While I have shed a tear just about everyday for what has been lost - a life, a love, a relationship and a future - I have only shed them to myself. There have only been two times since Jenny died that this has not been the case.
The first time was at the end of the day of Jenny's Funeral. The others headed upstairs when we arrived home that cold winter's evening. I stayed downstairs and went into one of the rooms, closed the door and in the darkness curled up on the floor under the desk and let out a howl that I had not heard before or since. The others came down and comforted me. I had broken down after a week of being brave and doing what I had to do. The other time is for another day but would happen a few months later in a small town in the south of France.
You go through stages and when you stop shedding tears for a time, you wonder if you are forgetting or your heart has just turned to stone. Invariably, something happens - a person, an event, an anniversary but mostly a song - and the tears flow again and you feel better. There is no need to be comforted. I am strong enough to shed them on my own. They are mine only and I find comfort in them because that's what they are for, to make you feel better.
I believe what is important is the relationship (*) between things. When you are interested in light (*), you also have to consider darkness (*). When you want a space to look bigger (*), you will have to incorporate narrow (*) spaces.
via The House Detective: Amazingly Small Japanese Houses (*) by Makoto Tanijiri (*).
A couple of great insights into Architecture (*). Similar to Paulo Coelho's (*) Warrior of Light (*) Passage here (*). From the fabulous book How to make a Japanese House (*).
A beautiful version of this song, even with this low-resolution YouTube version.
Three years ago today this song was the one I chose to play as the first song as we left the Service for Jenny's Farewell. I will never forget the first few notes of this version of this song - each note is like a pin dropping and a kind of an awakening to the reality of Jenny's loss. I felt at the time, and even now, that Jenny has found her Island Home.
It's a long story how this song ended being played, but it seemed right at the time and it still does.
I remember a lot about this day and I seemed to be in control of everything even though everything was out of control. I could tell a few stories about what could have gone wrong but was avoided through a sense of calm and control I have rarely felt throughout my life.
I know everyone remembers the amazing Sunset as we left the Chapel and people still talk about it even today.
It was only at the end of the day when I finally arrived home that evening after the "Get Together" following the Funeral, that I broke down alone in the darkness of the room where I had written my talk for Jenny's Eulogy earlier that day.
It's been a long and hard road since then but I keep moving forward as Jenny would have I wanted.
Thinking of the leading three or four acoustic guitar notes of My Island Home, in the silence of the Chapel, at the end of Jenny's Funeral, always puts a tingle up my spine and is one of the defining memories of that day and my Life.
Today I remember, 7500 km away from where she rests ..
Jennifer Joy Petterson - Three Years On - Woronora (Sat 30 Jun 2012)
The Constellation of Vela (*) - Sydney Observatory (Mon 05 May 2014)
Jorg Colberg (*) writes On Portrait Photography (*):
clearly [it] remind us of what photography is, what photography needs: light. Without light, there is darkness. Without light, there are no photographs.
via Into the Light: Khalik Allah (*) by Jorg Colberg (*).
The bright star is Jenny's Star. We were pleased that Amanda (*), who presented us with this Gift (*) [can't believe I wrote that page almost five years ago] from the 2009 Australian Dragon Boat, was there to share the experience of our annual viewing the Star, which is 1400 light years away.
The viewing of The Constellation of Vela (*) - Sydney Observatory (Mon 05 May 2014)
Following on from yesterday's post featuring a purple and green cat, here is a dog photo.
I drove past this the night before I took the photo. Thought I saw a dog painted on the wall in the darkness and made a note to myself to come back on the way to work the next morning. Surprisingly, in the daylight it revealed itself to me as a ripped poster for a band UB77, I am guessing. For some reason, I have always seen in this photos a dog with attentive ears and a wagging tail.
Sydney is a captivating canvas, a city of varied moods and colours, a place of both darkness and light.
This year’s stunning Sydney Life exhibition shows us the many sides of the city through the eyes of some of our most exciting photographers. Their striking large-scale images are on display in the beautiful leafy central walkway of Hyde Park North – a unique location for a unique and much loved exhibition.
Sandy Edwards (Creative Producer, Arthere and Curator, Stills Gallery), Robert McFarlane (photographer and writer), and Ace Bourke (curator) chose 22 finalists from 500 entries. Using portraiture, landscape, the staged and the candid, these photographs capture moments of playfulness, humour, melancholy and peace.
