Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

Doug Miller writes on Hope:

Hope is a thread that exists in our lives. It has been there since the day we took our first breaths. It has existed alongside us as we built our lives. It exists now in the shattered reality of brokenness. Though we are broken, hope remains strong. In our weakness Hope rises as an unbroken thread stretching out into our uncertain future, beckoning us to follow and explore the potential that lies dormant and hidden by our pain. Hope waits. Ready for us to reach out and grasp its firm hand. The question is not if hope exists within our brokenness. The real question is if we are willing and able to allow ourselves to stretch out of our brokenness, our preconceived attitudes, and self imposed assumptions and grasp hold of the only hope that exists, the only hope for our brokenness, our humanity and very existence. There is hope and healing and a future no matter what our circumstances. It is true. I have seen it. There are many others that have shared in it as well and testify of its existence and power and potential. Lift your eyes out of the brokenness and glimpse it, it is before you. You are not alone.

You are not without HOPE.

via A Message To The Broken by Doug Miller.

Clarity - My Island Home - Pau Power and Christine Anu (22 Jan 2019)

One for the timeline ..

Missed this performance of 'My Island Home' at last years Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony. Just popped up randomly after listening to an Artificial Intelligence Lecture - thanks YouTube, a machine learning recommendation system algorithm hard at work. The original and the various versions I have heard always give me goose bumps.

Moving around a few times from one end of the state to the other and back somewhere else at the other end, in my youth, I don't really feel I have a home town. Not in the sense that many feel. Somehow 'My Island Home' reminds me, and gives me an identity along with a relationship to the place I feel fortunate to call home - the place I live, share and experience life.

A song, its music and words give it meaning, emotion and feeling. Additionally we have the various performances, be it live, on TV, online or from a playlist on your phone. Again, just like a photo, a performance gives you a sense of time and place (memories I guess) ..

I remember seeing Christine and her partner play 'My Island Home' as buskers in the Pitt Street Mall in the lead up to the Sydney 2000 Olympics. An unforgettable and mesmerising performance by Christine on top of a huge silver globe during the Closing Ceremony of the Sydney Olympics. At the last minute I included a beautiful acoustic version at Jenny's Funeral as the song to mark the end of the service. I will never forget the first notes of the guitar, you could hear a pin drop and there was a clarity of feeling I have never felt before or after - in that moment it marked an end and a difficult but sure beginning. I felt it somehow expressed our new separate physical paths, Jenny's journey giving her a new path and home, as well as Jo and my own first steps in our new journey in life without her. Always brings a small tear to my eye when I think about it for more than a little bit. There was also a sense and clarity that we have to live fulfilling and meaningful lives and not to be burdened by sadness. We owe this to them all and it is a responsibility we all share ..

'My Island Home' gives me the same feelings I experience when flying in over Botany Bay in the rising sun light from the numerous long overseas trips over the last 30 years. You look out and you see the blue of the sky, and down, you see the beautiful blue of the Botany Bay water contrasted with the sand around its edges, the rippled banks and gutters underneath. You are reminded of the clarity of light and colour we take for granted here - you have not seen it anything near it while you were away and somehow it is forgotten until just then looking out the window. With it comes another clarity, the clarity of the feeling that this is my home, a home so far from the rest of the world and my ancestors. In those moments I look down and I wonder how did this place I am looking at become my home. I think of my ancestors, particularly those that made that first 6 month journey here in a leaky boat (another song for another day :-)) in the mid-1800's. I always wonder what made them come here and what they felt when first sighting the Sydney Heads, the gateway to Sydney and a new life. I was lucky enough to paddle around this very point, the entrance to their new home, this morning. We saw the sun rise with a clarity most of us had not seen before and as I paddled I heard various chatter between my friends as we paddled - I knew what they were talking about without hearing the exact words - we all saw and felt it. And in this rising sun I was reminded with clarity of how lucky I am to be living this life, in this time, in this place with my family and friends - 'Our Island Home' ..

[ After 4 years, just bought a new phone. This version of 'My Island Home' (love the hip-hop bit from Mau Power) is the first song on it :-) ]

Twitter - Limitations - Mitch Joel (Fri 31 Mar 2017)

Be Nice - Victoria Markets / Melbourne (Thu 30 Mar 2017)

Mitch Joel on Twitter:

There is a charm in its [twitter] limitation. There is a beauty in that simplicity. It means so much more

via The Power Of Limitations by Mitch Joel.

