A Warrior of Light often loses Heart ..

A Warrior of Light often loses heart.

He believes that nothing can stir him in the emotion he so desired. He is forced to spend many evenings and nights feeling that he is one of the vanquished, and nothing seems able to restore his enthusiasm.

His friends [and himself sometimes] say ‘Perhaps his fight is over.

The warrior feels pain and confusion when he hears[/feels] such remarks because he knows that he has not yet reached the place he wanted to reach. But he is stubborn and refuses to relinquish his aims.

Then, when he least expects it, a new door opens.

Doing - John Maloof / Chicago Tonight (31 Jul 2012)

"working on nemlog - a labour of love" - UTS (Thu 31 May 2018)

John Maloof on Doing:

There’s so much work that I am doing. There’s times when it’s overwhelming to the point where I have anxiety about how much there is to do, and how little I have done with all the work I put in.

Sometimes there’s quiet moments when I am just scanning by myself and I just think wow, it’s amazing that I’m doing this. That someone like me is doing this.

via Vivian Maier / Chicago Tonight (July 31, 2012) by Chicago Tonight.

No Stopping - Luca Turrini (Thu 30 Nov 2017)

No Stopping - Fremantle (Mon 27 Nov 2017)

Luca Turrini on No Stopping:

This has never been about breaking records. It has always been about doing something we love and help other people. And, maybe, just maybe in doing that, achieving something incredible and that is what we did today. And I think sometimes we don't believe we can do amazing things. That is what this is all about.

via Outrun Cancer by Tenplay.

Getting to the Core of It - Julie Snyder / Monica Alford (Mon 01 May 2017)

Eiffel - Docklands / Melbourne (Wed 03 May 2017)

Julie Snyder on Getting to the Core of It :

[what] has been very helpful to always keep in mind when approaching any story is that for the most part, people always have a reason for doing what they’re doing, even if it’s one that they can’t necessarily articulate – sometimes it’s even subconscious.

There are reasons to not jump to conclusions and not assume intentions, but instead to really pursue what those reasons are and what the mindset is behind them. I think that has really yielded for us sometimes the most interesting and emotional and meaningful stories. I think it makes the story better.

via Binge-Worthy Podcasts: "Serial" and "S-Town's" Julie Snyder by Monica Alford.

Trying - every little counts - Kurt Wallander / Sam Wollaston (Mon 23 May 2016)

Abstraction - Glebe (Fri 29 Jul 2016)

Kurt Wallander on Trying:

"Do we make a difference? Maybe. Sometimes. Not much. What I do know is that we should never stop trying. We need to remember that every little counts …”

via Wallander review: he’s back – and he’s still got it by Sam Wollaston.

A Story About a Camera - 2015 Inspire Award Reflections (Fri 27 Aug 2015)

Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)

This is my 2000th post here at eljeiffel.

I always try to write something for the Annual Presentation of the Inspire Award. Most times it is just for me, but sometimes I share it with a few people. So here it is, unedited from the time it was written on the evening of Fri 27 Aug 2015. I think it is a pretty good way to mark the milestone.

As many will know, I have another obsession in my life - Photography.

I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.

I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.

I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.

My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..

We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.

On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.

They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.

This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.

I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes in the lagoon at Aitutaka, we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.

Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.

I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.

In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.

In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.

After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].

Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.

It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves. And this is what I love about PD’s, we are always out there doing something. This time last year we were in Bologna on our way to Ravena, this year we are heading to Hawaii in the next week and month, next year Adelaide and who knows where after that.

Finally, in our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.

“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.

Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)

With this post it is time to let go of a lot things, including the photos of another time and life. I have shed my life here (and Facebook more recently) like a snake sheds it skin and there is nothing left but to start over again. Time to move on, but it is hard to let go .. but I will.

Trying to make a new start here (arotlt.com) with photos from this point onwards. There will be the occasional post at eljeiffel to mark the odd moment in our lives that are relevant, but for now thanks for coming along for the ride these last, almost, 7 years.

symbolically the black rose suggests death, or the completion of a long journey (Trent Parke’s moving Black Rose photo exhibition at Art Gallery of SA ) - Black Rose / Fitzroy Street / Newtown (Sun 29 Nov 2015)

On Photography and Life - Eric Kim (Sun 27 Dec 2015)

Eric Kim - UNSW / Kensington (Fri 20 Apr 2012)

Eric Kim on Life:

Never forget where you Came From [..]

And never forget to always love yourself

via Photography is Escapism by Eric Kim.

Had the pleasure of hearing Eric talk back April 2012. Quite the philosopher and I always enjoy reading his posts and many a quote has found its way here, today being another.

