when we cater (for and to others), we intentionally minimize our own interests and preferences in favor of those of others. And when we try hard to hide what we’re doing and who we really are from the person we are trying to impress, it’s cognitively and emotionally draining, which, in turn, can undermine our performance. Second, since we can’t know the preferences and expectations of the target with certainty, no matter how much research we’ve done on them, it heightens our anxiety and make us both feel and come across as phony. All this hurts our performance in the meeting.
Going back to what I loved doing so much for almost 10 years. These little fragments of text and thoughts (and my photos) reveal so much about the world and what interests me. I love clicking the links that search through the past posts and seeing what comes back. It's like casting a fishing line into an ocean of posts and waiting with anticipation to see what the cast catches. In the end these will be the fragments and traces of what will remain after I am long gone. Some proof that I existed on this world for the privileged time I've had on this planet, my home for a short while.
Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)
As many of you will know, I have another obsession in my life beyond paddling - Photography.
I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.
I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.
I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Pitt Street Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.
My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..
We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.
On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.
They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.
This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.
I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes on the shore of Muri Lagoon - we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.
Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.
I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.
In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.
In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.
After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].
Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.
It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves.
In our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.
“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.
Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)
Seven year ago today.
We remember Jenny. She (as they all do) lives on through our memories.
This photo I made on my Phone as the sun set over Wilpena on the distant horizon near the lone tree
The panorama covers more than 180 degrees and I used the tree to hide the sun
and my shadow is hidden in the shadow of the tree on the left. My
Mum and
Joanne are in there also.
Everything about this photo reminds me of this memorable moment so far from anywhere. A moment I will
remember for a lifetime.
I felt an energy come into me, not over me but into me. [..] What was born back then was not just me as a photographer but a photographer with a stance. I mean it gave birth to a realization of my own self worth. [..]
Memories of Jenny - The Time of Your Life (youtube)
This is my 2000th post here at eljeiffel.
I always try to write something for the Annual Presentation of the Inspire Award. Most times it is just for me, but sometimes I share it with a few people.
So here it is, unedited from the time it was written on the evening of Fri 27 Aug 2015. I think it is a pretty good way to mark the milestone.
As many will know, I have another obsession in my life - Photography.
I started out buying a small digital camera for our Dec 2000 trip to the Cook Islands to visit Jenny and Jo's Meditation teacher, Barbara, who had moved there to help setup a refuge for women . We didn’t know a thing about paddling back then.
I had bought the camera hoping I would be able to capture our memories. It was a tiny digital camera by today’s standards, 1 Mega Pixel and it cost $1600 duty free and a 64 MB compact flash memory cost more than $300.
I did not flinch and I thought it was all worth it, as my credit card was swiped at Ted’s Camera Store the day before we flew out. 15 years later I can tell you here that it was one of the best things I ever did.
My motivation for the camera came from that fact that Jenny had 11 tumours in her lungs and I did not really know how long we would have together. In the end we had just over 9 years of married life. Given Jenny’s condition, a miracle really ..
We were married on 30th April of that Sydney Olympic year and we honeymooned on Lord Howe Island for 10 glorious days in May 2000. Jenny had a film camera and she took many photos.
On our return flight to Sydney, I remember a conversation we had at the Departure Terminal with an older couple from Whyalla who congratulated us on our marriage. We had briefly met them at dinner at one of the small restaurants on the Island.
They told us they had been married for many years and the trip to Lord Howe Island was a way of creating another experience in life and expanding their memories. Better than [running a busy business or] sitting at home and watching the Telly, they said.
This conversation and piece of simple worldly wisdom has stuck with me and I remind myself of it constantly. It was my main motivation to buy that small expensive digital camera for our December 2000 trip to the Cook Islands.
I took many photos that trip to Cook Islands, even of the Outrigger Canoes in the lagoon at Aitutaka, we had no idea what they were – who would guess our future.
Shortly after our return, Jenny and Jo found Dragon Boating. And over the ensuing years many experiences and memories were created, dutifully captured by our cameras.