Hope - Story of Telling (Wed 28 Dec 2016)

Mickey and Donald - Glebe (Thu 22 Dec 2016)

Story of Telling on Hope:

Hope impacts our internal narrative acting like the aperture of a camera’s lens controlling the amount of light reaching the film. It makes us more resourceful, fuels our resilience and strengthens our resolve. We might not have the ability to alter the scene but we can change our perspective.

We have more power to shape our stories than we realise

via The Power Of Perspective by Story of Telling.

Words - The Story of Telling (Mon 12 Sep 2016)

words - I Won't Make Art - Chippendale (Mon 12 Sep 2016)

The Story of Telling on Words:

Our words communicate much more than the messages we want people to hear. How we use them shapes our thoughts and character—it shows people what we value and conveys the truth about who we are. Our every word has the power to provoke or reassure, draw people in or push them away. We get to choose how well and how wisely we use them.

via The Weight Of Our Words by The Story of Telling.

The Time of Your Life ..

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

As many of you will know, I have another obsession in my life beyond paddling - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Pitt Street Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes on the shore of Muri Lagoon - we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves.

In our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

Seven year ago today.

We remember Jenny. She (as they all do) lives on through our memories.

A Story About a Camera - 2015 Inspire Award Reflections (Fri 27 Aug 2015)

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

This is my 2000th post here at eljeiffel.

I always try to write something for the Annual Presentation of the Inspire Award. Most times it is just for me, but sometimes I share it with a few people. So here it is, unedited from the time it was written on the evening of Fri 27 Aug 2015. I think it is a pretty good way to mark the milestone.

As many will know, I have another obsession in my life - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes in the lagoon at Aitutaka, we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves. And this is what I love about PD’s, we are always out there doing something. This time last year we were in Bologna on our way to Ravena, this year we are heading to Hawaii in the next week and month, next year Adelaide and who knows where after that.

Finally, in our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

With this post it is time to let go of a lot things, including the photos of another time and life. I have shed my life here (and Facebook more recently) like a snake sheds it skin and there is nothing left but to start over again. Time to move on, but it is hard to let go .. but I will.

Trying to make a new start here (arotlt.com) with photos from this point onwards. There will be the occasional post at eljeiffel to mark the odd moment in our lives that are relevant, but for now thanks for coming along for the ride these last, almost, 7 years.

symbolically the black rose suggests death, or the completion of a long journey (Trent Parke’s moving Black Rose photo exhibition at Art Gallery of SA ) - Black Rose / Fitzroy Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

"That is my life story up until now" - Remembering Jenny (Mon 06 Jul 2009)

The cackle of a Laughing Kookaburra announces the first light of dawn as the sun rose on that cold winters day. With no sleep that night preparing for Jenny's Funeral later in the day, I penned these words to honour Jenny's Life at her Funeral. Six and half years later, looking back at what came out in those last few hours, I am happy. What strikes me most is how I chose to "reflect on the little things". And they are what I miss most. Here it is ..

Jennifer Joy Petterson
24 Mar 1962 - 30 Jun 2009
Age 47 years 3 months and 6 days

"That is my life story up until now."

This is how Jenny ended her "Autobiography" written in 5th class (being 1972). I always enjoyed reading this lengthy account (it had 3 three parts) of Jenny's life up to the age of 10. I loved this story and scanned the original into my computer so that I could read it during a quiet moment at work.

Jenny was the eldest identical twin daughter of Norm and Margaret Petterson of Holt Road, Sylvania. With feet eagerly pressing on Jenny's back at the birth, a younger sister followed 5 minutes after Jenny's arrival. This was her identical twin sister Joanne. She was ready to play and from that time on they were inseparable. On the day of their birth Jenny writes there was a fete at the hospital. Jenny would always tell me that Norm bought a wind up koala at the fete that played music. For some reason she did not write this

The Autobiography, even at the age of 10, shows that Jenny had an eye for detail, as this quote reveals.

"At the age of 4 years and 10 months and 15 days we started school and cried when mummy left us."

