On Understanding Photography - Anders Birger / disphotic (Mon 16 Feb 2014)

Untitled - Madrid (Sat 10 Aug 2013)
Anders Birger (*) writes photography (*):

If we want to change (*) something we need to understand (*) it better, and we don’t understand things better by looking at the same photographs again and again.

I find people who work with photography as a way to explore (*) something for themselves really interesting, it’s like if I can understand something I can make other people understand it and that seems much more important.

via Interview: Anders Birger (*) by disphotic (*).

The Lucky Ones

This is a work in progress. It has been in my head for a long time now, but it has been hard to write. Hopefully, it will make sense. I expect to modify it a bit over the next few weeks, but at least it is a start.

A few months before Jenny died, I read Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike". Jenny had been given a copy by a long time friend, Mena, not long after the book was first published here in Australia (sometime around 2002/3 I am guessing). She read the book quickly and I know she got a lot from the pages. For some reason I did not read the book until early May 2009.

Geoff, Jenny, Mena, Steve and Joanne - Natation DB Titles - Kawana / Qld - Sat 25 Apr 2009 (picasa)

I bought my own copy so that I could read the book that meant so much to Jenny. I think I was motivated by the fact the Jenny was progressing to the final stages of her Cancer (at least that is reluctantly what I quietly started to think - she had just been diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver on the 11 Mar 2009 - not a very promising situation). I thought I might find something in the pages to understand her and our situation.

I read the book, intermittently over a few weeks, at my local coffee shop before work and on the train to work. There was lots of the book that resonated with me, particularly his encounters with cancer. One part in particular struck a chord with me. It was about a half through, where he writes about what he felt during chemotherapy following neurosurgery to remove a beign brain tumor.

What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an interesting question, and perhaps even an important one. Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.

I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know more about your frailty than most people, and I think that changes a man. I was brought low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical: this disease would force me to ask more of myself as person than I ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.

A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something.

"You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."

I'd said aloud, "This guy's a nut."

What on earth could he mean?

When I read this, I stored it away in my mind, eagerly awaiting Lance's own answer to this question - lucky .. What on earth could he mean?. It would come quietly on the last page of the book.

"You don't know it yet, but we're the lucky ones," my fellow cancer patient had written.

I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me, and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. I believe I have an obligation to make something better out of my life than before, and to help my fellow human beings who are dealing with the disease. It's a community of shared experience. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, "Oh, my God, I'm going to die," is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.

Jenny had often indicated that she felt lucky (I think in both aspects - that of surviving an aggressive cancer and oddly enough, having had had cancer). She said this in the Australian Story Episode, "In the Pink":

'I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.'

Jenny - Australian Story - "In the Pink - Kirrawee - May 2004 (picasa)

and in her Talks:

'I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.'

Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)

The Rainbow Connection - Phil, John, Marj, Jenny, Liz, Noel - Phil passed away shortly after this photo was taken - he often spoke to Jenny about how luck seemed to play a big part in how things worked out, but sometimes you make you own luck - Rely for Life 2003 - Sylvania Waters - Sat 31 May 2003 - (picasa)

As Jenny's International Dragon Boating Career started, she came to the attention of the Media and in the first Newspaper Article she featured in, she was even compared to Lance Armstrong:

Don Iverson, Director of the Health and Productivity Research Center at the University of Wollongong, said that Ms Petterson could be compared to Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France after fighting testicular cancer.

'It's almost superhuman,' he said.

Cancer wont slow rowing champion - Sydney Sun Herald - 2 May 2004

She was a little embarrassed by the comparison, but Jo and I were very proud of Jenny and her achievements in her treatment, her sport and her life as breast cancer survivor.

Geoff, Jenny, Grace, Lynn, Betty, Thomas, Grant, Joanne and David - Relay for Life 2007 - Jenny - Survivor Representative - Sylvania Waters - Sat 28 Apr 2007 (picasa)


After Jenny's passing, I had an encounter in the Intensive Care Unit where Jenny left us. Joanne and I had gone back to thank the staff at the St George Hospital and to pickup some scans that had been lost in Jenny's move from the Level 1 to ICU. We spoke to the head ICU nurses (they were between shifts) and we knew both of them from Jenny's time in ICU (and I was well known to them as I had fainted in ICU on Jenny's second day in ICU after the neurosurgery). We talked a little and I mentioned that Jenny did consider herself lucky to have had cancer - as she said herself - it had changed her life for the better. One the nurses questioned this statement and she made me feel a little uneasy for saying what I had said. She could not believe anyone with cancer could consider themselves lucky. Maybe, she had seen too much of the cold harsh reality of cancer in that ICU. Maybe she was right. It did not seem too lucky now that Jenny was gone?

