Drew Ginn shares some thoughts (*) about where he and his team are at after just being beaten last Sunday by the Great Britian Four in Switzerland ..
The pathway forward is going to take us into the unknown. Being comfortable with the greyness and the isolation will be key.
Grey because often our reserves will be low and our capacities will be stretched.
The isolation comes as it can get lonely when we strive, uncompromisingly towards a moment. A moment that many won't understand and we will find hard to translate or explain.
To engage in making four athletes one, in taking things further, faster, and beyond our wildest imaginings will have us questioning, doubting and fearful at times.
Hands Clean - Alanis Morissette (*) / Live from Abbey Road Live (*) [Youtube (*)]
At the end of the first song Hands Clean (*), Alanis gives this amazing calm and lucid insight into fame and her life purpose. Here it is:
[On] Fame. At this point I would say that it is a planetary value - wealth, fame, power at the cost of everything else.
So I think that value being shared around the planet creates in people this thought that if I am famous, I will be happy.
And what I have come to see is that fame only amplified that which was there already.
So if I was depressed or I if I was insecure or if I was angry or whatever it was it just amplified it.
It made everything bigger and it did not sort of give, give me what it had been sort of purported to be able to give.
And so there was this great disillusionment.
[On Life Purpose] At this point in my life I am clearer that I share music because it is part of my life purpose.
To write it is, the act of writing it is for me and the act of sharing it is so that other people can make it their own - they can derive comfort, inspiration or whatever they want to derive from it.
So it becomes an offering of some kind and because of that I can do it and I can work really hard.
If I were singularly doing it to just be in the public eye for gratuitous reasons, than I would probably last about an hour.
This was recorded sometime in 2008, I am guessing. I saw it late one night on the ABC in February 2009 (*).
It was a rather random viewing and because I knew of Alanis' music, I decided to record her segment of the show on my PVR.
Over the ensuing months I would watch it repeatedly, often in the middle of the night, when Jenny had fallen into a deep sleep. I was mesmerised by Alanis' voice, the musicians that supported her and the live performance. In some ways this video takes me back to those last few months with Jenny and the sense of innocence (*) we all had with what we were about to confront (*).
Alanis' words, reflects the the depth of her experience and her delivery touched me back in 2009, and they touch me even more now because of the memories they evoke three years on, as well as her insights into life purpose, something that I have had to grapple with when you feel you have fulfilled your purpose in life.
This recording takes me back to those nights before Jenny's passing where I would watch this video safe in the comfort that she was in the next room, breathing and still with us.
Tonight, I have captured this part of my life here - I tried to add it to my blog back in early 2010, but it was too hard back then. For some reason it seems right to add it now, though I have not been able to fully explain here why. I just think it is amazing.
Five One Hundredths of a Second - 500m Premier Opens Final - AusDBF Nats / Penrith (Fri 19 Apr 2013)
Once, twice or, maybe three times (if you are fortunate enough and willing to take the risks) in a paddling career you do something unbelievable. Something you just can’ t explain, though sometimes it worth giving it a try. Here goes ..
