Untitled - George Street / Sydney (Sun 31 Apr 2013)
Larrisa Archer (*) on viewing Garry Wingorand's (*) current Exhibitiion (*) writes On Street Photography (*):
I'm wondering if even street photography (*) can be trusted to tell us anything beyond what is in the photographer's own heart at the moment--
I wonder if it is in fact the most deceptive of all genres, for the very reason that it posits a certain objectivity, not rehearsed and posed but candid and full of accidents, an imprint of a reality that is out there for anyone and everyone to witness together.
I wonder if, regardless of the literal elements of the scene, the tone an image takes on and expresses is due to the photographer's own moods, his own prejudices, enthusiasms, "abortive sorrows and short-winded elations."
And then I wonder if this is in fact any less reliable than the notion that the images can say something objectively true about their over-arching subject (for instance, America) when that subject is itself so complex, many-sided, and open to a seemingly endless range of interpretations.
via 'We Have Not Loved Life': Garry Winogrand at SFMOMA (*) by Larrisa Archer (*).
“Don’t Wonder ‘What if?’” is a term Jenny coined for a book , titled A Pocketful of Sequins - Words from the Heart (*), which was published in 2005.
Jenny was asked to attend a workshop organised by the author, Joanne Fedler (*), where a group of Breast Cancer Survivors and Supporters were asked to talk and write various things about their experiences and journey with Breast Cancer.
It is a great little book and each person’s saying was annotated with a small painting made by an artist - Julianne Ward.
I have some photos from the Book Launch that Jenny and Joanne attended in late 2005. When I get a chance I will put them here.
Joanne and I sent the following message to the Australian Dragon Boat Team on 18 Aug 2009, a few days before we left to participate for Australia at the IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships held in Prague in late Aug 2009. It is now history - an amazing experience for all of us, particular for Joanne and myself.
We just wanted to say thank you to everyone for helping us to celebrate Jenny's Life, and for your kind words and support for Joanne and I over the course of this campaign.
We also thank everyone for the lovely "Name-A-Star" gift that Amanda presented to us, on your behalf, at the 2nd Team Trial at Penrith. We have attached a copy of the documentation that came with the Sydney Observatory "Name-A-Star" catalogue. The star selected is in the constellation of Vela and has been named "In Memory of Jenny Petterson". As part of the gift, we will view the star at the Observatory on Jenny's and Joanne's Birthday, the 24th March 2010.
Jenny was an amazing person and she showed us all how to live life to full, even in the face of a life threatening illness such as advanced breast cancer, something she lived with for 12 years.
Paddling has become a constant in our lives and the irony is that we would not have found it, if Jenny did not have her cancer. Jenny would often say "what would we be doing if we did not start paddling?". We have travelled this state, country and the world as paddlers and wherever we have travelled we have met friendly likeminded people, no matter their culture or background. We feel we are better people because of our paddling experiences.
Jenny's life changed in 2004 when she nervously, yet humbly, co-featured in an episode of the ABC's "Australian Story" titled "In the Pink"
The episode was watched by more than 1 million people and helped expose Dragons Abreast Australia to many women. It told the true story of breast cancer and it did not shy away from the harsh realities of breast cancer. From then on wherever Jenny travelled, she would be "pulled up" by people in the street or at regatta's so they could talk to her about how the Aus Story Episode helped them to make positive changes to their life.
The last talk she gave was on the 1 April 2009 at the Riverview School in Lane Cove. The talk was given to approximately 200 Year 9 and 10 boys. They were mesmerised and inspired by her story of hope, courage and strength. She was also touched by the fact that the guest speaker they had a month earlier was Dr Chris O'Brien (of RPA Fame), a person she felt quite connected with. He made sense to her through his own public journey with cancer.
A copy of Jenny's Riverview Talk is now kindly hosted on the Dragons Abreast Australia Web site. It tells her (and indeed our story) in her own words with the last few pages giving an insight into her approach to life, and how she embraced her cancer and through it, felt empowered to live a wonderful and fulfilling life. The cancer helped to reveal her true inner spirit and character that she was born with.
Initially, unknowingly, and then later, humbly, she helped to inspire many people throughout Australia and the World to follow their hearts and achieve their dreams.
It was an amazing effort for Jenny to make the NSW State and Australian Teams this year. She was diagnosed with multiple tumors in her liver in early March and started a fortnightly cycle of chemotherapy and another drug. Through the encouragement of her "Support Team", she trained and paddled through all of her treatment and went on to paddle for her State and Club at the 2009 Nationals DB Championships at Kawana. It was with tears in my eyes that I witnessed Jenny, along with her team mates, paddle to Gold Medals in both 500m finals for her State and Club. The most amazing thing I have ever seen.
Finally, Jenny, Joanne and myself visited Prague in September 2005 after the World DB Championships held in Berlin. It is a beautiful City. Little did we know then that we would have the opportunity to compete for our country there in 2009. Jenny was selected in the Australian Team and was training up until early June. Joanne and I will now compete in Prague, with Jenny as our guiding light and inspiration.
Death may end a life, but our relationship will continue forever.
I have included a couple of photos from our trip to Prague in 2005 in our online photo album.
PRAGUE 2009 – 9TH IDBF WORLD DRAGON BOAT CHAMPIONSHIPS – AUG 2009
Jenny’s Gold Medal
Prague was an amazing experience. Winning a Gold Medal and singing our National Anthem is something I don't think Joanne (Jenny's younger identical twin sister) or I (Jenny's Husband) will ever be able to explain or describe.