This conversation stuck in my mind for a long time, and I started to question many things. It was not until I came across the following blog post by Doug Miller that I found some peace. Here was a man who had recently been diagnosed with Cancer. He was articulate and in many ways his post offers so much more than Lance's writings on Cancer and Luck. This is probably the most moving piece of writing I have read in my life. I don't have cancer, but I have lived a shared life with it and it's consequences. I can truly emphasise. Here it is. My heart is with you Doug ..

Doug Miller - Colorado Trail San Juan Mountains - 1994 - A Single Path - (blog)

The Lucky Ones by Doug Miller (Wed 23 Sep 2009)

[..] a friend [..] pointed me to Lance Armstrong's book entitled "Its not about the bike" I picked up a copy and quickly read through it. I liked it.

It had a bit much detail focusing on cycling, but that was an aspect of the man that could obviously not be separated from the larger reality of his battle with cancer.

There were portions though that left my mind spinning. Armstrong's description of his diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions that ensued was painfully raw and hit the mark with a clarity and similarity I could not deny. I myself am walking those darkened and fearful paths as I write these very words.

Out of all the pages a couple simple statements that he made resonated with me in a powerful way.

Armstrong tells of a letter that he received. It was from a man he had never met before. He himself had battled cancer. He wrote Armstrong to acknowledge his support and positive thoughts. As he finished the letter he made a strange statement that confused Armstrong. He wrote, "you probably do not understand this right now, but we are the lucky ones".

What? How is anyone with cancer lucky? It is devastating. It not only has the potential to steal your life, but also has the destructive potential to steal your Hope. Those words are haunting. Lucky? We are the lucky ones. This brotherhood of suffering is somehow lucky..........blessed?

It is diametrically opposed to any sort of sane thinking that those outside of this brotherhood would agree with. It actually is an almost dangerous statement. As if you say it as you are waking off a cliff without a safety net. A statement such as that redefines everything. Life. Death. And even Hope.

But as I walk this path, and simultaneously encounter life in all its beauty and harshness, I find myself agreeing. "We are the lucky ones". I am lucky. I say those words with a part of me screaming, "how dare you, how can you say that". But it is true. The perspective that cancer gives to life is unbelievable. It has the power to refine you. Your thoughts. Your direction. Your focus.

It is as if you look at life for the first time. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. Everything is turned on edge, revealing a freshness and an urgency that is not seen outside of cancer. If this clarity does exist in our normal lives, it is missed. Overshadowed by the busyness of life. By worthless and empty pursuits.

Another quote from Armstrong's book was this: "Cancer is not about dying, it is about living" What a statement.

Most would argue against it. But those that walk this path find it to be true. Life after diagnosis becomes "alive". It becomes real. It is as if you can grasp it with your own hands, breath it in, consume it.

Oh if I could have had this view earlier in life. I knew that it existed. I sensed it. I chased it. Through the mountains. Through relationships. In the woods and fields of my youth. It was a whisper in the words of poets. And a reflection on the horizon as the sun slipped out of view. But i did not catch it until cancer became my reference. My reality.

We who are members of this brotherhood and sisterhood of suffering are the lucky ones, because now we can truly live. And Love. And Hope. And I dare to say Dream. They are painful dreams, haunted with the shadows of uncertainty, but they are vivid dreams. Passionate dreams. Dreams that leave your heart aching, your soul longing. We are released from the fear of death. Our finite lives are bared.

We come face to face with our mortality and realize that life is looking back at us. Raw and uncertain. But ALIVE none the less. There were days before cancer that I despaired. At times despising my life. But now I am hungry to live. I long to live. Whether that time be long or short, I hold tight to life and all of its glorious agony.

Posted by Doug Miller at 9:11 PM

On Empathy - Iain S. Thomas / Intentional Dissonance

Heart - King Street / Newtown (Mon 24 Aug 2015)

Iain S. Thomas on Empathy:

Niceness is a symptom of empathy. It means you understand how someone else feels and if you understand how someone else feels, it nearly always means you care about them and if you care about them then you’re nearly always nice to them.

via Intentional Dissonance by Iain S. Thomas.