You are happy you have made the major final. You know you are up against strong teams. The favourite, the team directly on your left, you have not beaten in three years. In fact you have not been within a boat length, over 500m, for the last two years. Against the odds, and your failing self-confidence, you still somehow believe that we can still get across the line first. To be part of of something great. There is always hope at the start. It is a chance to create who you want to be. You don't get your hopes up too high, as you have been disappointed in the past. You don't think about all of this too much at this point. The focus is putting your best race on the water and seeing how it compares to the others when you have all crossed the line. You are not overly nervous, but you are excited and proud to be there. A supportive and encouraging tap on the knee for those around you. Remember it is a 30 stroke start. Just focus on the first 3 strokes and take it one by one from there. Clean water. Hand out of the water. Blade buried. Make sure you feel and stay connected with the water with every stroke. The starter aligns us and we ready. "Paddlers, are you ready, attention please" .... the gun does not fire for some reason. This has happened a few time before over the years. Keep your focus, no distractions. We will be away soon. Refocus, lets do it again - 30 Start, first 3, deep and clean - feel the water. "Paddlers, are you ready, attention please" ... "GO". You Go on the "G". 1-2-3, up, up, .. 10, up, up, .. 20, up, up, ..7,..30, reach, reach, hinge, hinge. The boat is up and running and there is something there. We are hingeing and driving through the stroke. The boat is more than running, it is been driven through the stroke like it has felt in training over last few weeks, except this time it is race intensity, not level 4, Remember this Geoff, Remember this moment. We are there next to them, where usually they pull away here, but we talked about staying connected. Give it everything to the 250m and refocus. Somehow, we are sttil there at the 250m. Refocus and reinvent yourself, I think. Drive, Drive is the call, We are still there, connected. You have a 6th sense (and good hearing) and you know without looking that our drummers are side by side. Passing the 200m start hut and the little red lane marker buoy. There is something uplifting in our Sweep's voice - "you are doing it". The lane buoys turn to red - we are 100m out. We have done everything our training has given our bodies - it's amazing to find that something extra that the sport scientists say should not be there. Mentally, prepare for the lift home. This is the most crucial part of the race - they are probably a nose ahead. We are going to have to do something amazing - something the other teams have pulled on us often over the years. "do it for the gold (or was it girls?)" is the call. We lift. We lift. The rate comes up a touch and the boat becomes light as we surge forward with every stroke - narrowing the margin. It is all clear as day, those last few strokes. You give it everything you've got when there is nothing to give. You cross the line, you hear the finish horn blast away in succussion. You look across and you know you have done it. The look in your competitors faces tell you that they know you have also done it and you take a few quiet moments to take it all in, while some of the others around you show their elation more jubilantly. Gasping for air, you touch the same knees as you did before the start. This time the "ritual" tap is to acknowledge your team mates efforts and the fact that you have done something that does not happen that often in a paddling career. "Three cheers for the other crews" is the call from our Drummer - three "hip hip". and a breathless "hooray". We bring the boats in and we all get off. Back slaps and hugs all around. Not even a second thought who won that one as you make your way through the other 180 or so paddlers you have just competed against. You smile and for some reason laugh. This kind of win does not happen that often - "take it in", "take it in" you say to yourself. You see many familiar faces as you walk through the line. They are happy for you. Many you have experienced some amazing experiences around the world in Australian Campaigns past and you hope that the journey with them will continue. Somewhere along the way you hear that we did it by five one hundredths of a second. You know the course well and you smile that you can pick such a small amount of time moments after crossing the line. What a race. You think to yourself, "it's not that we won it, it is how we won it" – it's just not what was expected by many (including yourself) and that is the beauty of dragon boat racing - the randomness and uncertainty to some extent. The boat has never felt like that out of the start and into the transition. You think to yourself, you have never paddled like that before. You feel fortunate that you took the risk to be there, you did the training, the testing, you've put yourself on the line time and time again. You have been crushed by the ramifications of defeat and oddly enough, those one or two other once in a life time victories . At the end of the day you know that it is worth the sacrifices you make to do what you have done, do and hope to do. Maybe this is not the end, but a new beginning ..
I will leave this unedited. It’s just a stream of thought that came out of my subconscious in the last 20 mins. Hope it makes sense and it will be fun to read, many year’s into the future.
Five One Hundredths of a Second - 500m Premier Opens Final - AusDBF Nats / Penrith (Fri 19 Apr 2013)
There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, "Morning, boys. How’s the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, "What the hell is water?"
He eloborates in the midst of the long and inspiring Address ...
[..] The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about....The fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance. [..]
and conlcudes with ...
The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:
The above photo is the photo that seemed to start my obsession of photographing water in earnest. No need to explain any more than this. Just thought this was a nice way to tie it all together, for me at least.