World Champs!! – “Thank You Jenny”
Anyway, I should try to find some words about our Prague experience .. The thing I will remember most about Prague is ..
.. We met Mike Haslam (IDBF Executive President) a couple of times and we spoke initially for quite a while at the end of the third day. We thanked him for his ”Tribute to Jenny” and the wonderful article for Jenny in the July 2009 DBI Newsletter. It became apparent in talking to him that he was truly “touched” by Jenny and he spoke quite openly about the positive impact she had had on his own life over the years and in particular since her passing on the 30 June 2009.
Just before we parted, I asked him whether we could have a photo together, as this had become a bit of tradition with Jenny, Joanne and Mike over the years. This time instead of capturing the moment, I would be in the photo, taking the place of Jenny. After the photo was taken, we all became quite emotional and I asked Joanne to give Mike a comforting hug. As we parted, I was happy, we had said “ thank you” and I had the photo of Mike and Joanne, and thought that would be it for the Regatta. Well, maybe not ..
Geoff, Mike and Joanne - Prague/Racice - Day 3 - 28 Aug 2009
Mike and Joanne - Prague/Racice - Day 3 - 28 Aug 2009
The following day, the Australian Senior Mixed Crew, which Joanne and I were team members, won a Gold Medal in the Mixed 500m Event. For all of us, particularly Joanne and I, this was an amazing experience and a “Dream come True”. We all gave it everything we had and we got off the Dragon Boat onto the Lane 1 Pontoon, not “Wondering, ‘What If’?”. Jenny was our “our Guiding Light and Inspiration” and this was just one example of how Joanne and I are trying to live our lives in Jenny’s “Afterglow”.
Senior Mixed 500m Final - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009 - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P
Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
On the last day of the Regatta during the lunch break, Mike came over to the Australian tent to handout copies of the latest DBI Newsletter (the one with Jenny's story) and he again spoke to Joanne and I at length.
We talked to him about winning Gold and how everyone in the Mixed Crew and Squad felt that we had a 21st paddler in the boat when we raced the final. I told him about the wristbands we were wearing with Jenny's "Don't wonder ‘What If?’" quote inscribed on the inside (we all raced with the wristbands inside out).
Finally, I told him how we all went into Prague the evening of the day we won” Gold”, to quietly celebrate a truly amazing experience in our lives - as the German Team told us after the Final - "we made the impossible, possible". Everyone, except Joanne and I, wore their medals out that night (indeed, some are still wearing them :-). When asked on numerous occasions where were our medals? - We said “back at the hotel room with Jenny's photo”. I think everyone understood.
Jenny with Joanne and Geoff's Medals – Prague/Hotel Duo - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Just before Mike left the tent, he said to us he felt that we should have a "Special" Gold medal presented to us for Jenny, in her honour, memory and contribution to Dragon Boating. Obviously, we were quite touched by his thoughts and this gesture. As he left he said he would arrange it all, though we were not quite sure how.
During the afternoon Mike came over twice to the Australian Team Tent, from the Official's Tower (a good 10 min return trip). Joanne and I were not around both times - either racing or watching races (my only chance the whole Regatta). When I got back to the tent I had numerous people tell me an IDBF official was looking for Joanne and I - little did they know it was the President of the IDBF.
Since the Senior Women’s Team were racing the 500m Final, I decided not to find Mike until I could "round up" Joanne. Our Women's Team placed a close 4th in the Final and just as they started coming off the water, Mike appeared from behind me (yet another 10 min return trip for him) and said he would wait until Joanne came through. Being a Final, it took some time to get all the Crews off the water and through all the celebrations, back slapping and hand shaking that goes on, particularly for the final race of the Regatta for all the Senior Women’s Teams.
When Joanne was finally free, I grabbed her and then Mike presented us a “Special” Gold Medal in Jenny's Memory and Honour. As you can see from the photo below, Joanne has used Jenny's paddle since she passed away on the 30 June 2009. We all had a few tears in our eyes, including Mike. An amazing gesture and a memory I will never forget.
Geoff, Mike and Joanne with Jenny's Paddle and Gold Medal - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Later that evening, as the sun was setting at the Regatta’s “After Party”, which was being held at the Regatta site, Joanne and I scattered some of Jenny's Ashes on the water from the Lane One Pontoon, where we had raced the Final from and celebrated the Victory. Below, you will see some photos of the serene and peaceful sunset as we reflected back on Jenny's life and the whole Prague experience.
Joanne and Geoff scattering Jenny's Ashes - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Jenny’s Gold Medal from Lane 1 Pontoon - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Death may have ended Jenny’s Life, but our Relationship lives on. Prague has shown us all that.
Thank you Jenny, you would often say that you felt Lucky (more here) to have experienced life with Cancer. However, I consider it us to be the “Lucky Ones”. You have given us the knowledge, strength, hope, guidance and inspiration to continue to live our lives to the full. We live on in your “Afterglow”.
Geoff Eldridge - Jenny’s Loving Husband - 30 October 2009
Postscript: The essence of the above comes from an email I wrote (high in the French Pyrenees just 10km from the famous Col du Tourmalet of Tour De France fame) to Julia Ryall, my Club Dragon Boat Coach at Pacific Dragon’s and a truly Great Friend. I wanted to thank her for all of the effort she has put into me as paddler (four years of hard work actually and still a "work in progress") and as a friend. As I said to her before we left for Prague, she has made me the paddler I am, and indeed has helped make me the person I am. It’s not just about the paddle. Since Jenny’s passing, she has shouldered much of the responsibility for keeping the Dragon Boat community informed and coordinated (as well as her beautiful tribute). Indeed, it was Julia I asked to inform Mike Haslam about Jenny’s passing. She has also provided a “shoulder to cry on” and has helped to keep me “pointing in the right direction”, when it all seems like it has become too much. I am not sure how to really thank her, but maybe her contribution to us as paddlers and people (there were seven PD’s on the boat that day), and as a result this Prague story, will go some way to do just that ..