It documents many facts and figures - birth weights and lengths, when they first walked, where they holidayed and details such as the colour of the caravans they stayed in - all well recorded for prosperity.

They participated in many sporting activities (which has been a constant throughout Jenny's life) - swimming, physie, jazz ballet, and little athletics, to mention a few.

Furthermore, she recalls the date of their first hair cut. - and even allowing me to determine that her first tooth fell out on my 7th birthday .

More generally what can be summarized from the autobiography is that Jenny had a fun filled, active childhood with her sister Joie and friends, which was encouraged and fostered by their loving parents.

Even as babies there seemed to be an order to things and this became even more apparent once they started to talk (yes that date is also recorded). In Part 1 of Jenny's Autobiography:

"One the 3rd Oct 1964 we had our first haircut and Joie said, 'Denny First', meaning Jenny first".

Jenny even then was a stabilizing influence on Joanne.

As stated above Jenny finishes her "Autobiography" with:

"That is my life story up until now."

Obviously she looks forward to the future and how she will fit into the world as she grows up. In recent years these words struck a chord with me. Today, these words have even greater meaning.

Jenny and Jo progressed to Sylvania High. They started part time work at Grace Bros’, Miranda Fair. Jo in "Cosmetics and Womens Clothing" and Jenny in "Hardware and Gardening" - "Same, Same but Different". I often asked Jenny to recall these days and I would get a kick when she could still recite the cost codes of power tools and various hardware items. The attention for detail was paying off out in the real world!!

During high school, the Girls ramped up their sporting activities and started to focus on Athletics, Cross Country Running and also a bit of Tennis. Interestingly enough, Jo and I would have crossed paths at the CHS State Cross Country Championships held at Hurlstone Ag College in 1977.

They also found time to also progress from Brownies to Girl Guides. Musters and camps were attended and they both rose quickly though the ranks to Patrol Leaders, finally achieving the highest rank of Queen's Guide with presentation of the award by the Governor of NSW, Sir Rodden Cuttler.

School and High School Certificates were sat and good grades recorded in all subjects. Geography was Jenny's favourite - definitely an early sign of a future "Travel Bug". She loved a map and an atlas, and this remained another constant throughout her life.

Successful Grades accomplished in the HSC saw the Girls accepted into the Bachelor of Business at UTS.

Following interviews the Girls accepted Business/Administration cadetships with the Electricity Commission of NSW. Our lives crossed similar paths again, as I had the same Interviewer for my successful application for an Engineering Cadetship. We were now working for the same company - be it 12,000 people.

Group assignments were the norm at UTS and they always found it easier if the group consisted of two members - more specifically themselves. Minimizing traveling, they were on the same wavelength, which provided for a consistent approach to completing the assignment just in time.

At work, as was the case during their school days at Sylvania, Jenny and Jo made many friends. There were lots of "Work Outings" with friends from [Work and] Uni.

Being at an age to travel independently, they made many "trips away". These were always well documented with many photographs taken, always with people in them (themselves typical) and some local landmark behind.

Jenny documents in a 1995 twin survey that they had traveled overseas on 13 occasions, as well as numerous holidays in Australia.

At work Jenny was provided with early work experiences, mainly in Purchasing (there were lots of cost codes to remember there). Jenny then pursued a career in Internal Audit, specializing in large mainframe computer systems and business systems. This was the days before PC's. Joanne followed a more traditional path into financial and management accounting. As PC progresses throughout the organization, there were now many PC Id numbers to remember.

All kinds of sporting activities were tried and some pursued more than others. The main sport would then become Touch Football, participating in three separate competitions each week. Also they found the water and learnt to row single and double sculls, as well as 4's and 8's.

Through a combined interest in running, Jenny and I crossed paths in organising our company's participation in the inaugural Corporate Games held in Nov 1989. I can remember the first time we met and I how I was instantly attracted to her smile, blue eyes and lovely [nature]. On the [day of the Games] I realized that Jenny was an identical twin. We all had a great day.