What I have found about photography is that is a reflection on and of Life. The beauty of the act of photography and thinking of photography.

On photography as a form of escapism. It is perfect, because sometimes that is what need to get through. And for me, along with the paddling, that is how it has been and will continue to be I suspect And there is nothing the matter with that.

Jo, Eric Kim and Geoff - Jo's holdout - UNSW / Kensington (Fri 20 Apr 2012)

On Finding A Solution - Blake Andrews (Mon 14 Dec 2015)

Untitled - SIRC / Penrith (Sun 13 Dec 2015)

Blake Andrews on Finding a Solution:

Sometimes the solution is just out there helicoptering somewhere beyond our grasp.

via Go ahead, just ask a question by Blake Andrews.

On Miracles - Jae Schaefer (Mon 06 Dec 2015)

And sometimes Miracles do occur .. - Racice / Prague (Fri 29 Aug 2009)

Jae Schaefer on Miracles:

miracles are more fun than wishes

via From Pain to Peace by Jae Schaefer.

On Change - The Story of Telling (Mon 02 Nov 2015)

Jenny and Geoff - Cape Leveque / Western Australia (Tue 08 May 2001)

The Story of Telling on Change:

the most important driver of change is the willingness to make it happen

via The Opportunity Equation (02 Nov 2015) by The Story of Telling (Berndatte Jiwa).

Most times change is optional - you do or don't do something about it and it is a theme that has appeared here many times over the last 6.5 years. Sometimes change is foisted upon you without choice and often without notice. Again it is up to to you decide whether to do something about it - to become a victim or a survivor. Or you can just try to ignore it somehow, but it will always catch up with you, so this is not a great option. Often it is best to take a little timeout to acknowledge the change, if you can. Ultimately, it is up to you to make the difficult steps to keep moving forward from the place you landed.

On Photography - Past, Present and Future - Joel Meyerowitz (Tue 27 Oct 2015)

School Holidays - Camera in Hand - Canberra (late 1960's)

Joel Meyerowitz on Photography and the Past, Present and Future :

We can never imagine the work we might make in the future – that’s part of the wonder of all art making – but when we are in the present and can look back, as I can, over 50 years of work, there seems to be a continuous path that unwinds in a way that sometimes seems inevitable.

via A Full House by Joel Meyerowitz.

On Hope and Faith - Tanya Villanueva Tepper (Fri 23 May 2014)

Jenny - Lake Geneva / Geneva (Sat 20 Aug 2005)

Tanya Villanueva Tepper on Hope and Faith:

while life will go against our expectations and sometimes devastate us, time, change, hope and faith can carry us through to a life that is beautiful again. [..]

True contentment is felt when we recognize all of the many moments of grace and providence which lead us to come full circle and fulfill our intention. We are at peace because we're given meaning to our experience, no matter how painful the journey was in getting there.

via Rebirth at Ground Zero: Lessons in Life, Reverence and Resilience for a New Generation by Tanya Villanueva Tepper.

Tanya is right. It can be like this if you chose it to be. It all comes down to your outlook on Life. Your Intention.

Inspired by Rachel's visit to the 9/11 Memorial. Thanks Rachel.

On Activity - Seth Godin (Thu 30 Sep 2015)

that would be me and I was probably too young to be walking - less than one for sure - seen a colour version of this somewhere and I am dressed in a nice light yellow outfit for the portrait - definitely put a smile on my face - my Aunt Erica's hand writing. From a photo album Erica gave to her Mother on her 80th Birthday in 1993 - Goulburn (1960)

Seth Godin on being Active:

More important than the output, though, is the act itself. The act of doing it every day. When you commit to a practice, you will certainly have days when you don't feel like it, when you believe it's not your best work, when the muse deserts you. But, when you keep your commitment, the muse returns. When you keep your commitment, the work happens.

It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, buys it, sponsors it or shares it. It matters that you show up.

Show up, sit down and type. (Or paint [or photograph]).

via Susdat by Seth Godin.

Had many days like this here and in life, particularly these last few years. The mere act of showing up has got me through. Congrats Seth on your 6000th post. I was inspired to start blogging on your 3000th post back in Feb 2009.

We all need people to talk us up when we feel like all is lost, pointless or without purpose - sometimes it just has to be ourselves to do the talking. Seth and a few other bloggers have helped me here online, but there are a few in my life that have done the same thing. Thanks ..