Julia - Thank You.
"Triple J" - Joanne, Julia and Jenny - AusDBF Nationals - After Party – Kawana/Qld - Sun 26 April 2009
While I have shed a tear just about everyday for what has been lost - a life, a love, a relationship and a future - I have only shed them to myself. There have only been two times since Jenny died that this has not been the case.
The first time was at the end of the day of Jenny's Funeral. The others headed upstairs when we arrived home that cold winter's evening. I stayed downstairs and went into one of the rooms, closed the door and in the darkness curled up on the floor under the desk and let out a howl that I had not heard before or since. The others came down and comforted me. I had broken down after a week of being brave and doing what I had to do. The other time is for another day but would happen a few months later in a small town in the south of France.
You go through stages and when you stop shedding tears for a time, you wonder if you are forgetting or your heart has just turned to stone. Invariably, something happens - a person, an event, an anniversary but mostly a song - and the tears flow again and you feel better. There is no need to be comforted. I am strong enough to shed them on my own. They are mine only and I find comfort in them because that's what they are for, to make you feel better.
A favourite quote, from the many I've collected here over the years. I like it because it is so true in Art and Photography, but also Paddling and Life.
I am reminded of it every now and then in my own life, through my photography and paddling experiences. And today was one of those days ...
The Sun rose over the City skyline as we did our Thursday morning high intensity session in two, six person outrigger canoes. We do short interval efforts (level 4, level 4+) over repeat efforts of 8, 4, 2 and 1 minute. It's at a pace and intensity that can be maintained for these short time periods which is a bit higher than our race pace intensity (level 3) which we maintain for much longer periods.
We are pushing ourselves at Level 4 and the rhythm in the canoe is often not quite as nice as it would be at level 3 or 2. Our effort and technique is on the edge, on "the verge of failure or breaking down".
As I reflect over a 10 year paddling career, I have found that the best Training Sessions and Races have been the ones where everything is just a little out of control and uncomfortable. It's like a being on a knife edge or the edge of a precipices. It's that boundary between the known and unknown, good and bad, success and failure, and courage and fear (thanks Kayleene).
And ultimately, the fault line between our past and future (thanks for that one
Chantel).
It can be stressful and can feel like a feisty prickly relationship. A disonnance. And often questions and self-doubts rise to the surface.
When you are on the edge, you are pushing yourself to the limit of your abilities and beyond. And, with that comes the risk that you push too far and fail, or you just find that easy comfort zone and also fail through a lost effort and opportunity.
Disappointment may come with the failure, but if you reflect and abstract a learning, then you are more experienced and capable for the next effort. And often, as Trent Parke succinctly notes:
mistakes and accidents usually lead to the best discoveries.
You are learning, broadening your experiences and creating the future opportunity for "successful art", if you keep caring and trying.
I love that feeling of "being on the edge of failure". Instead of fighting it, try to find it and some comfort in the uncomfort, and in the knowledge that this is, as Spencer Lum astutely notes:
where all the good stuff happens
As Jenny said, Give it a try, step outside of your comfort zone. You might be surprised where it can take you ...
I read the following extract to Jenny twice while she was in Hospital in June 2009. The first time was two days after the surgery to remove a 4cm brain tumor. She listened intently - like a small child being read a fairy tale - while I struggled to remain composed, as I read it to her.
Jenny - St George Private Hospital - Sun 22 Jun 2009 (picasa)
The second time was in the Intensive Care Unit at St George following her "heart failure" episode 6 days earlier (Tue 23 Jun 2009) – a day before she left us on the 30 Jun 2009 at 9:16am. I think and hope she heard me. This little story for me is the essence of the Book, a book she treasured, and ultimately it reads as a "prophecy" for what would unfold in Prague in late August 2009 for Joanne and myself - hope this makes sense .. Geoff
Jenny, Joanne and Geoff - St George ICU - Sun 28 Jun 2009 (picasa)
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE – LANCE ARMSTRONG
If there is a defining characteristic of a man as opposed to a boy, maybe it's patience. In 1995, I finally gained an understanding of the demanding nature of the Tour [de France] and all of its extraordinary tests and dangers. I finished it, and I finished strong, winning a stage in the closing days. But the knowledge came at too high a price, and I would just as soon not have learned it the way I did.
Late in the race, our Motorola teammate, Fabio Casartelli, the 1992 Olympic champion, was killed on a high-speed descent. On a descent, you ride single file, and if one rider goes down, it can cause a terrible chain reaction. Fabio didn't crash alone; 20 riders went down with him. But he hit a curb with the back of his head and fractured his neck and skull.
I went by too fast to see much. A lot of riders were down, and everybody was crouched around someone lying on the ground, but you see that sort of thing a lot in the Tour. It was only a while later that I learned via the team radio what had happened: Fabio was dead. When they tell you something like that, you almost don't believe it.
It was one of the longest days of my life. Fabio was not only the young hope of Italian cycling, he was a new husband and a new father. His baby was just a month old.
Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque - 9 May 2001 (picasa)
We had to keep riding, to finish the stage even though we were distraught and sick with shock. I had known Fabio since I first started racing internationally in '91. He lived right outside of Como where I kept my apartment, and we had competed against each other at the Barcelona Olympics in '92, when he won the gold medal. He was a very relaxed, fun-loving man, a little goofy, a joker. Some of the top Italians were more serious, or macho, but Fabio wasn't like that. He was all sweetness.
That night we had a Motorola team meeting to discuss whether we should keep riding or not. We were split. Half of us wanted to quit and go home and cry with our families and friends, and half of us wanted to keep riding in honor of Fabio. Personally, I wanted to stop; I simply didn't think I had the heart to ride a bike. It was the first time I had encountered death, and genuine grief, and I didn't know how to handle it. But then Fabio's wife came to see us, and she said she wanted us to keep riding, because she felt that was what Fabio would have wanted. So we sat in the grass behind the hotel, said a few prayers, and decided to stay in.
Me and my Shadow - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life" - 7am Wed 01 Jul 2009 (picasa)
The next day the peloton rode in honor of Fabio, and gave our team a ceremonial stage victory. It was another long, terrible day— eight hours on the bike, with everybody grieving. The peloton did not race. Instead we rode in quiet formation. It was virtually a funeral procession, and at last our team rode across the finish line, while, behind us, Fabio's bike was mounted atop the support car with a black ribbon.
The following morning we began the race again in earnest, and rode into Bordeaux. Next was a stage into Limoges, and that night, Och came around to our rooms and told the team that Fabio had had two goals in the Tour: he wanted to finish the race, and he especially wanted to try to win the stage into Limoges. As soon as Och stopped speaking I knew that if Limoges was the stage Fabio had wanted to win for himself, now I wanted to win it for him, and that I was going to finish the race.
About halfway through the next day's stage, I found myself grouped with 25 guys at the front - Indurain was in the yellow leader's jersey, riding at the back. I did what came most naturally to me: I attacked.
The problem was, I attacked too early, as usual. I went with 25 miles still to go, and on a downhill portion. Two things you never do: attack early, and on a downhill. But I went so fast on that downhill that I had a 30-second lead in a finger-snap. The other riders were completely taken aback. I could feel them wondering, What's he thinking?
What was I thinking? I had looked back, and saw guys were riding along, with no particular ambition. It was a hot day, and there was no incentive to pull hard, everyone was just trying to get closer to the finish line where the tactics would play out. I glanced back, and one guy was taking a sip of water. I glanced back again. Another guy was fixing his hat. So I took off. Peoooo. I was gone.
When you have 15 other guys back there from 15 different teams, they'll never get organized. They'll look at each other and say: You pull. No, you pull! So I went, and I went faster than I'd ever ridden. It was a tactical punch in the face, and it had nothing to do with strength or ability; everything depended on the initial shock and separation. It was insane, but it worked.
IDBF Senior Mixed 500m Final - 200m to go - "The Break" - "It was insane, but it worked" – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Nobody got within 55 seconds of me again. The team support car kept coming up and giving me reports. Henny Kuiper, our team director, would say, "You're thirty seconds up." Then a few minutes later he'd come alongside again and say, "You're forty-five seconds up."
When he came up the third or fourth time, I said, "Henny, don't come up here anymore. I'm not getting caught."
"Okay, okay, okay," he said, and faded behind my wheel.
I didn't get caught.
I won by a minute, and I didn't feel a moment's pain. Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day. Even though I had charged too early, I never suffered after I broke away. I would like to think that was Fabio's experience too; he simply broke away and separated from the world. There is no doubt in my mind that there were two riders on that bike. Fabio was with me.
Senior Mixed 500m Final - "Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day." Lance A - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
I felt an emotion at the finish line that I've never experienced again. I felt I was winning for Fabio and his family and his baby, and for the mourning country of Italy. As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens, to Fabio.
World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
After the Tour, Och had a memorial built for Fabio. He commissioned a sculptor from Como to execute a work in white Carrara marble. The team flew in from all over the world, and we gathered at the top of the mountain for the placement of the memorial and the dedication ceremony. The memorial had a sundial on it that shone on three dates and times: his birthday, the day he won the Olympic Games, and the day he died.
Geoff and Joanne at Fabio’s Memorial - we stumbled upon it by complete accident – Col de Portet d'Aspet - Thu 24 Sep 2009 [1] (picasa)
I had learned what it means to ride the Tour de France. It's not about the bike. It's a metaphor for life, not only the longest race in the world but also the most exalting and heartbreaking and potentially tragic. It poses every conceivable element to the rider, and more: cold, heat, mountains, plains, ruts, flat tires, high winds, unspeakably bad luck, unthinkable beauty, yawning senselessness, and above all a great, deep self-questioning. During our lives we're faced with so many different elements as well, we experience so many setbacks, and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure, head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and to have a little hope. The Tour is not just a bike race, not at all. It is a test. It tests you physically, it tests you mentally, and it even tests you morally.
I understood that now. There were no shortcuts, I realized. It took years of racing to build up the mind and body and character, until a rider had logged hundreds of races and thousands of miles of road. I wouldn't be able to win a Tour de France until I had enough iron in my legs, and lungs, and brain, and heart. Until I was a man. Fabio had been a man. I was still trying to get there.
[1] I would like to think the two shadows on the “Wings” of the Memorial represent the spirit of Jenny and her life as a twin with Joanne.. There we are, Joanne and I, counterpoised by the twin shadows of the Joanne and Jenny. Jenny overlooks us and is there with us, Always.