Sitting on a Bus half between Montreal and Toronto, as I was booking our accommodation for the next 4 nights, I realise the date.
It is 29 Aug 2011, and it is exactly 2 years to the day that we won the 500m Senior A Mixed Final in Prague.
World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
As I think back to those moments and the two years that have followed, I have many emotions. I look at the photos of myself and I can't even comprehend how I was even there paddling after barely 10 weeks since Jenny's passing. I also think of the time between then and now, and I try to comprehend what I have been through to be here now. As I look to the future, I really have no idea what is next. Anyway, I try not to think about that too much and just try to be the best I can with what I have been given.
Geoff - post 200m Senior Open Final "letting go" - Racice/Prague 2009 - 28 Aug 2009 (picasa)
It is hard for me to even explain that day. I have tried here a few times (*). I am grateful (*) for the experience and feel lucky that I was on the boat that day.
I have been trying to find an appropriate Warrior of Light passage to mark this moment. Maybe the following is appropriate. I know my own failings and I would like to think that I live life with Faith, Hope and Love ..
A warrior of light knows his own faults. But he also knows his qualities.
Some of his companions complain all the time that
'other people have more opportunities than we do'.
Perhaps they are right, but a warrior does not allow himself to be paralysed by this; he tries to make the most of his virtues.
He knows that the gazelle's power lies in its strong legs. The power of the seagull lies in the accuracy with which it can spear a fish. He has learned that the reason the tiger does not fear the hyena is because he is aware of his own strength.
He tries to establish what he can truly rely on. And he always checks that he carries three things with him:
faith, hope and love.
If these three things are there, he does not hesitate to go forward.
Keep Moving Forward (*) - John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum - Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
Seth Godin (*) writes about what I think is about Letting Go (*) when all seems lost and pointless:
It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, don’t waste it.
You’ve already won (or you’ve already lost). Right now, you can choose to do what’s in your heart, you can bring your real work to the world, instead of a lesser version, a version you think the market wants. After all, what do you have to lose?
When it feels like it’s hopeless or when it appears to be a lock, why not?
So you bring your true self to the work, your unadulterated effort, without negative self-talk and the sanding off of the interesting edges. Instead of compromise, you bring us vision.
Of course, when we see that reality, the kamiwaza of what you’re able to do when you’re not second guessing or giving up, the odds of transformation go way up. In fact, you haven't already lost, because your magical, vulnerable work changes everything.
You won’t get this chance again soon (unless you choose to). So go.
via The moment of highest leverage (*) by Seth Godin (*).
I experienced this in Prague (*) and the lead up campaign in which we lost Jenny (*).
Somehow,just 4 days after we farewelled Jenny (*) and 10 days off training, I "pulled" the best water trial of my career and found myself one of the top ranked paddlers in the Australian Masters Mixed Team, a first (and only time) for me. A week later I would come down with the flu and a nasty sinus infection which lead to me having a 10 day break from paddling and at one stage I thought the campaign was all over for me, as I could not "shake" the infection. As it was I should have had a bit more of a break, but I did not want it "toss it in"
In this time off, I lost my usual seat in the boat and after a bit of "soul searching", I forgave all, including myself (mostly) and just decided to let go (*) of everything and just go with it.
Had the time of my life and this little snippet of wisdom from Seth resonates most when I think of that Prague (*) Campaign just under 4 years ago now.
I tried to explain some this here (*) and here (*) a long time ago, but I like what Seth has written here.
I hope Seth will one day write more about how to accept the result of rare moments like these (but I suspect that this is the "winning" way of responding to Seth's post), something which has not been easy and I struggle with even to do this day (and maybe the reason I wrote this unplanned and unexpected post).
Blurry Cats - Flatiron District - New York (Wed 17 Aug 2011)
A fantastic interview (*) with Matt Weber (*) over at the equally great Street Reverb [magazine] (*) Street Photography web site.
