bit much detail focusing on cycling, but that was an aspect of the man that could obviously not be separated from the larger reality of his battle with cancer.

There were portions though that left my mind spinning. Armstrong's description of his diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions that ensued was painfully raw and hit the mark with a clarity and similarity I could not deny. I myself am walking those darkened and fearful paths as I write these very words.

Out of all the pages a couple simple statements that he made resonated with me in a powerful way.

Armstrong tells of a letter that he received. It was from a man he had never met before. He himself had battled cancer. He wrote Armstrong to acknowledge his support and positive thoughts. As he finished the letter he made a strange statement that confused Armstrong. He wrote, "you probably do not understand this right now, but we are the lucky ones".

What? How is anyone with cancer lucky? It is devastating. It not only has the potential to steal your life, but also has the destructive potential to steal your Hope. Those words are haunting. Lucky? We are the lucky ones. This brotherhood of suffering is somehow lucky..........blessed?

It is diametrically opposed to any sort of sane thinking that those outside of this brotherhood would agree with. It actually is an almost dangerous statement. As if you say it as you are waking off a cliff without a safety net. A statement such as that redefines everything. Life. Death. And even Hope.

But as I walk this path, and simultaneously encounter life in all its beauty and harshness, I find myself agreeing. "We are the lucky ones". I am lucky. I say those words with a part of me screaming, "how dare you, how can you say that". But it is true. The perspective that cancer gives to life is unbelievable. It has the power to refine you. Your thoughts. Your direction. Your focus.

It is as if you look at life for the first time. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. Everything is turned on edge, revealing a freshness and an urgency that is not seen outside of cancer. If this clarity does exist in our normal lives, it is missed. Overshadowed by the busyness of life. By worthless and empty pursuits.

Another quote from Armstrong's book was this: "Cancer is not about dying, it is about living" What a statement.

Most would argue against it. But those that walk this path find it to be true. Life after diagnosis becomes "alive". It becomes real. It is as if you can grasp it with your own hands, breath it in, consume it.

Oh if I could have had this view earlier in life. I knew that it existed. I sensed it. I chased it. Through the mountains. Through relationships. In the woods and fields of my youth. It was a whisper in the words of poets. And a reflection on the horizon as the sun slipped out of view. But i did not catch it until cancer became my reference. My reality.

We who are members of this brotherhood and sisterhood of suffering are the lucky ones, because now we can truly live. And Love. And Hope. And I dare to say Dream. They are painful dreams, haunted with the shadows of uncertainty, but they are vivid dreams. Passionate dreams. Dreams that leave your heart aching, your soul longing. We are released from the fear of death. Our finite lives are bared.

We come face to face with our mortality and realize that life is looking back at us. Raw and uncertain. But ALIVE none the less. There were days before cancer that I despaired. At times despising my life. But now I am hungry to live. I long to live. Whether that time be long or short, I hold tight to life and all of its glorious agony.

Posted by Doug Miller at 9:11 PM

Trees and Water - Charles River Esplanade / Back Bay / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

Charles River Esplanade - Back Bay / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
One year today since I sat by the Charles River (*).

For some reason today, I am drawn to an inspired piece of recent writing (*) by Spencer Lum (*):

[..] if you’re willing to take a gamble, I’ll bet on you. If you’re willing to put it out there, if you’re willing to fail, if you’re willing to let go of it all, thumb your nose at the world, and do it your way, I’ll believe in you. You may not find what you want, but you’ll find what you need. Want is easily known, but need is a thing that only reveals itself in retrospect.

I have thought a lot about belief (*) and self-confidence recently, particularly after my little speech (*). Often it takes some time to have the confidence to believe in one self. Initially, more than not, the belief comes from others, those who support and love you for who you are.

It is only with time, experience and the support of those others who believe in you, that you can find your own self belief and you start say things to yourself like - yes, I can do that, you start finding reasons why you can, rather than you can't, and when you question yourself with why?, you are able to say well why not(*) - and it is then that things start to happen.

As time goes by, you become stronger, more independent and not afraid to give things a go, even if it means making mistakes or even failing. You know that the risk is worth the reward of at least trying, whatever the outcome. I think I even knew (*) this, one year ago today, when I sat beside the Charles River (*) - as I said back then, a week later (*):

I would still like to think that I am still a believer. After all three steps forward and two steps back is still a step in the right direction.

Thanks for believing Spencer.