Jenny - "looking out over us - she inspires and guides us from above" - Geoff E - Wolfe Creek Crater, WA - 22 May 2001"
Bloody Gum - Royal National Park (Sun 28 Jan 2001)
I took this photo 10 years to the minute (Blogger's time is 19 hours behind Sydney time). It was the first photo that I took with my little IXUS that I thought was more than just a record of an event or a place (and BTW there is nothing the matter with that).
It was a Sunday, the last day of a long weekend (Australia Day was Friday). Jenny and I decided to do a Sunday afternoon drive down into the Royal National Park and end up at Stanwell Top to watch the hang gliders and to have an ice cream.
Along the way we stopped to look at various features and land marks, mainly the coast line.
For some reason I randomly pulled up into a small dirt parking area along the road in a forested area of the Park. I was drawn to the large Gum Trees at the edge of the parking area and noticed the sap oozing from the bark.
Looking at the photos I took that day, most were of the trees from a distance. The above photo was the only one I took up close to the trees. I set the camera to macro mode and I am pretty sure I would have held the camera about 15 to 20 cm from the side of the tree. I remember getting back to Sylvania and looking through the photos from that day and this was the one that caught my eye. It was beyond anything I had captured up til then.
Around the same time I found photo.net and this was one of the first photo's I submitted to my portfolio. Amazingly, I received a number of critiques which were very helpful and they helped guide me along my photographic journey, particularly this one:
this is a great piece. My only complaint is it's on digital. It would make a wonderful Ilfochrome if it were on film -- gallery quality. Matthew Kees (22 Sep 2001).
In many ways the photo and the positive feedback I received help me explore photography in a way I had never expected when I first bought the little camera a few months earlier.
I have tagged many of the photos I have taken with the little IXUS, here. Many have become my Favourite Photo's, which I have randomly rambled about on this blog over the last year or so.
Makes me wonder where the last 10 years have gone.
Finally, if I have added up correctly this should be my 300th post.
Sometimes photography seems abstract, but then something happens that makes it concrete.
Colin Pantall (Tue 06 Nov 2012)
Sometimes you read an almost random post by someone you don't even know - you it find so pertinent and you are deeply touched and you learn something about life and yourself. Today is one such day ..
Colin Pantall (*) writes (*) on the passing of his Mother-in-Law, Elizabeth, last weekend:
I think it was a relief in some ways that she died, because she wasn't independent and it wasn't the way she wanted to live, but at the same time it was a massive shock. Not because of the death, but because of the passing of an era, the end of a living history. You can keep history alive in various ways, but when the person who witnessed it goes, it does spell the end of a chapter. It doesn't mean we should forget it, but there is still some part of a time that has gone. Things have moved on.
He also talks about how someone is remembered through photographs and our memories.
On Photography, he writes:
things are also preserved and the family album does this admirably. It's a shorthand of memory, of history, of an edited and at times idealised past, where certain things are hidden and certain things taken away - sometimes in retrospect. Even so, we still look at it quite objectively as something quite factual.
However, complementing the photos (if they were made and are available), there are the memories to draw upon and the cues (*) that inspire them:
But Elizabeth didn't have those old photos, so I wonder how she will be remembered. Just as words are sometimes better than photographs, so is food. I remember her Slovenian cooking, her gingerbread, her puddings, her cakes and so does my wife.
I have learnt that it is important to remember and in some ways this has become my life purpose (*). As Colin reminds us, there are photos as well as our memories - what we remember.
eljeiffel (*) for me is all these elements of remembering, remembering not only Jenny (*) and those that have gone before us, but my own legacy (*) - the scratches and fractures (even if it is just a couple of photographs of the colours orange and blue, and the hidden memories they evoked in me) I will leave on this world when I am gone.
Blue - Asakusa Kannon Temple / Tokyo (Fri 21 Sep 2012)
There seemed to be so much hope as I took this photo.
For me, it was the hope that we could take her home (she had negotiated it to be Wed, so Jo and I could go to our Aus Dragon Boat training session that Tue night) and care for her until she quietly left us, like Jenny and Jo had done with Margaret, their mother, 10 years earlier.
It was not meant to be and it is amazing how quickly things can change and how you need to accept, adapt and let go to the circumstances which we are confronted with as we move through life.
It is in these moments that I came to fully understand the following words from Paulo Coehlo's novel, The Fifth Mountain (which I would read 6 months later):
Fear reaches only to the point where the unavoidable begins; from there on, it loses its meaning. And all we have left is the hope that we are making the right decision.
A story for another day.
For now, I remember Jenny and the final week of her life, that she spent in Intensive Care Unit of St George Private Hospital, before she left us on Tue 30 Jun 2009.
Postscript
Amazingly, about an hour after posting the above (maybe about the time Jenny's heart failed two years earlier), a post titled Regrets came through from Paulo Coelho. It is based on this post:
It touchs on the time I had hoped for at home with Jenny and things we might have been able to talk about.
In the end, she left us very suddenly (and with much trauma - unlike her Mothers passing which was very peaceful and serene, if you can understand that) and we were not able to say goodbye.
I carry some of the regrets Bronnie mentions, but in the end I would like to think we lived a good life that allowed us to make the most of the time we had together.
The Cancer made us better people and we did live life to full - Do what you can, when you can. I would say. For Jenny, it was Don't Wonder 'What If?'. Every time we parted, I would say I love you and often many times in between.
One thing I know for sure, it is that through Jenny's life and passing, I have become a better person - I feel guilty about this in many ways, but at the same time I draw some comfort.
