On Trying - Iain S. Thomas (Tue 02 Jun 2015)

Whosus - Sydney Harbour Bridge (Wed 01 Apr 2015)

Iain S. Thomas on Trying:

it is the act of trying itself that is transcendent [..] Not trying to be cool. Not trying to be cynical and detached. Just trying.

The Exquisite Beauty of Actually Trying by Iain S. Thomas.

On Trying - Adam Van Koeverden (Wed 19 Feb 2014)

Pacifc Dragons Premier Mixed Crew - CNY / Darling Harbour (Sat 08 Feb 2014)
Adam Van Koeverden (*) writes:

Trying to be the best in the world is innately audacious. That’s what makes these competitions so insanely exciting. Our athletes are willing to put themselves on the line, and do the most admirable thing. Try. They will sweat, bleed, gasp and cry, to try and get our maple flag up on the top spot and have them play our national anthem.

When our athletes win, it won’t be fate (*) or a fulfillment of any destiny (*). The Canadian Olympic team has what it takes and they give their everything, everyday. They’ll win because they tried, and were the best.

So, I’m making a pledge. I am dispensing with any predestined expectation (*) and prediction (*), but I’m going to do a heck of a lot more than hope (*). I’m putting my confidence (*) in them. And I hope that helps.

via Hope, Pressure and Expectation: Finding a Winning Combination (*) by Adam Van Koeverden (*).

A post (*) I will read again and again. It gives so much clarity to everything around trying to do something.

More On Trying - Iain S. Thomas (Tue 02 Jun 2015)

Whosus - Pacific Dragons Single Craft Day - Barrrenjoey Headland / Palm Beach (Sat 06 Jun 2015)

Iain S. Thomas on Trying:

I've been told I'm special in so many different ways my entire life, why should I have to try, and continue to educate myself, try, and maintain a healthy marriage, try, and exercise, try, and work to accomplish something -- anything -- great?

This is one of the hardest illusions in the world to break. I am not special and I need to try if I want anything. There is nothing sad about that. The only happiness, joy and beauty that isn't temporary, that will nourish your soul and make you feel human and connected to yourself, is found in realizing that you actually have to try.

The Exquisite Beauty of Actually Trying by Iain S. Thomas.

Trying - every little counts - Kurt Wallander / Sam Wollaston (Mon 23 May 2016)

Abstraction - Glebe (Fri 29 Jul 2016)

Kurt Wallander on Trying:

"Do we make a difference? Maybe. Sometimes. Not much. What I do know is that we should never stop trying. We need to remember that every little counts …”

via Wallander review: he’s back – and he’s still got it by Sam Wollaston.

Knowing you, knowing me - Urbanbites / King Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

Knowing you, knowing me - Urbanbites / King Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

Up early for a big day. Decide to go get a coffee, but the local coffee shops wont be open until 8am, so decide to go up to the coffee shop you lived in for the first six months after Jenny's passing. It was frequented many times in the subsequent years and many fond memories with family, friends and mostly, myself, in my thoughts that the place nurtured. If I could write, I could write a book about the place and what I felt and experienced there. Many of the early blog posts implicitly encapsulate this, so I am glad to have made the effort.

It is over 12 months since I have been here and when I arrived just after 7 this morning, I sat and noticed the small changes that a prolonged separation facilitates and makes so obvious. I noticed the staff. Many were the same, which says a lot for the place which becomes incredibly busy later in the day and night.

I am served by a young waiter I know by face. He has been here for as long as I can remember. We don't know each others names but we know each enough to know each other even after 12 months of not seeing or even thinking each other.

You are touched when he remembers to ask before I can say what he is just about to say "large flat white?". "Thanks, that would be perfect" I said, "you remembered". He smiled and then proceeded on his way to make sure my coffee arrived to please me as best he could.

This is the second time in a week you have experienced something like this. And you wonder how and why?