Jenny - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)

Jenny - Two years ago, just now!! - St George Private Hospital (11:48am Tue 23 Jun 2009)
Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist
directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
and don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time
of your life

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time

Time of your Life by Green Day


The last photo I took of Jenny before her heart failed, about an hour later, while she was having her lunch. I have written briefly about it here:

• Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory (youtube)
  

There seemed to be so much hope as I took this photo.

For me, it was the hope that we could take her home (she had negotiated it to be Wed, so Jo and I could go to our Aus Dragon Boat training session that Tue night) and care for her until she quietly left us, like Jenny and Jo had done with Margaret, their mother, 10 years earlier.

It was not meant to be and it is amazing how quickly things can change and how you need to accept, adapt and let go to the circumstances which we are confronted with as we move through life.

It is in these moments that I came to fully understand the following words from Paulo Coehlo's novel, The Fifth Mountain (which I would read 6 months later):

Fear reaches only to the point where the unavoidable begins; from there on, it loses its meaning. And all we have left is the hope that we are making the right decision.

A story for another day.

For now, I remember Jenny and the final week of her life, that she spent in Intensive Care Unit of St George Private Hospital, before she left us on Tue 30 Jun 2009.

Postscript

Amazingly, about an hour after posting the above (maybe about the time Jenny's heart failed two years earlier), a post titled Regrets came through from Paulo Coelho. It is based on this post:

• Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

It touchs on the time I had hoped for at home with Jenny and things we might have been able to talk about.

In the end, she left us very suddenly (and with much trauma - unlike her Mothers passing which was very peaceful and serene, if you can understand that) and we were not able to say goodbye.

I carry some of the regrets Bronnie mentions, but in the end I would like to think we lived a good life that allowed us to make the most of the time we had together.

The Cancer made us better people and we did live life to full - Do what you can, when you can. I would say. For Jenny, it was Don't Wonder 'What If?'. Every time we parted, I would say I love you and often many times in between.

One thing I know for sure, it is that through Jenny's life and passing, I have become a better person - I feel guilty about this in many ways, but at the same time I draw some comfort.

Time of Your Life - an amazing accoustic version - Green Day (youtube)

A few ways to increase your connection to your photography - Kirk Tuck (Thu 23 Feb 2012)

A3 Prints - New York - Aug 2011
Kirk Tuck (*) writes:

To do what you like in your work, separate from the buzz. [..]

• slow down [..] If you slow down and concentrate on the kinds of images that bring you real joy you'll find a tighter bond with your own work.


• Stop looking at all the sharing sites - When you turn off the outside influences and sit quietly with your own thoughts about art and photography you begin to understand the way you like to see and share art. That's valuable. Everything else is unconscious imitation.


• Do a project - Consistency of vision and subject are worthwhile goals for all artists. Set yourself to the task of creating a body of consistent work. Choose a subject that you love and explore it in depth. Ignore everything else.


• When you choose to do a project have a a goal - Wouldn't it be great if it changed some lives? But no matter where it ends up I will have met interesting people who've taken charge of their own lives and excelled. What fun role models. And the art will be my souvenir of my time spent with them. The prints will be part of the sharing.


• Start thinking beyond the screen - [..] When you slow down and do your art try to go through the whole process of bringing an image to life before you rush out the door to fill up more memory cards and hard drives.


• Really explore the images in front of you. Edit them down. Make them perfect and then print them large [..] Print them till you love them. And learn from the process of presentation. Learn what you like to see, big. The art becomes both portable and present when you pull it off the screen and onto paper. Be sure to go through the whole process so you understand in your gut what you've really created. It will slow you down [..] and focus it on doing work that makes you smile. You are the first audience.


• Finally, forget the online critiques - Find people in your own town, city, region whose work you admire and approach them about forming a sharing circle. Just like a writer's group.

Having a project will move you to take chances. [..] You'll need to discipline yourself to do the [..] And you'll need to learn how to finish.

Having a goal for your work gives it extra meaning.

Sharing the work with live people standing in front of you builds real confidence in the work. Having real critiques is painful but helps engender real growth. Helping real, human, non-virtual friends succeed with their own art is part of a rewarding virtuous circle. Embrace it.

From A few ways to increase your connection to your photography (*) by Kirk Tuck (*) - Thu 23 Feb 2012.

Why Why? - Chantel Tattoli

Untilted - Barcelona / Spain (Tue 06 Aug 2013)
Expanding on an earlier post (*), Chantel Tattoli (*) writes on the importantance of understanding (*) Why:

Why? Why would someone do that?