Ikko Narahara (*) writes in the preface to Tokyo, the 50's (*):
Tokyo, the 50's When I First Roamed the Streets by Ikko Narahara (*)
Photographs arrive suddenly from out of the future. For it me it was always like that. Suddenly I would reach out and grab it in midair - the photographs had appeared by itself in my hand. Whenever I pushed the shutter button, my body seemed to become transparent, as if it were out int the middle of the photograph. And as I continuted to take photographs over the years, I came to feel that the images I took had already buried in matrixes of some sort in the space of the future, where they remainded waiting for the moment when I would one day dig them up. That must surely have been how it was. From that time of the big bang with which the universe started and began its evolution, perhaps even though the will of the universe latent in the fluctuations in the "nothing" preceding the big bang, these experiences had surely been prepared for. I am simply a messenger sent to meet up with the images and rescue them. This is the only way I can reconcile myself to the strangeness and mystery of having brought so many photographs into the world.
Possessed by thoughts like these day after day, I suddenly remembered I'd forgotten something - the photographs I had taken when I first began roaming the streets.
I bought my first camera in 1954. I got it to use for my planned work., "Human Life". At the time I couldn't have imagined that after exhibiting that work my whole life would change course toward photography and toward the person I am today. In the intervals between photographing "Human Land" I used to walk the Tokyo streets with my camera. I didn't have any special or clear purpose in mind. My family had often moved to different locations in western Japan, and since I was a child I'd had the habit of thoroughly exploring each new location. I felt the same interest in my exploring Tokyo, whereI'd lived since I came there as a college student. The only difference was that now I carried a camera with me. I breathed photographs on Tokyo street corners the way I breathed air. In my viewfinder those street corners changed into "streets in my photographs." Whenever I released the shutter, I seemed to hear the beat of modern jazz, which I loved so much. I remember I kept on rambling the streets in this way until I became involved in taking my next work, "Domain" in 1958. I was so lazy that I only printed a few of these photographs. The negatives lay buried their negative case, where I forgot about them. By chance, however, I remembered these negatives from forty years earlier. For the past three years I have again been photographing in the streets of Tokyo, and this brought back the memory of my earlier roamings.
"I'd really to see them .. I wonder what photos I took back then?" I couldn't even remember most of the images, and very few of the contact prints remained. But the moment I realized I wanted to see them, I was overcome with the strange feeling of being faced with the all too obvious and simple fact that photographs have to be printed in order to be viewed. After all these years I'd become thoroughly accustomed to the life of taking photographs, and yet here I was suddenly realizing that all too easily I'd vaguely assumed that once I'd pushed the shutter the things I'd taken simply continued to exist by themselves. But even for me, they were actually nothing more than events lying latent in my mind. As mere negatives there were like inverted ghosts; they had to no reality as photographs. I was shocked to realize that those negatives still lacked real existence, and then I had to laugh at my own blindness.
Before long, from what seemed to be the negatives, I made new contact prints and began to look through them.
As I put them into the enlarge, I could hardly wait to see how they would turn out. Unrecognizable images of which I had almost no memory began to appear before my eyes. Were these really my photographs? The photographs came into being like starlight arriving from forty light years away.
Past time buried in the time of the future - a sleeping time with with its eyes suddenly wide open. Through this small astonishment I was also tasting the strangeness and wonder of photographs. As that time my darkroom was filled with the paradoxes of time travel.
I've come to see that these photographs, which excavated the light and wind of the 1950's, were unmistakably the first steps in my travels through cities which would turn into the rest of my life. [..]
I bought this book following this Review (*) by Jesse Freeman (*). The preface is one of the most amazing pieces of writing on photography I have read, and I have read a lot. A beautiful book, both in words and photos, and I am so glad I took the risk to buy it on a whim.
You have given me everything I could have ever hoped for in my Life. We supported each other as we found purpose and direction in our lives together.
You will always inspire and guide us as we continue to live meaningful and fulfilling lives through amazing experiences we find and make with ourselves and our friends.
We will always remember you and honour your memory.