I can relate to many of Matt's insights (*) into photographing on the street.
Having already posted about photography related regrets (*), the following quote caught my eye...
Regrets of missed opportunities have plagued me, but also helped me greatly. I can lament a missed shot for a very long time, if I think it may have been epic. Those type of shots are far and few between.
In order to spare myself the self inflicted torture which follows missing a potentially great photograph, I’ve learned three things from my mistakes.
Never leave home without your camera. Never do it!
Always keep at least one extra roll of film, or these days an extra battery and CF card I suppose.
Lastly, don’t hesitate when you see something fantastic.
Fear and or embarrassment, has cost me a handful of images which I’m certain would have been very important to me. It’s hard to block out emotions sometimes, but if you want to be a “Nice Guy” and never upset a soul, you’ll be better off doing something else.
Having just returned from Matt's hometown of New York (*) and reading his story (*) inspired me to post the DGK series of photos (*) and explain what I was thinking as I took the photos. It is great when someone like Matt talks about and shares their photography insights as well as their own photographic trials and tribulations.
Also I'm a big believer in learning from mistakes (*).
So much to learn from and to be inspired by - thanks Matt Weber (*) and Bryan Formhals (* of Street Reverb [magazine] (*)
Picasa Contact Sheets (*) (3 of 4) - Canon G10 - New York (Thu 18 Aug 2011)
PRAGUE 2009 – 9TH IDBF WORLD DRAGON BOAT CHAMPIONSHIPS – AUG 2009
Jenny’s Gold Medal
Prague was an amazing experience. Winning a Gold Medal and singing our National Anthem is something I don't think Joanne (Jenny's younger identical twin sister) or I (Jenny's Husband) will ever be able to explain or describe.
World Champs!! – “Thank You Jenny”
Anyway, I should try to find some words about our Prague experience .. The thing I will remember most about Prague is ..
.. We met Mike Haslam (IDBF Executive President) a couple of times and we spoke initially for quite a while at the end of the third day. We thanked him for his ”Tribute to Jenny” and the wonderful article for Jenny in the July 2009 DBI Newsletter. It became apparent in talking to him that he was truly “touched” by Jenny and he spoke quite openly about the positive impact she had had on his own life over the years and in particular since her passing on the 30 June 2009.
Just before we parted, I asked him whether we could have a photo together, as this had become a bit of tradition with Jenny, Joanne and Mike over the years. This time instead of capturing the moment, I would be in the photo, taking the place of Jenny. After the photo was taken, we all became quite emotional and I asked Joanne to give Mike a comforting hug. As we parted, I was happy, we had said “ thank you” and I had the photo of Mike and Joanne, and thought that would be it for the Regatta. Well, maybe not ..
Geoff, Mike and Joanne - Prague/Racice - Day 3 - 28 Aug 2009
Mike and Joanne - Prague/Racice - Day 3 - 28 Aug 2009
The following day, the Australian Senior Mixed Crew, which Joanne and I were team members, won a Gold Medal in the Mixed 500m Event. For all of us, particularly Joanne and I, this was an amazing experience and a “Dream come True”. We all gave it everything we had and we got off the Dragon Boat onto the Lane 1 Pontoon, not “Wondering, ‘What If’?”. Jenny was our “our Guiding Light and Inspiration” and this was just one example of how Joanne and I are trying to live our lives in Jenny’s “Afterglow”.
Senior Mixed 500m Final - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009 - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P
Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
On the last day of the Regatta during the lunch break, Mike came over to the Australian tent to handout copies of the latest DBI Newsletter (the one with Jenny's story) and he again spoke to Joanne and I at length.
We talked to him about winning Gold and how everyone in the Mixed Crew and Squad felt that we had a 21st paddler in the boat when we raced the final. I told him about the wristbands we were wearing with Jenny's "Don't wonder ‘What If?’" quote inscribed on the inside (we all raced with the wristbands inside out).