You've walked through life trying your hardest not to be noticed, for that is where a shy person finds refuge and comfort. However, it's moments like this that make you realise that you do exist and in some ways touch people. Maybe it is because you touch people by just being there in the corner, trying your hardest to not be noticed ...

"Knowing you, knowing me" as the ABBA Classic goes ..

Bank of America - Red, White and Blue- 42nd St / New York (Sat 13 Aug 2011)

Bank of America - Red, White and Blue- 42nd Street / New York (Sat 13 Aug 2011)
I think he was trying to get a photo of her with the Chrysler Building (*) in the background. Just liked the colours and I had been trying to photograph pairs of people (*) - just visual game while traveling.

On Photographic Projects - Trent Parke (Wed 27 Aug 2014)

Untitled - Milan Station (Aug 2005)
Untitled - Milan Station (Thu 28 Aug 2014)
Trent Parke (*) writes On Projects (*):

Most of my projects last for years. I don’t feel I can achieve anything worth saying in a few weeks in a place. I have always been interested in why I am drawn to something and why I eventually push the camera button. Most of it comes from memory, the subconscious and events I experienced growing up.

via An interview with Trent Parke - Try Hard Magazine (*) by Try Hard Magazine (*).

Both stops in Milan (*) were short (about an hour) and these were quick shots taken with baggage in hand, explaining the wonkiness of each photo. I always remembered the 2005 photo and see it often amongst my favourite photos (*) on Picasa.

In 2005 (*) were heading north to Interlarken (*) from Genoa (*) and Jenny was with us. This time we heading to Bologna (*) from Zurich (*).

The Canon Pro1 (*) I used in 2005 has always been my favourite camera and the sensor gave beautiful textured and coloured images [see here (*)]. It was definitely a quirky camera, but my favourite.

It stopped working in January 2009 on our last Main Range (*) walk with Jenny. An omen of sorts I should think. It's last few images were ghostly white with faint silhouette's of Jenny and Joanne at the Summit (*) of Mt K.

I have said it few times here over the years, when I have talked about past photos, I think I saw my photos better back then. I was less knowledgeable and more naive. In some ways it has helped me understand what Bono (*) was trying to say in front of large crowd of fans at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge (*) looking into Manhattan (*) when he said (*) it was about:

a time in our lives when we did not know how powerful it was not to know.

Finally, as Trent's quote from above mentions, I think these two photos are about memory (*) and the subconscious (*). They are also about change - even though nothing really looks that different about the roofs, nine years have passed and so much has changed. Maybe that's what I was trying to say here (*) about change (*) before we departed.

So, I am happy to have these two photo, the opportunity to make them and these random thoughts here now.

Book - Joel Meyerowitz by Colin Westerbeck (Mon 16 Apr 2012)

Joel Meyerowitz by Colin Westerbeck (*) - Foreword (*)
Just arrived today. A two page spread from the book that caught my attention follows ..

Pages 42 and 43 - New York City / 1976
Page 43 Photo - New York City / 1976
Joel Meyerowitz (*) writes about this photo on page 42 ..

During this time, I was trying to make photographs about the 'all of it'; pictures without a central subject. I wanted all the information, near and far, to hold our interest equally, and I wanted colour to be an intricate part of the content. I was trying to unlock photography from the aesthetic of the decisive moment - a difficult thing to give up.

A great book to have.

On Time and The Past - Tim Winton / The Turning

Geoff - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life - 'where do you start?'" - Alexandria (7am Wed 01 Jul 2009)

Tim Winton on Time and the Past:

When a wave breaks, the water is not moving. The swell has travelled great distances but only the energy is moving, not the water. Perhaps time moves through us and not us through it ... the past is in us, and not behind us. Things are never over.

via The Turning by Tim Winton.

These words are so touching. Not really sure how to say what they make me feel - this photograph of me the day after Jenny died, might say it all? Maybe time did move through me and I am still there - I don't know really, but this photo makes it feel like it - one of those reference points in life. It also reminds me of who I was, who I have become and want to be, which when I think about is the same thing. Not sure what I'm trying to say or how (nothing unusual there). Gladly, it is never over. I have a past, it is who I am. And thankfully, I've stopped trying to be anything else.