I documented the many dragon boat campaigns here and abroad, and ensuing holidays that followed each event.
In the process of this documenting I came to realise the power of photography, not only its visual power, but its ability to record our experiences and remind us of things we have done and who we were. We were doing selfies before the term was even invented. We called them “Holdouts” and I think this might be the main cause of Jo’s shoulder injury.
In those last few weeks at St George Hospital in Jun 2009, I captured the last moments of our lives together. They are the best I ever made.
After Jenny’s passing, It took me a while to pick up a camera again. I had lost my purpose and will. I was hurting and numb all at once but paddled through for a year or two – it helped a lot to be busy and in the company of friends. New experiences were created and I even smiled [for] a little [while].
Lost in the enormity of what had happened so quickly, though it was not a surprise, I found my first moments of comfort and hope, when I decided to start looking at some of the photos from our lives together. It made me cry, but it also made me smile. I was so happy that I had this archive of bits and bytes to remind me of Jenny, Joanne, myself and who we were.
It was only after Jo told me to organise my photos and my Mum said I should start making photos again, that I started to move forward. I was completely broken but I took up their advice and kept myself busy again, organising and photographing again. I am still broken but I live with it better now, it is part of me and who I will always be, but I am happy, optimistic, naïve and creating more experiences.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to go out there and make our memories through the experiences we create for ourselves. And this is what I love about PD’s, we are always out there doing something. This time last year we were in Bologna on our way to Ravena, this year we are heading to Hawaii in the next week and month, next year Adelaide and who knows where after that.
Finally, in our lives we have loss, grief and bereavement. It is a part of living. You make a choice when it knocks on your door. And we have chosen to live in the Afterglow of our loss of Jenny – to remember and honour and be guided and inspired. Accept it and live with it and make the most of it, even let it inspire and motivate you. And that is what Jo and I have done, I would like to think.
“Believe in Hope” as the graffiti’ed wall in Cleveland Street said for a few weeks in July 2015.
Believe in Hope - Cleveland Street / Chippendale (Wed 29 Jul 2015)
With this post it is time to let go of a lot things, including the photos of another time and life. I have shed my life here (and Facebook more recently) like a snake sheds it skin and there is nothing left but to start over again. Time to move on, but it is hard to let go .. but I will.
Trying to make a new start here (arotlt.com) with photos from this point onwards. There will be the occasional post at eljeiffel to mark the odd moment in our lives that are relevant, but for now thanks for coming along for the ride these last, almost, 7 years.
The thing is, to have all three elements of the self - find and realize your intent. The Eye, Heart and Mind work together to find the subject and realize the intent. The entire process from start to finish is ambiguous and should be allowed to remain that way.
Our group stopped here about half way up Mount Gower to rest and to refuel for the second and more difficult half of our ascent of Mount Gower. For some reason I made a photo of the water with the reflection of the over head canopy and shafts of light breaking through. It was just a photo of the water, I thought. When I saw this photo on my computer screen a few weeks later, I decided it would look better in Black and White and made the transformation. In doing so a beautiful women revealed herself out of the relections in the water. I hope you can see her. Not everyone can. For me I see photos and I see people in photos.
The words Ambiguity and Uncertainity are interesting words. Closely related but very different. I think I can understand and feel the difference. Hence I would like to substitute the word ambiguous above with uncertain. I'm not exactly sure as I feel the word ambiguity has quite a few shades of meaning in that it can be difficult thing or a good thing depending on the context of its application. Post inspired by a engaging discussion with Carla. Thanks Carla.
We all start the journey of life different, but we all end up the same. The beauty is not in the destination but in the journey itself. That means to be in the here and now [..]
During our travels thru a life with photography, certain milestones or markers make themselves evident. These are points of inspiration or interest that we are drawn to. We see these being borne in our photos. [..]
If you take the time to discover what you are doing naturally without realizing you are doing it and make an effort to discover the points in your photographic journey, you will never be bored again.
Photography is one of the seductive means of making memories. So I wonder why many aren’t aware that they are making memories. [..]