Finally, I told him how we all went into Prague the evening of the day we won” Gold”, to quietly celebrate a truly amazing experience in our lives - as the German Team told us after the Final - "we made the impossible, possible". Everyone, except Joanne and I, wore their medals out that night (indeed, some are still wearing them :-). When asked on numerous occasions where were our medals? - We said “back at the hotel room with Jenny's photo”. I think everyone understood.
Jenny with Joanne and Geoff's Medals – Prague/Hotel Duo - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Just before Mike left the tent, he said to us he felt that we should have a "Special" Gold medal presented to us for Jenny, in her honour, memory and contribution to Dragon Boating. Obviously, we were quite touched by his thoughts and this gesture. As he left he said he would arrange it all, though we were not quite sure how.
During the afternoon Mike came over twice to the Australian Team Tent, from the Official's Tower (a good 10 min return trip). Joanne and I were not around both times - either racing or watching races (my only chance the whole Regatta). When I got back to the tent I had numerous people tell me an IDBF official was looking for Joanne and I - little did they know it was the President of the IDBF.
Since the Senior Women’s Team were racing the 500m Final, I decided not to find Mike until I could "round up" Joanne. Our Women's Team placed a close 4th in the Final and just as they started coming off the water, Mike appeared from behind me (yet another 10 min return trip for him) and said he would wait until Joanne came through. Being a Final, it took some time to get all the Crews off the water and through all the celebrations, back slapping and hand shaking that goes on, particularly for the final race of the Regatta for all the Senior Women’s Teams.
When Joanne was finally free, I grabbed her and then Mike presented us a “Special” Gold Medal in Jenny's Memory and Honour. As you can see from the photo below, Joanne has used Jenny's paddle since she passed away on the 30 June 2009. We all had a few tears in our eyes, including Mike. An amazing gesture and a memory I will never forget.
Geoff, Mike and Joanne with Jenny's Paddle and Gold Medal - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Later that evening, as the sun was setting at the Regatta’s “After Party”, which was being held at the Regatta site, Joanne and I scattered some of Jenny's Ashes on the water from the Lane One Pontoon, where we had raced the Final from and celebrated the Victory. Below, you will see some photos of the serene and peaceful sunset as we reflected back on Jenny's life and the whole Prague experience.
Joanne and Geoff scattering Jenny's Ashes - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Jenny’s Gold Medal from Lane 1 Pontoon - Prague/Racice - Day 5 - Sun 30 Aug 2009
Death may have ended Jenny’s Life, but our Relationship lives on. Prague has shown us all that.
Thank you Jenny, you would often say that you felt Lucky (more here) to have experienced life with Cancer. However, I consider it us to be the “Lucky Ones”. You have given us the knowledge, strength, hope, guidance and inspiration to continue to live our lives to the full. We live on in your “Afterglow”.
Geoff Eldridge - Jenny’s Loving Husband - 30 October 2009
Postscript: The essence of the above comes from an email I wrote (high in the French Pyrenees just 10km from the famous Col du Tourmalet of Tour De France fame) to Julia Ryall, my Club Dragon Boat Coach at Pacific Dragon’s and a truly Great Friend. I wanted to thank her for all of the effort she has put into me as paddler (four years of hard work actually and still a "work in progress") and as a friend. As I said to her before we left for Prague, she has made me the paddler I am, and indeed has helped make me the person I am. It’s not just about the paddle. Since Jenny’s passing, she has shouldered much of the responsibility for keeping the Dragon Boat community informed and coordinated (as well as her beautiful tribute). Indeed, it was Julia I asked to inform Mike Haslam about Jenny’s passing. She has also provided a “shoulder to cry on” and has helped to keep me “pointing in the right direction”, when it all seems like it has become too much. I am not sure how to really thank her, but maybe her contribution to us as paddlers and people (there were seven PD’s on the boat that day), and as a result this Prague story, will go some way to do just that ..