Pacific Dragons Mens Crew (From Seat 1: Mark Hall, Graeme Bacon, Stuart Young, Peter McAlister, Grant Billen and Geoff Eldridge) - Five Island OC6 Regatta - Sun 14 Nov 2010 (picasa by Shell)
Pacific Dragons Mens Crew (From Seat 1: Mark Hall, Graeme Bacon, Stuart Young, Peter McAlister, Grant Billen and Geoff Eldridge) - Five Island OC6 Regatta - Sun 14 Nov 2010 (picasa by Shell)
St George Hospital Gunners - Dragons Abreast Festival 2010 (Sun 31 Oct 2010)
St George Hospital Gunners - Dragons Abreast Festival 2010 (Sun 31 Oct 2010)
Team Vela / Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2010 - Geoff Eldridge (Steerer), Jo Petterson, Alasdair Grant, Charlotte Pache, Rachel Mosen and Graeme Bacon - Windsor - Sat 23 Oct 2010 (picasa)
Geoff and Joanne - Jenny's Memorial and Ashes Placement - Woronora - 30 Aug 2010
Premier Mixed 500m Final - World Champions - Macau/China - Sat 31 Jul 2010
Remembering Jenny - A few steps from where Jenny carried the Australian Flag at the 2006 Asian Champs - Pacific Dragons - 2010 World Club Crews - Macau (Thu 29 Jul 2010)
Remembering Jenny - A few steps from where Jenny carried the Australian Flag at the 2006 Asian Champs - Pacific Dragons - 2010 World Club Crews - Macau (Thu 29 Jul 2010)
Pacific Dragons - 2km Premier Mixed A Team - (b-f-l-r) Kaizer Austin, Michelle Hone, Lisa Green, Rachel Mosen, Joanne Petterson, Nicola Frowen, Geoff Eldridge (Jenny's Candle), Kerry Davenport, Helen Papin, Paul Smith, Di Morgan, Michelle Ng, Stuart Young, Anne Weber, Christian Happich, Annett Happich, Christophe Pistoni, Craig Stewart, Graeme Bacon, Matt Spies, Michal Hrcka, Justin Spake, Mark Hall, Todd Skeels, Norman Joe - Macau/China - Thu 29 Jul 2009
The Spirit of Friendship - Back (l-r) Geoff Eldridge, Louise Blockley, Debbie Roberts, Lynne Barrass, Barb Williams, Joy Mutimer, Jan Giles, John Caldwell, Jan Caldwell, Front (l-r) Joanne Peterson, Rita Redden, Gillian Brown, Sharon Mathieson, Julie Willis - Lily Lake/Kununarra - Ord River Marathon 2010 - Sun 13 Jun 2010
Joanne and Geoff - Spreading some of Jenny's Ashes on the River near the Charles Bridge just down from the Kafka Museum - Prague - Mon 01 Sep 2009 (picasa)
Geoff, Mike and Joanne with Jenny's Paddle and Jenny's Gold Medal - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Geoff, Joanne, Rachel, Gav, Graeme, Helen, Amanda and Matt - 'Thanks Pacific Dragons Team Mates' - Racice / Prague - Sat 29 Aug 2009 (picasa)
Senior Mixed 500m Final - World Champions - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009 - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P
Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - World Champions – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Australian Senior Dragon Boat Open, Womens and Mixed Teams - George Dimech, Deb Hirst, Eileen McKechie, Sharyn Whitton, Donna Hughes, Joanne O'Brien, Jo Petterson, Ewen McDonald, Anne Weber, Geoff Eldridge, Ian George, Deb Cooper, Lisa Mills, David Barber, Leon Paap, Rick Lambe, Diana Dent, Lynne Donohoe, Peter McAlister, Gio Cercone, Frank Calcara, Lisa Fairfull, Kristin McKechie, Ashur Barutha, Rob Turnbull, Pam Jeffery, Kaizer Austin, Matt Spies, Ray Debono, Graeme Bacon, Richard Thomson, Murray Pellicciaro, Becky Bose, Willy Paku, Vince Giannetto, Amanda Wyllie, Mark Pendergast, Danny Monga, Charlotte Richards, Helen Hudson, George Louie, Rachel Mosen, Jane Perkins, Rosemary Riley, Fiona Gray, Linda Collins, Rachel Giang, Steve McKeogh, Doreen MacGillivray, Karen Hall (missing) - Racice / Prague - Tue 25 Aug 2009 (picasa)
Geoff - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life - 'where do you start?'" - On Grief - Alexandria - 7am Wed 01 Jul 2009 (picasa)
Jenny, Joanne and Geoff - St George ICU - Sun 28 Jun 2009 (picasa)
Jenny - about 1 hour before her heart failed as she ate her lunch - she was revived twice and survived another week in intensive care where her lungs ultimately failed from a massive pulmonary hemorrhage - as Jodie, Jenny's Oncologist, said 'it started with the lungs and ended with the lungs' - St George Private Hospital - Tue 23 Jun 2009
Geoff by Jenny - the last photo Jenny ever took - Jenny (and Jo) loved photography and they have influenced me greatly, as you if could not guess :-) - Tue 23 Jun 2009 (picasa)
Jenny and Jodi (Jenny's Oncologist of 12 years) - St George Private Hospital - Mon 22 Jun 2009
Jenny, Joanne, David and Geoff - "Jenny takes a photo of us all just before she heads out to have a 4cm brain tumor removed. She had no fear and looked forward to quickly recovering to resume the treatment of the tumors in her liver." - The Night before Brain Surgery - St George - 6:30am Wed 17 Jun 2009 (picasa)
Thank you - Geoff, Marty, Norm, Christian, Todd and Billy - Had just done a successful Individual Time Trial for Prague that morning at Penrith - just made it to the start and we had a great race all things considered. - State Titles OC6 Long Course - Ettalong - Sat 09 May 2009 (picasa)
The Australian Dragon Boat Community acknowledging Pacific Dragons "9 from 9" - A truly great moment - the applause was spontaneous and heart felt - it was in recognitioin of our coaches, paddlers and our compititors that made the achievement even more noteworthy - I was proud to be a member of the Ausrtalian Dragon Boat Communuty that moment, that day, that weekend - 2009 DB Nationals - Kawana / Qld - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)
Eugene and Geoff - Premier Open 200m Presentation - "PD's - nine from nine !! - I did not really want this weekend to end as I kind of knew the end was beginning to start (Editors: An End has a Start)." - Kawana - Sun 26 Apr 2009 (picasa)