Why is the slippery question cultural anthropologists are always trying to get at.

As a rule of thumb, if we do not get why, we probably don’t understand (*) the perspective (*).

The thing to do is try to see yourself in the other peoples’ shoes, because from the perspective of the Other’s shoes, their behavior should make more sense.

This is the golden rule. Even when it’s hard.

I paraphrase the late anthropologist Clifford Geertz To understand, isn’t to forgive (*).

via The Anthropology of the Little Mermaid (*) by Chantel Tattoli (*).

Thanks Chantel, some great thoughts in your words.

If you look, really look, you will always find something you weren't expecting. Even if you can't figure why, you might just be a bit more understanding.
Untilted (Detail) - Barcelona / Spain (Tue 06 Aug 2013)

The warrior of light has learned that God uses ..

The warrior of light has learned that God uses solitude to teach us how to live with other people.

He uses rage to show us the infinite value of peace. He uses boredom to underline the importance of adventure and spontaneity.

God uses silence to teach us to use words responsibly. He uses tiredness so that we can understand the value of waking up. He uses illness to underline the blessing of good health.

God uses fire to teach us about water. He uses earth so that we can understand the value of air. He uses death to show us the importance of life.

From the Manual of Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho - (more here)

Sentinels - Broadway / Grace Bros / Glebe - Sat 20 Jul 2002 (picasa)

National Gallery Sculpture Garden - Mid Jan 2005 (picasa)

On Photography and Understanding - Colin Pantell (Fri 20 Nov 2015)

An Angel's Wing over my Right Shoulder - South Cronulla (Mon 02 Nov 2015)

Colin Pantell on Photography and Understanding:

the act of photography [can be a] form of personal understanding of [our] own past

via Dear Japanese: A genuine struggle with the past by Colin Pantell.

I have felt a presence greater than myself, over my right ahoulder, twice in my life. Both times were since Jenny's passing. Will write about it and another moment one day. Have tried not to understand it beyond acknowledging that there is soemthing beyond me that I will probably never quite comprehend or understand. Just happy that I had someone looking over my shoulder when It counted. As the song goes Riding on the Wings of an Angel. Nice photo Rachel.

Self Portrait - South Cronulla (Mon 02 Nov 2015)

On Understanding and Expectation - Elvis Costello / Spectrum (Sat 31 Aug 2013)

A Door (*), A Window (*) - Red and Blue - Paddington / London (Sat 17 Aug 2013)
Elvis Costello (*) talks about musical creation (*):

We were somewhat free from expectations (*) because we didn't tell anybody we were doing it, because we didn't know (*) we were doing it ourselves at first.''

via Pump it up: How hip-hop seduced Elvis Costello (*) by Nick Miller (*).

Back home now. A fantastic trip (*) with many great moments and experiences. Not a natural traveller, but this trip I seemed to handle it all better than I ever have and was fully engaged in the moment, not feeling homesick and not wanting myself to be somewhere else.

Hardly gave my work, paddling or situation in life (my usual preoccupations) a thought. A usual thought was to try and understand a place, event or thing, not to judge or to wish it to be something I am familiar with. It is there for a reason, and if I could just understand it a little, then I might learn something about it, life, or even myself.

I also thought how lucky I was to able to do this, to have these experiences and this outlook on life.

Took over 10,000 photos and have much to look at and ponder over the next few months, in particular, and no doubt, for the rest of my life.

Some photos have been taken so I can remember a place, a moment, or a transientary thing - to give it a life beyond its time.

Some have been taken because something caught my eye - a colour, a combination of colours, lines, shadows or maybe just the quality of the light.

Others I think have been captured for reasons beyond my comprehension, just as Elvis explains above. Most of these photos will never be seen by another person and in some ways this relieves me of any expectation or what others might think, as the above quote so nicely demonstrates.

So if you think some of the photos that appear here are a little beyond comprehension, maybe you should be thankful that you don't see some of the others that will never seen by anyone other than me.

Thanks Elvis and Nick, a great interview which allowed me to learn something about myself, which is what great writing and its sharing is about.