What’s really going on is that you are making memories and maybe just maybe those photos will have importance to someone. [..]
[during the Vietnam War] I became acutely aware that photography is about memories. It’s about other shit too, but memories are the main source of image information transference.[..]
See, they are not just my memories. [..] All will be forgotten of the pain that still hurts 45 years later.
The very reason I bought a small digital camera in Dec 2000. And just as important as recording memories, you need to make the memories happen. You have to live while you can. And we did just that. Thanks Jenny and Jo.
Untitled #66 and Flight Research #2 - UTS / Ultimo (Fri 10 Sep 2015)
Walk past these most days on the way to work. They are just in the main entrance hall of the UTS Main Campus Building. Just hanging on the wall there - together. Flight is a common theme but they juxtapose each other by their compostion - one with no central focus and the other couldn't be more so. I love them both, but Matthew's Untitled #66 is just brilliant because it breaks all the rules of convential photography. And, works brilliantly because of it.
I would have to say Circular Quay is not an ordinary place, based on the throng of tourists and locals down at the Quay yesterday.
It was a magnificent sun soaked winters day afternoon, with thousands of people enjoying the light, space and atmosphere of the nautical gateway to the City, at the footsteps of the Sydney Opera House.
We were in town for a Birthday Lunch for Janice who we lost in April . The lunch at Customs House was spectacular, not only for the view and food, but the company of Janice's immediate family. Janice would have loved it. And that we were all there together, remembering her.
Afterwards, we strolled around the Quay, through The Rocks, under the Sydney Harbour Bridge and back. As we strolled past the Bounty, I was reminded of my 2003 photo above (along with my photo.net post made back then) and made a similar photo as the sunset.
Looking at the scene yesterday and the photos now, what surprised me was that after 12 years, how similar the two scenes were. At the macro level, the Bounty and the Opera House, appear identical, but I am sure when I look closely, there will be micro changes representing maintenance and technological progress that 12 years brings.
With these two photos, also comes the change in my "vision", my cameras (Canon IXUS S100 then and Canon S120 now, and a few in between) and words. As they say, "same same, but different". The difference probably being my experience in photography and life. In many ways, the camara is now an extension of my hand, I know what it sees and it knows what I feel through the resulting photos it exposes and brings to my life and this world. I am constantly and pleasantly surprised by the power of photography and what it reveals to me.
The two photos represent a passage of time in themselves and my implied meaning assigned to the Jul 2003 photo, along with my words at photo.net back then. Together now, the two photos above, represent the passage of 12 years of time in my own life where everything has changed so much.
So pleased we went back and I now have these photos and memories. Without the photos, the motivation to make them and assigning some connection to them, these memories and thoughts would most likley be lost.
As always, thanks Joel Meyerowitz. I never know where a thought and a few well chosen words will take me.
Jo, Patricia, Fabian, David, Pam, Gavin and Geoff - Customs House Forecourt / Circular Quay (Sun 09 Aug 2015)
Have followed Anne's words and photos for a long time. I see shades of my own vision in her photos and her words are ever inspiring for someone who struggles with words - they are so hard to find for me. I suspect I am more visual than verbal. Thanks for putting it all so nicely Anne.
[Art can be] what’s painted on the outside of the museumwall that reflects what [we] - at least the ones wielding cans of spray-paint - are thinking now.
So succintly and nicely put - these words touch my heart.
Just found these photos on an old disk. Certainly do bring back some memories and how I felt just over 10 years ago. So much has happened and it feels like another life, the life of someone else told to me so intimately with an open heart and no secrets because I seem to know it so well, I can feel it - but can it be me, really!!
Funny how and what a photo makes you think and feel.
Geoff - Mutton Bird Island / Coffs Harbour (Sun 02 Jan 2004)
I think the portrait of Jenny captures her character perfectly. I had an A4 print made of it shortly after I took it on Christmas Day in 2006. Joanne bought a nice frame for it and we placed on her Coffin at her Funeral. What better photo to celebrate and reflect on her life.