It's not about the Paddle

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE – LANCE ARMSTRONG

I read the following extract to Jenny twice while she was in Hospital in June 2009. The first time was two days after the surgery to remove a 4cm brain tumor. She listened intently - like a small child being read a fairy tale - while I struggled to remain composed, as I read it to her.

Jenny - St George Private Hospital - Sun 22 Jun 2009 (picasa)
The second time was in the Intensive Care Unit at St George following her "heart failure" episode 6 days earlier (Tue 23 Jun 2009) – a day before she left us on the 30 Jun 2009 at 9:16am. I think and hope she heard me. This little story for me is the essence of the Book, a book she treasured, and ultimately it reads as a "prophecy" for what would unfold in Prague in late August 2009 for Joanne and myself - hope this makes sense .. Geoff

Jenny, Joanne and Geoff - St George ICU - Sun 28 Jun 2009 (picasa)

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BIKE – LANCE ARMSTRONG

If there is a defining characteristic of a man as opposed to a boy, maybe it's patience. In 1995, I finally gained an understanding of the demanding nature of the Tour [de France] and all of its extraordinary tests and dangers. I finished it, and I finished strong, winning a stage in the closing days. But the knowledge came at too high a price, and I would just as soon not have learned it the way I did.

Late in the race, our Motorola teammate, Fabio Casartelli, the 1992 Olympic champion, was killed on a high-speed descent. On a descent, you ride single file, and if one rider goes down, it can cause a terrible chain reaction. Fabio didn't crash alone; 20 riders went down with him. But he hit a curb with the back of his head and fractured his neck and skull.

I went by too fast to see much. A lot of riders were down, and everybody was crouched around someone lying on the ground, but you see that sort of thing a lot in the Tour. It was only a while later that I learned via the team radio what had happened: Fabio was dead. When they tell you something like that, you almost don't believe it.

It was one of the longest days of my life. Fabio was not only the young hope of Italian cycling, he was a new husband and a new father. His baby was just a month old.

Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque - 9 May 2001 (picasa)
We had to keep riding, to finish the stage even though we were distraught and sick with shock. I had known Fabio since I first started racing internationally in '91. He lived right outside of Como where I kept my apartment, and we had competed against each other at the Barcelona Olympics in '92, when he won the gold medal. He was a very relaxed, fun-loving man, a little goofy, a joker. Some of the top Italians were more serious, or macho, but Fabio wasn't like that. He was all sweetness.

That night we had a Motorola team meeting to discuss whether we should keep riding or not. We were split. Half of us wanted to quit and go home and cry with our families and friends, and half of us wanted to keep riding in honor of Fabio. Personally, I wanted to stop; I simply didn't think I had the heart to ride a bike. It was the first time I had encountered death, and genuine grief, and I didn't know how to handle it. But then Fabio's wife came to see us, and she said she wanted us to keep riding, because she felt that was what Fabio would have wanted. So we sat in the grass behind the hotel, said a few prayers, and decided to stay in.

Me and my Shadow - "an early start for the first day of the rest of my life" - 7am Wed 01 Jul 2009 (picasa)
The next day the peloton rode in honor of Fabio, and gave our team a ceremonial stage victory. It was another long, terrible day— eight hours on the bike, with everybody grieving. The peloton did not race. Instead we rode in quiet formation. It was virtually a funeral procession, and at last our team rode across the finish line, while, behind us, Fabio's bike was mounted atop the support car with a black ribbon.

The following morning we began the race again in earnest, and rode into Bordeaux. Next was a stage into Limoges, and that night, Och came around to our rooms and told the team that Fabio had had two goals in the Tour: he wanted to finish the race, and he especially wanted to try to win the stage into Limoges. As soon as Och stopped speaking I knew that if Limoges was the stage Fabio had wanted to win for himself, now I wanted to win it for him, and that I was going to finish the race.