Tu Jardin Con Enanitos - Melendi (YouTube)

Melendi Tu Jardin Con Enanitos - YouTube (*) - Barcelona (Wed 07 Aug 2013)
, Melendi Tu Jardin Con Enanitos - live version - YouTube (*) - Barcelona (Wed 07 Aug 2013)
Heard this song today as Joanne was paying for some nice clothes she found in a Shop just off the main road. I asked the shop assistant what the name of the song was and she wrote it down, along with singers name:

Tu Jardin Con Enanitos (*) by Melendi (*)

It sounds very similar to another I've heard recently (will try to find it, though I am finding it difficult) and I thought this song was a Spanish version of it (or the other way around).

Searched for an English translation of the lyrics and found the lyrics to be pretty bold, direct, confident, with no holding back on the passion, that's for sure. The first line says it all :-) and there are other good ones as well. While some of the lyrics seem quite direct compared to what is the norm in Australia, others are quite thoughtful. But I guess that is passion.

Another random moment worth remembering.

Lyrics: Your Garden With Gnomes (English translation from the original in Spanish)

Today I ask my dreams, that they remove your clothes
That all my attempts to bite your mouth
Turn into kisses
And even though I understand that you
You always have the last word in this love

And today I ask your guardian angel, that he share
That he give me courage and bravery in battle to win it 1
And it's just that I don't want to pass by your life like fashions
Don't be scared Miss, no one has talked to you of a wedding
I only want to be the four legs of your bed
Your war every night, your ceasefire every morning
I want to be you medicine, your silences and your cries
Your thief, your policeman, your garden with gnomes
I want to be the brush that sweeps away sadness
I want to be your uncertainty and above all your certainty

And today I asked the moon, that it extend this night for me
And that this feeling light up with intensity
And that hearts dance
And even though I understand that you
Will always be that dream that perhaps I'll never be able to reach

And today I ask your guardian angel, that he share
That he give me courage and bravery in battle to win it
And it's just that I don't want to pass through your life like fashions
Don't be scared miss, no one has talked to you of a wedding
I only want to be the four legs of your bed
Your war every night, your ceasefire every morning
I want to be you medicine, your silences and your cries
Your thief, your policeman, your garden with gnomes
I want to be the brush that sweeps away sadness
I want to be your uncertainty and above all your certainty

And it's just that I want to be the one who never forgets your birthday
I want you to be my rose and my thorn even though you hurt me
I want to be your carnival, your beginnings and your ends
I want to be the sea where you can drown all your sorrows
I want you to be my tango by Gardel, 2 my octaves 3
My half honeymoon, my blues, my eighth wonder
The dance of my ballroom, the zip and buttons
I want you to wear your skirt and my trousers as well

Your astronaut, the first man who walks across your moon
Nailing in a flag of madness
To paint your life with colour, with passion
With flavour, with emotion and tenderness
Know that there's no cure for me any more
Without your love

Vale: Maurie Cowan (1960-2010) - Pride, Intensity, Passion and Power ..

To represent your country at any event is an honour that very few people achieve in their life time. I am fortunate in that I have the opportunity to do it twice in one go and so whether I'm paddling in a dragonboat or performing the haka both will be done with the same amount of pride, intensity, passion and power that they deserve. .. Maurie Cowan - Tue 05 Jul 2005 (email to Australian Dragon Boat Team)

Maurie Cowan - Performing the Haka - Maori Culture Group - Schlitz/Germany - Jul 2005

Maurie Cowan - Australian Premier Open Dragon Boat Team - Thu 04 Aug 2005
This afternoon I have learnt of the passing of Maurice Cowan (Maurie), last night after a 5 year journey with advanced prostate cancer. He was 50 years old.

Strangely enough, yesterday, I had only just thought of him and how he was going, on the way home from the Roseville Dragon Boat Regatta. 

My first memory of Maurie is from the 2004 Australian National Dragon Boat Championships in Perth in April 2004. He paddled in the NSW Masters Open Team and the Masters Mixed Team, alongside Jenny and Joanne. I remember everyone being very excited about the resulting wins, becoming National Champions and the resulting opportunity it presented to represent Australia at the IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships in Shanghai in the following October.

National Champs - Shanghai - here we come - NSW Masters Mixed Team - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA - Fri 9 Apr 2004
National Champs - Shanghai - here we come - NSW Masters Mixed Team - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA - Fri 9 Apr 2004 (picasa)
The NSW Masters Open, Women's and Mixed Teams then trained through the Winter of 2004 and represented Australia with great pride, intensity, passion and power in Qingpu/Shanghai in late October 2004 at the 2004 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships.