Premier Open 200m Final - 2009 Nationals - Kawana / Qld - Sun 26 Apr 2010 (picasa)
Jenny, Geoff and Joanne - State - Kawana - Thu 23 Apr 2009 (picasa)
Jenny - she has just been presented with 2006 Aus Flag Bearer Recognition Trophy (Macau 2006 - a story for another day) - Kawana - 23 Apr 2009 (picasa)
PD's Mixed A DB Team - Geoff, Jo, Annett and Amanda - Love the Smiles!! - 2km Turns Race / 2009 DBNSW State Titles - SIRC / Penrith (Sat 21 Mar 2009)
Jenny and Joanne at the Mt Kosciuszko Summit - Mt Kosciuszko Main Range Summit Walk (Thu 01 Jan 2009)
DBNSW 2008 EDS - Thank you George - Dragon Boat (Sun 30 Nov 2008)
Whosus Christening - Geoff, Jenny, Joanne and Whosus - Glebe School / Blackwattle Bay (Sat 17 Oct 2008)
A Special Moment - VADB, City Dragons and Pacific Dragons - 2008 World Club Crew Championships - Penang/Malaysia (Sun 03 Aug 2008)
Pacific Dragons - Penang - Club Crew World Championships - Sun 03 Aug 2008 (picasa)
Premier Mixed Final - Chinese New Year - "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute,.." - Darling Harbour (Sat 16 Feb 2008)
All Done!! - Premier Mixed Final - Chinese New Year - ".. but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." - Darling Harbour (Sat 16 Feb 2008)
Joanne, Michelle and Jenny - International Dragons Abreast Festival - Kawana / Queensland (picasa)
Geoff, Jenny, Don McKenzie and Joanne - International Dragons Abreast Festival - Kawana / Queensland (picasa)
International Dragons Abreast Festival - Kawana / Queensland (picasa)
Sharon Lockett, Claire Tingey, James Fuda, Geoff, Sandra Simms, and Mark Hall - 2007 Hawkesbury Canoe Classic (Sun 28 Oct 2007)
Joanne and Jenny - World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith - Sep 2007 (picasa)
Joanne, Geoff and Joanne - World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith - Sep 2007 (picasa)
Australian Masters Dragon Boat Tema - World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith - Sep 2007 (picasa)
Australian Senior Dragon Boat Team - 1000m Silver Medalists - 2007 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Penrith Regatta Centre / Sydney (Thu 20 Sep 2007)
Pacific Dragons - Australian National Dragon Boat Championships - Sun 08 Apr 2007 (picasa)
NSW Open Masters Team - National Champions - 2007 AusDBF National Dragon Boat Titles - SIRC / Penrith (Thu 05 Apr 2007)
Jenny, Jodie (Jenny's Oncologist for 12 years), Kerry and Joanne - CNY 2007 - Darling Harbour / Sydney - Feb 2007 (picasa)
Team Happy - Geoff, Jenny, Mandy, Jo, Nicci and Paul - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Brooklyn - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Jenny and Joanne - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Pacific Dragons Crews and Supporters - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Joanne, Jenny and Geoff - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Chris (Zeus), Paul Bizannes, Ray Leung, Jenny, Geoff, Joanne, Austin Chin - 2005 Asian Dragon Boat Championships - Macau (Sat 23 Sep 2006)
"The great thing is that Geoff, Jo and I get to train together." Jenny, Geoff and Jo - Macau / China - Sat 23 Sep 2006 (picasa)
Jenny - Australian Dragon Boat Team - Opening Ceremony - Asian Dragon Boat Championships - Macau / China - Sat 23 Sep 2006 (picasa)
Jenny - Australian Dragon Boat Team - Opening Ceremony - Asian Dragon Boat Championships - Macau / China - Sat 23 Sep 2006 (picasa)
Geoff and Jenny - "Great Ocean Road Road Trip - post Nationals at Nagambie - a burnt throat from an intensive bout of radiation treatment, made it almost impossible for Jenny to eat for 3 weeks, but it would not stop her from smiling .. Jo and I now wear the chain Jenny is wearing - Jo as a bracelet and me as a chain - Jo's 2009 Xmas Present to me." - Point Londsdale - 20 Apr 2006 (picasa)
200m Premier Open 200m Final - Let's do it again - but better - Nagambie / Victoria - Apr 2006
Jenny and Joanne - NSW Masters Women's Coaches - Nagambie / Victoria - Apr 2006 (picasa)
Australian Masters Mixed Dragon Boat 500m Team - 2005 IDBF World Dragon Boat Championships - Berlin (Fri 05 Aug 2005)
2005 Australian Dragon Boat Squad - Heading out to Berlin for Worlds - Sydney Internatinal Airport (Sun 31 Jul 2005)
2005 NSW Dragon Boat Team - Maurie's up the back (as per usual) on the left - AusDBF National Dragon Boat Championships - Canberra (Fri 08 Apr 2005)
Geoff, JT and George - George congratulating his team after winning the National Title - my first Regatta - Masters Open Final 500m - 2005 AusDBF National DB Titles - Yarraluma / Canberra (Fri 8 Apr 2005)
Shanghai bound 2004 Australian World Championship Dragon Boat Squad - Sydney International Airport (Sat 16 Oct 2004)
In the Pink - Australian Story - Mon 14 Jun 2004
In the Pink - Australian Story - Mon 14 Jun 2004
Ben Cheshire and Jenny - Jenny had just completed a 4 hour interview with Ben - Australian Story Filming - Kirrawee (Fri 14 May 2004)
National Champs - Shanghai - here we come - NSW Masters Mixed Team - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA - Fri 9 Apr 2004 (picasa)
National Champs - Shanghai - here we come - NSW Masters Mixed Team - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA - Fri 9 Apr 2004
Jenny Ready to Go - Jenny is ready to compete at her first Nationals as NSW Representative - she was so excited - you can see it in the way she stands and her smile - Perth Apartments / Perth - AusDBF 2004 National Dragon Boat Championships - Perth/WA (Fri 09 Apr 2004)