Julia - Thank You.
"Triple J" - Joanne, Julia and Jenny - AusDBF Nationals - After Party – Kawana/Qld - Sun 26 April 2009
The following three quotes are about the past and future, and how we might relate them to each other (if that makes any sense). There is some good advice in all three quotes and I thought that I put them here for future reference, so that they will become part of my past :-). Here they are:
As you pursue your goals in life, that is to say your future, pursue your past. Let it be your guide. Insist on having a past and then you will have a future. Ken Burns - 2004 Commencement Yale Class Day Speech (as pdf)
With the past in mind I thought I would dig into archive.org and drag out something from my past (it might explain the where eljeiffel came from). Here it is:
Today is Indepedence Day in the USA which celebrates the 223rd birthday, being founded on 4 Jul 1776, with the signing of the Declaration of Independence. This also represents a time of reflection for myself with elj.com (Eiffel Liberty).
It is two years ago since I registered elj.com. The name Eiffel Liberty was easy to come up with. It represented a vision and a hope for Eiffel that somehow it might be liberated from its miserable place in the language landscape (I thought how could such a great contribution, be so categorically and overwhelmingly dismissed by the programming community). Also, Emma Lazarus's words struck a chord with me, particularly
Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost, to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
Just as America provided opportunity for many from other lands, I thought Eiffel could provide the same kind of opportunities for the syntactically and semantically battered from the other language landscapes :-)
Also, the name Eiffel Liberty made what a I thought was a nice connection between two famous landmarks that Gustave Eiffel had contributed to, being the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty"Eiffel undertook the challenge of creating the steel structure because of the enormous challenge it afforded him".
The 4 Jul 1997 was to be the launch date for the Eiffel Liberty Journal. However, I came down with a very bad cold (too many late nights preparing for the initial launch) and I decided to publish the launch issue of the Eiffel Liberty Journal, not from my newly acquired elj.com but from my progsoc web pages (this would remain the case for another six months).
It was fun putting together the first issue as I received cooperation from all I contacted. These included:
Victor Putz who wrote a great article titled Toymakers and tools: Why one game developer is switching to Eiffel. Victor is a game programmer by night and a helicopter pilot/instructor by day. I remember Victor making a special trip (about 30 km each way) to send me the article because of flooding in his area which made his normal internet access impossible. BTW, I have found that Victor shares and articulates (much better than I ever could) my own vision for Eiffel.
Two years on, elj.com has changed from a random journal to a daily random news update covering the Eiffel and related worlds. In many ways elj.com is really just a log of the links and resources I have stumbled across and that I might learn from (or even get a laugh from).
Eiffel certainly enjoys a wider exposure than it did back in 1997. I hope elj.com has helped in a small way. It is hard tell what impact elj.com has had as there is little feedback. However, occasionally I do get a note saying that elj.com helped someone get started with Eiffel, which seems to make it all worthwhile. I guess elj.com could have been much more effective but there is only so much time.
For a number of reasons I renamed Eiffel Liberty to elj.com Extraordinarily Large Jumble in Feb 99 (some of the reasoning behind this was that elj.com was and still is, an Extraordinarily Large Jumble of seemingly random links and more significantly there was little or no Eiffel news). Fortunately, there now appears to be more Eiffel news than I can handle/report manually and I am making efforts to address this through a more automated Eiffel news feed at elj-daily.
elj.com has amassed an incredible amount of links, quotes and resources relating to Eiffel and related worlds. The time has come for elj.com to be able to extract the information from this mass. A keyword/search facility is on the way.
I believe that for [open source] projects to thrive, information needs to readily at hand. I hope the new elj.com that you will see over the coming weeks/months (depends on how much time I get to work on this) will reflect the ability to provide this information efficiently and effectively.