Training Session - Australian Masters Mixed Dragon Boat Team - 2004 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Qingpu/Shanghai - Mon 18 Oct 2004
Training Session - Australian Masters Open Dragon Boat Team - 2004 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Qingpu/Shanghai - Mon 18 Oct 2004

Maurie would then go on to be a member of the victorious 2005 NSW Dragon Boat Team.

2005 NSW Dragon Boat Team - Maurie's up the back (as per usual) on the left - AusDBF National Dragon Boat Championships - Canberra (Fri 08 Apr 2005)
Maurie then became a member of the 2005 Australian Dragon Boat Team which competed at the World Dragon Boat Championships in Berlin. On the same trip to Germany he also represented  New Zealand in a Maori Cultural Group that performed in Schlitz. He was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer shortly after his return from Germany that year.

Maurie is in Row 6 on the right - Australian Masters Mixed Dragon Boat 500m Team - 2005 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Berlin - Fri 05 Aug 2005
The cancer and it's painful treatment did not stop him from paddling and Jenny, Joanne and I would often see him at Dragon Boat Regatta's, where he would often take the time to talk to us, and in particular Jenny. They seemed to have a special relationship and I always made sure that they had the opportunity to have some time together so that they could talk about their own Journey's with cancer in a way that only cancer survivors can truly relate to and understand.

It was not until Jenny's Flowers on the Water (FOW) Ceremony last December, that I realised how much of impression that Jenny had had on Maurie's own Journey with Cancer.

In a moving email, he wrote to me to apologise for probably not being able to attend the FOW Ceremony and to write about the inspiration Jenny had provided to him during his own Journey with Cancer. I know he would not have minded if I publish a copy of the email below. I think it truly represents his kind nature and big heart. More so, I think it gives an insight into how he dealt with the cancer and highlights his own inspiring approach to living life with advance cancer.

Also have attached a couple of photos from the 2009 Dragon Boat Nationals After Party at Kawana/Caloundra (picasa), which always put a smile on my face. Also a couple of other photos from the World Dragon Boat Championships in Berlin in 2005.

Thank you Maurie - we will remember you with very fond memories. In particular, I will remember the special friendship and bond that you had with Jenny. I know she enjoyed the little chats you had and I also know your own Journey, not only inspired Jenny, but all of those that had the pleasure of knowing you.

Regards .. Geoff

From: Maurice Cowan [moreza.cowan@??.com]
Sent: Tuesday, 1 December 2009 1:38 PM
To: Eldridge Geoff
Subject: My Inspiration

Hi Geoff,

I was very dissappointed to hear about Jenny's passing. She has been a inspiration for me for a few years now, since I first discovered my prostate cancer in 2005 after returning from the world championships in Germany. I reminded her at Caloundra how much of an inspiration she was for me (see gave me one of those big smiles), and wished her luck not knowing it would be the last time that I would see her.

I can remember her on that trip to germany, she was an inspiration to me even before I learnt of my own condition. I can remember feeling sorry for her at that time,but respected her strength and passion that she had for paddling and for life, it was inspiring.

So when I had first discovered that I had advanced prostate cancer a few months after that trip in 2005, the first person I thought of was Jenny and how she was handling herself,that really helped me to deal with my own situation pretty easily. For me it was like ok we know what it is, so lets just get on and deal with. And as long as I can still paddle I'll be fine.

So every regatta since then, I would always look for her and think she looks well whenever I saw her, so this year at Roseville, it just wasnt the same without her there.

She still remains an inspiration for me as I continue my own battle. Unfortunately my pain levels vary from day to day from comfortable to very painful. I am hoping to come to bank st, but I hope that you will understand if I cant.

Regardless I will be thinking of Jenny during that time, I will always remember my friend with the big smile on her face and a huge heart, who has made such a huge impression on me.

kindest regards,
Maurie

Jo, Maurie and Jenny - 2009 Australian Dragon Boat Nationals - Kawana - 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)
Jenny and Maurie - Inspirational - Big Smiles and Huge Hearts - 2009 Australian Dragon Boat Nationals - Kawana - 26 Apr 2009  (picasa)
Maurie is in Row 6 on the left - Australian Premier Open Dragon Boat Team - 1000m - Thu 04 Aug 2005
Team Huddle (Maurie is on the left, Mark Madden, Geoff Eldridge, Vivianne Bustos, Cynthia Kupier, George Louie, Toni, Peter Richardson and Jon Taylor (who passed away from Prostate Cancer in Dec 2008) - Australian Senior Mixed Dragon Boat Team - Berlin - Sun 07 Aug 2005

When the master sees that the warrior is sad, he says ..