On Keeping With It - Jeffrey Smart (May 2005)

Untitled - George Street / Sydney (Tue 01 Sep 2015)

Jeffrey Smart on Keeping with It:

It is no use waiting about for inspiration. An artist has to work, work when he does not wish to work, and sometimes pursue and flog a dead painting, all the time knowing, it will be discarded. But he knows that by the act of painting, even in despair, he is placing himself in a position where something may turn up. It is the agony of creation. It takes some sort of mad persistence to go on being a painter.

via Jeffrey Smart (by Barry Pearce) by Jeffrey Smart.

On Photography and Truth - Andre D. Wagner / abstractelements (Sun 09Aug 2015)

Street Portrait - Circular Quay / Sydney (Sun 09 Aug 2015)

Andre D. Wagner on Photography and Truth:

the mystic power of good photography or intelligent work. it’s not about pretty pictures for me, it’s about truth. truth is magnificent and truth is layered. truth sometimes hurt but truth will always be beautiful.

via new york city, 2015 *it’s not too often that one of my... by Andre D. Wagner.

On Giving it a Crack - Nathan Haas / Cycling Central (Sat 18 Jul 2015)

Descent - Ultimo (Mon 20 Jul 2015)

Nathan Haas on Competing:

I was feeling terrible so I thought sometimes when you feel terrible, everyone must, so I thought I’d give it a crack and see where they were,

I was away for a little bit, but then they started working so it was unfortunate. They were on good days too.

via Haas shows class but can't hold on by Cycling Central.

You have to keep these kind of thoughts in your head when competing. So if you are feeling tired (or terrible as Nathan puts it), you have to remember those you are competing against, will most likely be feeling the same. This then is your big chance to give it a crack and test yourself and the others out. One day it will work for you. He added that while he was disappointed, he confidently felt his first win at the TdF will be even an sweeter experience. Love the attitude and confidence. Go Nathan.

On a Way Forward - Rebecca Norris Webb (Wed 24 Jun 2015)

Window - Chippendale (Wed 06 May 2014)

Rebecca Norris Webb writes:

sometimes the best way forward is to turn and take a long look back.

via My Dakota: American Photo by Rebecca Norris Webb.

A window is normally a pretty good way to look back as well as forwards, and without turning around.

A Moment - Doug Miller (Fri 28 Aug 2009)

Gulf of St Vincent - Blue Sky, Blue Ocean - South Australia (Fri 01 May 2015)

Doug Miller on a Moment and Eternity:

One of the most difficult parts of walking the early stages of cancer seems to be the waves of feelings, emotions, guilt, etc. that you feel. It is the strangest feeling. One moment you are having a normal conversation or doing simple daily tasks and SUDDENLY......WHAM you get hit by a wave of thoughts. [..]

But at times this weight lifts. And for a moment there is a lightness of being. At times as you face your mortality there are moments where the importance rests solely in a single moment. The blueness of the sky, a breeze, the warmth of the sun, a laugh with a friend, the touch of a hand, these moments sometimes sharpen the focus of life. And at once time stands still pausing in the simplicity and perfection of that moment. Maybe that is how eternity feels.

via Waves by Doug Miller.

A Reflection on the Little Things - Kirk Tuck (Sun 09 Nov 2014)

The Little Things - Monet's Garden / Giverny (Wed 17 Sep 2014)
Kirk Tuck (*) writes Success (*) and Failure (*):

Funny how all the little things add up to success or failure

via I wrote a blog about an LED panel on Friday. I wrote it in a hurry. I didn't like it so I ultimately deleted it. I'll get a new one up after tomorrow's shoot. (*) by Kirk Tuck (*).

A reflection on the Little Things. My experience (*). Little things are hard to catch first time around. Only when you reflect (*) that you can see the reason for the success or failure. That's why it is important to reflect. Now you have this experience, if you are paying attention, you can catch the little things next time around. This is what experience brings to a situation. Sometimes it is ignored or undervalued, but good people want to find it, draw on it and react to it. In some ways this blog is a reflection of the little things and that's what keeps me going. Thanks Kirk, I learnt a lot from those little words above.

When it Works - Christopher Nolan / Andrew Purcell / Spectrum (Sat 08 Nov 2014)

Crossing the Garonne - Toulouse (*) / France (Sat 19 Sep 2009)
Christopher Nolan (*) writes Inspiration (*):

when something works the way you intended it to, just in that moment it's a tremendous thrill.

via Interview: Christopher Nolan (*) by Andrew Purcell (*).

Yes. We all know that feeling. It happens when that program compiles and runs the first time, and works exactly as you intended. That's a rarity, but it happened a lot when I was using Eiffel (*). It happens in sport. It happens with photography, though sometimes you don't know it worked until years later.

Always get a nice quote out of the Interview from the Saturdays Paper Spectrum Magazine (*).