Afterwards, I often thought of Jenny and a few months later out of the blue, she arranged to give me a team photo from the day and then asked me to partner her to a wedding. I was stunned. We agreed to go out on 30th March 1990 before the wedding in order to get to know each other better. We had dinner and saw a movie. She then showed me photo albums of her travels late into the night - it just seemed so easy to listen and talk to her and even then I hoped that she we would be the one for me. I could not believe she was interested in me. After a month we were going out and a 10 year courtship ensued.

During this time many milestones and life changing experiences occurred. The Girls completed their Masters [in Finance at UTS], Norm (their father) passed away suddenly in hospital, on [Tue 0]2 Jun 1992.

In late Mar 1997 Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer and a mastectomy followed a few weeks later. She returned to work and got on with her life. On New Years Eve 1997, Margaret (their mother) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Margaret was referred to Jodi as her Oncologist and numerous chemo courses followed. The Girls would attend all consultations with her. Around the same time Jenny's cancer recurred in the scar tissue of the mastectomy. This is when Jodi also became Jenny's Oncologist. Now Margaret and Jenny were having chemo at the same time.

Through a cancer course at Royal Nth Shore, Jenny found Barbara (now Sister Suscila) and that's where they found meditation and a natural/spiritual approach to healing. Around this time Jenny also joined the Sutherland Shire Cancer Support Group which was facilitated by Liz, a social worker with Calvary.

Stong relationships were established and developed with Jodi, Suscila and Liz and though each of their own skill sets and support networks helped influence Jenny's approach and ensuing journey with cancer. I believe they helped Jenny to embrace her cancer and to live life to the full.

Unfortunately Margaret's cancer was quite advanced and spread quickly. Jodi saw in Jenny and Joanne a strength of character and asked them to care palliatively for Margaret at home, while she would make house calls. This has been Jenny and Jo's greatest gift in life, caring for their mother at home for 8 weeks (Jenny was still having her chemo at this time) until Margaret succumbed to her cancer on 28 April 1999 (her wedding anniversary).

Jenny's breast cancer spread to her lungs and in late 1999 scans revealed 10 tumors. A hormone therapy treatment started. Jenny and Jo traveled to visit Suscila in Alice Springs and visited Uluru for the Millennium. Jenny would recall later that she had an amazing experience lying in the red desert sand at the foot of Uluru.

Shortly after her return from Uluru we became engaged and we set about organizing our wedding in just 10 weeks. The big day being the 30th April 2000. What a day. We sang “Song of Joy”. We exchanged vows and rings and then kissed as Husband and Wife. At the reception we made toasts, spoke and danced the night away. A rainbow theme being the unifying element with rainbow inspired flowers, ribbons, cake, speeches and songs. We honeymooned on Lord Howe and shortly after our return Jenny retired from work to pursue her passions (on Jodi's suggestion).

At the Sydney Olympics later that year we must have held the record for the most sessions attended - handball becoming our favourite. We had many fond and inspiring memories from the whole event.

At that time, just over 9 years ago, we had no idea how long we would have together. This did not stop us and we tried to live a normal life with goals set for six months at a time. Holidays were planned and taken - a trip to the Cook Islands to visit Susila over Xmas 2000, a 4 week trip to North West Australia in May 2001 and a return to Lord Howe in Oct 2001 so Joanne and my Mother could share the experience.

Another constant was our annual trip to Mt Kosciusko for a benchmarking 22km walk around the Main Range. This year was her hardest effort – but she did it. Maybe it was a sign of things to come.

In late 2000 I bought a small digital camera to document our travels and lives. I did not know how much time we would have share and the camera gave me some comfort that I could capture our memories.

Jenny's cancer was ever persistent and there was always something going on - radiation, more chemo, hormone injections or tablets and numerous operations - we could watch “House” and could easily relate to the medical terms.

Through one of her chemo treatments, Jenny found a Dragons Abreast flyer at the hospital. This would be start of the biggest change in our lives. Jenny and Joanne took to paddling like "ducks to water" and I found myself photographing them and the dragon boats that they trained and raced. It gave them opportunities to travel wide and far. Our holidays were now planned around Dragon Boat regattas locally and internationally.

Jo would make the NSW and Australian Team to Poland in 2003. Jenny was held back by a course of chemo and numerous trips to the hospital. She still remained involved by videoing the teams at time trials at Penrith.