When the master sees that the warrior is sad, he says ..

'You are not what you seem to be in these moments of sadness. You are better than that.

Many have left - for reasons we will never understand - but you are still here. Why did God carry off all those amazing people and leave you?

By now, millions of people will have given up. They don't get angry, they don't weep, they don't do anything; they merely wait for time to pass. They have lost the ability to react.

You, however, are sad. That proves that your soul is still alive.'

From the 'The Manual of the Warrior Light' by Paul Coelho.

Today, I just decided to pick a page at random to read - this was that page. A nice way to look at things, really.

Shroud - Mount Gower / Lord Howe Island - 22 Oct 2001

The Pathway to an Olympic Dream - Drew Ginn (Sun 28 May 2012)

Gondola's - Venice (Tue 15 Sep 2009)
Drew Ginn shares some thoughts (*) about where he and his team are at after just being beaten last Sunday by the Great Britian Four in Switzerland ..

The pathway forward is going to take us into the unknown. Being comfortable with the greyness and the isolation will be key.

Grey because often our reserves will be low and our capacities will be stretched.

The isolation comes as it can get lonely when we strive, uncompromisingly towards a moment. A moment that many won't understand and we will find hard to translate or explain.

To engage in making four athletes one, in taking things further, faster, and beyond our wildest imaginings will have us questioning, doubting and fearful at times.

On the Journey - Seth Godin (Fri 02 May 2014)

Pacific Dragons - 2014 AusDBF Dragon Boat Nationals - Kawana (Fri 18 Apr 2014)
Seth Godin (*) writes On Giving (*):

In the infinite game (*), though, something completely different is going on. In the infinite game, the point is to keep playing, not to win (*). In the infinite game, the journey (*) is all there is. And so, players in an infinite game never stop giving so they can take. [..]

You certainly know people who play this game, you may well have been touched (*) by them, inspired (*) by them and taught (*) by them. The wrong question to ask is, "but how do they win?" The right way to understand it is, "but is it worth playing?"

via The short game, the long game and the infinite game (*) by Seth Godin (*).

I see people like this in my club (*) and as is always the case, Seth is ever so right in his observations on life. And I know, by these experiences in my club (*), exactly what he means.

knowing how powerful it is not to know - Bono / Brooklyn (22 Nov 2004)

Thomas, Grant, Betty, Lynn and Grace - Manahattan bound - I don't know who was more excited - Grace or me (and I was not even going along) - Departure Gate / Sydney International Airport (Sun 19 Dec 2010)
Recently posted a video clip of a U2 Performance of the City of Blinding Light at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge in Empire - Fulton Ferry State Park.

In the preamble to the performance, Bono becomes quite nostalgic.

In my previous post back on Sat 16 Apr 2011, I included a snippet of his little talk which I have thought about a lot recently.

This is what Bono said in full:

Look at this. That is wild. What a sight. Wow look at that. [Bono pointing to the Brooklyn Bridge]

Sometimes you forget why it was that you wanted to be in a band. So going into this we reminded ourselves of why we wanted to be in a band.

We listened to the albums that excited us when we wanted to be in a band [..] the music and what it felt like to arrive here in the United States. To come over the [Brooklyn] Bridge into Manhattan. Snow was on the ground. It was:

"an amazing magical time in our lives when we did not know how powerful it was not to know".

This is a song about innocence, naivety and it is called "City of Blinding Lights".

The chorus is set in New York City looking at Brooklyn.

I feel that these words are quite profound and the feelings he is trying to describe are universal and generic. They can be applied to not only rock and roll superstars, but mere mortals like myself who progress through life little steps at a time.

I have always recognised the importance of acknowledging your past and to reflect on your past (though it might be painful at times) - it is something I have spent a bit of time on lately. It will help you understand who you have been, who you are now and where you are heading.

Here is the video again ..

City of Blinding Lights / U2 - Empire - Fulton Ferry State Park / Brooklyn Bridge / Brooklyn Bridge / New York (22 Nov 2004 - youtube)
Bono's words make me think of some similar words that have captured my imagination, these words coming from Ken Burns (e) a little bit earlier in that year of 2004 at his 2004 Yale Commencement Speech:

As you pursue your goals in life, that is to say your future, pursue your past. Let it be your guide. Insist on having a past and then you will have a future. [..]