About halfway through the next day's stage, I found myself grouped with 25 guys at the front - Indurain was in the yellow leader's jersey, riding at the back. I did what came most naturally to me: I attacked.

The problem was, I attacked too early, as usual. I went with 25 miles still to go, and on a downhill portion. Two things you never do: attack early, and on a downhill. But I went so fast on that downhill that I had a 30-second lead in a finger-snap. The other riders were completely taken aback. I could feel them wondering, What's he thinking?

What was I thinking? I had looked back, and saw guys were riding along, with no particular ambition. It was a hot day, and there was no incentive to pull hard, everyone was just trying to get closer to the finish line where the tactics would play out. I glanced back, and one guy was taking a sip of water. I glanced back again. Another guy was fixing his hat. So I took off. Peoooo. I was gone.

When you have 15 other guys back there from 15 different teams, they'll never get organized. They'll look at each other and say: You pull. No, you pull! So I went, and I went faster than I'd ever ridden. It was a tactical punch in the face, and it had nothing to do with strength or ability; everything depended on the initial shock and separation. It was insane, but it worked.

IDBF Senior Mixed 500m Final - 200m to go - "The Break" - "It was insane, but it worked" – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
Nobody got within 55 seconds of me again. The team support car kept coming up and giving me reports. Henny Kuiper, our team director, would say, "You're thirty seconds up." Then a few minutes later he'd come alongside again and say, "You're forty-five seconds up."

When he came up the third or fourth time, I said, "Henny, don't come up here anymore. I'm not getting caught."

"Okay, okay, okay," he said, and faded behind my wheel.

I didn't get caught.

I won by a minute, and I didn't feel a moment's pain. Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day. Even though I had charged too early, I never suffered after I broke away. I would like to think that was Fabio's experience too; he simply broke away and separated from the world. There is no doubt in my mind that there were two riders on that bike. Fabio was with me.

Senior Mixed 500m Final - "Instead I felt something spiritual; I know that I rode with a higher purpose that day." Lance A - "Don't Wonder 'What If?'" Jenny P – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009
I felt an emotion at the finish line that I've never experienced again. I felt I was winning for Fabio and his family and his baby, and for the mourning country of Italy. As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens, to Fabio.

World Champs - Australian Senior Mixed 500m Team - "As I came across the line I glanced upward and I pointed to the heavens" Lance A – Prague/Racice - Day 4 - 29 Aug 2009

After the Tour, Och had a memorial built for Fabio. He commissioned a sculptor from Como to execute a work in white Carrara marble. The team flew in from all over the world, and we gathered at the top of the mountain for the placement of the memorial and the dedication ceremony. The memorial had a sundial on it that shone on three dates and times: his birthday, the day he won the Olympic Games, and the day he died.

Geoff and Joanne at Fabio’s Memorial - we stumbled upon it by complete accident – Col de Portet d'Aspet - Thu 24 Sep 2009 [1] (picasa)
I had learned what it means to ride the Tour de France. It's not about the bike. It's a metaphor for life, not only the longest race in the world but also the most exalting and heartbreaking and potentially tragic. It poses every conceivable element to the rider, and more: cold, heat, mountains, plains, ruts, flat tires, high winds, unspeakably bad luck, unthinkable beauty, yawning senselessness, and above all a great, deep self-questioning. During our lives we're faced with so many different elements as well, we experience so many setbacks, and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure, head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and to have a little hope. The Tour is not just a bike race, not at all. It is a test. It tests you physically, it tests you mentally, and it even tests you morally.

I understood that now. There were no shortcuts, I realized. It took years of racing to build up the mind and body and character, until a rider had logged hundreds of races and thousands of miles of road. I wouldn't be able to win a Tour de France until I had enough iron in my legs, and lungs, and brain, and heart. Until I was a man. Fabio had been a man. I was still trying to get there.