Finally, I would like to acknowledge the support that Jenny has given me over the last few years. She has had to cope (in more ways than one) with more than anyone should reasonably have to tolerate.
Funny to read this after all these years. Shows how strongly I felt about the Eiffel programming language and method (and still do, but not just as visible). I even chose to start this blog with some posts on Eiffel - not the language, but it's inspiration, the Eiffel Tower and it's creator, Gustave Eiffel.
I had better stop here as I think I might be getting a bit nostalgic. Anyway, hoping all of this might help me find the inspiration to get a future project off the ground.
Kathy Ryan (*) writes on the Compulsion (*) of Photographing (*) a Building (*):
It is like a compulsion. I can’t quite explain where it comes from other than this truly extraordinary building. The combination of the light [..] that cast wonderful striping shadows [..] is extraordinary.
via Loving Light at the Office (*) by James Estrin (*).
Photography was something I just always wanted to do. The camera enables me to express how I see the world because sometimes words, for me, don't explain enough.
So here is an attempt to describe what this photo means to me in words. Here goes ..
I was sitting outside this shop, while Jenny and Joanne were inside deciding what to buy. We would return numerous times afterwards to buy a few more things - rice paper, paints, horse hair brushes of various widths, and much much more. I was sitting there with half a dozen Chinese men, waiting patiently like all good husbands do, and I was fiddling with my new camera. He came up to me to look at the camera.
As he seemed interested I worked up the courage to gesture to him to take his photo. I made the photo above and then showed him the results. He was very excited to see himself In the review screen of my Canon 300D and he was all smiles, which he certainly was not for his photo.
I then gave him the camera and showed him how to take a photo. I reciprocated his gesture to allow me to photograph him and he then photographed me - I will put it here soon.
Even though we did not talk the same langusge, there was lots of hand gesturing and smiles. I should do this more often when travelling, or just photographing for that matter. I must admit that I had been inspired to engage with people more while i travelled, by a young up and coming photographer by the name of Selina Ou (*) - more on her and this later.
Icarus - Paste Up - Wilson Street / Newtown (Dec 2010)
This Paste-Up has been there for quite a while - it has virtually fallen apart. I have photographed it quite a few times over the last few months and there is another one in a small park off Little Eveleigh Street (see below). You can see the Green Bone Head I featured here recently (02 Dec 2010).
Each time I pass it, something has gone missing (i.e. various parts of her body) or there have been various additions via the caring use of coloured textas. She is now careful adorned with earrings and some more than necessary shoes.
I have had a lot fun watching and photographing this poster.
It has made me think about what may have inspired its creator to design this piece. For me, when I first saw it (it was the one in Little Eveleigh Street, which I pass it on the way to the gym), I instantly thought of Icarus of Greek Mythology fame. Icarus attempted to escape Crete using wings, made of feathers and wax, his craftsman father had made for him. Icarus did not heed his father's warnings to not fly too close to the sun or sea, and as a result of the wax melting from flying too close to the Sun, he plummetted to his death into the Icarian Sea.
For some reason the Poem and Painting have made me think a lot about what has happened over the last year and a half. Hard to explain but there is something there, particularly the painting where one can barely make out the legs of Icarus just after his impact with the water.
About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters; how well, they understood Its human position; how it takes place While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along; How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting For the miraculous birth, there always must be Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating On a pond at the edge of the wood: They never forgot That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse Scratches its innocent behind on a tree. In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry, But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green Water; and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky, had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.
Today I heard this song for the first time in at least 2 years. The above is a video and the lyrics are below.
It is swelting in Sydney as I write this, at the end of hot summers day and I am covered in sweat. Spent this lovely Saturday afternoon on Sydney Harbour paddling in an OC6 from Glebe to Middle Harbour and back. Very windy, very hot and tough conditions. Still a great session and it makes you realise how lucky we are to have this beautiful city, it's harbour, the experiences we make for ourselves and the friendships we have with each other.