Sydney Life Artist Conversation
Wednesday 6 October Join Sydney Life photographers past and present as they discuss photographing Sydney’s environment & characters. 6.30 – 7.30pm Burdekin Hotel Oxford Street, Darlinghurst
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Cover - Sydney Life 2008 - Art and About 2008 (picasa)
Sydney Life, the annual photography competition held in Hyde Park as part of Art & About, is stronger than ever in 2008.
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There were many passionate arguments from the four judges during the judging. The result is a fascinating collection of different moods, observations and styles. There is humour, comment, portraiture, darkness and domesticity.
Sydney Life is proud of its record of showing a mix of emerging and established artists. This year is no exception. Many well-known photographers entered, several of whom have been selected in previous years. There are also the works of many new and up and coming photographers included in the final selection.
The location of Hyde Park continues to be the star of this popular public art event. I am delighted that Sydney Life is once again enlivening this much-loved green respite in the middle of the CBD.
Sandy Edwards Curator, Sydney Life
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Joanne, Jenny and Geoff - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
In 2006, Jenny, Joanne (Jenny's younger identical twin) and myself (Jenny's husband) decided to do the Hawkesbury Canoe Classic (HCC) with our paddling club, Pacific Dragons. By mid June 2006, there was enough interest to enter three mixed OC6's crews.
At the time we, along with a number of other PD's paddlers (see picasa), some who were also paddling the HCC, had also been selected to represent Australia at the 2006 Asian Dragon Boat Championships in Macau in late Sep 2006 (see picasa). It was great campaign and we even learnt how to paddle and race standing up.
On our return, via Singapore for a Breast Cancer Survivor Dragon Boat Regatta for Jenny, we had about four weeks to prepare for the HCC. Our team comprised of 5 paddlers from the Macau Campaign (Mandy, Nicci, Jenny, Joanne and Geoff) and Paul who would do the majority of our steering. We were commonly referred to as the Macau Crew, but we decided to call ourselves Team Happy for our team entry application, as we were a happy bunch of paddlers. We were in it for fun and we did have a whole 13 hours of fun and finished strongly standing up.
A year later, I was asked 3 days before the 2007 HCC to fill a seat, in a Mixed OC6, that had become vacant due to a paddler injury. They were called the Red Devil's and had been training seriously for months. They wanted to have fun, but they also wanted to break the Mixed OC6 record, which they did. I was pleased to help out at such short notice and have fond memories of the crew and night (see picasa). Jenny and Joanne even came to the start line to wave us off (picasa). It was a nice surprise as I was not expecting them to come out because of a Breast Cancer Seminar they attended that day in the City.
Sadly, we lost Jenny on Tue 30 Jun 2009. Joanne and I have tried to live fulfilling lives, something that Jenny wanted for us. We have paddled in her memory and honour. She inspires and guides us from above. It is barely 12 months, and we already have some great memories.
In 2009, Joanne and I did not paddle the HCC. We had only just returned from Europe after the 2009 World Dragon Boat Championships. I was able help out at quite few training sessions towards the end, and Joanne and I went to the start line to wave the PD's Mixed OC12 crew off (picasa). Lisa has some great recollections of her experience (see Part: 1, 2 and 3).
In 2010, Jo and I will paddle the HCC.
Shortly after Jenny's passing, the 2009, Prague bound, Australian Dragon Boat Squad presented Jo and I with a gift in Jenny's memory. It was a Star, located in the southern sky, named In the Memory of Jenny Petterson in the Constellation of Vela. Vela is latin for Sail and the star was picked because of the Constellation's water themed name.
Jenny, believed the 2006 HCC was an experience that created life time memories, which it surly does, as anyone who has paddled the HCC will tell you. She fondly recalled (see more further below):
It was such a great experience under a sky filled with thousands of stars.
It is something that we will be able to look back on for the rest of our lives.
So when it came time to name our 2010 Mixed OC6 (Charlotte, Rachel, Jo, Alasdair, Graeme and Geoff) Team, I tried to think of a name that allowed us to remember Jenny and to inspire us. It had to be Team ?? following our 2006 tradition. It did not take long to come up with Team Vela which I think allows us recognise the past, present and future.