[1] I would like to think the two shadows on the “Wings” of the Memorial represent the spirit of Jenny and her life as a twin with Joanne.. There we are, Joanne and I, counterpoised by the twin shadows of the Joanne and Jenny. Jenny overlooks us and is there with us, Always.

Jenny - "looking out over us - she inspires and guides us from above" - Geoff E - Wolfe Creek Crater, WA - 22 May 2001"

Jenny, Geoff, Joanne - St George - 22 Aug 2006

A Story About a Camera - 2015 Inspire Award Reflections (Fri 27 Aug 2015)

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

This is my 2000th post here at eljeiffel.

I always try to write something for the Annual Presentation of the Inspire Award. Most times it is just for me, but sometimes I share it with a few people. So here it is, unedited from the time it was written on the evening of Fri 27 Aug 2015. I think it is a pretty good way to mark the milestone.

As many will know, I have another obsession in my life - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes in the lagoon at Aitutaka, we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves. And this is what I love about PD’s, we are always out there doing something. This time last year we were in Bologna on our way to Ravena, this year we are heading to Hawaii in the next week and month, next year Adelaide and who knows where after that.

Finally, in our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

With this post it is time to let go of a lot things, including the photos of another time and life. I have shed my life here (and Facebook more recently) like a snake sheds it skin and there is nothing left but to start over again. Time to move on, but it is hard to let go .. but I will.

Trying to make a new start here (arotlt.com) with photos from this point onwards. There will be the occasional post at eljeiffel to mark the odd moment in our lives that are relevant, but for now thanks for coming along for the ride these last, almost, 7 years.

symbolically the black rose suggests death, or the completion of a long journey (Trent Parke’s moving Black Rose photo exhibition at Art Gallery of SA ) - Black Rose / Fitzroy Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

On Pain - Taylor Phinney / Shane Stokes (Fri 12 Jun 2015)

Untitled - Tour of Great Britain / London (Sun 14 Sep 2014)

Taylor Phinney on Pain:

You can’t focus on anything except this pain that you are feeling. That is kind of a beautiful thing. You are always thinking about so many things at the same time, but a lot of athletes I guess use pain to really live in the moment, which is what we are all trying to do anyway.

via Taylor Phinney on enduring pain and a changed outlook on cycling and life by Shane Stokes.

On Succeeding - Drew Ginn (Mon 18 Jun 2012)

Boats - Cambridge / UK (Thu 03 Sep 2009)
Drew Ginn (*) abstracts the following On Succeeding from yesterday's win (*) in Munich..

To succeed [..] we sort of need to want it less. To care but care less. To push but push less and to create without trying hard.

As he indicates ..

.. this sound stupid but its [..] the complete opposite [that] is need[ed] to achieve what's desired.

I know exactly what he writes about. It does not make sense, but it does in so many ways.

Drew, good luck to you and your crew for your final preparation and assault on London 2012.

On Photograph - It's Gift - Hilary Swift / Elijah Walker (Sat 01 Aug2015)

late winter afternwoon light - Alexandria (Sat 01 Aug 2015)

Hilary Swift on the Gift of Photogaphy:

It’s taken me places I would have never imagined going, and I have met so many wonderful people that I would not have met without Photogaphy. I get to wake up every day and if I’m really mad or sad, or any negative emotion, I love that photography gives me the option to find something so beautiful every day. It’s like I’m forced to find something beautiful and even if I’m photographing a sad situation, I’m trying to find the light in it.

via Turning Point: Hilary Swift by Elijah Walker.

Courage in the Era of the Micro-Attention Span (quote)

"Enduring tedium over real time in a confined space is what real courage is."
David Foster Wallace

From a tweet by cyclingfansanon (they had a great blog here but now only tweet's - I think I know what they are trying to say).

Just a little more context here:

Wallace's premise is that in this era of micro-attention spans, there's a great dividend in giving one's full attention to something
(Joel Stein)

Some more here.

Another great David Foster Wallace quote to follow.

Abstract - May Street / St Peters (Sun 23 Jan 2011)
If I have added up correctly, this the 400th post.