In 2004 she would make the NSW Team and compete for her country in the World Championships in Shanghai. There could not have been a prouder person when Joanne's Premier Mixed Team won a bronze medal in the 500m race.

During the 2004 Shanghai campaign Jenny’s journey was captured by an Australian Story episode titled "In the Pink". She was nervous participant and a little uncertain about how it would be scripted and received. We all nervously awaited its airing on that June long weekend Monday - unaware as to its content. The episode captured the essence of the Dragons Abreast Movement in Australia, showing all sides to cancer and it's impact - positive and negative.

The episode would popularize Dragons Abreast Australia beyond it's creators wildest dreams. Clubs quickly popped up everywhere across the country and continue to do so. Meanwhile, Jenny and Joanne would become the most well known (yet most humble) paddlers in Australia.

Others today have told of Jenny's inspiring feats on the water and there is no need for me to repeat them. She just loved to paddle and found great comfort amongst her paddling colleagues. It provided a sense of normality to her life and she just seem to fit in, even with compression sleeve on her right arm or the missing hair on her head which was always discreetly hidden by a colourful selection of bandana's.

Jenny empowered many people (with and without) cancer to pursue their dreams. She will live on through Joanne and I and no doubt many others from her inspiring journey. Thinking of Jenny will help influence our decisions and motivate us to achieve our dreams and to decide what is right.

I will miss hearing you breath as you slept. I will miss calling out “I love you” as I leave for work each day. Whistling at the front door when I got home and hearing you whistle back. You were the most amazing thing to happen in my life I am having trouble comprehending the way forward. You provided me with love and gave me hope and life purpose. I would always say to Jenny “I am the lucky one”.

A couple of quotes from her regular talks and Australian Story follow and I think there is something there to inspire us all. No matter the circumstance.

“Cancer is something that people do not expect to happen to them and no matter who is diagnosed, and at whatever time in their life, it is a shock which has huge ramifications for not only the person involved but also their family and friends. It takes a lot of adjustment to get used to.”

“I feel I am so lucky and have a wonderful life. I have had some great opportunities through breast cancer to meet some very inspiring people. Geoff and Jo have been a constant source of support for me. Breast cancer has totally changed my life but for the best.”

“I don't understand how things work out, and why things work out the way they do. I feel like I've been lucky. I don't understand how cancer works, I don't know why I've been blessed the way I have been.”

“It's just in the lap of the gods.”

Enjoy your new “Island Home” and those that surround you [there]. You know that “We’ll be There” and we know that “You’ll be There”.

As we said to each other before we nodded off each night .. Jenny:

“Good Night, God Bless, I Love You.”

"That is my life story up until now."

On Love and Loss - Joel Meyerowitz (Fri 20 Jun 2015)

Jenny and Geoff - St George Private Hospital (Fri 20 Jun 2009)

Joel Meyerowitz on Love and Loss:

All is being lost and yet there is nothing to do but love and care for them while watching the decline.

via All is being lost (Fri 26 Jun 2015) by Joel Meyerowitz.

Some might say I am stuck in past. But I don't really care about those thoughts. It's too hard to be anything other than who I was. These are my memories and they all I have now.

The power of photography to remember. They are all about the past from the very moment they are taken. So maybe all I am now is just a photography of love, loss and a life that was well lived.

On Anger - Rebecca Propst

Untitled - Busan (Fri 07 Sep 2012)

Rebecca Propst on Anger:

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.

via Fear of Anger and Avoidance of Conflict by Rebecca Propst.

Have learnt much about anger recently. Thought anger was a futile emotion, but it much more complex than that, as the above quote indicates. If it's there, it's generally there for a reason. It needs to be acknowledged, addressed and can't be harboured for longer than necessary. It takes great strength and emotional intelligence to confront and deal with.

I've been angry when I should not have been, and not angry when I should have been. And there have been many times when I was entitled to be angry.

The difficult emotions and actions around anger are something I've tried to avoid for a lifetime. When it was unavoidable, it usually resulted in a pent up and regretable response. So now knowing a little more helps. As I was told recently:

Know more, Do more, Be more

On Connection - Brené Brown (Jun 2010)

connection - Clevland Street / Chippendale (Tue 01 Sep 2015)

Brené Brown on Connection:

connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about.

via Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript | TED.com by Brené Brown.