I hope this goes some way to explaining the name - Team Vela.
This post includes some photos and recollections from the 2006 HCC, as well as a couple of inspirational quotes.
We will remember Jenny as we paddle under a thousand stars. In particular, we will remember Jenny and the star named in Jenny's Memory in the Constellation of Vela as it shines down brightly upon us from the southern sky.
Go Team Vela! - the most fantastic team on the Hawkesbury!!!!
Regards .. Geoff
Joanne, Jenny and Geoff - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
On our return from Macau a routine CT scan showed that I had an accumulation of fluid around my lung. I had it drained so I was able to take part in the Hawkesbury Canoe Classic. This is an 111 kilometre race from Windsor to Brooklyn along the Hawkesbury River. All types of craft including kayaks, canoes, outrigger canoes and surf skis take part in the race. It was a fantastic experience. I was a member of a six person team who paddled an outrigger canoe. Geoff and Jo were also in the team. We set off at 6pm and paddled through the night arriving 13 hours later. It was such a great experience under a sky filled with thousands of stars.
Pacific Dragons Crews and Supporters - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Jenny and Joanne - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Windsor - Sat 28 Oct 2006 (picasa)
"A single step repeated hundreds and thousands of times would see us eventually arrive at the end. It did not take superhuman strength or a talent that most do not have. It took a steadfast commitment. Step by step, the miles added up and the challenges slipped by. Today just like those days on the trail, is another step. Tomorrow is yet another. I walk this journey in anticipation of the end, but I also know that there is much to learn in the process. It is the process, no matter what the hardship where great beauty and adventure can be found."
Sunrise - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Hawkesbury River - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Sunrise - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Hawkesbury River - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Respect your soul: don’t keep repeating "I’m going to make it". Your soul already knows that, what it needs is to use the long journey to be able to grow, stretch along the horizon, touch the sky. An obsession does not help you at all to reach your objective, and even ends up taking the pleasure out of the climb. But pay attention: also, don’t keep saying "it’s harder than I thought", because that will make you lose your inner strength.
Team Happy - Geoff, Jenny, Mandy, Jo, Nicci and Paul - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Brooklyn - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Sarah and Gav - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Brooklyn - Sun 29 Oct 2006 (picasa)
Gav wrote on Mon 30 Oct 2006 ..
PDs, There are some very inspirational people in this club. They won't jump out at you, and they won't tell you about it - but if you stop, look and listen you will see immense courage, inner strength, and team work mixed in with a joke and a smile.
3 PD OC6s + Claire on her ski, showed some true grit on the weekend by finishing the Hawkesbury, and in good time. Each paddler taking 40,000 strokes through the night (give or take a couple).
For a race so long, you can't start the race with the mind set and strength you need to finish it. It's impossible. You have to find it along the way. Brutal mind games that get played out as the kms tick over.
The paddlers have to dig deeper and deeper in themselves in order to keep going and enduring the pain and extreme fatigue.
In the darkness, they imagine the sweet sweet moment at the finish line where they realise their goal of conquering the distance, and finally allowing their bodies to stop.
Sometimes it feels like it is getting further away. But when it finally, actually, really happens - PADDLES OUT- the sense of achievement mixed with relief is overwhelming and pure ecstasy.
Tears, smiles and hugs all round.
After the Hawkesbury, your concept of distance and yourself changes forever. From then on, you are never again afraid of 'not being able to finish' a race. It is now just a question of how hard you can go.
Well done to the 'Amazing 18' !!! May we all be made of the same stuff.
There is only one way to find out.
Joanne and Jenny - Hawkesbury Canoe Classic 2006 - Brooklyn - Oct 2006 (picasa)
On Wed 1 Nov 2006, Jenny wrote ..
Thank you all so much for the wonderful experience. It was unbelievable and seems like a bit of a dream now. It was truly an honour to be a part of Team Happy. It is something that we will be able to look back on for the rest of our lives.
We cannot thank you Gav, Sarah, Tamara and Luke (and for that matter, all of the other land crews) enough for all the support you gave us. You all made things so easy for us and looked after us soooo well. We could never have done it without you. From helping us on and off the boat, keeping us warm, feeding us, helping us change and massaging our weary bodies. You are the best!
Go Team Happy! - the most fantastic team on the Hawkesbury!!!!