Trees and Water - Charles River Esplanade / Back Bay / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)

Charles River Esplanade - Back Bay / Boston (Mon 22 Aug 2011)
One year today since I sat by the Charles River (*).

For some reason today, I am drawn to an inspired piece of recent writing (*) by Spencer Lum (*):

[..] if you’re willing to take a gamble, I’ll bet on you. If you’re willing to put it out there, if you’re willing to fail, if you’re willing to let go of it all, thumb your nose at the world, and do it your way, I’ll believe in you. You may not find what you want, but you’ll find what you need. Want is easily known, but need is a thing that only reveals itself in retrospect.

I have thought a lot about belief (*) and self-confidence recently, particularly after my little speech (*). Often it takes some time to have the confidence to believe in one self. Initially, more than not, the belief comes from others, those who support and love you for who you are.

It is only with time, experience and the support of those others who believe in you, that you can find your own self belief and you start say things to yourself like - yes, I can do that, you start finding reasons why you can, rather than you can't, and when you question yourself with why?, you are able to say well why not(*) - and it is then that things start to happen.

As time goes by, you become stronger, more independent and not afraid to give things a go, even if it means making mistakes or even failing. You know that the risk is worth the reward of at least trying, whatever the outcome. I think I even knew (*) this, one year ago today, when I sat beside the Charles River (*) - as I said back then, a week later (*):

I would still like to think that I am still a believer. After all three steps forward and two steps back is still a step in the right direction.

Thanks for believing Spencer.

Jenny and Joanne - St George Private Hospital (Tue 16 Jun 2009)

Jenny and Joanne - St George Private Hospital (Tue 16 Jun 2009)
Three years ago about now.

Jenny and Joanne doing the measurements for their 2009 Australian Dragon Boat Team Uniforms. Jenny had withdrawn from the Team a week earlier when a 4cm Brain Tumor had been diagnosed, but was allowed to complete her uniform order. The next day Jenny had the tumor removed and 12 days later she left us.

Jo and I were able to have Jenny's uniform order processed and we were presented with her Uniform with the rest of the Masters Team before we departed for Prague.

It is easy to forget these kind of moments, particularly when lost in the haze of grief, and the trauma that goes with the risk and mistakes that one takes when trying to find purpose and a new place in the world.

For those I have hurt or confused (and I know there are many) on this emotional rollercoaster, I apologise. The way I have acted is the best I could manage under the circumstances.

It is times like this I am glad that I have these photos to help remember the moments that shaped our lives.

knowing how powerful it is not to know - Bono / Brooklyn (22 Nov 2004)

Thomas, Grant, Betty, Lynn and Grace - Manahattan bound - I don't know who was more excited - Grace or me (and I was not even going along) - Departure Gate / Sydney International Airport (Sun 19 Dec 2010)
Recently posted a video clip of a U2 Performance of the City of Blinding Light at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge in Empire - Fulton Ferry State Park.

In the preamble to the performance, Bono becomes quite nostalgic.

In my previous post back on Sat 16 Apr 2011, I included a snippet of his little talk which I have thought about a lot recently.

This is what Bono said in full:

Look at this. That is wild. What a sight. Wow look at that. [Bono pointing to the Brooklyn Bridge]

Sometimes you forget why it was that you wanted to be in a band. So going into this we reminded ourselves of why we wanted to be in a band.

We listened to the albums that excited us when we wanted to be in a band [..] the music and what it felt like to arrive here in the United States. To come over the [Brooklyn] Bridge into Manhattan. Snow was on the ground. It was:

"an amazing magical time in our lives when we did not know how powerful it was not to know".

This is a song about innocence, naivety and it is called "City of Blinding Lights".

The chorus is set in New York City looking at Brooklyn.

I feel that these words are quite profound and the feelings he is trying to describe are universal and generic. They can be applied to not only rock and roll superstars, but mere mortals like myself who progress through life little steps at a time.