Insist on heroes. And be one. [..]

Travel. Do not get stuck in one place. [..]
Whatever you do, walk over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Ken Burns - 2004 Commencement Yale Class Day Speech (as pdf)

I drift back a little back into my past - 1990. Jenny and I had been going out for about six months and she encouraged and inspired me to achieve one of my Dream's - to run the New York City Marathon ..

Geoff - New York City Marathon - Nov 1990 - Brooklyn (picasa)
I look into my eyes above and I see an innocence, naivety, wonder and hope that Bono talks about above through his own experiences as musician. It all seemed to be in front of us back then and it was.

Jenny and I (and of course Joanne) had an amazing life together and though Jenny is not a part of our physical lives anymore, I would like to think that Jo and I have continued to live an amazing, wonderful and fulfilling life in Jenny's absence. It is my hope that I still have a touch of the same innocence and naivety, that I can see above, as I move forward in my life.

Street Band - 1990 New York City Marathon - Sun 04 Nov 1990
This post is dedicated to my niece Grace and nephew Thomas. To travel and spend time in Manhattan as you did for Christmas 2010 will be a formative experience for you. Use the experience to help guide you as you progress through your life.

Now that's a Snowball - Grace and Thomas (my niece and nephew) - Central Park / Manhattan (Mon 27 Dec 2010)

On Change and Moving Forward - Kirk Tuck (Wed 30 Jan 2013)

Floorboard Cross Section - Kyoto (Sat 15 Sep 2012)
Kirk Tuck (*) talks On Change (*):

The thread that should run through everything though should be to honestly have fun with your work.

You don't have to love everything but you sure have to like the process.

But to fall back in love with the process you have to yield to the idea that everything changes.

It's always tough to stomach that change must include me...

via (*) by Kirk Tuck (*).

While Kirk abstracts the above from his working life as a professional photographer, it is a great way to understand the change proces, discontinuities in your life and whether you upto going with it or wallowing around in self pity for what once was (hope that makes sense).

Doubt and Fear - Paul Coelho (Wed 25 Aug 2011)

Some wise words from Doubt and Fear (*) by Paulo Coelho (*) [Wed 25 Aug 2011]

despite the fear and the bruises of life, one has to keep on fighting for one’s dream.

As Borges said in his writings

“there is no other virtue than being brave”

And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear

On Calculus - ImprovOmega / Slashdot (Fri 25 Apr 2014)

Flower - Jardim da Estrela (*) - Lisbon (Wed 14 Aug 2013)
ImprovOmega (*) writes On Calculus (*), and its elegance (*) and beauty (*):

The brilliance of calculus (*) is the usage of infinitely many infinitely small rectangular slices to nonetheless derive an exact measurement of the finite area under a curve.

At its core, calculus is the merging of the infinite and the finite. When you truly understand it, it is one of the most elegant (*) and beautiful (*) discoveries in human history.

via Ask Slashdot: Books for a Comp Sci Graduate Student? (*) by peetm (781139) (*).

Like this one. Reminds me of what I felt when I first learnt calculus in high school.

After 12 years or so of not reading Slashdot (*), I have started following again to keep up the latest in the nerdy tech world I have always lurked as a fringe-dweller (*).

On Perception - Drew Ginn (Tue 01 May 2007)

Den lille Havfrue (*) - The Little Mermaid - Copenhagen (Fri 23 Aug 2013)
Drew Ginn (*) writes On Perception (*):

It’s a fine line between success (*) and failure (*). In fact I could even argue that they are one in the same. That really the difference between experiences (*) that we judge as successful or as failure comes down to our perception (*).

via G get t THe g GLIDE R riGht (*) by Drew Ginn (*).

Just over seven years ago since Drew's posted this one. Could relate to it from the paddling point of view and it would take some time to fully understand all of what he was saying back then. Experiences (*) bring a lot to what you learn (*) and retain. Miss his blog posts (*) now, though he does post (*) on twitter a bit.

Where Truth Resides ..

The Shadow of Light - Alexandria (Jul 2014)
A Scholar writes:

there are those who talk (*), and without knowledge (*) or forethought (*) reveal a truth (*) which they themselves do not understand (*).

And there are those who have the truth (*) within them, but they tell it not in words. In the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence (*).

via And then a scholar said, “Speak of Talking.” And he... (*) by Thoughtless Hero (*).