On Music - Oliver Sacks / Brain Pickings (Fri 11 Sep 2015)

score - Chippen Lane / Chippendale (Fri 11 Sep 2015)

Oliver Sacks on Music:

music makes one experience pain and grief more intensely, it brings solace and consolation at the same time

via Oliver Sacks on 9/11 and the Paradoxical Power of Music to Bring Solace by Making Room for Our Pain by Briain Pickings.

music pierces the heart
a tear manifest

On Photography and Truth - Andre D. Wagner / abstractelements (Sun 09Aug 2015)

Street Portrait - Circular Quay / Sydney (Sun 09 Aug 2015)

Andre D. Wagner on Photography and Truth:

the mystic power of good photography or intelligent work. it’s not about pretty pictures for me, it’s about truth. truth is magnificent and truth is layered. truth sometimes hurt but truth will always be beautiful.

via new york city, 2015 *it’s not too often that one of my... by Andre D. Wagner.

On Going Back - The Passage of Time - Joel Meyerowitz (Sun 09 Aug 2015)

200 Year Timeline (photo.net) - Circular Quay / Sydney (Wed 16 Jul 2003) Sunset in the Sails - Circular Quay / Sydney (Sun 09 Aug 2015)

Joel Meyerowitz on Photography:

it's the going back that counts.

via Ordinary Places by Joel Meyerowitz.

I would have to say Circular Quay is not an ordinary place, based on the throng of tourists and locals down at the Quay yesterday.

It was a magnificent sun soaked winters day afternoon, with thousands of people enjoying the light, space and atmosphere of the nautical gateway to the City, at the footsteps of the Sydney Opera House.

We were in town for a Birthday Lunch for Janice who we lost in April . The lunch at Customs House was spectacular, not only for the view and food, but the company of Janice's immediate family. Janice would have loved it. And that we were all there together, remembering her.

Afterwards, we strolled around the Quay, through The Rocks, under the Sydney Harbour Bridge and back. As we strolled past the Bounty, I was reminded of my 2003 photo above (along with my photo.net post made back then) and made a similar photo as the sunset.

Looking at the scene yesterday and the photos now, what surprised me was that after 12 years, how similar the two scenes were. At the macro level, the Bounty and the Opera House, appear identical, but I am sure when I look closely, there will be micro changes representing maintenance and technological progress that 12 years brings.

With these two photos, also comes the change in my "vision", my cameras (Canon IXUS S100 then and Canon S120 now, and a few in between) and words. As they say, "same same, but different". The difference probably being my experience in photography and life. In many ways, the camara is now an extension of my hand, I know what it sees and it knows what I feel through the resulting photos it exposes and brings to my life and this world. I am constantly and pleasantly surprised by the power of photography and what it reveals to me.

The two photos represent a passage of time in themselves and my implied meaning assigned to the Jul 2003 photo, along with my words at photo.net back then. Together now, the two photos above, represent the passage of 12 years of time in my own life where everything has changed so much.

So pleased we went back and I now have these photos and memories. Without the photos, the motivation to make them and assigning some connection to them, these memories and thoughts would most likley be lost.

As always, thanks Joel Meyerowitz. I never know where a thought and a few well chosen words will take me.

Jo, Patricia, Fabian, David, Pam, Gavin and Geoff - Customs House Forecourt / Circular Quay (Sun 09 Aug 2015)

On Influence and Choice - The Story of Telling (Fri 03 Jul 2015)

LiVE (*) / LoVE (*) - Lisbon / Portugal (Wed 14 Aug 2013)

The Story of Telling on Influence and choice:

we each have more power to connect with and impact people [..], how we use it is a choice.

via The Purpose Of A Billboard by The Story of Telling.

Use your influence and energy wisely. I am constantly reminded of this and this note will remind yet again that you can't be everything to everyone. Start with yourself first and see what is left ...

On Art, Life and Death - Matthew Sleeth /SMH (Tue 17 Feb 2015)

"Found - A Heart" - Diggers Beach / Coffs Harbour (Mon 16 Feb 2015)

Matthew Sleeth on the power and influence of Art in our Life:

Art is partly about changing material into thought, but, for many artists, it is also about changing yourself through the process of making the art and moving past the limitations of your daily circumstances.

via Myuran Sukumaran and Andrew Chan have earned a second chance by Matthew Sleeth.