I have always recognised the importance of acknowledging your past and to reflect on your past (though it might be painful at times) - it is something I have spent a bit of time on lately. It will help you understand who you have been, who you are now and where you are heading.

Here is the video again ..

City of Blinding Lights / U2 - Empire - Fulton Ferry State Park / Brooklyn Bridge / Brooklyn Bridge / New York (22 Nov 2004 - youtube)
Bono's words make me think of some similar words that have captured my imagination, these words coming from Ken Burns (e) a little bit earlier in that year of 2004 at his 2004 Yale Commencement Speech:

As you pursue your goals in life, that is to say your future, pursue your past. Let it be your guide. Insist on having a past and then you will have a future. [..]

Insist on heroes. And be one. [..]

Travel. Do not get stuck in one place. [..]
Whatever you do, walk over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Ken Burns - 2004 Commencement Yale Class Day Speech (as pdf)

I drift back a little back into my past - 1990. Jenny and I had been going out for about six months and she encouraged and inspired me to achieve one of my Dream's - to run the New York City Marathon ..

Geoff - New York City Marathon - Nov 1990 - Brooklyn (picasa)
I look into my eyes above and I see an innocence, naivety, wonder and hope that Bono talks about above through his own experiences as musician. It all seemed to be in front of us back then and it was.

Jenny and I (and of course Joanne) had an amazing life together and though Jenny is not a part of our physical lives anymore, I would like to think that Jo and I have continued to live an amazing, wonderful and fulfilling life in Jenny's absence. It is my hope that I still have a touch of the same innocence and naivety, that I can see above, as I move forward in my life.

Street Band - 1990 New York City Marathon - Sun 04 Nov 1990
This post is dedicated to my niece Grace and nephew Thomas. To travel and spend time in Manhattan as you did for Christmas 2010 will be a formative experience for you. Use the experience to help guide you as you progress through your life.

Now that's a Snowball - Grace and Thomas (my niece and nephew) - Central Park / Manhattan (Mon 27 Dec 2010)

A Couple of Random Quotes (Agile Living)

Hard work provides the opportunity to make sure that when that inspiration comes, you’re ready for it. You can build a solid base while you’re waiting, putting you in the position to use your creativity to propel something that’s already good to a level of greatness.

Planning your Creativity by Thursday Bram (18 Jan 2011)


Striving towards meaningful goals can be an important part of finding satisfaction in life. Remember it is the "striving" that is important, not the achievement. If we do not enjoy the daily commitment to bettering ourselves, it is unlikely that achieving the final objective is going to bring any lasting happiness.

The Problem With Goals by John Bardos (13 Nov 2010)


Finally, I am still trying to take the following post in:

• Is Suffering a Private Matter? by Cath Duncan (16 Feb 2011)

Seems rather timely considering I am thinking a lot about why and what I have posted here over the last 21 months.

Note: Found the web site from where the above posts come from via a Google Search for the term make mistakes well, the title of a recent post. Really quite a coincidence and has given me a lot to think about.

Jenny and Geoff - Nelson Bay / Port Stephens (Sun 06 Jul 2003)

The warrior of light views life with tenderness and determination

The warrior of light views life with tenderness and determination.

He stands before a mystery, whose solution he will one day find. Every so often, he says to himself:

'This life is absolutely insane.'

He is right. In surrendering to the miracle of the everyday, he notices that he cannot always foresee the consequences of his actions. Sometimes he acts without even knowing that he is doing so, he saves someone without even knowing he is saving them, he suffers without even knowing why he is sad.

Yes, life is insane. But the great wisdom of the warrior lies in choosing his insanity wisely.

From the Manual of the Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho (more here).

Jen and Douglas - Douglas losing his hand - IT Crowd (Graham Lineham - itcrowd label) - Series 2 Episode 6 - Men without Women- London (2007)
Geoff (trying to make Jenny laugh) - Douglas losing his hand - Victory Terrace - Perth/WA (Sun 06 Oct 2008)