Pacific Dragons OC6 Mixed Crew - Paul, Jenny, Geoff, Marie, Liz, and Leslie - Ettalong / Central Coast - Jan 2007 (picasa)
Anwyay, on the way back to Alexandria from the session, in Wilson Street / Newtown [Note: 1], I had my radio on and heard this song.
Instantly, I became quite emotional (actually started crying uncontrollably - yes I'll admit it) and had to pull over. It was the song I had been trying to find for the last 19 months, since Jenny left us. I did not know it's title or any of the lyrics. All I knew was the tune. As a result, this made it difficult to track down. Apart from the tune, I also felt it was a Matchbox Twenty song.
Jenny had talked about it on it's release, when someone in her Cancer Support Group played the song at one the weekly Tuesday meetings. It seemed to mean a lot to Jenny and all her colleagues at the Group.
I had tried to find the song many times since Jenny's passing, and I now know I was looking in the wrong place, as it is Rob Thomas song, not a Matchbox Twenty song (I had even bought a few Matchbox Twenty CD's to try and find the song, obviously to no avail).
While listening to the song in the car this afternoon, all I tried to do was remember (my memory is not that flash) a line from the chorus so that I could search for it as soon as I got back to Alexandria. The line I remembered was:
A quick search found the above video and I then realised the song was from a Disney Animation Movie Meet The Robinsons, which I know little about (I am sure it is very good - actually have half a feeling that Jenny and Jo may have sneaked it in one Tuesday afternoon at the Movies. Will check with Jo). So I have no idea of the meaning of the song in the context of the Movie. Though with every song I think we are allowed to bring our own experiences and interpretations to it, even if we mishear the lyrics (I am reassured that this is OK :-).
Over the years, when Jenny was with us, I would often force myself to stay awake at night, so that I could hear her breathing (we were both good sleepers and it was often a race to see who would nod off first). The sound of her breath, and the silhouette of the rise and fall of the sheets covering her chest, gave me some reassurance. I could not comprehend that one day the cancer might extingusish the breath of this amazing person (where do I start to explain) and take this beautiful woman from us.
I think of those nights and the small hours where I would lay awake watching and listening to her breath - I would often tell Jenny that it was like music to my ears.
Anyway, I will leave it that. I will buy the CD and put the song on my iPhone. I need to listen to it some more and try to make the connection to the song that Jenny and her friends at the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group made to it. I suspect for me it might mean something completely different to Jenny as I can already see some things that I have felt since Jenny left us.
A bit of ramble but it is nice to capture these fragments of my memory here.
Needless to say, very excited to have found this song
Maybe the The hardest part is over?
I know in writing this: These small hours - Still remain
As we said to each other every night (and I still do) as we lay in bed before nodding off to sleep:
Good Night, Sweet Dreams, God Bless, Love You.
With love and fond memories .. Geoff
[Note 1]: I love Wilson Street ( Newtown) - so many little things have happened there recently and over the years (at least in my own mind). Maybe these are some of These little wonders the song refers. I know these little things have helped me a lot over the last 19 months as I move through the grieving process [see Quote: Half a Life - NYT Book Review (12 Sep 2010) (17 Oct 2010) - in some ways that post was a real turning point for me when I look back at it now].
Let it go Let it roll right off your shoulder Don't you know The hardest part is over Let it in Let your clarity define you In the end We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Time falls away, But these small hours These small hours Still remain
Let it slide Let your troubles fall behind you Let it shine, Till you feel it all around you And I don't mind If it's me you need to turn to We'll get by It's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These small hours Still remain
All of my regret Will wash away somehow But I cannot forget the way I feel right now
In these small hours These little wonders These twists and turns of fate Yeah, these twisted turns of fate Time falls away Yeah, but these small hours, These small hours Still remain
Yeah, oh they still remain These little wonders All these twists and turns of fate Time falls away But these small hours These little wonders Still remain