My heart goes out to Myuran and Andrew and their Families and Friends. Their story of transformation and support is inspiring and it is this that I will take from the pain and suffering we witness and feel in ourselves, as their imminent executions unfold before us:

Very few people ever materially change their lives; I mean really change their lives, not just fiddle around the edges. It's very difficult to do and takes a great deal of courage, support and time. [..] The definition of rehabilitation is becoming a better, changed person and both Myu and Andrew have achieved this through their own courage and the support they have received from their community.

It is hard to know what to say in this time. All I think I can say is thank you Myuran and Andrew, your transformations and strength of character inspires me to be a better person in my own life. May you be blessed.

The Distance of Photography - No Caption Needed (Wed 29 Oct 2014)

A Distant Shore - Cirkewwa / Malta (Tue 23 Sep 2014)
Hariman (*) writes about Photographs (*) and Distance (*):

Photographs are valued because of how they can bring distant views close at hand, and they are faulted for introducing unnecessary distance between the viewer and reality itself.

via What Is Near and Far in the Geography of an Image? (*) by No Caption Needed (*).

Hard to believe we were there (*) just on a month ago. So different, yet I felt so comfortable and at ease. So far, yet so near through the power of a photograph.

Remarkable - Jeffrey Ladd on Katy Grannan (Sat 11 Oct 2014)

A New Patchwork Chair - Alexandria (Sun 12 Oct 214)
Jeffrey Ladd (*) writes on Katy Grannan (*) book Katy Grannan: The Ninety Nine and The Nine (*):

What is remarkable to me is less her ability to integrate herself and large camera into that community than what she has transcended. She achieves finding the moments of grace in the unexpected – a trait that photography is rife with and frankly at this stage, not surprising – but she uses the surrounding landscape to punctuate those moments filling the frame with additional visual textures – fences, television antennas, road signs, trees, building sides, and power lines – that feel weighty yet light, beautiful yet ugly, oppressive yet fragile and on the verge of collapse.

via The Nine and The Ninety-Nine by Katy Grannan (*) by Jeffrey Ladd (*).

Jeff's words are just as remarkable as the photos he describes and that is the reason they are here. Inspiration for me. As Seth wrote today (*) on writing, it is:

the ability to work on our words until they succeed in transmitting our ideas and causing action. [..]

you do have precisely the same keyboard as everyone else. It's the most level playing field we've got.

The first step is to say it poorly. And then say it again and again and again until you're able to edit your words into something that works.

But mostly, you need to decide that it matters. [HT: Shawn (*)]

Thanks Jeff and Seth.

On Performance - Drew Ginn (Fri 12 Jun 2009)

Water (*) - Hvar / Hvar / Croatia (Wed 31 Jul 2013)
Drew Ginn (*) writes on Performance (*):

preparation (*), connection (*) and release (*). It seems to me the simple cycle of what we do in the boat [/and Life in general]. [..]

Drew then expands on the concept of release (*):

Release and get excited I like because no matter what happens we have the power (*) and capacity (*) to see (*) and respond (*) to our experiences (*) in a way that best serves us and those around us.

And finally::

it is fascinating to think about how our mind set (*), emotions (*) and the manifestation play out physically.

[..it's] what matters most and [..] learning (*) to keep it at the surface of awareness can have a huge impact on performance (*).

via What's on the RADAR (*) by Drew Ginn (*).

On Finding Yourself - Spencer Lum (Tue 08 Jul 2014)

Untitled - Reina Sofia (*) / Madrid (Sun 11 Aug 2013)
Spencer Lum (*) writes On Life (*):

The whole point of life (*) is to figure it out for yourself. To love (*) the challenge (*) and live in the process (*). It can’t flourish in the light (*) of others. Comparison is the surest path (*) to bitterness (*) and grief (*). Explore (*). See your power (*). See what you can do. Success (*) is not being better than everyone else. It’s finding you.

via Living the Better Life (*) by Spencer Lum (*).

Spencer (*) at his Philosophical Best (*). And a great thought for the 1600th post and 146,000th pageview here (*), give or take a couple.